Gawker
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Kids Crying
Video: Britian's Got Talent Cutie Hollie Steel Cries On Live TV, Gets It Together, Advances Round
Aw. Tear. Hollie Steel, the tiny ten year-old aspiring ballerina/singer, broke down last night on her Britain's Got Talent semi-final round. She then came back to kick ass everywhere. More »
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By Foster KamerComment by Tremonius: The model was a Timberlakes game some time ago when the little charmer forgot the lyrics for the Star Spangled... 4 Responses | Other threads
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shut up, brooklyn
Killer Dog Rampage in Park Slope 'Tot Lot!'
The perpetually put-upon parents of Park Slope have yet another outrage to face! Already battling listserv fees and fighting sexist hats, the yups must now contend with dogs trying to eat their babies! More »
8,070
Comment by SpecialK: I might have to side with a ParkSlope parent in this one. After all, if there's one thing more annoying... 6 Responses | Other threads
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from the mailbag
The Mommy Flip-Out Too Hot For 'Park Slope Parents'
"Park Slope Parents," the Brooklyn listserv, is in the midst of a civil war between yuppie parents and list moderators. One combatant finally just snapped, and she's shared her rant with us. More »
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By Ryan TateComment by Not The Red Baron: "The kid who fell from the rock fell because he was French and impatient." Brilliant! The 21st century needs more reminders... 15 Responses | Other threads
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Snuggie wars
Yuppie Babies Strangled by Fleece
Finally, someone has combined the most puzzling qualities of Snuggies and Park Slope Parenthood into one atrocious product: the "Peekaru." More »
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shut up, brooklyn
Park Slope Parents in Tribal Stroller War
The stroller-and-laptop-wielding factions of Park Slope have not yet broken out into open rebellion in the streets over the Park Slop Parents Messageboard Fee Outrage, although a splinter group may be increasing the palpable tension:
More »
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Comment by SigSauer: Somehow it happened that in all the years I've lived in New York City, I'd never been to Brooklyn. But... 7 Responses | Other threads
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shut up, brooklyn
Park Slope Parents Fee Battle Threatens to Spiral Into All-Out Yuppie War
This bitter war over a fee(!) to post on the Park Slope Parents listserv is perfectly in character. Park Slope is where New York's most annoying parents sequester themselves in a twee, self-important doombubble. More »
11,873
Comment by Defeater: I don't understand the carriage in this photo. Are you supposed to put the cuter kid facing you? Is the... 16 Responses | Other threads
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lolslate
Your Dead Kid Doesn't Impress Slate Columnist
Jack Shafer has had it with the weepy emails about how you lost Little Timmy forever to some overdose. He's a busy man. Save it for Cary Tennis. [via Nick Douglas]
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By Ryan TateComment by ArgusRun: I'm with Jack here. He's criticizing the media and law enforcement in a logical and well sourced way. Everytime he... 6 Responses | Other threads
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shut up, college
UCLA Students: James Franco Is an Academic Lightweight
Foolish idealists have banded together and formed a Facebook group protesting the University's choice to have honey-dipped actor James Franco as their keynote graduation speaker. Because looking at that mug for 30 minutes is torture. More »
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Comment by StonedAndDethroned: I hope they get Nicolas Cage to do it instead just to punish the fuckers. 13 Responses | Other threads
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urban anthropology
Why New York Moms Lust For Twins
Did you know that twins, though they may provide extra mouths to feed in a down economy, can gain a mother entrance into an "exclusive society" of travel and glamorous TV work? It's true! More »
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By Ryan TateComment by Zanzibar Buck-Buck McFate: My brother adopted newborn twins. Him and his wife are always telling me how easy I have it with my... 5 Responses | Other threads
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badvertising
Fire-Haired Demon Child Demands 'Big Girl Car'
In this age of fossil fuel depletion, economic meltdown, and a dying US auto industry, how should consumers pick an automobile? By bowing to the demands of the world's most terrifying screeching red-haired brat: More »
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Comment by hummingpenguin: My hate for this and every other "'Merican cars! Fuck yeah!" commercial is bottomless. When they make cars that are... 9 Responses | Other threads
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videuhoh
Every Child Wants Pee and Poop For Christmas
So says Good Morning America today. They had an awkward segment on the must-have toy of the season, a doll that urinates and defecates. "Kids are obsessed!" Then they cut to commercial, abruptly.
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Comment by BookishLookish: Everybody sing: "Baby alive, soft and sweet..." 11 Responses | Other threads
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bitches
Boarding School Mean Girls Get Their Latest Victim Expelled
Is teasing good for us? The New York Times thinks so. But does Tatum Bass? She just got kicked out of her fancy boarding school because the popular girls didn't like her prom planning. More »
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Comment by Minsley Tortimer: heather, why are you such a mega-bitch? srsly tho: southern teens of this type = pure evil, probably moreso the ones... 19 Responses | Other threads
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alex kuczynski
Rich Times Reporter Slammed By WSJ Columnist
The Wall Street Journal's Thomas Frank, he of the book "What's the Matter with Kansas?," eviscerates in tomorrow's paper that infamous Times rich-people reporter Alex Kuczynski. Kuczynski, herself quite wealthy, published a mostly shameless account of renting a poorer woman's uterus in the Nov. 30 Times Magazine. Frank is unsparing: More »
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By Ryan TateComment by Never Stop Dancing: Thomas Frank is not in a position to judge a woman who was unable to give birth to her own... 32 Responses | Other threads
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we hate your kids
Precocious Children Only Ones Getting Book Deals, Film Rights
The nine-year-old who self-published, then actually published, a 46-page book about how to talk to girls (he compared us to cars that need lots of oil, and we hope he isn't talking about what we think he is) just sold the movie rights to Fox, who thought it would make a fine movie. Maybe starring Robin Williams as the nine-year-old? Then there's the twelve-year-old, who was mouthing baby food only a few years earlier, who fancies himself a food critic (“Softish jazz music. Seem to enjoy kids but not overly") whose film rights were acquired by SNL's Lorne Michaels. Well, goody for them! Brats. Trend alert: only precocious kids need apply for book-to-movie success for the next few months. And yes, we would be happy to show you an excerpt!
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By SheilaComment by stew: Oh, fuck you, nine year olds. Can you roll a joint? Can you elect a president? Can you get a... 12 Responses | Other threads
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obama hates your kids
Children Included on List of Inauguration Security Threats
Inauguration day? Leave the brats at home—it ain't day care. "Officials are banning all strollers and backpacks and make a point of saying on their Web site that 'there are no childcare facilities provided to attendees,'" reports the Washington Post. We support this. Obama scores one point in the "we hate your kids/babies in bars" meme! But seriously, those strollers could contain bombs dressed as babies:
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By SheilaComment by mathnet: What "history" could a stroller-aged child possibly gain from sitting on Dad's shoulders in the freezing cold, blocking others' view... 16 Responses | Other threads
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we hate your kids
Loneliest Lil' Food Critic to Become a Kid Power Film
The New York Times ran a story a couple weeks back about a sad little latchkey kid who deemed himself a food critic while eating dinner at a restaurant by himself. Yeah, he like took a wee notebook along and everything. It's devastating and precocious and weird and vaguely annoying. Which means it would make the perfect movie! Saturday Night Live head Canadian Lorne Michaels and MGM scion John Goldwyn have bought the rights to the story, which they hope to turn into a "a youth-themed empowerment film." More » -
we hate your kids
Santa Claus Horrifying Children Fills Our Hearts With Cheer
What would you do if an old man broke into your house in the middle of the night and tried to pleasure your children? We would leave him milk and cookies. No, silly! We're not talking about creepy Mr. Pryzborowski down the street. We're talking about Santy Claus! Who, actually, can be pretty creepy himself. What with the beard and chortling and likely booze-stink. In fact, just in time for the holidays, Flabbergastedly has a little gallery of photos of children being terrified by Father Christmas (culled, it seems, from this bigger list) that we find delightfully funny. Look at a couple of our favorites after the jump. More » -
family matters
Alex Kuczynski's Real-Life 'Baby Mama'
New York Times official rich person-in-residence, plastic surgery addict, and orgy enthusiast Alex Kuczynski has a long, long, torturous story in the Sunday Magazine about her recent experience with a surrogate mother. Would you like to know how stressful and terrible it is to pay another woman to bring your child to term? No, probably not, but here you go. More »
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By PareeneComment by LucilleMcGillicuddy: OK, this is not going to be popular, but I don't think it is right to start kicking the shit... 22 Responses | Other threads
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we hate your kids
The Evolution of The Wind in the Willows
The Wind in the Willows —featuring the adventures of Mr. Frog and Mole, among others—has been entertaining kids since 1908. Its cover has gone through countless iterations, none of them quite as irksome as the cover of the 100th anniversary Vintage Classics edition, which they allowed a kid to draw. He was the winner of the cover contest! "It took me about an hour and a half to paint, quite a long time," young Harry Jones told London's Times. But it's all scribbly. Here, compare to Wind in the Willows covers from over the years:
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By SheilaComment by MisterHippity: I liked this book as a kid, but one thing always bugged me: The antropomorphism is so totally arbitrary. The... 13 Responses | Other threads
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we hate your kids
The Infuriating New Face Of Poverty
At left is a picture the Times is running on A1 this morning, the day before Thanksgiving. It depicts a Florida mom showing off all the useless crap she was able to scrounge for daughter McKenna (!), like a fake plastic kitchen, thanks to a "noble sacrifice" this year: The mom will bravely go without this season's new designer jeans, according to the accompanying story. Notice that she seems to be nicely up-to-date with last season's pricey denim; that she is standing in a garage larger than many apartments; that it seems to be furnished with an operative extra refrigerator; and that discarded toys (from prior Christmases?) are plainly visible in plastic boxes in the background. This typifies sacrifice in America today? The coming depression is so going to eat the nation alive, and the world will laugh, because we deserve it.
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By Ryan TateComment by SaraRueful: This it typical. I worked there, in the Metro section, one year during the "Neediest Cases" campaign. You know, Crack... 34 Responses | Other threads
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we hate your kids
Mama Wants a Fucking Medal
Your Gmail sponsored link that will make you hate Democrats of the day: "Mama Voted For Obama." It's precisely the idiotic indoctrinating garbage you think it is, except for this awesome scene of cartoon Obama reenacting the My Pet Goat incident as, presumably, the nation burns. Good work, Mama. The terrorists won. [Little Democrats]
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By PareeneComment by allyzay: dude does anyone know that they enrolled a rat in school? 8 Responses | Other threads
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Eco-Kids
'Eco-Kids' Save The Earth By Annoying You
Oh, good: at the same time that parents nationwide find that their savings have evaporated, their children are becoming increasingly strident about harassing them to buy solar panels, hybrid cars, and organic produce. Not only that, but apparently our tax dollars are funding public schools that turn out an army of little Green giants ready to scream over watered lawns and plastic bags. You can almost see their parents smiling tightly through gritted teeth: "That's...good, very good." But as soon as a reporter calls, the adults are ready with an entire litany of annoying complaints: More »
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Comment by katastic: Ha. Let's see if it sticks. I went to grade school at a school that was at the forefront of... 11 Responses | Other threads
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urban anthropology
Brooklyn Stage Mom Ready to Begin Filming
We're all familiar with a certain type of New York parent: overinvolved, overambitious, and completely clueless about both. "I got this from the mother of my 8-year-old son's classmate [at a private Brooklyn school]," writes our tipster. Turns out there is a very ambitious film project planned by the kid. (Cute!) "I've been encouraging and supportive of this project," the stage mom writes, "but I haven't been involved in developing the story, creating the dialogue, or composing the songs. But I do know the basic premise. The story involves two civilizations, one on earth and one in the clouds, whose inhabitants come into contact with one another (amidst much music and dance)..." Remember, it's a group effort, and Mom's role (among many other things) is to "step in as a cinematographer": More »
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By SheilaComment by andheartss haz it: In other news, I'd love to ditch work, head home and veg out whlst watching a Home Movies marathon. That'd be... 3 Responses | Other threads
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the gays
Gays: Before Naming Your Baby, Consult This Handy Chart
Gays should give special consideration to the names they will give their surrogate-carried in-vitro infants, Proud Parenting explains. "Our children already have enough baggage to inspire the malicious minds of their schools’ lowest common denominators." We've excerpted their extremely helpful chart for gay dads expecting a daughter.
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By SheilaComment by contradicto: Wow. I'm actually kinda offended. 10 Responses | Other threads
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aimee bell
Vanity Fair's New School More Exclusive Than Waverly Inn
It's one thing for Graydon Carter to deem you worthy of, say, a 7 pm reservation at his 70-seat Waverly Inn. But if you really want an emblem of the Vanity Fair editor's approval, try getting your child admitted to the 45-child freshman class of Carter's other exclusive West Village institution, the forthcoming Greenwich Village High. The school is the brainchild of Carter deputy editor Aimee Bell, as first reported in the Observer, and her neighbor Sara Goodman. But according to the Times it's becoming something so much posher than all that! More »
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By Ryan TateComment by Scarion: To set the record straight, you fools, Graydon's lending his name (and hopefully his money and connections) to launch a... 3 Responses | Other threads
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we hate your kids
The Bad Moms' Club
Home-schooling? So over. Try city-schooling your kids at the Met and trendy bars. That's what The Professors' Wives' Club author Joanne Rendell is doing. How does an un-schooled Manhattan five-year-old spend his days? It has its advantages: "Un-kindergarten for us means Benny can sleep late so I can write. It means we don't have to worry about bedtimes and can go out on the town with friends any night of the week. We can go to Europe and visit my family when the flights are cheap..." More »
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By SheilaComment by Clarence Rosario: Oh relax. Just teach him how to throw a boomerang, and he'll do fine during the apocalypse. 7 Responses | Other threads
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we hate your kids
Someone Lost Their Kid—He's in the Sex Shop
A child, photographed inside the Park Slope, Brooklyn's newest sex-toy shop, Babeland. Proof that Park Slope yoga-moms will stridently insist on taking their kids everywhere, from last year's babies-in-bars battle to this year's high-class porn emporium fiasco. (My ovaries are screaming at me to use protection.) [via Brownstoner]
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By SheilaComment by Minsley Tortimer: clearly, this is a job for pedobear 11 Responses | Other threads
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we hate your kids
Literary A-Gay the Most Popular Sperm Donor in Town
Ira Silverberg is a well-known literary agent and a well-known gay—his partner is the former New York Times etiquette columnist Bob Morris. He has borne not one but two children via his sperm, reports the Observer. “For years I’ve had one very close friend who always said, ‘When I have a child, I’d like you to think about being the father'... [then] the call came and I hit it on the first shot. Delivered in a baby food jar." Thanks for that, Ira. Kid's gonna love reading this. Remember: privacy begins at conception! [NYO; photo Fishbowl NYC]
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By SheilaComment by EleanorRigby: No discussion of the source material that inspired the emission? 3 Responses | Other threads
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urban anthropology
Park Slope Baby Ban Should Maybe Extend to Sex Shops
Babeland, the upscale sex-toy shop that recently opened a branch in strident-mommy nabe Park Slope, is thriving, reports the Observer. Why is this a surprise? Everybody knows that marriage and babies kills sex! But—like the neighborhood's babies-in-bars infestation—the owners have had a bit of a problem with parents who insist on their God-given right to bring their kids everywhere: More » -
books
The Day My Butt Went Psycho Saves Youth Literacy
Desperate to make young boys turn off their PlayStations and DVD players and just READ something — anything! — publishers are apparently turning to a gross new sort of pulp fiction, shamelessly pandering to boys' supposed taste for the gory and disgusting. And it's working! After more than a few breakout hits, publishers ramped up production to 261 boys' books last year, more than double the amount in 2003, according to a front-page Wall Street Journal article. The real fun in the Journal piece, if you aren't around kids much, is just reading through the titles of what boys are reading these days. Like, for example, "Help! What's Eating My Flesh: Runaway Staph and Strep Infections!," which helped push Scholastic's science and history series to 300,000 copies in print. More » -
we hate your kids
Mom Really Does Love Your Brother Better
Uh-oh: parents do love other kids more. Especially if they're their real kids. A new study finds that foster- and step-children are "twice as likely to die" from unintentional maltreatment. This does not bode well for the children-of-many-colors of Brangelina! (Remember, it's their biological kids that commanded millions for magazine covers, not the ones she adopted as a single mom.) [Science Daily] -
Amanda Christine Miller
"Children have become fashion accessories"
Times columnist Joe Nocera is a busy man, and he doesn't have time for flackery and foolishness. But he recently got one press release "so brazen, so craven, so mind-bogglingly inane" that he had to put it on his blog for the world to revile. And coincidentally it's from a flack who also blogs at Huffington Post! Do you need to make sure all the other moms in the park are insanely jealous of you and your stylish little drooling brood? Let Amanda Christine Miller tell you how to turn your children into mere fashion accessories! More »
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Comment by anxia: @ThereMustBeAPony: Exactly my point of view (I wasn't being ironic in my post... I *do* think that toddlers in a lounge... more » | Other threads
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we hate your kids
"Declaration of Co-dependence": Rules for Urban Babies
The hilarious, unhinged, and angry man (and Park Slope parent!) we know only as Blognigger has gone ahead and drafted a long, detailed list of rules of how to live with your kids in an urban environment: "We the parents of Park Slope and the surrounding vicinity hereby declare our realization that we and our children can, at times, be annoying as FUCK." The Declaration of Co-dependence covers all the basics—sidewalk behavior, restaurant behavior, bookstore/movie theater/supermarket behavior, and subway behavior. It also unilaterally bans children from all bars—well, except for "the little shitty one in the front of Two Boots." More »
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By SheilaComment by Solomon Grundy: I can't count how many times I've told should-be-sterilized parents that their stroller is not a battering ram. I take solace... more » | Other threads
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kids today
Family Blogger Struggles With Privacy Concerns, Posts Family Photos to Internet
Yes it's fine to post a photo of your adorable child on Flickr, why not? The dangers are: a) perverts will get off on these photos, b) predators will, who knows, decide to kidnap your adorable child because she is soooo cute on the internet, or c) your child will be targeted for online abuse by bloggers somewhere, for some reason. The first two are bullshit. Perverts will masturbate to everything, who cares. You are more likely to abuse your child than a stranger. And finally, as we've tried to explain, all this online abuse of innocent kids is actually directed at their over-sharing parents. So rest easy, Wall Street Journal mommyblogger! Or, like, make the pictures friends-only, as your friends have suggested. Either one. Christ. [WSJ]
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By PareeneComment by CaptainFantastic: @WretchedGnu: Yes, the content on Flickr and YouTube can be posted without the name and address of the subjects. more » | Other threads
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By mr.guyballComment by damiannyc: Well, we've been bringing back cheap crap from Tijuana for long enough - it's about time we EXPORT some cheap... more » | Other threads
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alternad
Ben Karlin, Dick, Loves His Son
We give Ben Karlin shit because we've heard he's pretty much a dick, what with his idea-stealing from neighbors and all. Anecdotal evidence from anonymous commenters supports this. ("[H]e chooses to repeatedly compromise that talent by going out of his way to undermine those who work with him," you say. Ok!) Then he curated that terrible-sounding book about getting dumped. But he also used to write for Space Ghost! The New York Press would like you to know about the other side of Ben Karlin. They'd like you to maybe give him a second chance. The way they go about it is all wrong, though: did you know Ben Karlin is also an alternadad? More » -
kids today
You Enable Us to Hate Your Kids
Slate's family correspondent Emily Bazelon was relieved recently to learn that her 8-year-old son has no hits on Google. Not for lack of trying! She writes about her young son, Eli, occasionally, but obviously she doesn't want her child to be an Internet Persona, Fair Game for bloggers and commenters. But then, she's writing about him in Slate. And her husband's name, which is presumably her son's last name, is readily available on Wikipedia. She's dangerously close to crossing into the territory of the chronic familial oversharers whose crimes against their children she ponders in her essay. Like remember Neal Pollack? "His young son Elijah's bathroom habits are fair game for Pollack's blog, but his son's discovery of his sexuality, Pollack says, is not." Jesus, Neal, you just did it again. Dear internet: blogging about your children is child abuse. More » -
we hate your kids
Why You Should Get Knocked Up Today!
It is spring, the season of fecundity. With that in mind, parenting website Babble presents us with 45 reasons to have a child—now! (I can think of only one: tax write-off.) We've highlighted four and added one of our own. Hey, did you know? These days, you can "buy a breast pump the size of a stopwatch." More » -
we hate your kids
How Did We Miss the 2nd Annual Edgy Moms Reading?
Seriously. It happened last night at the Montauk Club, and every edgy momwriter was there. There were gift bags from sex shop Babeland—that's edgy! In attendance was the Sun's Lenore Skenazy, who wrote about leaving her kid in Bloomingdale's to fend for himself on the subway (he wanted to!), Amy Benfer (Salon), and New York contributor/novelist Amy Sohn. Her piece was about "trying to get her daughter into Brooklyn Heights Montessori School and all the raw, competitive feelings that the New York private school admission process rouses." (Sohn once said—jokingly, but still—"When I had a kid, it seemed natural to me to start exploiting it for material.") [Only the Blog Knows Brooklyn] -
holidays
Happy "Take Your Inescapable Realization That You've Failed Your Children To Work Day"!
So. It's apparently "Take Your Daughter to Work Day." Or "Take Your Child To Work Day" if you're one of those parents who makes their son wear dresses and pigtails. We are hearing reports of dozens of children terrorizing offices across Manhattan, interrupting work with shrieking and face-painting and possibly pony rides. It could be worse, though! You could be the saddest person in the world—the woman visiting her child at work as part of McDonald's new "Take Your Parents to Work Day" initiative. More »
we hate your kids
New York, 12:43 PM
Sat Jul 11
36 posts in the last 24 hours
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