The Week We Fire Walked With Bristol Palin

• So. No one (besides Ken Layne, who'd happily called her "America's Hottest Governor" some time ago and then forgotten all about it) had heard of this "Sarah Palin" character before, until last Friday. And now, would you look at that, 121k views. We talked about her all week, multiple times a day. Just click there and read all of it and feel ashamed of yourself, and us.
• Oh, also we talked about Gossip Girl.
• Oh, and Barack Obama is drunk, because he is Irish.
• We made fun of the New York Sun's crazy intern policy (which is really only marginally crazy, right?), and then we felt bad because they promptly (almost) folded. And then we made fun of them again!
• Meet the new class! And the other new class! You will not like either of them.
• Us—they're just like us! (As is Elle.)
• We love Peggy Noonan! We hate every other writer in New York.
• This truly was a week to make you love America. Possible first lady Cindy McCain maybe doesn't know who this Roe person is and why they're against wading. Olympic champion Michael Phelps is grabby. Seth Rogen is not allowed to receive simulated oral sex. Etc.

The Week Steve Jobs Died

• Marc Jacobs is god, Amy Sacco is forgotten, Tucker Max is Tucker Max.
• Famous people—they have opinions! Sometimes even when they're only microfamous! Also they don't need flacks anymore.
• Kids: fucking cute.
• On TV this week: Obama is a terrorist. Also Rich people. We are so post-all of that. Except for Gossip Girl.
• Plus MSNBC! They've been so much fun this week, with their fighting and carrying on and Rachel Maddow.
• Anna Wintour's still got it!
• Do you have coke? Good news: you will get laid!
• Correction: Steve Jobs is not dead, yet.
• Holiday weekend! Your weekend editor Ian will be stopping in for half-days tomorrow and Sunday, and we go dark on Monday, to celebrate the gains made by workers so many years ago that have been steadily pissed away by succeeding generations.

The Week That Killed Sex

The Week We Felt the Thrill of Victory... and the Agony of Defeat

The Week of Assholes

• John Edwards: asshole. (Like all politicians.)
• Tucker Max: asshole. (Like all dudes named "Tucker.")
• Olympics: Awesome and gay!
• Montauk Monster: Government leaking falsified info that it's a "hoax" to distract you from the TERRIFYING TRUTH.
• Nipples.

The Week We Were All Terrorist Fist-Bumped

• We found Banksy!
• We discovered the terrible secret of Madonna!
• This happened.
• We came in your ear.
• We didn't sell our kids.
• Hasn't the damn Bohemian Grove story been written ten thousand times already? Whatever.
• Also there was this.
• Maybe we should go into television? Or hey we hear you can't go wrong in newspapers!
• Oh, and this is still going on.
• Everyone is a Nazi.
• If you do enough drugs, someday you might get a plum gig at the Times! Or you will end up on a Digg-bait listicle.
• Oh, right. A magazine printed a funny cartoon. It upset Wolf Blitzer. And maybe others? We wrote more lists. Then racism got solved, the end.
• The culture was is over. Begun, the comment wars have. Soon the monsters will eat us so whatever. We need to get to a barbecue. INOCHI!

The Week We Were Overwhelmed By the World's Problems

• Hooray summer! Hooray vindictive flacks! And their flack friends! And enemies! And their odd vendettas!
• Hooray also for the new website that will make our research so much easier!
• Lara Logan is having a baby, Bill O'Reilley is having a disinigenuous tantrum. Madonna is having sex.
• The gay Jews didn't even notice that lesbian!
• The following people should go to jail: Dennis Kneale, Elle photoshoppers, Gawker readers.
• We cannot actually believe this is for real but it is and we love it.
• What the hell are we talking about? Now you know!
• Jesse Jackson wants to castrate Barack Obama. Have you heard? Also he maybe said more stuff but maybe he didn't? It's hard to tell with all the other lies and veiled threats these days.
• We said NUTS to the New York Times.
• Who are the worst people in the world? Either TMZ or TMZ commenters.
• No fatties.
• Someone's coming to adopt Keith Gessen's cat tomorrow! And now the truth can be told: we almost guilted Choire into taking it.

The Week We Broke the Budget

• Rafaello Follieri was friends with Ron Burkle was friends with Bill Clinton and Jeffrey Epstein, who is in jail. Whee.
• The Jews don't want you to watch that video about how they run the whole country. So they forced the baseball player to hang out with the singer lady to DISTRACT YOU.
• Alum report: former editor Thayer Core, after stints at the Observer, New York, and Radar, has just sold his book, And They All Say Candace Bushnell Sucks In the End (Whatever), to Gotham Books for a zillion dollars.
• Did you hear about how CBS reporter Lara Logan once had sex with a guy and then had sex with another guy? Then you are part of the problem.
• Crap voicemails from a dad.
• So. We don't like Donald Trump or Harvey Weinstein or middle-aged dudes in general, actually. Some of us do like Ryan Adams. (Some of us.) (Fire Sheila.)
• Maybe we should like Harvey Weinstein, though—after all, because of him, we may get to see Gwyneth Paltrow do the Turkey Lurkey dance.
• The internet is full of euphemistic jargon, just like the rest of everything. Anyway, we're all getting adjustments for Christmas!
• Happy 3rd of July! No Gawker tomorrow, and the weekend ought to be slow—Ian Spiegelman is off, working on a scheme to break into a Florida county prison in order to personally shiv Jeffrey Epstein. Hooray Independence! See you next week!

The Week This Stuff Still Hurt, Even Though We Are Millionaires

• This week, not only did we retain control of the internet, but we actually expanded our reach.
  
• Unlike some people, though, we're man enough to admit when we're wrong. We were not wrong once this week.
  
• While we partied with Keith Gessen, a young billionaire had like the lamest house party ever. Not since we learned that Katy Perry doesn't believe in kissing a girl before gay marriage have we been so disappointed in the famous.
  
• How does one get work in this crazy town? Is everyone in New York actually like that? Brother, you don't even want to know.
  
• Fight! Fight! Fight!
  
• America is leaving Barack Obama some sexy, sexy voicemails.
  
• Everyone is such a pussy these days! Except dreamy Lara Logan, who does and says whatever the fuck she wants.
  
• Important internet research! We could write the book on it.
  
• It seriously was one of the most servicey weeks we've had in some time.

The Week We Made Our Own News

• There wasn't any news this week so we watched a lot of tv and laughed.
• A mole disappeared along with a bullshit title.
• We held contests! Who is the hottest white person and what should we call him? Him and this.
• Keith Olbermann Tim Russert Page Six Rupert Murdoch Bill O'Reilly Chris Matthews.
• Things got ugly and an asshole did not get whatever is coming to him.
• Robert Cox sends letters. We called him a nerd, but he set the record straight: he is a tool. Now we don't get to be in his club. :(
• Death. Birth. Re-birth.
• We dug deep into the archives in search of media bitchery of all kinds.
• There was some investigative reporting and everything.

The Week We Refused to Loosen Our Viselike Death-grip on the Internet

• This week everyone went INSANE.The comments, the editors, other bloggers, noted literary geniuses, everyone. It was that heat wave! Anyway. There were lists and frivolity. Sexy anchors and racist anchors.
• Fox News said terrible things about Barack Obama and his wife. We said terrible things about Bill Clinton.
• Also some future-phone from the future came out, again, except no one can have one.
• The genius behind The Lady in the Lake is a prick! Who know? No one knew, because no one went to see his last three movies.
• Maybe from now on we'll plot the Week in Review on a matrix of some kind. (Total Suck rip-off, btw!)
• Who is bothering to try to convince anyone of anything these days? The answer is ALWAYS viral marketers. Lock them all up, we say.
• What's wrong with this logo? What was wrong with John McCain's first wife? What's wrong with spilling something on Frank Bruni?
• What's up with Shia The Beef? Seriously, what is his deal?
• Keith Gessen, we will give you back the internet when you TAKE BACK THIS KITTEN.
• Go Bills.

The Week We Climbed Too Close to the Sun

• America's cool uncle is the next president, unless the one who wants to burn babies wins. Here is a chart about that lady who was running.
• Oh, and that lady's husband? He had a rough week. Because he runs with a rough crowd. These are the sort of people we are trying to warn you about, readers!
• We were full of warnings this week! Here is what not to do when you are famous and do drugs. For a better example of damage control, look to that girl from The Bad News Bears.
• First, French Spiderman did it. Then, Brooklyn Malaria Guy. He was less popular. But we all learned an important lesson, about being yourself, and also architecture.
• Some newspapers were amazed that a black man is not roundly despised. Though obviously Barack Obama is no Spike Lee.
• Some people are over.
• How to steal. Always good to know.
• This is the dead land
  This is cactus land
  Here the stone images
  Are raised, here they receive
  The supplication of a dead man’s hand
  Under the twinkle of a fading star.

The Week Some Movie Came Out

• Some nut and his nutty wife are trying to buy the New York Times. We revealed the nuttiness.
  
• Some people are gay, other people are not gay. But at the end of the day, everyone is gay. Also trannies.
  
• Liar!
  
• We met and witnessed the humiliation of Reggie Love.
  
• Also we all did drugs with President Bush and some dude from Wired. Magic fruit! Everwhere!
  
• Also everywhere: bedbugs!
  
• ALSO everywhere: Barack Obama! In dignified black and white.
  
• We were all nice to China. Some people were mean to Arianna Huffington.
  
• Photos of young television stars! Racism! Cancer! Terrorism!
  
• Yes, and that delightful film about those ladies. Just click here. Christ.

The Week We DID IT LIVE

• Everyone: still gay. Especially theft victim Marc Jacobs. But now they can marry! As most conservatives fear, the gays will probably marry their iPhones.
  
• People gave speeches. Other people drank, sometimes alone.
  
• Someone who works for the Wall Street Journal is something of a cad.
  
• Everyone hates Sex and the City! Except the billions of people who will see it.
  
• What the fuck were we doing, anyway? It's time a journalist asked the tough questions. Like are there words on the teleprompter? And should we do it live? Yes. Yes, we should.
  
• Your day editor probably owes Richard Blakeley a drink.

The Week Obama Won the Internet

• Everyone hates Priya Venkatesan and everyone wants to bone David Willey.
  
• Some of us have never even seen this show but still, wtf.
  
• The blogs will save New York as they destroy it from the inside.
  
• Matt Drudge threw Hillary Clinton under the blogs. Barack Obama is your new man now, dog. There will be stickers.
  
• Star Jones is mean, but no longer fat. Lindsay Lohan is clean, but no longer... well, she's probably not actually clean.
  
• Why doesn't the Times tell us what she really thinks?
  
• Wednesday was a terrible, terrible day for America.
  
• Bloggers are in trouble. Also they're gullible.
  
• Things are bad at Hachette. And in West Virginia. And maybe on 30 Rock?
  
• Gross.