Fuchs was reportedly at a party early Sunday morning when the elevator he was in stalled. Newsday reports:

As Fuchs attempted to jump out of the elevator and onto an adjacent floor, the hood of his sweatshirt got caught on a piece of the elevator, causing him to fall five stories to the bottom of the elevator shaft, according to the police report.

Fuchs—who was once in a band with Businessweek media reporter Jon Fine—was a beloved guy in the Williamsburg music scene, and has already inspired eulogies everywhere from Chunklet to the L Magazine to the New York Times.

Besides Williamsburg musicians, the following people in New York wear hoodies: Everybody. Stay safe, everyone.

[Pics: Myspace]

Stop the Custom American Wine and Tapas Bar from getting a liquor license, or there goes the neighborhood! "Opponents say the wine and tapas bar will attract binge drinking frat boys and gang violence." Really, they said that?

"We are trying to prevent gang activity in the neighborhood," said Luis Santiago, who said he was representing tenants from 232 Metropolitan Ave. "Opening this restaurant with beer and liquor, with teenagers already going crazy here, it's going to be an even bigger issue. I don't think it's a good idea for there to be tables and a cafe out on the sidewalk."

Ahaha. Yes. Wine, tapas, and outdoor cafe tables? Why not just put up a big sign that says "Free Machine Guns With Proof of Latin Kings Membership?" The landlord, though, made some good points of his own:

The hearing was frequently heated, with the owner of the building, Dobrivoye Filipovich, getting tossed after calling a staffer for Councilwoman Diana Reyna "a drug dealer" and branding [wine bar opponent] Wechter a "criminal."

There is no possible outcome of this dispute that would not make Williamsburg become slightly more annoying.
[Brooklyn Paper via Grub Street. Pic via]

See, one is the World's Fastest Nudist and the other one is "The Radical," who I found funnier than I would really care to admit. Technically it'll take one more street-running nudist dude in Williamsburg to make an Official Trend, but why wait? Get running, bored pervs!

Though I once swore I would never do such a thing, I'm about to move to Williamsburg. It's tragic, yes, but I have no choice: relationships do that to you.

Anyway, it was once cool to hate on all of the upper-class lowlifes who populate the area and appropriated white trash style, but that set has been neutralized by babies and real jobs. But, sadly, there's a new crop. And they're even worse!

Now that that generation has grown up and many of us thought — or hoped — that the hipster nightmare had ended, but that was simply naive. There's now a new generation of post-grad masses and, if you can believe it, they're sporting something even more disgusting than von Dutch fashions: a rattail. (And, yes, even its spelling's annoying.)

Once the hairstyle of choice for rednecks and unwashed losers, the rattail has found new life in New York City's cheaper boroughs. And it must stop! Rattails are a threat to America — and not just for the negative aesthetic value.

This nation, however maligned, remains an international beacon, and it's up to the country's youth to maintain the world's US-loving order. Rattails do no such thing. They make the country look weak and hickish. And weak, hickish countries get invaded. Just look at Iraq.

So, if America falls, it's your fault, bedraggled, so-called ironic hipster. If you ever cared about this once great nation, get a real haircut and stop embarrassing your parents – and the rest of us. If you hate this country, carry on and trust that we will file well-deserved treason charges. You've been warned.

Image via woodsm's flickr.

A photographer named Zach Hyman likes to take nude photos of ladies in public, for art, and that's just what he did on the L train last month, causing a conniption amongst some of the more delicately constituted passengers, but this is what you come to New York for so just go back to Ohio why don't you? Also this is the L train. Take note.

"People see a naked woman and they smile," [Zach] said. "They see a penis and they freak out."

Lo, that we may live to see the day when New Yorkers are free to flash peen on the subway at any time without uptight losers "freaking out!"

This story brought to you, as always, by the NYP's Justin Rocket Silverman, vigilantly covering the vagina beat. With his hands, if necessary.

[Pic: Chair and the Maiden]

• "Well judging from that picture, he'll fit right in!"
• "All those heroin-addicted hobo squatters make Williamsburg just like a war zone. He'll feel right at home!"
• "All those rusting hulks of empty buildings make Williamsburg just like a war zone. He'll feel right at home!"
• "We hope a puking pug dog on the L train doesn't trigger his PTSD!"
• "Ware once had a fling with Lara Logan but he better not let Lara Logan visit him in Williamsburg or a dirty hipster might steal Lara Logan away because she is sexy and probably likes dirty hipster sex!"
• "Eh."

Frankly, this may have been the most entertaining segment on Larry King Live since the fossilized lizard himself gave Marlon Brando a handjob on the air. Between Griffin's steady barrage of sexual innuendo, thinly veiled references to post-date Levi-banging, combined with Levi's seemingly endless "aw shucks" blushes and sheepish grins, this was fun television from beginning to end. Long live Kathy and Levi. May the white-hot flame of their love never be extinguished.

Residents of Williamsburg—Still looking to pick up some street cred to enhance their hardcore quotient? Well, now you've got it! Williamsburg is rapidly turning into Alphabet City circa 1979.

Heroin-addict hobos from around the country are overrunning hipster haven Williamsburg - living in stalled luxury condo projects in the trendy Brooklyn neighborhood.

The squatters, from middle-class families, hop freight trains to the city, where they can earn up to $150 a day panhandling in Manhattan. At night, like plenty of other borough commuters, they return to their homes: grubby hideaways inside boarded-up lots that pock the once-booming neighborhood.

"I've got to sleep somewhere, and I might as well do it in Williamsburg," said Stuart, 22, a Florida college dropout.

The admitted alcoholic and heroin user makes $15 an hour panhandling in Union Square, holding a sign that reads "Traveling Broke and Sexy."

"The girls here like it that I'm dirty and I ride trains," he added.

Ha! We never really thought of it in this way, but Williamsburg has to be one of the few places in the country where "hobos" can get ass from non-prostitutes on the regular. Really, if you're a girl who's turned on by the whole homeless heroin addict look, might as well bang the real deal if it's available to you rather than someone who's just pretending, right? We imagine that a real homeless heroin addict walking into a bar in Williamsburg is just like the real Tucker Max walking into a kegger at Arizona State. The world is your slimy oyster.

Punks Invade Williamsburg as Heroin-Addicted Hobos Set Up Shop in Trendy Brooklyn Neighborhood [Daily News]

Anyone who's walked around Williamsburg lately can see the painful signs of a busted bubble. New developments sit virtually vacant. New building constructions have stopped cold with the landscape of the area littered with semi-constructed buildings. We already knew things were bad, but we had no idea that things were this bad.

With sales across Brooklyn down a staggering 57 percent from a year ago, Williamsburg, with its high density of new construction, has taken on an ominous disposition. Walk down virtually any block and you'll come across an amenity-laden building that sits nearly empty: relics of a moment in history that seems, increasingly, like a fever dream.

Most unsettling are the cases of the developers who seem to have vanished, leaving behind so many vacant lots and half-completed buildings-eighteen, to be precise, more than can be found in all of the Bronx-that large swaths of the neighborhood have come to resemble a city after an air raid.

All over the city, overleveraged developers have seen their projects stymied by the recession, but the highly speculative nature of what's happened in Williamsburg stands out as exceptionally dramatic and misguided-New York's version of the collapsing exurban "boomburgs" in Florida and Arizona.

Oh but wait—This is only the beginning!

Part of what makes the present situation so dire is that it is still in the early stages of unfolding. There are already about 400 new apartments on the market in Williamsburg, and additional condos are completing construction every month. According to a study (Real estate broker David) Maundrell released last month, 2,818 new apartments will have hit the market by the end of this year, with another 2,766 projected by the end of 2010. On top of this, Fannie Mae, the country's most dominant home-mortgage lender, recently implemented a policy requiring that buildings be 70 percent in contract before guaranteeing mortgages, thus delaying the moment when a developer can stop covering the taxes and common charges on a finished project.

The writer of New York's massive piece, David Amsden, took some time to visit a few of the new developments in the neighborhood.

I made my way to a building called Warehouse 11, on the corner of Roebling and North 11th Streets. Marketed by David Maundrell, the building has 120 total units (plus the requisite yoga center, playroom, parking garage, 24-hour concierge, gym, and communal sundeck). While the model apartment seemed an appealing enough place to live, there was something generally off about the building as a whole: Despite having been on the market since early 2008, only 30 percent of the units were in contract, and it was clear that construction wasn't complete. The list prices, too, were significantly higher than comparable products, as if the developer had not been informed about the current state of the economy. A few weeks later, I noticed the front doors of the lobby had been padlocked shut. The process of foreclosure had begun.

Looking at the bright side, we suppose all of these vacant new developments will lead to some awesome squatting opportunities for the hipster looking to enhance his or her hardcore street cred. We look forward to having our tips line flooded with ridiculous Williamsburg hipster squatting stories for years to come!

The Billyburg Bust [New York]
Pic via Look At This Fucking Hipster

First, it should be noted that any New Yorker in their right mind wouldn't be caught in tourist trap CPK; sure, they have decent salads, if you want pear and Gorgonzola on your pizza, they have it, and if you work on Park in the 30s, it's a great place to go, I guess. That being said, the Page Six reports issues with Ruthie's dining experience:

Slinking into the East Side eatery with a young female friend, she ordered a salad and white wine, but quickly got flustered. "The waiter said she was upset because she had coupons and they expired before she could use them," a witness told us, adding that several diners told the waiters they shouldn't serve her. One bit of good news for Ruth, though — she'd just learned her Ponzi-schemer hubby, Bernie Madoff, will be locked away in upstate Otisville, the prison his lawyer had requested. "I'm so glad! It's just what we wanted," she gushed to her dining companion. On her way out, one female diner shouted "Goodnight, Ruth!" The frosty-blond Madoff ignored her, but her dining partner cringed.

Emphasis mine. Really, that's kind of sweet, that she was gushing about her hubby being close to her. Maybe she's eyeing it for an investment! Their stock just went up five percent, though I don't know how much the introduction of a Cheeseburger Pizza will help them. And honestly, CPK isn't the type of company that's above serving Ruth Madoff. Seriously.

That being said, we've done Ruth the favor of highlighting some promotions that she can more than take advantage of over the next few weeks as she adjusts to her new fiscal disposition. Lucky for her, it's Restaurant Week in New York, beginning tomorrow!

Look at all of these awesome Upper East Side eateries Ruth can take advantage of in her quest to shave a little scrilla here and there! Finally, in lieu of correcting that whole Pizza/Salad debacle, she can trek out to Williamsburg, where one of New York Times soon-to-retire food critic Frank Bruni's (and my!) new favorite pizza joints resides: Motorino has a great $10 prix-fixe lunch that comes with a personal pizza AND a salad. Also, Williamsburg hipsters will no doubt enjoy the ironic cache that comes with having Ruth Madoff in your neighborhood. A win-win situation for everyone!

PIZZA PREDICAMENT FOR RUTH MADOFF [Page Six]

They were building new condos all over the 'Burg when the recession hit. Now construction has ground to a halt, as people slowly come to their senses, emerging from a boom-time daze and muttering to themselves, "Jesus, was I really about to pay $700K for a one bedroom condo one block from the BQE?" Boom, instant urban decay:

Williamsburg is ground zero in the growing scourge of stalled construction that has left the neighborhood littered with 18 vacant lots and rusting steel building frames — more than in all of The Bronx

More than in all of the Bronx. It doesn't get any more hood-like than that! This is a total free cool pass for every 21 year-old who moves to Williamsburg in the next year. "Dude," you'll tell jealous newbies as you sit in a gelato shop with them five years from now, "when I got here this place was a fucking hellhole." They'll think you mean 1992! This sort of street cred is a priceless gift.
[NYP]

Have a great week, everyone!

Here's part of what Jay Mundy had to say about a recent trip he took to the epicenter of hipster Brooklyn:

I've never seen so many sick weirdos gathered in one place. They're all doing drugs all day. They have their hair dyed and tattoos so they can't have a job so they're all living on public assistance…They love Obama and the leftists and hate police power. They're carefree people. If I lived there a day, I tell you I would be in jail for murder. Take the weirdest hippie you know, and multiply it by 1000, and that's Williamsburg.

Now, when someone sent in an email tipping us to this guy's rants on Youtube, we were immediately skeptical. The tipster claimed that he "saw it today on Youtube" when the two videos he sent links to had accumulated a total of seven views at the time, which raised some skepticism in our mind that it was actually Jay Mundy himself who was sending in the "tip" to his rant on Williamsburg. Not to mention the fact that it seems nearly impossible for someone to come off as such a Herculean cretin without putting on an act intended to spark controversy, but whatever—We figure that if this guy wants to make a fool of himself on the internet, who are we to crush his dreams?

Finally, if Jay Mundy is single, we think that he should go on a date with this girl. At the very least, they'd have plenty to talk about.

A story in Monday's New York Times details the horror.

Luis Illades, an owner of the Urban Rustic Market and Cafe on North 12th Street, said he had seen a steady number of applicants, in their late 20s, who had never held paid jobs: They were interns at a modeling agency, for example, or worked at a college radio station. In some cases, applicants have stormed out of the market after hearing the job requirements.

"They say, ‘You want me to work eight hours?' " Mr. Illades said. "There is a bubble bursting."

The economic crisis and the subsequent scaling back of hipster financial lifelines has also had a detrimental effect on the real estate market in Williamsburg, long the province of people who work diligently to cultivate the look and smell of vagrants living in boxcars laced with excrement while residing in lavish loft apartments.

Ross Weinstein, a managing partner of the Union Square Mortgage Group, has worked with hundreds of Williamsburg apartment buyers in the past two years.

"A lot of the money came from family," he said. "That piece, it's gone for a lot of people."

In the boom years, Mr. Weinstein said, 40 percent of the mortgage applications he reviewed for buyers in Williamsburg included down-payment money, from $50,000 to $300,000, from parents. About 20 percent of the applications listed investments that gave the young buyers $3,000 to $10,000 of monthly income.

Mr. Weinstein has been advising two brothers in their late 20s who wanted to buy a $700,000 apartment with $250,000 from their parents. But their parents' investment portfolio has lost so much value that they now can give only $50,000. Since the brothers make about $45,000 a year each, they are now shopping for a $500,000 apartment.

For the love of God how will these hipster brothers ever get by in a crappy $500,000 apartment? We demand that King Obama bail out the hipsters! How else will they have enough floor space for all their hipster bros from LA to crash when their band is in town to play a CMJ showcase at The Charleston? How else can they throw parties without a vacant, darkened room designated specifically for coke-snorting and sloppy blowjobs? You don't really expect them to use their bedrooms for such things, do you? This is America, dammit!

If worse comes to worse, perhaps the hipster brothers can subsidize their income with Sesame Street location fees?

Parents Pulling the Plugs on Williamsburg Trust-Funders [New York Times]

Notes our intrepid reporter:

It was on Bedford between North 4th and North 5th. The Muppet kept asking the little girl about different words, which was ridiculously cute and classically "Sesame." The Williamsburg weekend crowd - mostly outer-borough tourists - stood and watched as they took over one of the busiest pedestrian blocks in Brooklyn, without issue. Except for one older guy who walked practically right behind the shot, and screamed something along the lines of "goddamn filming!" at the little girl and the Muppet/Muppet handler. The Muppet turned to the man, raised his hand, and told him to "Have a nice day too, sir!" Everyone laughed. The skit ended with the little girl hugging the Muppet [pictured], eliciting a series of "aww" from the crowd, and applause thereafter. They then put the Muppet in a bag (somewhat traumatizing) and started shooting the girl talking into the camera.

Rumors that the segment was a preemptive lesson on the consequences of sexual subversion, theft, and deception remain unsubstantiated. Our extensive research has shown that the Muppet in question is, in fact, Murray Monster, who is noted to be "endlessly inquisitive." No word on why they chose Williamsburg (as we all know Fort Greene is the most Sesame Street-esque of Brooklyn neighborhoods in regards to friendliness and diversity), or what's in Murray Monster's personal rider, but we do know this: there are far worse things that could happen to Williamsburg besides a Muppet invasion, which, at this point, would spice up the neighborhood's culture quotient exponentially. Muppet Hugging evidence below:

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.

Related: 10 Awesome Moments From Sesame Street [Jezebel]

Hess has always been something of a freeloader, but no one (to our knowledge) has accused him of dishonesty or criminal behavior. Which makes it sad that he's reportedly been taken advantage of.

In a mass email, Hess said a friend he hadn't seen for 15 years convinced him to drive to Colorado, totaling Hess' new motorcycle in the process and almost abandoning Hess in New Mexico. Then, over the course of several months in Colorado, the friend fixed and sold of the motorcyle; allegedly funneled Hess' "old jewelry and gold and gems" to a friend; then had the truck towed to a salvage yard, which is demanding ransom.

These guys are professional scam artists and all have big criminal background and drug histories. The salvage yard we believe are also friends of these guys and they're demanding loads of money too. All my belongings are still inside the vehicle. The salvage place wants to bargain with me if I give them the vehicle title they will let me have my stuff back.

We obviously haven't verified any of this; needless to say, if true it's rather tragic. Particularly because who on Earth would want that stanky truck or this hippie's meagre remaining possessions?? Talk about your petty theft.

Full email follows.

(Top pic via Purple53.com.)

Robert Lanham author of the Hipster Handbook, and internet writing syllabi had to weigh in:

Let's assume this thing isn't a hoax or an art project by a recent Oberlin grad who thinks he's bohemian because he found bedbugs in his beard.

Do you tap the family trust fund? Do you idolize Dan Deacon? Are you SO not worried about getting swine flu 'cause that shit only happens to poor people?

They're not looking for hipsters. They're looking for entitled idiots. And wait, before you say it, I'm well aware. The terms ‘hipster' and ‘entitled idiot' have been synonyms for close to a decade now. But come on, isn't hipster rage about as tired as PBR and trucker caps? Of course there are plenty of ridiculous, pretentious idiots in Williamsburg-and New York as a whole for that matter. But would you rather be living in a stripmall in the exurbs of Richmond where alt culture consists of seeing The String Cheese Incident perform on Friday at that state-run amphitheater next to Applebees? (I'm from VA, so I can make fun). Personally, I'd rather be in a place like Williamsburg where people appreciate film, music, and fashion, even if I do have to put up with people named Unicornicopia and the neighborhood's other goofy excesses.

I hope the hipsterhood reality series is for real. That way we can pin all our hipster rage on a handful of dipshits and begin recognizing the difference between artists, people who are cool, and entitled morons. We clearly need a few sacrificial lambs and anyone who would answer that casting call is a perfect fit.

Indeed. Next up, we had to get a Jewish perspective — so often the jewish females don't get to weigh in on matters of hipster import — herewith: Rachel Shukert, currently doing more hand-wringing over her fondly-reviewed original production The Noisemaker's Apprentice, has provided an alternate version to the original recruiting pitch.

Douchebag Reality Show Made By Douchebags for Douchebags Seeks Douchebags.

Did you wake up today around 1:30 EST in your industrial loft, spend three hours in front the mirror figuring out the outfit that makes you look most like a male teenage prostitute in a Bulgarian gypsy encampment in 1981, and take a leisurely stroll down Bedford Avenue while smoking a Parliament and pretending to speak Spanish to the guys in the bodega? Do you have a tattoo that has been written up in a trend piece in the New York Times Style Section? Did you get the tattoo after the story came out? Are you simultaneously an aspiring musician, screenwriter, documentarian, filmmaker, fashion designer, and visual installation artist, while displaying no visible talent or determination in any of these fields? Did you used to be a vegan until the new Bedford Cheese Shop opened? Have you ever used your knowledge of cheese to impress a date? Does your mother give you shit about your handlebar moustache, or did you just stop talking to her?

Do you consider 25 "old age" because you've never talked a girl older than that into sleeping with you? Did you try to talk me into paying $45 for an old tie with a stain on Bedford the other day, because it was "vintage"? Are you not worried about the swine flu because it's a government conspiracy, just like 9/11? Did you make sure to wear your keffiyah when you went home for Passover? Were you recently the victim of the Hipster Grifter? Have you claimed that you were a victim of the Hipster Grifter, or told all your friends that you fucked the Hipster Grifter, even though you actually never met? Do you privately think that some of the Hipster Grifter's pick-up lines were pretty hot, and plan to try them out once the dust has settled? And most importantly, what are you going to do this summer now that everyone is actually poor?

If you live in Williamsburg, are between the ages of 18-25, and are cool with opening your doors to a camera crew (your seven roommates, their occasional sexual partners and ironically named cats will have to be cool with it too), please send us the following:

• Photo of yourself (this may be all we need)
• Five things that make you a douchebag.
• A short description of yourself and why you want to be on the show, apart from promoting your band.

haha. got you hipsters! To close it out before we let the commenters have their way with this, we close it out fem-bloggy style courtesy of Beck Sharper from Harpyness:

First of all, nothing will ever top "Hipster Olympics", which all you hipsters (and those of us who hate you) can see for free on YouTube.

This reality TV show is about 10 years past relevance, IMHO. I think the whole Williamsburg hipster thing has reached its apex, then had a backlash, then a backlash to the backlash, and now most of us regard them roughly the same way as the rats we see on the subway tracks—skeevy, probably disease-ridden, wouldn't want one in our personal space, but an otherwise unremarkable fact of New York City life. Maybe it'll be all edgy and urban to folks in Duluth, but the rest of us are too over it to even bother slagging the hipsters, let alone watching them on TV.

Also, the dumbfuck casting agent who says "you won't be required to live on an island" has obviously never seen a map of New York City.

Look like we have a consensus hipster-fatigue thing going on. But what say ye hipster commenters? Or are you too busy figuring out how to impress the producers? Honestly, I wouldn't mind seeing more hipster chicks on television. Holler.

image:via

The first post went up just over five weeks ago, and since then the creator has kept up a steady stream of photos and the occasional video of hipsters/scenesters/indie kids/whatever trying really hard and looking like idiots alongside his own biting commentary. In this interview, he talks about the braindead emails he receives and why the site probably won't make him rich.

How does it feel to be an exciting new Internet sensation? It feels wonderful! My cup runneth over (with feces, that two women then start eating). No, in all honesty, it feels dumb. Really, really dumb.

What prompted you to start the site? At first, I wanted to help my dad start a blog called "IsThatAHipster?.com" Because, when he visits me in Williamsburg, that's literally what he says anytime a person walks by. But since he's old and doesn't know what a blog is, I decided to do this instead.

Do you actually hate hipsters? Quick follow up: what the fuck is a hipster? Are you one? I don't hate hipsters. Not at all. I just find them to be wildly fascinating. And if that sounds condescending, that's because yes, I am being condescending. Obviously. But I do think condescension comes from a gentler place, don't you? In fact, I think its weird how much other people seem to hate hipsters. For example, I'll occasionally post a YouTube of some terrible hipster band's music video. You should read the comments people leave on those videos after visiting my site. Some of them are like, "DIE HIPSTER! I WANT TO SHOOT YOU IN THE FACE!" What? No! How about you get shot in the face? I didn't intend for this to be some kind of hate crime website. Look at This Fucking Hipster is about laughing at clowns for being clowns. That's all.

The only hipsters I hate are the motherfuckers who write quasi-intellectual hate email to me. I get so many messages that are like, "Fuck you, man. You're the hipster...You're using a false term to describe something that's just a social construct." Okay, I get it, you went to college. What do you want from me? A grade? You want me to grade your email? 'F' There. You get an F. Go away. Everyone went to college.

Am I a hipster? I don't think so. I mean, I like MGMT a lot. But I'd never go to one of their shows.

It seems pretty clear that the people who love the site most are the same people it's mocking. Do you feel embarrassed for everyone involved? Yes. Especially the four people who actually bought t-shirts.

What do you think of the comparisons between LATFH and Vice's Dos and Don'ts? Oops! I forgot that Vice magazine held a patent for making fun of idiots. I should probably stop.

What's your favorite band? Tinted Windows

Getting rights to publish photos probably makes a book hard. What happens now? Yeah, with all the legal issues involved, I don't see a LATFH book happening. Which is too bad, I bet a ton of people would have wanted a book full of content they can already get for free online. You know, like that best-selling IMDB book.

Have better questions than mine? Well, too bad. I am sorry I am not as talented as you.

Interview conducted, condensed, and edited by Deborah Solomon.