In one of the most compelling ledes ever written, a Tuesday Metro story begins:

Two new breeds of dirty old dogs have been added to the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show before the organization's February competition while, for the one hundred thirty sixth straight year, humans on walking on hands and knees remain banned from competing.

A Pekingese named Malachy won Best in Show at the 136th Westminster Kennel Club dog show Tuesday night, beating out the breed of dog you have even though it's obvious that that breed is the one that should have won.

Meet Hickory, the Scottish Deerhound that is the first of his breed to win the Westminster title of Best in Show in the dog show's 135 years of existence.

See? It doesn't have to be all snark and sass, all the time. This adorable little beagle named Uno won Best in Show. He got a standing ovation at Madison Square Garden. Click to see the puppy!