Taylor doesn't seem to hold a big grudge, nor does she seem particularly wounded, but she did say that Kanye has not reached out to her personally...and that he's welcome to do so.

Update: Kanye just called her.

Well, we're a little more civilized than that, but we're up for some spirited debate.

Moylan: As Guest of Guest points out, the whole things seems too good to be true, and too many people benefit. Everyone has sympathy for Swift, everyone loves Beyoncé (more), everyone thinks Kayne is (more of) a dick, and everyone is talking about MTV for the first time in a long time. Sure, it wasn't as obviously planned and Madonna kissing Britney Spears, but with a little bit of acting and canny planning, this is a publicity masterpiece.

Rushfield: Well that is the most half-baked argument I have ever heard. As any scientist or detective can tell you, motive alone is not enough to convict for a crime. Yes, MTV likes controversy, but their fake controversies in the past—eg. Bruno falling on Eminem—ham-handedly telegraph "this is a stunt" a mile off. Last night, you saw a moment of genuine awkwardness production-wise after Kanye took the mic when the booth seemed to stumble and be unsure about cutting away—not the hallmark of a pre-planned, pre-coreographed stunt.

Moylan: But why Swift so readily give up the mic? And how did Kanye get such easy access to the stage? I think it all started on the red carpet, where Kanye was conspicuously drinking from a bottle of booze and Beyoncé was talking up how she hoped that Swift would "get her moment" at the awards. It all just seems like foreshadowing for the unfortunate event. As for the production, well, WWE has been pulling stunts like this and making them look real(ish) for years.

Rushfield: Brian Moylan, your conspiratorial mind is seeing shadows everywhere. Why did she give up the mic so readily? First, she's a teenage girl, probably in a daze at the greatest moment of her life. Suddenly, there is Kanye West in her face grabbing her at hand, would you put up a fight? If that were me and I was a teenage Taylor I would just be shocked and think he was about to do some tribute to me or make a speech about Michael Jackson or something. The conspicuously drinking—well, its not the first time Kanye has done that either. Beyoncé wishing Taylor well does create a very neat circle, but a bit too neat to be planned.

If you were going to set this up as a stunt, would you really throw in a foreshadow like that? And why shouldn't she wish Taylor well. Just because your heart is filled with a hate for a young Southern girl who is the first non-tramp role model America's teenage girls have had in a decade, doesn't mean Beyoncé's heart is also made of coal. What needs to be examined here, Brian Moylan, is why you are so committed to locking the sunlight out of your life. To paraphrase Kelly Clarkson, in her letter to Kanye, What happened to you as a child Brian Moylan?

Moylan: It's not about what happened to me as a child, but what has happened to the celebrity industrial complex in my scant years on the planet. We have entered an age where every word that comes out of a celebrity's mouth, every outfit they wear, every Starbuck Mocha Frappachino they are photographed with by the paparazzi has prescripted, chosen, or placed. Every moment that we see in regards to the famous has been carefully planned out by professionals to make people money and to make all those teenage girls clamoring for a virgin queen like Taylor Swift buy more albums or her fragrance or House of Dereon jeans or Mocha Frappachinos. In a universe where everything is fake and for sale how can anything—from Kanye's outrage, to Taylor's sadness, to Beyoncé's righteousness—be genuine. Mr. Rushfield sees a magic bullet, but I see a man on the grassy knoll.

Rushfield: You make some important points and somewhat shame me in my wide-eyed innocence. But I think your argument is ultimately too cynical and not cynical enough. My basic rule of showbiz is that if things go perfectly, its by accident. Especially on a big live production, there are too many mix-ups, confusions and chaos for things to really fall into place like that. You are comparing it to the sparkling surface of Nivea ad on a bus bench, but in a live production environment, you never get anything that shiny. And besides, isn't it just a better world if you can just turn off your mind and just believe that last night a little blonde southern girl got the moment of her life ruined for her by a drunken hip-hop artist but then was saved by the Good Witch Beyoncé? Isn't that a happier place for us all to live?

I once wrote that The Lady Gaga Penis Conspiracy is the birther movement of pop culture, but far more entertaining. I was wrong. The Lady Gaga Penis Conspiracy is the one-armed man of pop culture, and tonight's VMAs could be its grassy knoll. This is exciting, if only because there's a substantial pop culture rumor out there that a chart-topping pop star has a cock. As recently as last week, Lady Gaga quoted her vagina as "offended" by these accusations. Her vagina would say that, though. This is part of the (literal) cover-up. Pay attention. Read between the creases in the fabric.

Much of the nonsense started when Gaga went BlaBla and was quoted as saying:

It's not something that I'm ashamed of, just isn't something that I go around telling everyone. Yes. I have both male and female genitalia, but I consider myself a female. It's just a little bit of a penis and really doesn't interfere much with my life. The reason I haven't talked about it is that it's not a big deal to me. Like come on. It's not like we all go around talking about our vags. I think this is a great opportunity to make other multiple gendered people feel more comfortable with their bodies. I'm sexy, I'm hot. I have both a poon and a peener. Big f*cking deal.

And then the world of pop culture went that's totally ridiculous and completely absurd but OMFG! Lady Gags is a bizarre one—I mean, she's a pop star claiming to be a hermaphrodite—so it could be true.

Then she had a performance where she leaped over a motorcycle and hey, that thing in your pants, IT KINDA LOOKS LIKE IT MIGHT BE A LITTLE PENIS.

Closer examination would reveal that it could be a snag in the fabric, or, I don't know, an enlarged clitoris. Think about it! Clitoromegaly--which, I promise, you do not want to Google Image unless you're a rising OB/GYN—is a "congenital anomaly of the genitalia" in which basically the clitoris could be mistaken for a very small penis. Lady GaGa, in all of her infinite wisdom and ego, might have mistaken this for a penis. And she did sing "Poker Face," which, come on. Think of the innuendos. People didn't think "Blister In The Sun" was about masturbation—why, I don't know, because it really is—until the Violent Femmes were like, yes, it's about masturbation. "Poker Face" is about Lady Gaga using her genitalia to, well, poke the face of her victims. To the lyrics!

I wanna roll with him a hard pair we will be
A little gambling is fun when you're with me I love it)
Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun
And baby when it's love if its not rough it isn't fun, fun

The gun, of course, being her dick.

Gawker's Brian Moylan went looking for Lady Gaga's elusive penis in her OUT magazine photoshoot, which didn't have any crotch shots, clothed or otherwise. He came back empty-handed.

Dodai over at Sister Jez went over some of the speculation and quotes Lady Gaga had in the lead-up to her VMA performance, in a strident, beautiful defense of the batshit insanity that is Lady Gaga's career. Among the better ones:

I would say that the fashion for the performance is a representation of the most stoic and memorable martyrs of fame in history. It's intended to be an iconic image that represents people. I think after watching the performance and maybe studying it after you watch it on YouTube, you'll see the references and the symbols come through.

You knew we were gonna go here. Recently, medical tests proved that South African sprinter Caster Semenya was more or less a hermaphrodite, or at least, has a condition that makes her gender slightly more difficult to fit into one of two choices. Caster Semenya and Lady Gaga could be the first in a series of reveals that will shock and change pop culture forever.

As far as pop culture rumors go, however, this kind of thing has disappointing precedent.

Finally, we're not the only ones to hear these rumblings. The Awl heard speculation of such insanity, and commenter Momo/Rod Townsend hears the same. And if two blogs think so, then there might be something to this. A nation awaits with baited breath. Penis or no penis, Lady Gaga has commanded our attention. Let this terrible urban mythology be put to rest.

Okay, so if Viacom hasn't pulled the video off, you might still be able to watch it here. It's basically, as Maura Johnston put it best, Lady Gaga meets Bunnicula. Either way, just know...

I AM NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP.

The pair are said to have enjoyed an intimate dinner last night at Hollywood's Little Red Door restaurant, where they arrived and left separately in an apparent effort to avoid being photographed together.

...Just hours before their romantic dinner last night, Russell told reporters he was back on the prowl after a three-month relationship with Australian Teresa Palmer, describing himself as 'footloose and fancy free'.

We can't decide: does dating Brand augur trouble for the disaster-prone Spears, or is it a decided case of trading up? Time will tell if their union is meant to be, but if it means that Britney will replace her Cheetos with bangers and mash, then right-o, guv!

• Just as Britney Spears is getting her life together... she goes on a date with ex-drug and sex addict Russell Brand [Daily Mail]

"I had John McCain gags pulled. And they asked me to tone down the gags about Sarah Palin. I wanted to say she was forcing her teenage daughter to have a baby because she is so anti-abortion.

"But also, as a Republican she is pro-execution so she is going to give her the electric chair for being a little slut.

"They weren't keen on that one."

Finally, something Jordin Sparks and her archenemy Brand can agree on: if Bristol Palin had simply eschewed "slutdom" and worn a promise ring like good girls do, she would never have gotten pregnant at age 17, forcing Sarah Palin to consider executing her own daughter while firing all the dinosaurs in Alaska. At last, some change we can all believe in!

• Russell Brand pulled Sarah Palin electric chair jokes at VMA [Telegraph]

"It’s something I feel strongly about,” she tells EW.com. “I wish I would’ve worded it differently — that somebody who doesn’t wear a promise ring isn’t necessarily a slut — but I can’t take it back now. It was a split-second thing, and it came out kind of wrong. Still, I don’t regret it.” Neither do the Jonas sibs, who complimented Sparks moments after the rant. As for Brand, he and Sparks shared a laugh after the show. “I have nothing against him at all,” says the singer, who insists she’s not turned off by the experience. In fact, she’d happily go back. That is, “If I get an invite.”

Of course you will, Jordin; after all, your impromptu diatribe gifted the ceremony with some desperately needed sparks (excuse the pun). We look forward to the brand-new MTV special Jordin Sparks's Wagging Finger, where MTV replays the awards show with picture-in-picture commentary from the Idol winner as she shakes her head at Katy Perry's provocative banana peeling and mutters at the tarty Miley Cyrus, "Such licentiousness!"

• Jordin Sparks 'doesn't regret' promise ring outburst at VMAs [EW]

Band member Nick Jonas told Newsbeat: "For us it's cool to see that he recognises we are gentlemen."

...The question is, did Brand misjudge the audience?

Kevin Jonas replied: "I think he focussed on certain things and didn't move off of them. People's attention spans in America need more than that."

We'd crack a joke about Kevin's low estimation of our attention spans, but we already forgot what we were going to say. No matter, as Brand seems to have taken the criticism to heart, according to Rolling Stone's backstage account:

“And I’d like to take this opportunity to say, ‘No one ever have sex again. It’s a mad idea. What a crazy way to spend an evening.’ ” Brand said he had a “lovely time” hosting the awards. “I do think it was a comeback for Britney,” he said. “This is the resurrection of Britney Spears. I saw stigmata. And, I liked when Lil Wayne leaned over and touched my legs. I think he might be from another world and he has a message for us all.” Brand also called Republicans “evil” and suggested “we need to return to socialism.”

While we can't imagine why Brand saved his Socialist jokes until the ceremony was concluded, we feel moved to defend the comedian; without his bluntly political jokes and sexual mockery, the show might as well have aired on the Disney channel. If MTV has to make stars out of clean-cut teens, we'd prefer them to be "not that innocent" and prone to writhing around with big, phallic snakes.

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Jonas Brothers react to Brand [BBC]
• Backstage at the VMAs: Britney Basks in Her Wins, Brand Condemns Sex, Linkin Park Rate the Night [Rolling Stone]

i didnt go to the "VMAS" as we used to call them but theyve gotten so fucking Urban i dont know i guess Van Toffler thought ( hes an exec at MTV ) he was being edgy and he WAS by letting my darkling prince Brand host the mtv awards- but theyre not the "VMAS" and they never will be again - i had ZERO desire to watch let alone go and thats one of my very favourite people ive ever known or had the honour of being friends and fiends with hosting it so i feel horribly rude that my desire not to watch assholes with chastity rings- oh for fucks sake ive had some great conversations but not ONE has ever ended in an Orgasm, y'all need some pussy and some cock and shut the hell up-

..but fuck it, its irrelevant, i am DAMMIT CELEBRATORY- i love when a friend does well and Russell appears to have done quite well- ist not exactltya fucking rock fest at mtv its...... "date my mom" remember- and it will never revert back to reliably rock n roll- its just the economiclevel of thier decision marketing wise to "grow with thier audience"" aka save mass money on shows by just predating on peoples insane desire and frenzy to be on insanely dysfunction al reality shows for free.

Translation: Courtney Love has some quibbles with MTV (just like us!), though they're nothing that couldn't be fixed by a night at the downtown Standard, two of the three Jonases, a bottle of Veuve Cliquot, and a vial of ground rhino tusk. Should such a thing ever come to pass, we exhort you, MTV: play that video.

[Photo Credit: X17]

• How was Russell? [Myspace]

· Rob Giles at Molly Malones.
· Warner Drive at the Key Club.
· The Art of War at the Norton Simon Museum.
· Jedi Training at Disneyland.

Boomp3.com

To help generate further internet excitement and mainstream media buzz, tween superstar Miley Cyrus and potential one hit wonder Katy Perry air kissed their way down the red carpet at the VMAs on Sunday afternoon. Cyrus' mother, Tricia, made sure that she oversaw the air kissing and light hand holding. Mrs. Cyrus said, "I'm just here to make sure she doesn't run into that Ronson chick or get too buck wild. She's already had two Rock Stars, I think that's where it's going to stop today. "

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

• WATCH VIDEO

• Previously: Live! From Paramount Studios! The 2008 MTV Britney Meltdown Awards! [Defamer]

Sure, Brooke Hogan's political ignorance may be easy to pillory (though her dark horse candidate would certainly win endorsements from the bulk of last night's Moonman-accepting crowd). After all, this is the same reality star who came under fire for her belief that female menstruation should be an instant DQ for the presidency (so get cracking on that change of life, ladies!). Still, after the events of the past ten days, we can't help but see in Brooke the sort of happy optimism that remains unchanged by frightening new political polls. Sometimes, after reading about the new person Palin had fired or the books she wanted banned from the public library, all we want to do is don a low-cut dress, toss our hair from side to side, and shimmy, shimmy down the red carpet until political doom is just a bad dream on a channel far, far away from VH1. [MTV]

2CK's new line beats the original, Last Laugh Caught On Film.