The End of Watches? Yeah Right
“Sales of smartwatches and fitness trackers could outpace those of traditional watches by 2020, according to data from research firm Mintel.” Yeah right.
You'll Look Very Cool and Handsome Wearing This $100,000 Gold Sex Watch
You're a discerning and fashionable gentleman. You have money, power, and an insatiable appetite for breasts and other sex-type stuff. You know what time it is. You wear a watch—but you need a new one. Which watch is the watch for you? Think fast: The insufficiently manly timepiece on your wrist is ticking.
Take the Pledge: I Will Not Have Sex With Anyone Who Wears an AppleWatch
Imagine: you're lying in bed, the perfume of lovemaking still stinging your nostrils and firing your neurons, legs tangled with your partner. Baby, that sex with you was so good, you coo, rolling over—only to discover that your partner is wearing a gold miniature smartphone on his wrist. Don't ever let this happen.
Some quotes from a story about women's watches: "Women are now interested in how a timepiece works." "We're more comfortable now with technology. Things that used to seem geeky or intimidating are now common." "Moon-phase watches seem to have a particularly strong appeal for women, and not just those who frequent…
"[Watch] collectors are just as likely to be former police officers as sophisticates like... the musician John Mayer, who in under a decade has amassed a highly personal collection of vintage watches valued in the millions." Some things never change.
Shitty Watch Repair Shop Threatens Lawsuit Over Two-Star Yelp Review
Is your watch broken? Do you need to get your watch fixed? Are you looking for a New York-based watch repair shop? You should probably skip Ron Gordon Watch Repair, because he's so bad at fixing watches, he's threatening frivolous, insane lawsuits against critics.
Why Is a Diet Company Giving the Virginia Governor a $6,500 Rolex?
Virginia Governor McDonnell received a Rolex from a prominent political donor and failed to disclose the wrist-watch in his financial reports, as is habit with the absent-minded, timepiece-wearing politician.
Why Do Assholes Love Watches?
When you think of "things that self-aggrandizing assholes like," you may think of flashy jewelry, or exotic sports cars, or misquoting The Art of War. True enough. But there is no single signifier more characteristic of the upwardly mobile, ostentatious yet fundamentally insecure, braggart asshole male than an…
Ke$ha Sues Watch Company For Saying 'Tik Tok'
"Tik Tok" singer Ke$ha is suing a watch company for naming a watchstrap the "TikTok." Someone should tell the U.S. Treasury to sue Ke$ha for abusing the dollar sign.
American Apparel's Complete Guide to Grooming
Last week, we learned that sextastic clothing line American Apparel hires and fires employees based on photos, and we shared internal documents detailing their No Uglies Allowed policies. Today, we bring you AA Grooming Standards—male and female.
