Gawker: we're all gonna die

Giuliani: The Candidate Who Will Shoot You

Pareene — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 16:00:03 EST

In an attempt to terrify its native readers, UK paper The Guardian is showing brief documentary films on the American Presidential Primaries. This one on Rudy Giuliani features an interview with noted Giuliani-hater Wayne Barrett and brief chats with Giuliani fans welcoming their savior at a New Hampshire meet-and-greet. In this clip, a red-shirted gentleman insists that what we really need is a candidate who's not afraid to shoot you in the goddamn face. Head over to The Grauniad to see the whole thing, including a promise from the New Hampshire State Co-Chair of Veterans for Rudy that their guy's the only one with the wherewithal to combat "the rise of the Muslims." Tremble in your sandals, Old Europe! We just might elect this nut!

True Giuliani [The Guardian]

White House: Terrorists Will Destroy Us Unless We Keep Killing People

abalk — Wed, 18 Jul 2007 15:50:44 EDT

So after doing the "soft opening" thing for a couple of weeks, the government's "Terrorists Are Coming To Kill You, Part IV: The Reckoning," is ready for wide release! Yesterday the White House brought out its National Intelligence Estimate on the threat of terror. Guess what? We're all gonna die! How'd it happen? Basically, the continuing war in Iraq has provided a breeding ground for people who want to kill us. Meanwhile, over in Pakistan, the poor leadership of self-installed President Pervez Musharraf has allowed al-Qaeda there (as opposed to al-Qaeda in Iraq, who are also no slouches when it comes to blowing people up) to regain strength. Why are we hearing about this now? The Times has a theory!

The White House denied that the report was timed to the Senate debate. But the administration controls the timing of such releases and the truth is that fear of terrorism is the only shard remaining of Mr. Bush's justification for invading Iraq.
This administration has never hesitated to play on fear for political gain, starting with the first homeland security secretary, Tom Ridge, and his Popsicle-coded threat charts. It is a breathtakingly cynical ploy, but in the past it has worked to cow Democrats into silence, if not always submission, and herd Republicans back onto the party line.

Could this administration really be that cynical? Well, sure. But what if there's another motive? What if Michael Chertoff's gut is acting on the knowledge that there will be another terrorist attack on American soil and there's nothing we can do about it? Maybe they're just trying to cover their asses so that later on they can say, "Well, we told you so?"

Incompetence or prevarication? We don't hold a lot of faith in the Bush team, but these are two of the few things we think they can manage simultaneously. Maybe we will go crap our pants in fear now! And then shopping; mustn't forget to shop. Good for the economy, etc.

The Politics of Fear [NYT]

Are You Cowering In Fear About Terror Yet?

abalk — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 13:15:16 EDT

Here's the poll they're running over at the "Today Show"'s website this morning. It's a good question, although it seems a little too vaguely-worded to result in a real scientific measurement of the country's level of concern. We've come up with our own survey; please let us know how you feel.

"A new top-level intelligence assessment ...

abalk — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 08:55:42 EDT

"A new top-level intelligence assessment concludes that the al-Qaida terrorist network has rebounded and is at its greatest strength since the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks, U.S. officials said Wednesday." Which means what, they've got access to box cutters again? This just keeps getting better. [A.P.]

Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff ...

abalk — Wed, 11 Jul 2007 11:25:57 EDT

Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff has a "gut feeling" that the U.S. is going to suffer a terror attack this summer. Considering that this is the same gut that failed to anticipate a major, well-predicted hurricane, we should probably be a little concerned. [McClatchy-Tribune]

Welcome Back, Bubonic Plague!

abalk2 — Tue, 22 May 2007 11:01:02 EDT

We woke up this morning in an unusually cheerful mood. Perhaps it was the pleasant weather, perhaps the Zoloft was finally kicking in. Either way, we whistled a happy tune (AC/DC's "There's Gonna Be Some Rockin'") as we walked to the Gawker offices and, for the first time in ages, felt somehow serene. Then we found out that the bubonic plague was back.

A Denver Zoo monkey has died of bubonic plague, apparently after eating a squirrel stricken with the disease, Colorado health and zoo officials said on Monday.
Five squirrels and a rabbit found dead on zoo grounds tested positive for the flea-borne disease in recent weeks, Denver Zoo spokeswoman Ana Bowie said.

Zookeepers on May 15 noticed the 8-year-old hooded capuchin monkey was lethargic, and the next day it was found dead in its enclosure. Zoo veterinarians sent tissue samples to a state laboratory where it was determined the animal died of the plague. The death was announced on Monday.

Zoo officials are quick to point out that the risk of humans contracting the plague is extremely rare, but that's what they would say, isn't it? Maybe we're just pessimists by nature, or maybe it's that we finally saw 28 Months Later last night, but we're pretty sure the immediate future is full of marauding bands of zombies terrorizing the remaining survivors until their lust for human flesh is sated and we all become a pile of rotting corpses and the earth, free at last of its most destructive species, finally exhales in a great silence. Anyway, if you've got drinks plans anytime in June, you might want to reschedule.

Monkey dead from bubonic plague in Denver [Reuters]