OK, so I didn't do any reporting—or embed with a team, as was offered—because my heels were too high and my feet hurt. (When Clay Felker said that women make the best reporters, he meant that they make the best reporters if they are wearing sensible shoes.) But the New York Press did!

“Nah, she’s not my date bro, just some chick. I was voted biggest flirt two years in a row, and I was the second-rated pole jumper in all of New York State,” the preacher’s animus, dressed all in black and flipping his H&M fedora, explained.

“Second in the state bro,” a far more offensive character and teammate, CK Sweat, chimed in at full throttle. There was no stopping him, “fabulous is the only word for me—tight Gaultier jeans, tuxedo scarf and granny glasses, I haven’t seen anyone better dressed tonight.” Okay, what makes you a hipster, CK? “First of all, I’m too much of a jock to be a hipster. Being in the top 2% of athletes excludes me from that category, but I can thrive anywhere.”

The closest I got to a slow dance was when the burly Polish bouncer felt me up without permission. So in that respect it was exactly like high school prom!

Until next season...

[Photo: Lyndsey Matthews's Flickr]

From a secret kickballer:

"Soooo I almost started a riot on Sunday with members of the Pirates. [You might remember the Pirates—one of their members was arrested earlier this summer for brandishing a sword inside Macy's.]

Long story short: they always put their Pirate flags up in all over the dug out fence, so when my team got over to our dugout (note: their dugout), i went to take a Pirate flag down cause it was annoying and right in the middle of everything and being that we were actually playing, I felt like claiming the dug out.

Naturally, this upset the rabblerousing Pirates quite greatly, and they all jumped up like, "Woooah woah woah woah", who the fuck do you think you are!, etc. etc. etc. all in their dumb pirate hats. Then the one dude said something about how he's an "equal opportunity hater". Which feels like something Sarah Palin would say.

Then he started saying how that flags been their longer than i have, and its hiiiiiiiiistory and all this bullshit. Ugh, lame Pirates (aka Los Piratas Mechanicos)."

Would any of the Pirates like to defend themselves, you rogues? Arrrr.

Reports one eyewitness: "The last straw for the police was when a really good song came on a boom box that this guy was holding on his shoulder a few feet away from me. The cops must have known that something sinister was taking place because there were at least 10 people dancing to the music. Then a cop grabbed the guy with the boom box by the back of his arm and yanked him into the street, pushing him to the ground and making him loose grip of the stereo. Now, I know that dancing is illegal and also a sin, but I think there was excessive force used in this situation. The stereo fell, batteries flying everywhere, and when a few of his friends picked it up, a woman cop angrily lunged for the boom box and tried to further dismantle it!"

Plenty of pictures, video, and more citizen journalism on what will be know for the next day or two as The Williamsburg Riot can be found at FreeWilliamsburg and Gothamist.

Apparently there's a talent show and interview portion, as well as looks and clothes. There'll be some questions to judge "how Williamsburg" you are. It'll be held September 5th at Supreme Trading, and we'll definitely be reporting live.

Also, I used to study fashion and costume design, so if we find a Gawker-approved contestant I can totally help with your outfits. We need to get beyond American Apparel for this one. I think a prarie/rustic look might be more appropriate for these times. Who's in?

[Free Williamsburg]

It was dutifully lifecasted.

"When I got to his cool new office, just off of the Bedford st stop, Jay said it didn’t really look that bad, and gave me some sort of Cipro drops, which have already started to make a difference. Total cost? $0, if you’re a member of their practice (which is very reasonable)... The ability to email and text your doctor, then walk right in and have him see you? Unbelievable."

Well, it IS great that he's helping the uninsured.

Oh... but look, her visit has already made Dr. Jay's blog. Lifecasting! We're all lifecasting. HELP. (Please don't blog my upcoming "appointment," K?)

Gentrification tends to slow down during a recession (or the current crappy economic blip; whatever you'd like to call it). These incidents may or may not be freak isolated occurrences, but it's almost like the media's waiting for the natural step during a recession: crime wave!

Perhaps the developers behind the fancy new buildings will install walls and armed guards to keep the huddled masses out—now, how to avoid reality on their walks to the J train?

"Calling the police seemed extreme, so instead he dialed up friends on his cellphone. But no one picked up — it was 6 a.m. Finally, a friend who was staying at his apartment in Bedford-Stuyvesant answered and tried to shake Mr. Hausmann's roommate awake. "Kyle's stuck somewhere; he needs your help," the friend mumbled. But the roommate slept on and the friend fell back asleep.

Next, Mr. Hausmann picked up the bar's phone and hit redial, inadvertently calling the mother of one of the owners in Las Vegas.

"How did you get this number?" the woman asked. "You can't be calling because you're locked in a bar."

Like all of the Observer's Williamsburg coverage, this piece causes the reader an even greater level of apoplexy by using a breezy, ironic tone, rather than just putting its head down and pounding out a list of bars, parks, and restaurants where the postgrads who populate the terrifying neighborhood can go to meet one another and, 47 minutes later, have coke-fuelled sex in an Enid's (there's one!) bathroom.

That said, if you want to go read the entire tortured Williamsburg-as-college metaphor (your apartment search is like "room draw!"), be our guest. Call us enablers, if you will. But remember this, twenty-something Observer staff writers: at least 25% of the Gawker editorial staff lives right next door in Greenpoint. We go to some of these places that your story proposes to morph even further into postcollegiate hellholes. It's only a matter of time before we catch you walking down the street one night.

So say hello, why don't you?

[Observer]

29-year-old Lawrence Jackson, a player on the kickball team Los Piratas Mechanicos (the Robot Pirates), was acting the fool up in Macy's Herald Square department store. Specifically:

A rabble-rousing kickball player for a recreational team called the Pirates was busted yesterday for brandishing a swashbuckler's sword in the middle of Macy's Herald Square, cops said.

Jackson and his [eight months pregnant] girlfriend said he was carrying the sword for fun on the way to a game and that it was nothing more than a prop befitting his team's zany image - but cops said his explanation didn't cut it.

"He didn't think there was anything wrong with it," said Police Officer Richard Perrone, who responded after frightened shoppers called security. "He thought it was a toy. But it's not a toy. It's sharp."

The Post added that the Robot Pirates team "occasionally wear drawn-on mustaches."

"They didn't know where Havemeyer was. I hung up and jogged to another cop car parked at the Williamsburg Bridge Bus Depot. 'There's a street sign that a dump truck just crashed into. It's in the middle of Broadway and Bedford,' I said. 'Oh yeah?' asked the cop. The cops just sat there. Then another cop car pulled up and they chatted for a while." [My Memoirs via Curbed]

The day my Brooklyn column ran, it was picked up by the notoriously nasty Gawker.com, where it was TORN apart in its commenting section, a New York hipster hub. (You have to be pre-approved just for the right to comment, making it a bizarre online club.)

A brief, rather neutral note about my piece was followed by an explosion of scathing retorts, such as: "Gag. Please DON'T move to BK. We don't want you either." It hurt. I took every mean comment to heart. In two years of writing easygoing columns about local demolition derbies and ratty old hotels, I had received a steady stream of sweet e-mails but never really made any waves. This tsunami of attention was utterly insane.

I recently reviewed the comments, and as far as I can tell, what pissed these readers off was: 1) "West Bushwick," as I had called my friends' neighborhood, is apparently just some real-estate/hipster-neighborhood-renaming conspiracy that Insiders otherwise know as "East Williamsburg," which, according to said Insiders, sucks. 2) I had, without a smidgen of irony, announced I was moving to Brooklyn because it was cool. Which is, obviously, a very uncool thing to do.

"I eschewed the Ithaca-to-Williamsburg trend and went west to San Francisco. It is, surprisingly, almost more packed with bandanna babies than Brooklyn. They lounge in Dolores Park with organic sandwiches and two-buck Chuck as if it were stale bagels and PBR on Bedford Avenue.

They are similar: name-dropping obscure bands, writing novels "secretly" and being endearingly vain. But in the Mission's sweet-smelling cloud of tolerance, hipsters are relaxed and just a bit more lovable. Being from somewhere else is a good thing. It's expected, interesting. There's no convenient Internet venue through which to pick on people, as they lick their own outsider wounds. Instead, people comment on restaurants and farmers' markets. They're usually nice. Helpful. Memories of 1967 still linger in the Bay Area, and people are a little goofy for my East Coast taste. But, thank God, they don't take themselves very seriously—they're way cool with being cool.

Maybe we've all gotten so jaded and disconnected from each other via e-mail and iPhones that we can no longer feel. In that case, a Williamsburg blogger-butcher is teaching a class on "how to cut up a whole animal," reports Grub Street. (Damn! The class was last night.)

Yet, dead animals are still being appreciated for their kitsch value. The Chinatown Garbage tour features people parading through the streets at night, picking dead things out of the trash in order to make a monstrous taxidermy-thing. "You will learn how to dig in the garbage for dead animals. You can make art out of these animals... I've found everything from sharks to frogs." This often results in entries for Brooklyn bar Union Hall's taxidermy contest.

For the more traditional taxidermy experience, the following taxidermy-themed bars are still standing: Home Sweet Home on the Lower East Side, the very hip Freemans (designed by Taavo Somer, profiled in New York mag this week), Red Hook's Bait and Tackle, and the absolute hellhole of bad 3 a.m. decisions that is Duff's in Williamsburg.

Between the DIY taxidermy enthusiasts, the amateur butchers, and the dumpster-diving freegans, will the city's trash ever be safe from college grads ever again? This may be novel for New Yorkers, but some of us are still recovering from coming home from school to a draining deer carcass hanging upside-down in the garage.

[Photo: Montykins]

"here is the thing. just like myspace, bkkb allows people to reinvent themselves... [Commisioner] Kevin Dailey is now the coolest guy on earth every sunday night to 32 teams with 10 or more people on it. and every person on every team is the coolest person who ever moved to brooklyn. they all drink and get drunk and have a blast and compare how drunk and how much fun they are having.

well i am straight edge. and as soon as everyone found out, i was labeled an asshole. i never cared about who did what or why. i just choose not to do drugs. i work out alot and have a typical "jock" build. so everyone skinny hipster is afraid of me. i have a quick wit and if a drunk idiot is trying to heckle me im going to tell them to shut up. so add all that up for 3 seasons of prison being the best team who doesnt want to hangout and get fall down drunk (which half of prison does on friday nights) and you have 120 pound boys who look like girls being scared and complaining about our team. i dont think they will let me back in the park on sunday nights let alone next year!! haha kevin daily hates me and my whole team!"

"Despite all the bullshit swarming around me for the last couple of years, I'm still here. Not anonymous calls to the Parks Department, selective cutting and pasting, or Gawker.com will keep me away. Still standing. I have no reason to go. I've done a fucking excellent job, and presided over continuous annual growth... I have been behind every last good decision towards making the league better and bigger. If I were a CEO, my only flaw would be not raising prices, as supply and demand dictates."

"I only saw folks swarming on the main field, but I don't know any details about what happened." Oh noes! Apparently, the team that calls themselves Prison has been kicked out of the league: "[They've been] stigmatized since the beginning, for better or for worse. The only time we ever played them, they had pretty poor spirit. They seem to exude a Snape-ish anti-hero quality, but maybe that's just the black garb and comparably mopey haircuts talking."

According to the Brooklyn Kickball's website:

While the Umping Crew has to officially vote on this, it's likely [Prison] is no longer a team...

I was distressed at your collective lack of progression, gratitude, and contrition. Why couldn't you just come and enjoy yourselves? Why do your players think it's cool to swarm around an ump like a pack of wolves when you don't like a call? You yell the entire time, and fine, it's mostly a free country for white people. However, you get enraged and play victim when people yell back. Then you have the unmitigated gall to lecture people on decorum and propriety.

The world is not against you: you are your own worst enemies. You're always gonna think there's bias when a close call goes the other way, and this perceived injustice will always enable you to rationalize violence. Violence? AT A KICKBALL GAME? What's next, you're gonna start a tetherball brawl? You believe that [famed letter-writer] Kevin Dailey was against you, yet for all of last year's regular season, I let you guys get away with everything...

But now, there's no room in this league for an endless cycle of abuse and forgiveness...Not anymore, not at McCarren Park on Sunday Nights.

"The classy text messager in the column in Matthew Caws from Nada Surf and he's still with the girl he broke up with the first for." HEY OH! You'll remember Nada Surf for their 1996 joke hit about high school, "Popular." (The album totes didn't sell and Nada Surf was dropped from their label; they went indie and made more records. Amazingly, they're still a band.)

Excerpts of dating classiness from the man whose hit song included the lyrics, "Don't put off breaking up when you know you want to... prolonging the situation only makes it worse":

A CUTE guy from a rock band sent me an e-mail message out of the blue. We had a friend in common, and he saw me sing "Christmas Wrapping" by the Waitresses one night in Brooklyn, at karaoke.

He continued, in all lowercase, to introduce himself. I scrolled over his rambling exposition, waiting for the payoff. Was he going to ask me out? He didn't. "i'm at home absolutely spazzing out because we're leaving in a few days to make a record and i have to/really should finish a long list of songs. so, waving hello and/or re-hello! all the bestest."

My enthusiasm waned. A hot guy in an indie band waved me hello and/or re-hello mid-spazz-out?

He took me for a walk around his neighborhood. I'm always suspicious when a guy takes his date on a walk, because it reeks of poverty and an inability to plan. It seemed as if he was taking me on a stroll of his estate, and from the way people on the street greeted him with questions about his tour and album, it was as if he was the king of his neighborhood.

[Photo: Michael Schmelling for NY Mag]

First off, if you don't like the hair, you should probably move on, because Chris is embracing it. Here he is on "Mullet Row:"

Here's a slightly more romantic shot of the mullet after dark:

Chris, a "full time composer" with an "artsy circle of freakish friends" is not afraid to be a little avant guard with his profile photography:

The profile basics:

In addition to being a composer and cellist...

• "I love, LOVE food and alchohol."
• Chris's apartment is indeed in Williamsburg.
• "My home town is 'The OC,' and my second home is Rio di Janiero."
• "I watch Lost."
• "My favorite colors are pink and black."
• "I compose for modern dance mostly"
• "I've had lots of haircuts and colors."

If you are hungry for more, green-eyed females who drink regularly, you can check the whole profile at the link below. I really only care about the hair.

[Match]

The "hipsters" who go to Home Buying For Hipsters are probably not hipsters at all, even if Fortress of Solitude totally spoke to them. It may be a Tuesday night, but it's New York in spring. The rooftop garden of the Met is open! Jenna Bush is giving a reading! American Idol is on! Who wants to spend their time hearing about mortgage rates?

Most likely, these "hipsters" aren't actually buying a home themselves. Their parents are. And with bankers uninterested in the skyscrapers on the Williamsburg waterfront and now too broke to afford them anyway, you have to credit the Corcoran Group for going after America's home-owners a second time through their kids. It's like renewing your vows, but with property taxes.

Tonight's Home Buying For Hipsters is being held at Union Pool. Though Union Pool is in Williamsburg (cool) and in a former pool supply store (cred), it is still not hip. It's mostly frequented by people already in the home buying stage, 30-somethings. (Also cougars.)

Home Buying For Hipsters: really Home Buying For Adults. Adults who are still trying to be cool.

(Although— buying a home in this economy may be genuinely edgy. So maybe some real hipsters should try it!)

As the Official McKibbin St. Shit-Talking Forum puts it, "McKibbin St. is home to painters, musicians, actors, filmmakers, dancers, clowns, magicians, comedians, Hasids, crackheads, indeed, all the best of God's children. McKibbin St. is in a constant state of flux; just as the artists ousted the indigenous peoples, so now are the yuppies and rising rents ousting those artists. We may not be able to do anything about it, but the least we can do - is talk some shit."

[Photos: by Bryan Derballa via Brooklyn Kickball]

About that margarita machine: it's ten bucks for a huge Styrofoam cup of it! We love the Turkey's Nest. What other place has old men, hipsters, and Hasidic Jews watching sports?

If you can't stomach reading through the whole letter, we understand and offer highlights of the demands:

1) A four-year cash bonus
2) Keys to the bar
3) "I'm tired of bullshit from those aforementioned employees. Let them know I am one of them."
4) A laminated drink card granting free drinks, forevermore, for him and his "lady of the evening." Hey!
5) The Turkey's Nest should pay for all kickball-related expenses: "the permits, the equipment, the balls, everything." And a shed: "I'm tired of the softball leagues stealing my shit."
6) Finally, a weekly wage.

[Photo: Rachelleb.com]

Baumgardner told the Times the shirt is meant to "force [rape] into everyday conversation" and thus help reduce victims' shame and fear. Her shirt is probably one of the only tees in Williamsburg that the neighborhood's hipsters will never attempt to wear ironically, but it is still going to be controversial. Consider what happened with her abortion shirt:

...the Planned Parenthood Federation of America sold hundreds in a matter of days, but didn’t renew the order when it sold out (the shirt was highly controversial among affiliate chapters).

Plus, the new shirt has already been criticized by some of Baumgardner's friends, who told her "they are really grossed out by the T-shirt," she told the Times.

But it's not like the feminist hasn't taken precautions. She recruited someone else to help her test out the shirt in public venues. She also rejected another design, with "I was raped" in big black spraypaint, as too "harsh" and "shocking." The design she settled on uses the words in small cursive type, as shown at left. She's already selling them on her site Scarleteen for $25.

[Times]

(Photo via Scarleteen)

As someone who's been not only playing in the league since year 2, but has been a captain all but one year, I would like to say first off that league veterans deserve no more special treatment than newbies. If someone was there on your kickball day one screwing you our of playing, you wouldn't have any games under your belt. I don't think this has been much of an issue though.

However, what I feel is and always has been an issue is this. So many people are proud to call themselves "vets" and talk about how long they've been around and that's all well and good, playing kickball is only half of what it means to be a kickballer, in my opinion. I've busted my ass as hard or harder than most people without an official title for years. I'm there just about every week picking up trash on all of the fields (and grumbled slightly under my breath every time a new field was added). I remember who was always out there with me, who would stick around when the few of us shouted that everyone should grab at least one cup on their way off the field to generally be ignored. I've carried equipment bags that weigh more than 3 dead bodies when I could barely move my legs after a long ass day, especially a special event day... especially a special event say where I end up with sun poisoning because I umped every second I was there.

So if you're a kickballer who plays every week and never misses games and is always there on tie, I don't doubt your dedication or your right to call yourselves as such. However if you've been there week after week without being asked helping because you love the park and the league as much as you love the bar and your friends then you've garnered a little more respect from me.

With lenghty (sic0 thought out on the table I would like to cover a few things.

First off, preregistration basically killed any chance a new team had to play for the next 5 weeks. If we couldn't get registered for any reason (and my team couldnt) then you're going to have to wait for a team to drop off. I don't know about anyone else, but if I paid 150 bucks to play 5 weeks, I'd be there every week, rain or shine, team or no. Where as 5% of teams would have fallen off in two weeks, there is now more powerful persuasion to be there for 3 extra weeks, if not more.

As for a waiting list. That is going to KILL new teams. The league will cannibalize them. More people will play and make friends yea, but let's be honest, not everyone is a people person right off the bat. Their nice friends will get teams right off, and they'll be left with the mourning of a team that never got to play. If the new teams on the waiting list waited and showed every Sunday to see who didn't come and if there's be a spot well, there'd be a lot of waiting. WORSE than this is the fact that, with people having paid so much money, those teams who paid without even having a full roster or who don't have committed people will run around before game time grabbing lawn candy to play with them. not only did we give teams who can't fill their roster (since we're so up on sticking to regulations this year)a huge pool to grab from, the vultures will be picking the flesh from the unfortunate teams player by player.

Sorry this is so long, but I have a good bunch to say, so if you bear through it all I super appreciate it...

I started a team. Sort of. I created a team name, and had two people on my roster who played last year and have told me specifically that they don't want to play kickball, they NEED to. I'm sure many of you can understand this. I was on that Free Agents list every damn day replying to every person on there, telling them about what I wanted my team to be, and spouting what has become the much abandoned rhetoric of the league. "It's kickball. We hang out in the park and have fun. If you want to play, just come to McCarren at 6pm on a Sunday with a team or with the willingness to find one."

I found many willing players. It's difficult to be sure that people who have enthusiasm on Myspace will still show and have the same enthusiasm on a recruitment day, but I was pleasantly surprised. This past Sunday, on the only Sunday of pre season that I could get the evening off, "the Screws" ended up with a 12 or so person team. 90% of the team was eager, excitable newbies who agreed with our team philosophy of "let's just have a good time." I have every damn Sunday and Monday off from Opening day on. I am going to be driving a U-Haul van from Ann Arbor, Michigan to help a friend move to NYC and we have to leave after Saturday before opening day. you bet your ass my plan was to head out on Saturday morning at 4am to be sure I could make it, pull the van up to the field, fall out of it, and play some fucking kickball. I had my season as well planned as I could.

Divergence aside, I could not and would not promise that I had a team and $150 anytime before I actually did. While I may not agree with the rules, they are there and I wanted to make sure those that were more prepared had their deserved place. I took as much time as I could manage to plan the team and season, but bullshitting about being able to register a team when I couldn't was beyond me. I got a call, on the field, before registration ended asking me if I could go register. I replied that I could not. I did not have the money, I had just gotten enough people to say they wanted to play with us to be happy, and had in my mind no doubt that there would be kickball for all as there always has been. Obviously I was wrong.

What I've seen and been a part of since is a shitstorm that no one, not even Commish, should have to deal with. The league is expanding. It always is, we have no reason to believe that it will ever stop doing so. But after the Kick Ball it seems that no one wanted to think about it save for maybe Kev. The solutions are all out on the table now, but the captains list was a vacant area, hell even the BKKB board was a dry well all winter long. I'm not saying I had any thought about it or had tried to raise awareness or whatever. I'm also not saying I'm above blame for this one.

I've made no bones about how I feel about pre registration. I think it's a shitty solution to a growing issue. It is a solution, and that is fine. Rules are rules, and I will abide by them, as I always have (whether or not they were put into action retrospectively). But now there are teams that cannot play as such. Friends that won't have achance to be on the same team. people who cannot play at all because they wont be able to find a spot. "first come first serve" was all well and good when it applied to the board. it just doesn't seem right when it comes to having to either lose the chance to play or bullshit your way into a spot.

This is BKKB. It's great and has always been the most fun I have all year. let's face it though, there's always a little wiggle room for people who talk the right bullshit. I'm not one of those people and it bit me in the ass. Worse yet is that it bit the 12 people who I promised could be on a team, who got excited at the notion of playing together, who met as strangers on the field and left the Nest as friends on their collective asses as well. They might make friends on a team they get onto. They might even get onto a team. But I bet you are hoping you're not the captain that has to tell them that you can't fit anymore into your roster as much as I regret having to be the one to tell them that we don't have a team.

It's easy to say "everyone who made it did the right thing" and suggest some obviously subpar solutions for those who didn't. I'm glad in a way that I didn't make it onto the list because I realize now how shitty it is to get left out. i've had offers from more than a few teams to join them and just play out the season as I always have. But now I think I'll wait and do what I can. I want to make sure everyone who wanted to play kickball get to before I step on the field. That may never happen, but at least I'll feel better about trying.It was always in the back of my mind that BKKB might to get too big for itself and no longer be the league that I loved. Meeting 90 or so new people every day was the highlight of my year.

I kind of always figured that when the whole thing became exclusive and incorporated ideas like scheduling games season preregistration (and who's to say next year you won't have to register for the entire season in advance? It may have to come to that) that I would leave it behind and find something new.

That's so much harder than it sounds, but now it seems almost inevitable. There's obviously a few more weeks to figure out something, really anything to do. However, i can already see that everyone who registered on time (despite how boastful they were the week prior about never, ever paying $150 to play kickball) is less interested in anything but supplying a self congratulatory pat on the back, a weak proposition, and never thinking about it again. there's already teams trolling the forums that I built my team out of in order to fill a roster. An already registered roster.

I'm getting tired of talking about it, i'm going to think really hard about something to do about it. but it doesn't look like I'll "see you out there." this season.

So have fun, and remember. Save up this winter, because you might get left out next year.

p.s. this was a lot longer than I expected.

Each contestant will be rewarded with a cool $20 grand, but that's not good enough for some people. One tipster notes: "ugh, you've got to be kidding me! the stupid fucks who take this up obvioulsy don't know that if you're a good artist with a good gallery, you can make 20K with one fucking piece, without having to starve and whore yourself across the fucking country[!]"

Band: Vampire Weekend
Look: "Paul Simon circa 'The Graduate.'"

Band: Beirut [pic via NY Mag]
Look: "French intellectual meets Bulgarian farmer." [THEN GETS BEAT UP, HA!]

Band: Deerhunter
Look: "If Kurt C. met Karen O."

Band: Grizzly Bear
Look: "Williamsburg prep: boat shoes for everyone!"

1. "Usually I go by the old standard: if he makes out with boys, he's gay. Sadly, the hipsters have ruined THAT theorum as well." -Colonel Mustard

2. "Gays generally stick to the clears when drinking such as vodka and gin. Straights prefer bourbon and whiskey. Single malt scotch though is the for both groups." -Regimentkhaki

3. "I'd go with the muscle tone thing. The pretty young gay-boys may want to look like waifs on the outside, but there's 30 hours a week at David Barton underneath those skinny jeans." -Lionel Mandrake

4. "Facial hair: mountain-man beard=straight, Olivier Theyskens face-pubes=gay. -beefer

5. "Hairstyle Asymmetricality: over 25%=gay." -beefer

6. "Eyebrows: Jello Biafra dramatic=straight, Liza Minnelli arches=gay." -beefer

7. "If they ride fixed gear than it is more than 90% likely that they are straight." -Frannyincognito

Whew. It's a jungle out there! See you all at Union Pool.

[Photo: Nikola Tamindzic for Home of the Vain]

Hipster Mortgage Night Wednesday March 26th, 6-8pm *HUGS* 108 North 6th, Wythe/Kent, Williamsburg L to Bedford Avenue

Call or email to schedule a private 20 minute appointment to talk money
specifics with Rob Slifer, residential mortgage broker, Professional
Advantage. Following money, meet with Eve Levine, residential real
estate broker, The Corcoran Group, to look at current listings available
on the market right now!

In 2005, for the first time in 12 years, violent crime increased—a trend that continued in 2006. This followed a relatively long period of decline... At the same time that violent crime rates began to rise, America's streets filled with millions of people visibly wearing, and being distracted by, expensive electronic gear. Thus, there was a marked increase in both the supply of potential victims and opportunities for would-be offenders.

Past crime waves are thought to have occurred in a similar way—triggered by the introduction of a new high-status and expensive product. For instance, in the 1980s and 1990s, the proliferation of such valuable products as expensive basketball shoes or North Face jackets may have led to new crimes. However, in past instances where the supply of crime creating products increased, the consumer population purchasing these goods—and the would-be offenders coveting those products—made up a relatively small part of the U.S. population. By contrast, iPods are everywhere, and, unlike a jacket or a sneaker, one size fits all.