It took a dozen police officers to calm down a drunken Australian wedding celebration that ended with the bride in the hospital and the groom and best man under arrest Friday.

Over the weekend, the New York Times "Vows" section published a 1,765-word celebration of one couple’s love that was so aggressively serene—so gratingly ethereal—it just may be the most irksome in the history of the medium.

Don't hate-read the New York Times "Weddings and Celebrations" section without Wedding Crunchers, a new database that lets you search through 60,000 announcements from 1981 to 2013, and watch status symbols rise and fall, like a curtseying debutante, over time.

While the "We left our spouses for each other" New York Times "Vows" column was certainly a doozy, this new one, about the June 4th wedding of Andrea Catsimatidis and Christopher Cox, might be even worse.

Sarah Palin is on top of the world! Her eldest spawn, Track, has married everything Levi Johnston is not. (Female, blonde, never posed nude, wrote an unflattering tell-all, secured the services of a bodyguard/manager, etc. ). Britta Hanson is 21, a nursing student at University of Alaska, and has been Track's…

On Sunday, The New York Times published a story in its "Vows" section about two people who left their respective spouses for each other. The paper did not ask the couple's exes for comment. Whoops!

This weekend's New York Times wedding section tells the salacious tale of two people who coldly dumped their spouses for each other, and true love. How dare they disgrace the sanctity of the New York Times wedding section!

The New York Times announces the weddings. Phyllis Nefler pits the couples against each other in that weekly battle royale we call Altarcations. This week: Creative class cage match and a Real Housewives cameo.

Micki Krimmel would be having a terrible day, but apparently she's the serene sort who gives her blessing to the trollop who steals her boyfriend, marries him, and gets an adorable write-up in the Times. I'd throttle that bitch. [NYT]

In response to our post about NYT inadvertently exposing their Weddings/Celebrations page's discomfort with acknowledging housewives and the unemployed, a bride and a recent mother-of-the-bride write in with their stories about being factchecked by the Times.

It is always a magical time, when the first member of a presidential administration marries his first journalist. Congrats to hipster budget nerd Peter Orszag, who is engaged to ABC's Bianna Golodryga.

Go figure: There were two Lehman Brothers-related weddings announced in Sunday's Times. The "for poorer" section of the vows must have rung brutally even before the company officially headed for bankruptcy, since the company was clearly in trouble before the weddings took place Saturday.

Chris Kattan, who played that apple-eating monkey-type thing on Saturday Night Live is marrying model Sunshine Tutt in Yosemite Valley, CA, today. "'Originally I was going to do something very special,' Kattan told People about the engagement. 'I tried to get Bono of U2 to serenade her. That didn't happen. Then I…

Michael Roach is a naughty, naughty Buddhist monk. The former New Yorker sleeps with a woman, which is a big no-no among Tibetan Buddhists. But by "sleeps with," he says he literally just means "falls asleep next to" his, uh, partner, Christie McNally, a former NYU student and fellow teacher who lives with him in a…

The Weddings and Celebrations pages of the Sunday 'New York Times' don't have to be read. You can totally pass it by! Then you won't feel bad that you had Wheat Thins for dinner all alone last night and let your ex-boyfriend sleep over last week, you unmarriageable piece of mess!

Do you believe in love? Perhaps you do! But you totally definitely believe in money. Because it's very hard to love when you have no money and you're hungry! The Weddings and Celebrations section of the 'New York Times' is where money and love meet, and where our Intern Alexis finds that in the mix, someone always…

Great news! Did you know that the Weddings and Celebrations section of the 'New York Times' exists to transform you on a lazy Sunday afternoon from Kathy Griffin to Cathy Guisewite? It's true! Studies show that reading what we used to call 'Vows' actually sets your internal feminism and self-esteem clocks back eight…

"Men's Health, the largest men's lifestyle magazine brand, today announced a media partnership with The Knot, the #1 wedding website, to launch the 'Ultimate Proposal Boot Camp' plan. The program will help guide over half a million men planning to 'pop the question' during engagement season, running November through…