And also?

Voting’s lame. I don’t understand why all these people CARE. I get all these emails from friends and people I respect, urging me to vote and to get out for Obama. Those emails embarrass me. They think Obama’s different. They keep talking about “hope” and “change,” but all these politicians act like they’re at a karaoke session... None of them [the politicians] can be trusted.

But we admit he has a bit of a point on these last two things:

The idea that Obama somehow equals equality, the end of war, change and friendship is so childish. It’s the kind of thing people with Liberal Arts degrees talk about who never do their research.

There’s so much insincerity. These people threw “debate parties” to feel educated and involved. I went. You know what happened? They spent the whole time hanging out and drinking wine. No one even watched the debates.

[Pop + Politics]

Among the other voters who have shown up to vote at Shoesmith Elementary School this morning, where Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., will vote: Louis Farrakhan and William Ayers.

He's palling around with a domestic terrorist and a radical black person! The real Barack Obama is revealed at last! It's not too late to vote for the white guy, America! Unless you voted early! Curses!

The laws do vary from state to state, but for elections to federal office, our Congress is clear:

Codifying the ban on voter bribery, the United States Congress has prohibited the conspiracy to encourage illegal voting and stated that anyone who "pays or offers to pay or accepts payment either for registration to vote or for voting shall be fined not more than $10,000 or imprisoned not more than five years, or both."

And that's not just cash for votes that's outlawed there! "Not only is a direct payment for a vote prohibited, but any other 'valuable thing, to or for the use of another.'" Like delicious ice cream, which is very valuable.

(Note: we are not lawyers and honestly don't know what we're talking about.)

First, you'll want to know what is actually being voted on. These off-year general elections can be tricky! And for some reason none of the local papers have any useful information about the ballots or what is on them. Thankfully, the Board of Elections has, on their terrible website, a downloadable candidate list and the always-exciting Amendment Ballot Proposal list.

Basically if you know a lot about judges and potential district Supreme Court justices, this is the election for you.

If you live in the Bronx, you get to vote for District Attorney, just like on Law & Order!

Hey, Queens is electing one of those too!

Hint: write in "Fred Thompson."

There is one ballot proposal and it is about a lake in the Adironidacks and though it's probably some corrupt Chinatown shit we cannot make heads nor tails of it, so vote NO. VOTE NO LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT. Adirondacks for the Adirondackians!

Candidates List [Board of Elections in the City of New York]

"Cookie's 'MomtheVote' program, which has been trademarked, will include a series of "Campaign Crib Sheets," progress reports on the candidates and their positions on topics of concern to mothers throughout the year," says the press release, and they promise all sorts of offensive pandering, useless "nonpartisan" un-depth looks into the "important issues" of the day, and non-scientific polls on their website in the coming months. And though Cookie's website doesn't actually yet have anything related to the election, or politics, or common human decency, Momthe's can hop over there and Vote in their Kid-Style Contest, a collectiong of little people dressed unnervingly like big people. Do you like the 6-year-old Terry Richardson-in-training? Perhaps the littlest Diane Arbus subject? Make your voice heard! Vote!

Kid-Style Contest [Cookie]