So: journalist, writer, and Sarah Palin critic Joe McGinniss was outfoxed in his attempt to bid on a dinner with Sarah Palin by $3,200, bringing the final bid to $63,500. The winner, please?

An ethics investigator's report leaked to the press says that Sarah Palin has been "securing unwarranted benefits and receiving improper gifts" through the legal defense fund set up for her by John Coale, the Scientologist husband of Greta Van Susteren.

Levi Johnston, noted Palin daughter-nailer, has hired Tank Jones, "a size-58 suit-wearing black man," to manage his career and be his bodyguard. He's also developed an alter ego to help him destroy his Wasilla-ness and fully embrace douchedom—"Ricky Hollywood."

Levi Johnston, a 19-year-old Alaskan who, unlike Meghan McCain, has held a real job, is going to write a book. Maybe. Or maybe not!

Esquire spent a couple days with Todd Palin—"the man for American now"—last year, and just got around to publishing the story, including heartbreaking details of Sarah Palin and Levi Johnston before the crack-up.

The heartwrenching saga of the Wasilla Hillbillies, the most recent installment of which features the dramatic break-up of Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston, cries out for a reality show. It could be on VH1.

Following Star's tabloid scoop on the breakup of Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston, the more respectable press sprung into action, discovering the split happened weeks ago. People is off to Alaska to learn more.

Good news: the mother of Sarah Palin's daughter's boyfriend was not arrested for meth. No, Sherry Johnston was arrested for oxycontin. What wonderful communities our small towns are.