Great Whites aren't just floating around there in the water waiting for some nature documentarians to come around and record them snapping up stray seals that happen to wander by. They are sitting in dank basements, chain-smoking, watching snuff films, and making creepy, obsessive collages of pretty seal co-eds while sharpening their incisors.

Great white sharks have some things in common with human serial killers, a new study says: They don't attack at random, but stalk specific victims, lurking out of sight...They attacked when the lights were low. They liked their victims young and alone.

God damn it, where will it strike next? We can't be everywhere, Jim! These academics try to reassure us with the assertion that "The great whites attack to eat, not for their jollies," but tell that to Jeffrey Dahmer will you smart guy? Sweet Jesus, is there any difference between an ocean-dwelling cartilage-filled prehistoric predator and a modern human sociopathic killer? Any at all? We're begging you!

The human criminal has to worry about being caught by police and thus is even more careful, said Rossmo, who was a police officer for more than 21 years in Vancouver, British Columbia.

Shark Cops: Our only chance.
[AP]

The Daily News:

Esteban Neira of Lanus, Argentina, died Sunday after swimming in the Hudson River during the New York City Triathlon. Dozens of fellow athletes reported being stung by swarms of jellyfish, and afterward they wondered whether Neira fell victim to the slimy creatures.

The Times:

Vince Lingner, 44, from Inwood, who completed the triathlon, said he got stung two or three times.

“You can feel this weirdness, this heat going up your arm, then little spots of heat radiating from the place where you got stung,” he said. “I’d never been stung by a jellyfish before, but I’d heard about it. So when it happened, I thought, well, this is what it feels like.”

The Sun:

The cyanea capillata, better known as the Lion's Mane, has been arriving in "giant swarms" since last year, Ms. Drew said. The species can be more than a foot in diameter and has tentacles even longer than that.

Newsday:

They say one breed in particular _ the lion's mane _ showed up about a month earlier than usual. The biologists blame everything from breeding conditions and climate change for the abundance of jellyfish so early in the season.

Cornell University biologist Mark Bain says there is "widespread evidence of increasing jellyfish around the world."

Whatever you do, don't let them know you're afraid. They can sense it—in their jelly.

"But Sarah Jessica Parker says if the show were shot today, Carrie and company would likely live in the other boroughs, where excitement can be found without steep prices and stale ideas...

'[Manhattan's] expensive, and it's not what it used to be,' (said) Parker."

....who in real life lives in an astoundingly expensive town house in the West Village.

Today, supposedly, Carrie would live "in a spacious Carroll Gardens one-bed," Charlotte would move to "comparatively countrified Riverdale", Miranda would move to Red Hook "in search of a unique single-family home," and Samantha would "trailblaze into the still-transforming" Long Island City. As long as none of those motherfuckers have landed in Greenpoint yet, it's all good.

[NYDN]

I'm not inclined to press charges. While my assailant's actions were frightening, they resulted in part from what he interpreted as provocation: that is, my taking pictures after he had explicitly warned me not to. He did not take my wallet, cash or briefcase; something he could easily have done while I was on the ground. Nor do I recall him using much more force than was needed to wrest the camera from me. He didn't kick me gratuitously when I was down. He did what he threatened to do, but no more.

In the greater scheme of things, my quarrel isn't with him, anyway. It's with the suits who made the decision in the first place to undertake an illegal marketing campaign.

Dunlap's conviction that he had stumbled on a grand story by discovering the Street Marketing industry is comical; but his reporting instincts are admirable. Overall he sounds like an incredibly nice man. You must read his entire account of the situation, which is just priceless. David Dunlap, we got your back!

[pic via City Room]