Lanny Fuettere emailed out of the blue to say he's amazed at all the attention the instant-classic infomercial's been getting. So, Lanny, any more work recently?

Not of late. The entire industry has fallen on bad times. Used to do HSN, QVC Guest Hosting....always did 35-40 + shoots a year. Voice-over work was also a God-send. Now....only 4 shoots this year & no VO work. Did a film, but it's only going to Sundance. No distribution. AND....I reside in Land O'Lakes, FL right now. Bummer!

We shot that bit at a house on the inter-coastal waterway in St. Pete Beach, FL. About a half day. The Front man did that on green screen in-studio.

I was handing the guy a tool and positioned myself so that I would have to cross his hind-quarters...(the green stuff was added in post...of course.) It was my idea to go for the sink to 'puke'. The truck bit was in the driveway....I originally open that piece with; ".....can I say BUTT on TV?......". We decided it was too much....I added the +my my my butt" as an after thought. That's what we're really paid to do.....'bring something else to the camera'. It worked...and it's kinda funny to some people. And, no, I do not speak in that manner.

Hey......visit my web site....OK? www.lannyfuettere.com

I appreciate your getting back to me. Have a GREAT day!

Lanny

Good luck with everything, Lanny.

[Watch it]

Hamilton,

Damn dude. Why are you so angry? I have read some of the articles against Tucker Max, and I gotta ask, Who didn't love you enough as a child? You wrote some bullshit article about Tucker Max replacing College Radicalism. Just so we're clear on this, would that be the hippie, flower child love fest radicalism that was so prominent in the 60's? The same radicalism that bred children who voted Barack Obama into office? The same radicalism that took some pansy ass approach to terrorism leading to the attacks on 9/11? Dude, FUCK RADICALISM. How about we start promoting AMERICANISM. Stop your whiny bitching and try contributing something worthwhile to society. You are angry because college kids have read Tucker Max's "I Hope The Serve Beer in Hell". Why? Because you can't write for shit, and when someone can, you have to shit on them? That's what is so great about America. Anyone can prosper. Tucker Max appeals to fans because he hates the bitchy schoolgirl mentality that you possess. Get the fuck over yourself. You are garbage.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

There were cuts across the board over at Brides.com (my former employer, as of today at 10:46 AM). Here in the NY office (1166 Sixth Avenue), members of the online ad sales team were let go (reps and associates), along with at least one rep for Brides Local Mag. Likewise, the Brides.com sales team got the kibosh out in Chicago.

Even better, they're pulling the same stunt that they did over at Brides and are only offering 2 weeks for every year of employment for severance.

Burn the shit down man.

Oh right. And I'm drunk. And packing. Suh-weet. Let the funemployment commence.

Hire these people, quick.

Even though Wentz had Twittered his own whereabouts, he called for retribution and asked his fans to flood us with hate mail. The result was more of a garden hose and we asked Gawker assistant Julia Schweizer to give us a scientific breakdown of the 100+ emails that came in. This is what they had to say:

It comes from the Springfield 8 Theater! In Missouri!

Pitt grew up in Springfield, and still has a bevy of relatives there, like brother Doug and grandmother Clara, who the movie star often visits. Our tipster was apparently at Kickapoo High there with Pitt. And recently attended a screening at the Springfield 8, where the rumor mill was churning furiously. You know how debauched the scene at those motion picture houses can get!

I have never done anything like this before in my life and I certainly don't want my name in any magazine. However I thought I might pass along a tip I heard standing in line at the Springfield Mo. 8 theater yesterday. As you more than likely know, Springfield is the home city for Mr.B. Pitt and his family comes to visit Grandma and all the,Aunts and cousins pretty often. That big billboard on one of our streets of his brother who sells real estate is a traffic stopper for lots of women in town!

While waiting to buy our tickets a Woman was saying that on her street (same street as the Pit family) the big news was that Brad and Angelina had announced to the family that they are expecting a new baby again in a few months.

I though you might like to check that one out and see what you hear on your end. His family is very nice and well liked in our community. I graduated a year ahead of Brad from Kickapoo.

Hot diggity!

Unfortunately, reps for Pitt and Jolie have been swatting down pregnancy rumors basically every week or so for the past two months, usually in the lesser celebrity magazines. First the rumor was Jolie was pregnant, then it was denied. Next she was said pregnant with twins, then it was, inevitably, denied.

But, you know, In Touch claimed Pitt simply wasn't ready to go public yet. It's possible that, having told his family, he's now ready. But we wouldn't bet our popcorn on it.

Heard anything? Perhaps while waiting at the Springfield Starbucks or whatever? We're all ears.

(Getty pic above taken Dec. 9 at the premiere of "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button." Black can be very slimming!)

Esteemed Editors,

as a massive fan of your site and longtime reader, i would like to
propose the recommendation of retiring the word douche this year. i
have been on board for a while now since the days of AJ and his
bottles and Veyner and his videos, and it definitely made for an
ubiquitously applicable term in our fine city.

However, I feel the word needs to be retired on two accounts:

1) it's been completely played out. the number of times i hear it now
applied to any circumstance other than what i believe to have been its
true intention is getting annoying. furthermore, i feel the douche's
themselves have co-opted the word and use it against hipsters and the
like. people who aren't particularly witty, or even funny, began throwing
around the word douche (in my opinion denigrating the original beauty
of what it represented). i think it'd be a great idea to take control of your
creation and have a very formal retirement for the word

2) i think the timing could be perfect right now with the recession.
the word was fantastic during the height of absurdity and arrogance of
the banker craze. i'm not sure as i'm not really involved in that
scene, but i cant imagine the whole bottle service / crazy spending is
going on right now. i feel the day of the original douche is probably
past and it'd be the perfect time to find the most annoying/absurd
personas of the times ahead (which will definitely be distinct).

anyways...just my two cents. i love the site and word and think it'd
be an amazing maneuver to not only have a formal retirement, but
control the "shitty new yorker narrative" for the next few years, once
again.

good luck,
PhDouche

Two days later, on April 25, we received this email: "Has anyone seen Todd Thomson, formerly of Citigroup and Maria Bartitomo? Is he at the 4 day Milken Bash in LA this week? Bartiromo is there and I wonder if she is picking up where she left off after occupying the press in Jan 2007. Just asking."

By May 27, it was clear we were dealing with someone with what might be called a prurient interest in the Money Honey: "There are some loyal older readers on your site who are sick of the current parade of young stupid dope heads featured on the decaying pages of Gawker. Do you ever get a shot of Maria Bartiromo? She is one of Ask Men.com and watched by 400,000 plus each weekday on CNBC. Desired by many thousands of men, and that includes me, but either she stays home all the time, which I seriously doubt, or your cameras dont recognize her. She is lovely and I ask you to see if you can catch a shot of her somewhere, sometime and thanks."

Eek.

Then, June 12, an email that implied that some sort of scrapbook was being compiled: "can't find your 2 feb 07 story about Bartiromo and Todd 'Thomson. The archives thing isn't working for me. [email redacted]. can you help???"

By July 22, our correspondent had gotten angry. "I am struck by the abscense of Lines and Pics of Maria B. Todd Thomson is rumored to be taking up shop on Wall St. in Equity again..........If they were fucking each other for two years.....1) Wont they try again? 2)Why didn't the husband (j Steinberg) have something to say. Also, Melissa Thomson must have been blind......or as the good book says Trusting."

And on August 14, it became clear that he was trying to use us to fulfill his sick fantasies: "I think that if you have a camera crew around the NYSE between 5 and 8 pm eastern...it might produce a match of Maria Bartiromo and Dylan Ratigan. They have three hours before Dylan returns to ait a Times Square. I heard they have been becoming very close."

Finally, this morning, we received perhaps the most disturbing email of all: "Rumor has it Bartiromo and Ratigan have time between his break from Closing Bell at 4 eastern til his 8 pm show and Bartiromos 5pm off air and her limo home. They have I understand, been both working out of the NYSE instead of Ratigan at NYSE and Bartiromo at Englewood Cliffs, N.J. makes it easier to grab one hour or two together. ....eh? Bring a long range lens. Interested withhold my name or email...please."

Uh, well, see, we were going to print it, actually? Because you're frightening us, and when you're arrested for stalking Maria Bartiromo, we want a paper trail. But then we got too scared.

Dear Maria, Sorry I had to leave, I wasn't sure if I was allowed to be there. Thanks for your support, good luck at Women's World.

Please put in a good word to Hubert [Boehle, Bauer CEO] for me, it's ironic that Nick, who was fired for his incompetence, would get more severance than me. I thought I was doing an ok job. Although, Hubert hasn't contacted me, do you think I should call him? or Ilana?

Be well.

-[redacted]

On Tue, 10 Jul 2007 13:35:50 -0400
Maria Lissandrello wrote:
Dear [redacted]:

I feel utterly terrible today.

I already spoke to Hubert and asked about you. He said he is going to see.

I think it is perfectly okay for you to call Hubert yourself. I also beseeched him on Christine's behalf.

I hope we will work together someday. I don't know how long I am for this world, if you know what I mean.

All the best, [redacted]. Please keep in touch
Maria

From: [redacted]
To: Maria Lissandrello
Thanks Maria, I think I will wait to hear from him, I appreciate your help, thanks. In my experience with Bauer, I can't say that I have been treated fairly, and now I am pessimistic about what will happen next.

I am giving you my personal e-mail address again, and my phone number, let's definitely keep in touch, maybe have a drink in a few weeks, hopefully more will be clearer.

ps: cancelled the kitchen construction.

From: Maria Lissandrello
To: Cocktail Weekly Magazine
Date: Wed, 11 Jul 2007 10:00:42 -0400
Subject: Re: Until we meet again!

Yes, I want to plan on drinks for sure. I spoke to James last night, and I'm going to see Piper on Sunday.

I don't feel any better today. While I'm thankful I still have a job, I am miserable about the people I really cared about, including you.

It sucks.

I'm so sorry you had to cancel your kitchen project.