Gawker: what women want

HuffPo Hires Dude to Tell Ladies What They Want

John Cook — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 13:26:20 EDT

Internet mogul Arianna Huffington thinks female sadness is a growing problem, so she's brought on a blogger to teach women how to "live richer, more purposeful, and, yes, happier lives." And he's a man, so he really knows his stuff.

In a bizarre "blog" clearly written by one of her interns, Huffington has announced a new series of "blogs" by Marcus Buckingham, a poor-man's Tony Robbins who wrote a book called Find Your Strongest Life (and then what—end all your other, weaker lives?), aimed at combating the epidemic of ladysadness. Not clinical depression, not suicide, not deteriorating quality-of-life measures—just sadness:

According to study after study, women are becoming more and more unhappy. This drop in happiness is found in women across the social and economic landscape. It doesn't matter what their marital status is, how much money they make, whether or not they have children, their ethnic background, or the country they live in. Women around the world are in a funk.

Anyway, be-funked women of the world, don't fear. Marcus Buckingham, a man, knows what's wrong with you and how to fix it.

If you'd rather get your life-happiness advice from a woman, though, we've distilled some important steps to happiness by closely observing how Huffington herself achieved her beatific perch:

1) Marry a gay oil millionaire.

2) Join a cult.

3) Hang out with Newt Gingrich and write for the National Review.

4) Suck up to celebrities by telling them you are interested in their "ideas."

5) Ditch the gay dude and Gingrich, engage in a public and inexplicable ideological reversal, and start a web site where people write for free.

6) Have interns do everything for you, including write vague "blogs" about the latest shiftless guru you've met at party somewhere who will be writing for free on said blog.

For Mel Gibson, the First Step of Celebrity Rehab is to Bully Octo-Mom

Richard Lawson — Tue, 26 May 2009 10:02:24 EDT

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.What does one pop culture horrorshow do when he wants to publicly mock another, even more terrifying pop culture horrorshow? He goes on the soon-disappearing Jay Leno show. Today we have drunken Judaica scholar Mel Gibson vs. horrifying swamp breeder, Nadya 'Octomom' Suleman.

Gibson was on the Tonight Show last night and confirmed the existence of his new bastard son, his eighth child. "I guess that makes me 'Octo-Mel'", he sputtered amusingly. Then he stretched out his lips to emulate the crazy, collagened Suleman. And the audience roared.

So we'll forgive the blotto religious zealots, but not the bloat-o fame zealots. Because only one of them gave us Tequlia Sunrise. Only one.

How to Get Into Anne Hathaway's Pants: 'Vaccinate Some Kids, Build a House'

STV — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 14:05:00 EDT

Beyond the impressively reported (if eye-glazing) details of Raffaello Follieri's shady dealings with everyone from the Catholic Church to Ron Burkle, the accused con man and Holy Beancounter's lengthy profile in the new issue of Vanity Fair features essential insights into how one might court his ex Anne Hathaway. For starters, thick Italian charm and a dozen roses go a long way to balance out being an hour late for your first date. Manhattan penthouses are OK, and six-figure vacations are especially sexy — especially those including an audience with the Pope and/or a stiffed host suing to collect rental fees. Forget all that, though; at the end of the day, nothing gets Hathaway hotter than a humanitarian:

The trips were dazzling, but Hathaway was apparently more impressed by Follieri’s desire to start a foundation to help poor children in developing countries. He created the Follieri Foundation and started organizing a campaign to inoculate Latin-American children against hepatitis A. “My boyfriend is incredible in a lot of ways,” Hathaway told Harper’s Bazaar, “but when it comes to his charity … One of the most untouted aphrodisiacs in the world is charity work. Seriously, you want a girl to be impressed, vaccinate some kids, build a house.”

This could be a tremendous break for Josh Lucas, who Life & Style reports was among Hathaway's closest chums at the recent Democratic National Convention in Denver. His liberal creds confirmed and her fear of Obama overcome, they took the important step of attending a star-studded party for the National Apartment Association, an affordable-housing advocacy group whose little-known, ultra-exclusive "Platinum Club" was rumored to among Follieri's principal causes back in the good old days at Trump Tower. Second base can't be far behind.

The Follieri Charade [VF]