Forget the Nobel. 'Most TIME Covers Ever' Is the Prize Obama Really Needs.

Merry Christmas, haters of liberal media: Here is a dazzling charticle depicting TIME's favorite cover girls. Though Nixon has the most covers ever, Obama's on track to beat him, threefold, by the end of his presidency. [Teqnolog]

Kreepie Kats in "Mayor Bloomberg Kan Sukk 51% of My Pimpled Ass! And Jeter Kan Give Herpes to the Other 70% Of *IT*!!!"

Jim Behrle's Kreepie Kats got a tripod! And the Yankees are winners! As is Mayor Bloomberg! Don't buy your loved ones Kreepie Kat hoodies for the holidays.

What Yesterday's Elections Actually Mean For Barack Obama

We told you about Mike, and about The Gays, but there were a couple other elections that news people are talking about today. These were, obviously, early referenda on Barack Obama, and he lost. More »

Mike Bloomberg Wins!

Brilliant executive, richest man in town, and beloved mayor-for-life Mike Bloomberg joins Ed Koch, Fiorello LaGuardia, and Robert Wagner (not the actor) in the third-termers massive failure lame duck mayor club! More »

Your Conde Nast Magazine Death Pool Winner

We launched our "Which Conde Nast Titles Will Die?" contest late last week—just in time, as it turns out. Click through for the results of this somber exercise. More »

Did This Social Media Alt-Porn Entrepreneuress Win Mega Millions?

Two lucky souls hit the Mega Millions jackpot last night: one of them lived in the South Bronx, and the other one in San Gabriel, California. Looks like the West Coast winner (update: isn't) an Alt-Porn goddess named Annaliese Nielsen. More »

New York Is, Of Course, The Great American News City

The results of our poll to find America's best city for journalism, story-wise, are in. Chicago surged into second place thanks to a characteristic ballot-stuffing campaign, but in the end, good sense prevailed. Full results below! More »

'You Light Up My Life' Composer Is Criminal Sex Monster, Naturally

The Oscar-winning composer of the sickly sweet "You Light Up My Life" is actually, prosecutors say, a dirty old serial rapist monster. We should have known. More »

Here Are Your 2009 Tony Award Winners

Were we the only ones feeling ill having to choose between watching the last minute of regulation of Game Two of the NBA Finals or the performance by the cast of Hair at the Tony Awards? Regardless, here are the winners. More »

Shut Up, 'Nilla

Racist ladies and gentlemen, we present to you your new slur for 'white people': "'Nilla." No longer will you be forced to muck by with the outdated "honky" or the bland "whitey." 'Nilla (first suggested by racial innovator Sarcastro) won in a landslide decision over runner-up slur "Altoid," capturing more than 80% of the vote. It's an apt choice. The term's obvious parallels to an already existing racial slur ensure that you will never be safe saying it—in fact, shouting "'Nilla" in a crowded area almost guarantees that you will offend everybody present, one way or another. So it has the best quality of any slur: it should never be said. Seriously, don't say it—or any other slurs—and we'll all get along in peace and harmony. Good job!

Matt Hilliard Is the Hottest Man in Book Publishing

Taking 25% of the vote, Matthew Hilliard beat out nine other fabulous contestant to become Gawker's newest Hottest Man in Book Publishing! He's a Binghamton '06 grad and works in trade sales at Penguin. Update: Ladies, we hear he's single! Now, we've heard from a few sources that some of the gentleman in the contest were a little embarrassed, given that we're objectifying them and all. An addendum: they are also all quite smart. After the jump: Matthew's endearingly self-deprecating acknowledgment of the honor: More »