Biz Stone used an age-shortener to fit his birthday onto Twitter; Julia Allison tried doing math with her brain; and Ana Marie Cox attempted to flirt with Rahm Emanuel over basic cable. The Twitterati turned to tools of last resort.
Heidi Montag dreamed of starring in a pointless remake of an absurd film; Nicholas Carlson imagined nailing Facebook's CEO to the wall; and Perez Hilton envisioned getting his mom back. The Twitterati were in fantasyland.
Two Engadget editors had it out over some kind of sex-gender thing; Ayelet Waldman failed to fail to book a hotel room; and Fleetwood Mac shocked Leon Neyfakh. The Twitterati left their affairs out of order.
Tom Hanks rejoiced in his green-room tray; Brian Caufield frantically defended his lunch truck; and Owen Thomas carefully nurtured his new ironic catchphrase. The Twitterati protected their precioussss.
Dell kept hanging up on Chris Anderson; Neel Shah mounted a pro-Shake Shack counterattack; and Irin Carmon worried about the "invasion" of SXSW. The Twitterati were dealing with true offensives.
Brandee Barker couldn't use her competitor's search engine; Brad King was called a 'nerdy dipshit;' and Karl Lagerfeld got tired of having to defend himself. The Twitterati were wryly war weary.
The founder of bankrupt Veoh looked for a place to crash; Palm's chief flack cracked wise about the stock; and John Mayer saved himself from being heckled at the gym. The Twitterati adjusted to sudden reversals.
Conan O'Brien and his beard joined Twitter; Wired staff talked about the death of the mouse; and Roger Ebert released his inner fanboy. The Twitterati were reborn.
"PayPal Mafia" don Keith Rabois cut Silicon Valley simps (everyone) down to size; Guy Branum staged a Twittervention; and David Lat leafed through some porn. The Twitterati were acting like made men.
Snooki dreamed she could fly so (not) high; Pauly D dropped some philosophy; and Vinny schooled CNN. The Jersey Shore guidos took Twitter to a whole other level.
Jim Cantore was muzzled by his corporate overlords; Martha Stewart was kept quiet by Neil Cavuto; and Ezra Klein was hushed in Yiddish. The Twitterati were hushed in only the most interesting ways.
NYU kids partied with ChatRoulette; sports fans imagined hacking ChatRoulette; and a 30 Rock guest star is ready to work at Fox News. The Twitterati toyed with worlds beyond their understanding.
The Wall Street Journal diaspora was divided by an ocean; coastal wine writers were divided by an assumption-filled land mass; and Harvey Weinstein and his interviewer re-divided the responsibilities. The Twitterati were geographically fractious.
Rogert Ebert made John Mayer's quote personal; Jason Calacanis made John Mayer's quote professional; and Brooke Hammerling made John Mayer's quote menstrual. The Twitterati didn't need slurs to be insulting.
The father of Gmail gave his kid a pat on the back; a TV doctor defended his slang; and Ashton Kutcher's iPhone ruined his Mexican relations. The Twitterati just tried to get along.
The Huffington Post looked for suckers in a target-rich environment; Lindsay Robertson offered a shocking new David Paterson rumor; and Lindsay Lohan is frightened by Google. The Twitterati hated the players and the game.
Andrew Golis began investigating Carly Fiorina's demon sheep; Richard Roeper cursed out Google; and Brandee Barker looked herself up. The Twitterati don't stop digging.
Chris Lehmann traded place with his wife Ana Marie Cox; Molly McAleer traded places with Rahm Emanuel; and Alex Payne's messages to Twitter.com traded places with Twitter.com's messages to Alex Payne. The Twitterati got the old switcheroo.
NYU took free courseware from PaidContent's founder; your outfit freaked out Caroline McCarthy; and Emily Brill called on Google to live out loud, like her. The Twitterati eyed their circumstances warily.
Alexia Tsotsis said the tits can unmake a nerd; Paul Boutin cherished his "ignorant slut" moment; and writers got shut out of Sundance. The Twitterati figured what a real geek was.
