Caution: Video opens on a close shot of an extremely dead cow.

A Johannesburg resident was still in intensive care today — several days after being gored by a rhino while on a game drive through the Aloe Ridge nature reserve in Muldersdrift.

Oregon Zoo's resident baby-eating lioness Kya attempts to devour little Jack, who is "coincidentally" wearing a zebra-themed outfit.

Moral of the story: never turn your back on a kangaroo.

The audience at First Baptist Church in West Palm Beach, Florida, were watching their Christmas spectacular, when a camel fell on several pews full of people. The animal will probably be put down for fighting the War on Christmas.

The driver of a New Zealand train last week was surprised to find a cute house cat stowed away on board. When he approached, the cat viciously attacked him, sending the driver to the hospital and shutting down the train.

A hiker in Washington's Olympic National Park was gored to death by a mountain goat while picnicking on Saturday. The goat was notoriously aggressive, and park rangers had been "hazing" the animal for years by shooting it with bean bags.

If you need a reminder that wild animals are, in fact, wild, here it is. Watch as a pride of lions at Ukraine's L'viv Circus attack their helpless trainer—who survived, thankfully—during a recent routine gone awfully, horribly awry.

You're all familiar with the song, "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer," right? Well, life has decided to imitate art: watch as this poor Finnish woman falls victim to a randy Rudolph (or Connor, of Vixen, or whomever).

Sun Valley Idaho's star cop, a 5-year-old German shepherd named Dax, was suspended last month for attacking a small schnauzer. Police Chief Cameron Daggett said that after some time off duty, "Dax will be receiving more training."

First it was Beverly Hills Chihuahua and now live-action shooting Guinea pig schlockfest G-Force wins at the box office. Before Hollywood OKs 19 talking animal movies, will someone please remind them about Kangaroo Jack? [EW]