Today we learned that our favorite college English lit professor was just in it for the money! Or rather, for the opportunity to research, write and publish. All those college professors never cared about us at all! Oh, the heartbreak. One commenter put his English education to use in a convenient little explanation:
Today we were exposed to some excellent literature—literature in the form of Muffie Potter Aston's diary. Tres chic! While we learned all about the various Birkin bags dear Muffykins owns, we were not told what the good lady keeps inside her leather year-of-tuition-at-a-good-college-with-straps. One commenter has the…
Today we learned that Rick Perry, everybody's favorite bumbling bumpkin from Texas, is not quite done making a fool of hisself. Fortunately for Perry, he has a frantic team of PR people waiting in the wings to apologize for his inevitable mishaps. One commenter was kind enough to send us today's statement:
Today we learned that some teachers get away with murder. Or at the very least, masturbation. And the fact that this teacher was teaching at a Christian school? Fuggedabouit! It's the perfect crime. One commenter at least, was paying attention during his Sunday school lessons and was able to make a nice little…
Today we learned that it is always a good idea to keep your work email and your personal email separate. Nothing good has ever come from mixing the two, and the sooner former White House chief of staff and current mayor of Chicago Rahm Emanuel learns this, the better.
Today we learned that love is complicated. It's especially complicated if you're a gay penguin in a happy, healthy partnership and you're forced to do it with a lady penguin. Therapy for years! Or maybe Buddy and Pedro should consider their legal rights.
Today we learned that Occupy Wall Street is one collective petri dish. Whether it's the flu or tuberculosis, there's no denying that protesters in both New York and Atlanta are coming down with something gross. While cold temperatures and disgusting living conditions are probably to blame, one commenter smells a rat.…
Today we learned that director Darren Aronofsky and his dark little mind are most effective when used to create public service announcements. One commenter came forward as the star of one such PSA:
Today we learned that there are many, many things that can go wrong during sex. Many more than 13! But sometimes we get so wrapped up in the article at hand that we completely miss the image that accompanies the post. One commenter demanded that we take a closer look.
Today we learned...well actually, we're still not quite sure what we learned from this image of Michelle Obama and Bubble Man John Cassidy today, but it made for a perfect impromptu caption contest. One commenter, though, blew the rest away.
Today we learned that Texas Rep. Larry Taylor is no friend of the Jews. While it is definitely not okay for anyone, let alone a public figure with a moderate amount of power to be making these kind of comments, at least good ol' Lar realized his mistake and feigned some backpedaling. This was not the case for one…
Today we were saddened by the news that Hollywood's days are numbered. Ryan Seacrest, a renowned lover of vaginas the world over, is in talks to produce a film. The entertainment industry is simply not built for such a horror show and Hollywood will burn straight to the ground. But what will Hollywood's last flick be…
Today we learned that Julian Assange, everyone's favorite long-haired leaker, was denied appeal against extradition to Sweden. This is very bad news for Julian because it is in Sweden that he faces those sexual assault charges he's been trying to wriggle and writhe his way out of. One commenter eloquently captured his…
Today we learned of some unfortunate news: Ben Gibbard and Zooey Deschanel, football fanatics and King and Queen of the college Greek system, have parted ways. But how does a two-year marriage between two such quirky creatures come to an end? One commenter was there when the split happened.
Today we learned that the shock of hair that is Rick Perry is "a doer, not a talker"! Ah, the power and resonance of that phrase. It is only a matter of time before those immortal words wind up etched into the side of the McDonald's by your house. But what, we wonder, is it like to watch a genius at work? One…
Today we learned that Lifetime's crown jewel, America's Next Top Model, is bringing us a très chic scent. But what could "Dream Come True" possibly smell like? One commenter knows the make-up of the powerful fragrance.
Today we learned something that most of us probably already knew: Starbucks bathrooms are vile garbage cans full of semen and shit. But it's not all fun and games for the ambitious Starbucks defiler; some have lofty goals and dreams like the serial masturbator named Mister PeePee who's taken to Twitter to share his…
Early this morning, we conducted a brief interview with James Franco's ass. Hard-hitting stuff. But what do his other parts have to say? One commenter got the press release.
Today we learned that the Halloween candy you give out says as much about you as your choice of costume. Kids can be judgmental and unforgiving little ghouls and it's best not to disappoint them by giving them something healthy and stupid like carob. One commenter, however, shares a charming little New England…
Today we heard a funny/sorta creepy story about a woman who got a sexy note from a TSA agent who found her vibrator. Yay!/Yikes! Any other fun, less potentially unsettling, TSA stories? Why yes.
