Gawker
The rich
Posts Tagged “
Vows
”
The rich
vows
Someone is Marrying Chris Kattan!
Chris Kattan, who played that apple-eating monkey-type thing on Saturday Night Live is marrying model Sunshine Tutt in Yosemite Valley, CA, today. "'Originally I was going to do something very special,' Kattan told People about the engagement. 'I tried to get Bono of U2 to serenade her. That didn't happen. Then I asked Justin Timberlake. No answer. After hundreds of phone calls and text messages, I finally ended up asking one of the members of the Hanson group. He didn't want to get involved.'"
vows
Chaste Couple Always Within 15 Feet Of Each Other
Michael Roach is a naughty, naughty Buddhist monk. The former New Yorker sleeps with a woman, which is a big no-no among Tibetan Buddhists. But by "sleeps with," he says he literally just means "falls asleep next to" his, uh, partner, Christie McNally, a former NYU student and fellow teacher who lives with him in a yurt in Arizona. Roach claims the two are chaste, engaging only in an "intense hands-on physical relationship" not at all carnal. None of the other monks are buying this. The Dalai Lama's office actually denied Roach permission to teach in India. Of course, corrupt, selfish Gothamites will hardly judge the couple, who insist on always being within 15 feet of each other, any less harshly after they were profiled this morning in the Times Home & Garden section (WTF? For the yurt?). So let's take an Altarcations-style look at how disturbing this couple really is to those of us who believe in sex, material possessions and all those other wonderful things: More »
altarcations
Alixandra Smith & Daniel Richenthal Are A Success!
The Weddings and Celebrations in the Sunday 'New York Times' are a textual analysis-rebuffing, context-free and statistically random series of events described objectively that have nothing to do with the fact that you're single and still using that one dirty towel after you shower. You HUMAN FILTH. Intern Alexis judges the vows.
Which is more matrimonabulous: Having the judge you once clerked for officiate at your wedding—or mentioning in your announcement that you were among the physicians who treated Brooke Astor? Let's see, shall we?
More »
altarcations
Douglas O'Connor And Jeanne Conway Are Happier Than You
The Weddings and Celebrations pages of the Sunday 'New York Times' don't have to be read. You can totally pass it by! Then you won't feel bad that you had Wheat Thins for dinner all alone last night and let your ex-boyfriend sleep over last week, you unmarriageable piece of mess! More »
altarcations
Victoria Lim And Peter Sheren Got Married Three Times
Do you believe in love? Perhaps you do! But you totally definitely believe in money. Because it's very hard to love when you have no money and you're hungry! The Weddings and Celebrations section of the 'New York Times' is where money and love meet, and where our Intern Alexis finds that in the mix, someone always comes out the winner. More »
altarcations
Samantha Gregory & Roberto Benabib Are High On Love
Great news! Did you know that the Weddings and Celebrations section of the 'New York Times' exists to transform you on a lazy Sunday afternoon from Kathy Griffin to Cathy Guisewite? It's true! Studies show that reading what we used to call 'Vows' actually sets your internal feminism and self-esteem clocks back eight years. Anyhoo, put down that Ben & Jerry's, unloved fatty, and let's see who won the battle of the marriages this week!More »
"Men's Health, the largest men's lifestyle magazine brand, today announced a media partnership with The Knot, the #1 wedding website, to launch the 'Ultimate Proposal Boot Camp' plan. The program will help guide over half a million men planning to 'pop the question' during engagement season, running November through February." Hold up: There exists engagement season now? Ladies, start chewing your creme brulée extra carefully when you're in the romantic candlelit restaurant, cause there might be a ring in there! Related: does this mean that Men's Health editor Dave Zinczenko is ready to quit tomcattin' around and resign himself to providing only his Rose McGowan-lookalike new girlfriend, Brit actress Melissa Milne, with subpar oral sex for all of eternity? Ah, romance!
altarcations
Virginia Boyd And J. B. Lockhart IV Will Share Her Steamship Inheritance
"The concept of marriage must have been thought up by an unimaginative pig," Albert Einstein once said. Every week, Intern Alexis reads the Times' Weddings And Celebrations section to see who's still buying the concept, and, by extension, each other. More »
natural disasters
