"While daily bathroom showers provide invigorating relief and a good cleansing for millions of Americans, they also can deliver a face full of potentially pathogenic bacteria..." [Science Daily]

Pigeons might not be able to tell you what good art is, but they do know it when they see it, according to a Japanese psychologist who trains avian critics.

People often talk trash about guilt. For example, one might say, "Oh, you know me and my Jewish guilt." Well, such people should be happy they have such a thing, for it stops them from becoming unruly maniacs....

Science: Summer heat makes people violent. Alcoholics use summertime as an excuse to drink. Evolution makes us see monsters everywhere. There really are glowing green monsters in the ocean. Arguing gives kids headaches. Social rejection hurts physically. Science!

It is time to ban candle-burning in restaurants, bars, hospitals, and other workplaces: they give you cancer. Experts have proven it with science!

Scientists who were definitely All Fucked Up have found the long-sought treatment that soothes troubled heroin addicts: Heroin.

Wet-brained scientists have discovered that long-term alcoholics may misread the emotional cues that people project with their facial expressions. And how!

Scientists have finally pinned down the gene mutation that allows two peculiar superhuman women to function on a mere 6.5 hours of sleep per night. One day that could be you! [NYT]

Ready to start the week off on a down note? Yes?! Well, consider this: all of that time and money you invest in gym memberships and personal trainers may actually be useless in regards to losing weight/staying slim!

The gays! They're out there, being painfully gay, and this offends some folks, including some of the very gays who're out there being gay! For this reason, some gays attempt to convert to straightdom, which science now says is ridiculous.

Apparently, mind-doctors are still using the Rorschach Test to diagnose the vapors, hysteria, and brain disequilibrium in their patients. And they're hopping mad, because Wikipedia has published the answers.

Actual chewing gum scientists have determined that chewing is good for you! But only the chewing of gum. Non-gum scientists have determined that people chewing too much bacon are breaking our health care system.

After torturing rhesus monkeys for decades with extremely low-calorie diets, scientists have finally proven that eating less can help primates (you) live longer. And the United States of America has proven that eating more kills you quick. Related: Donut Wars!!

College: where drunk kids are guinea pigs for social science. The funnest college-kid studies involve race, because they make everyone uncomfortable! Now comes a new study of interracial college roommates that proves we're all terrible. A racial breakdown:

You should stop smoking, doctors say. Here, we have medications to help you stop, doctors say. But oh—these medications could make you kill yourself. What the hell is science good for?

In the cave man days, everyone wanted to be fat, because fat represented valuable stored calories. Now nobody wants to be fat, because it makes you die faster, and you'll never be a sexxx icon. What changed? Science knows!

Great White Sharks are exactly like Jeffrey Dahmer except they have fins and swim in the ocean and use their jagged gaping jaws as weapons, says a new report from scientists who were never heard from again.

You, the sweaty awkward one: you look like the type that desperately justifies your daily drinking. Science says it's good for your heart or your mind or something, right? Wrong! Lush!

10% of Americans still believe Barack Obama is a Muslim. And here is the fun bit: a new study suggests that attempts to correct that misperception only reinforce it.

Harvard has looked at the data and two studies have reached an unavoidable conclusion: Self-absorbed loudmouth guys have overrun Twitter like no other place on the internet. You probably figured. But now there are numbers.