Brian Chen serial emailed Apple's CEO; Heidi Montag was relentlessly huffy; and Kathy Griffin was endlessly honest. The Twitterati kept at it.

Robert Scoble and Karen Wickle joked about bathrooms and private parts, respectively, at Google IO; Khloe Kardashian let her husband down; and Martha Stewart was clinically obsessed with Starbucks. The Twitterati regressed a little.

Diablo Cody downed some performance-enhancing substandces; Dr. Drew and Bristol Palin took a bite out of the teen sex scene; and Jack Dorsey fed us an update on his whereabouts. The Twitterati were feeling snacky.

Joy Behar smoothed things over with her Fox News nemesis; Ashton Kutcher fixed his drinking problem; and Facebook indulged in drinking and rehab at the same time. The Twitterati patched things up.

A New York Times writer heard Facebook's CEO doesn't believe in secrets; a Facebook flack disapproved of the writer's secrets; and Barry Diller's wife refused to give up her fur secrets. The Twitterati sought loose lips.

A programmer sold his iPad abroad; a reporter auctioned his mom's iPad on eBay; and a media consultant ceremoniously reboxed his iPad. The Twitterati were saying goodbye to their not-so-magical Apple slates — or watching people who did.

Kevin Pollak shared a Christopher Walken quote; Google's CEO was deemed horribly awesome; and Erin Biba's bank has changed this time, he swears. The Twitterati reveled in dysfunction.

Kim Severson pioneered dark food humor; Young Platinum pioneered a new level of Twitter transparency; and Melissa Gilbert gave Sac-town a pioneer's compliment. The Twitterati led the bandwagons.

John Hodgman wants you to cover up; Rebecca Dana wants you to imagine a serious Today; and Ludacris wants to know how to thwart your chastity plans. The Twitterati were instructional.

Jakob Dylan rocked Rupert Murdoch's minions; a Googler chatted with the Chinese police; and Diablo Cody announced her miniature kinda-
human.

Megan McCarthy wondered why the New York Times hates West Coast gossips; Natalie Eshaya caught a cheater; and Julia Allison did not know what her students were thinking. The Twitterati were confused and dismayed.

Jeremy Piven had an exhaustion relapse; Sarah Austin dreamed of a new ride; and Martha Stewart got a little overexcited. The Twitterati suffered collective mood swings.

Joey Lucas plotted a return to TV; Jennifer 8. Lee spotted a trend; and Roger Ebert issued a cinematic fatwa. The Twitterati were up to their old tricks.

Bow Wow carpet-bombed Twitter; Graydon Carter's hair hit the social scene; and Lynn Fox called herself a mean name. The Twitterati were out, about and running off at the mouth.

Kate Boehret could run your conference better; Max Levchin could do your "health care reform" better; and Jamie Poniewozik can do your paranoia better. The Twitterati were one up, even when they were down.

LeVar Burton saw another famous face at Ralph's; Alyssa Milano saw her authorship challenged; and Jolie O'Dell saw her job sail away. The Twitterati watched ruefully.

John Carney faced an unruly mob; Courtney Reimer faced an extraordinary financial statement; and Shane Richmond faced crazy musicians. The Twitterati could not be predictably rattled.

Zach Klein and Megan McCarthy tried to hustle their way out of Austin; Brian Stelter and Ana Marie Cox wished bourbon on their audience; and Jeff Jarvis helped an old-media addict escape denial. South by Southwest changed the Twitterati.

Hiroko Tabuchi took New York Times transparency to new levels; Mike Sampson found big trouble in little Austin; and Anthony Ha discovered a door was closed to him. Travel troubled the Twitterati.

Alex Blagg is not going to improvise like some sort of monkey; Lily Allen is not going to stand for your "fat whore" condolences; and Nick Bilton is not particularly enjoying this week's pressure cooker. The Twitterati defied reality.