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AP: British Can't Handle a Little Snow
Press Release of the Day: Win the Chance to Drive to Canada in the Dead of Winter
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Zanzibar Buck-Buck McFate
02/02/09

In reply to AP: British Can't Handle a Little Snow
Down in Hot-lanta when it snows (typically 1-3 inches), everyone runs to the store and buys all the milk and bread and the schools are closed. I know how to drive in snow, but it's not like my boss knows that.
Also the local channel camps out under all the overpasses and then plays video with a flashing nuclear danger symbol of cars sliding around. I don't like to miss that.
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Pope John Peeps II
02/02/09

In reply to AP: British Can't Handle a Little Snow
Note to all: where I live, we had a foot of snow a couple of days ago. To go with the foot of snow we had a week before that.

Canada rules. Quit being pussies.
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PikaDar Brisetout
02/02/09

@Pope John Peeps II: I was told I had a "pussy snow shovel" by my friend here in the Adirondacks. The nerve. Snow, ice, more snow, more freezing rain, more snow.
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Pope John Peeps II
02/02/09

@PikaDar❂Queen of the Tamagotchi: Eh whatever. Everybody who has to deal with that shit knows you use whatever gets the job done.

Although I will say, you aren't living in a good wintry part of the world until you have one of those crazy sharp, flat steel spade tools for smashing and scraping driveway ice. The one that looks like a kung fu weapon from a 60s movie?

Also, no one will ever know the absolute joy when you use one of those suckers, get under a big ice piece and just crack open like a meter of ice... So satisfying.
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Xylo
02/02/09

@Pope John Peeps II: Haha, the guy in the townhouse across from my apartment building has one of those, for his teeny postage-stamp-sized sidewalk section. It's a downtown Toronto side street!
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HiredGoons
02/02/09

In reply to AP: British Can't Handle a Little Snow
Wait. Has it never snowed in England before?
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Eleanor Ramilly
02/02/09

In reply to AP: British Can't Handle a Little Snow
Oh please. The same thing happened in Portland this year. A friend of mine lives there and says they were so unprepared for the snow every business shut down but the bars for four days.

Also, apparently it's against the law there to salt the ground because it's bad for the environment. She told me a very funny story that involved stepping of a bus, ice, and her ass.
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pufflehuff
02/02/09

In reply to AP: British Can't Handle a Little Snow
Dear Pareene,

Yes, we English are all pussies.

Oh wait, Christian Bale.

Anyway, off to crack out the emergency tinned rations!

Laters x
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Flabby
02/02/09

In reply to AP: British Can't Handle a Little Snow
I'm in London and school was cancelled for the first time in 18 years or something like that. It was so fun. My kids and I played in the snow all day. No one was really freaking out that badly. The grocery stores were full of food and by 6pm it was all melting. The problem is they own no snowplows here!
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pufflehuff
02/02/09

@Flabby: Yep, work was cancelled for me. We went down to the South Bank and pottered about by the river. I got attacked by teenagers with snowballs twice today - get them back to school!

Seriously, how bad are we at snow??!?
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wholenuther
02/02/09

In reply to AP: British Can't Handle a Little Snow
It's a fantastic time to commit a crime in London. Seriously. At this moment immigrant teenagers in White Chapel are throwing snowballs (and threats) at hipster passersby as though there were berka-less heathens. It's sort of funny, except that if you're reading this, you fit their description of "hipster."
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pufflehuff
02/02/09

@wholenuther: It's happening in Islington too. I got a snowball in the boob, then a "oi, don't hit the lady." I am Confoosed. Also, our social structures are meeeelting
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Oy Veh (Informality Reigns)
02/02/09

@wholenuther: We're not ALL hipsters here. SOME of us are muscle boy fags.
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wholenuther
02/02/09

@Oy Veh (Informality Reigns): I'm sure the snow-ballers would be happy to debate the differences between hipsters vs muscle boy fags. Just don't be surprised if their closing argument is a sharp icicle in the eye.

The Islington boys sound like gentlemen compared to the absolute bastards between Valance Road and Brick Lane who seemingly prefer bombarding women.
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pufflehuff
02/03/09

@wholenuther: What can I say? They gentrified a little earlier than the Hackney boys. But still! In the boob! It was at close quarters; they aimed.

There were some nasties having a huge snowfight on the South Bank - between the BFI and NFT - and they attacked everyone who walked past too, including a terrified family of Japanese tourists, bless 'em.
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randomnessish
02/02/09

In reply to AP: British Can't Handle a Little Snow
Oh no! The Queen's Navy is frozen in the Channel! Who will stop those scurrilous Frenchmen from re-animating Napoleon's corpse and attacking?? Mother England is defenseless!
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BadUncle
02/02/09

@randomnessish: launch the barrage balloons!
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SultanaEleusis
02/02/09

In reply to AP: British Can't Handle a Little Snow
The Brits, too, can learn from Chicago. Lets send Ambassador Rod Blagojevich to teach them.
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pufflehuff
02/02/09

@SultanaEleusis: Please, please, for the love of little puppies, send Blago over here. I could shelter from the storm under his fringe / bangs.
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Xylo
02/02/09

In reply to AP: British Can't Handle a Little Snow
Meh, Toronto had to call in the Army to clear snow in January 1999, giving all other Canadians even more reason to mock us. You hang in there, Brits!! [www.theglobeandmail.com]
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HollingsworthDevereaux
02/02/09

In reply to AP: British Can't Handle a Little Snow
The situation over here is beyond ridiculout; it's like a Little Britain sketch on steroids. Buses never stopped running during the Blitz, but the limey squirrel eaters couldn't manage to get one out of the garage (pronounced GAR-age here) today. People have been calling 999 (their 911) at record rates all day after crashing their cars and having panic attacks because frozen water was falling from the sky (What do I do???). This despite their proximity to Norway's fjords and wherever it is in France that Michelin came up with snow tires. A German guy summed it up best when he texted the BBC to say their hysterical coverage of the "snowpocalyse" (brilliant!) is something of which they should be ashamed because no person with common sense responds to a foot of snow by suggesting viewers keep supplies of canned goods and water in their cars. Oh, and all of England is cancelled tomorrow. Again. Maybe the French navy will sail across and dig us out by Wednesday.
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hurleyburley
02/02/09

@HollingsworthDevereaux: I just hearted you based on your screen name.
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pufflehuff
02/02/09

@HollingsworthDevereaux: Hahaha! But, you know, I've had a fun day. And no one's mentioned the credit crunch or knife crime once. And I got to wear my wellies.

I will be telling my grandchildren about this one day in the future, when the sun has eaten Mars and London has become a precipitation-free wasteland.
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Rumpelstilskin
02/02/09

@HollingsworthDevereaux: The French have a navy? I thought Nelson sank it.
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BadUncle
02/02/09

In reply to AP: British Can't Handle a Little Snow
Awesome. Johnny Brit can't get to work, and so he'll be forced to spend the day at his local pub.
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Colonel Mustard
02/02/09

@BadUncle: Great, but what the hell is MY excuse?
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BadUncle
02/02/09

@Colonel Mustard: With a little help from Craigslist, I'm sure you can find a snow storm.
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Sproing
02/02/09

In reply to AP: British Can't Handle a Little Snow
I blame the end of rationing. Once that nutritious wartime diet slipped away, British coping skills went straight into the WC.
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MsMuffinMcGuffin
02/02/09

In reply to AP: British Can't Handle a Little Snow
Just count your blessings it's not ice.
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Aaron Altman
02/02/09

In reply to AP: British Can't Handle a Little Snow
Meanwhile, in America, we're getting weather forecasts from groundhogs.
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uninspired
02/02/09

@Aaron Altman: A+
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Aaron Altman
02/02/09

@uninspired: Make no mistake: America is the dog's bollocks. :-)
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TedSez
02/02/09

@Aaron Altman:

Standing here among the people of Punxsatawney and basking in the warmth of their hearths and hearts, I couldn't imagine a better fate than a long and lustrous winter.

Boo-yah, Brits!
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hurleyburley
02/02/09

@Aaron Altman: Agreed. There is a problem when I'm relying on a rodent named "Staten Island Chuck" for info.
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ian spiegelman
02/02/09

@Aaron Altman: And he can eat anything he wants! He's a god, he's not the god.
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AP: British Can't Handle a Little Snow

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