Did you know that twins, though they may provide extra mouths to feed in a down economy, can gain a mother entrance into an "exclusive society" of travel and glamorous TV work? It's true!

Is teasing good for us? The New York Times thinks so. But does Tatum Bass? She just got kicked out of her fancy boarding school because the popular girls didn't like her prom planning.

The Wall Street Journal's Thomas Frank, he of the book "What's the Matter with Kansas?," eviscerates in tomorrow's paper that infamous Times rich-people reporter Alex Kuczynski. Kuczynski, herself quite wealthy, published a mostly shameless account of renting a poorer woman's uterus in the Nov. 30 Times Magazine. …

The nine-year-old who self-published, then actually published, a 46-page book about how to talk to girls (he compared us to cars that need lots of oil, and we hope he isn't talking about what we think he is) just sold the movie rights to Fox, who thought it would make a fine movie. Maybe starring Robin Williams as the…

Inauguration day? Leave the brats at home—it ain't day care. "Officials are banning all strollers and backpacks and make a point of saying on their Web site that 'there are no childcare facilities provided to attendees,'" reports the Washington Post. We support this. Obama scores one point in the "we hate your kids…

The New York Times ran a story a couple weeks back about a sad little latchkey kid who deemed himself a food critic while eating dinner at a restaurant by himself. Yeah, he like took a wee notebook along and everything. It's devastating and precocious and weird and vaguely annoying. Which means it would make the…

What would you do if an old man broke into your house in the middle of the night and tried to pleasure your children? We would leave him milk and cookies. No, silly! We're not talking about creepy Mr. Pryzborowski down the street. We're talking about Santy Claus! Who, actually, can be pretty creepy himself. What with…

New York Times official rich person-in-residence, plastic surgery addict, and orgy enthusiast Alex Kuczynski has a long, long, torturous story in the Sunday Magazine about her recent experience with a surrogate mother. Would you like to know how stressful and terrible it is to pay another woman to bring your child to…

The Wind in the Willows —featuring the adventures of Mr. Frog and Mole, among others—has been entertaining kids since 1908. Its cover has gone through countless iterations, none of them quite as irksome as the cover of the 100th anniversary Vintage Classics edition, which they allowed a kid to draw. He was the winner…

At left is a picture the Times is running on A1 this morning, the day before Thanksgiving. It depicts a Florida mom showing off all the useless crap she was able to scrounge for daughter McKenna (!), like a fake plastic kitchen, thanks to a "noble sacrifice" this year: The mom will bravely go without this season's…

Your Gmail sponsored link that will make you hate Democrats of the day: "Mama Voted For Obama." It's precisely the idiotic indoctrinating garbage you think it is, except for this awesome scene of cartoon Obama reenacting the My Pet Goat incident as, presumably, the nation burns. Good work, Mama. The terrorists won. […

Oh, good: at the same time that parents nationwide find that their savings have evaporated, their children are becoming increasingly strident about harassing them to buy solar panels, hybrid cars, and organic produce. Not only that, but apparently our tax dollars are funding public schools that turn out an army of…

We're all familiar with a certain type of New York parent: overinvolved, overambitious, and completely clueless about both. "I got this from the mother of my 8-year-old son's classmate [at a private Brooklyn school]," writes our tipster. Turns out there is a very ambitious film project planned by the kid. (Cute!)…

Gays should give special consideration to the names they will give their surrogate-carried in-vitro infants, Proud Parenting explains. "Our children already have enough baggage to inspire the malicious minds of their schools' lowest common denominators." We've excerpted their extremely helpful chart for gay dads…

It's one thing for Graydon Carter to deem you worthy of, say, a 7 pm reservation at his 70-seat Waverly Inn. But if you really want an emblem of the Vanity Fair editor's approval, try getting your child admitted to the 45-child freshman class of Carter's other exclusive West Village institution, the forthcoming…

Home-schooling? So over. Try city-schooling your kids at the Met and trendy bars. That's what The Professors' Wives' Club author Joanne Rendell is doing. How does an un-schooled Manhattan five-year-old spend his days? It has its advantages: "Un-kindergarten for us means Benny can sleep late so I can write. It means we…

A child, photographed inside the Park Slope, Brooklyn's newest sex-toy shop, Babeland. Proof that Park Slope yoga-moms will stridently insist on taking their kids everywhere, from last year's babies-in-bars battle to this year's high-class porn emporium fiasco. (My ovaries are screaming at me to use protection.) [via …

Ira Silverberg is a well-known literary agent and a well-known gay—his partner is the former New York Times etiquette columnist Bob Morris. He has borne not one but two children via his sperm, reports the Observer. “For years I’ve had one very close friend who always said, ‘When I have a child, I’d like you to think…