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Spanx: Still Lurking Out There
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heywhat
11/06/09

In reply to Spanx: Still Lurking Out There
Eh, I don't really see what the big deal is about Spanx. They are very constricting and are overpriced. #women
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raincoaster
11/05/09

In reply to Spanx: Still Lurking Out There
If you'd posted this on Jezebel, you'd have had 300 comments by now, and probably three contracts on your life. #women
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raincoaster
11/05/09

In reply to 'Tune In to Find Out What Sex Is Like for Lauren and What 2 Vaginas Looks Like!'
Did you not know the Age of Reticence is over? #pressreleases
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BookishLookish
11/05/09

In reply to Spanx: Still Lurking Out There
I used to contribute to a men's magazine and in one article, I taught men how to tell if a woman is wearing a foundation garment, a padded bra, and other amplifying undergarments. I am a gender traitor. #women
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registered
11/05/09

@BookishLookish: Darned right you are. Wouldn't it have been more useful to contribute to Cosmo and tell women how to get rid of cellulite?

P.S. What are the giveaways? #women
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BookishLookish
11/05/09

@registered: You have to do a bit of touching and feeling for seams and whatnot, but it's pretty easy to do. Meet me for a drink and I'll feel you up. All knowledge will be yours, Grasshopper.
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Edited by BookishLookish at 11/05/09 4:09 PM BookishLookish was starred BookishLookish was unstarred

registered
11/05/09

@BookishLookish: I'd meet you any day for a drink, but I'm not into the feel-me-up thingy. Also, I live (tragically) in Miami.

I'm female, and you're hysterically funny and smart and all that, but I'm sorta into the other sex.

Have you read that old Nora Ephron essay about breasts? I can't find it. It seems to fit in this thread, since we have progressed from talking about underwear to sanitary pads and to G__ knows what.

This has been a bit of a Jez thread, but populated by Gawkers, and it has been very very very funny.

Well, to me. I've been at the wine again. #women
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registered
11/05/09

@BookishLookish: Who's this Grasshopper you were going to tell all about me to? #women
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BookishLookish
11/05/09

@registered: All right, toots, you had your chance. Hard-won knowledge is never pleasant and this opportunity only presents itself once in a lifetime. You have failed, Grasshopper, you may not approach.

(P.S. Jealous that you will be having a warm winter.)
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Edited by BookishLookish at 11/05/09 5:10 PM BookishLookish was starred BookishLookish was unstarred

registered
11/05/09

@BookishLookish: I have failed some test here. I've done it before -there was this Nigerian businessman I didn't trust.

I'll get over it, you slag. Love, toots. #women
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BookishLookish
11/05/09

@registered: Ha! That's the spirit. Now you're proving yourself to be the kind of girl I really would love to feel up! I mean, pass on all this hard-won man-woman knowledge. #women
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Trai_Dep
11/05/09

In reply to Spanx: Still Lurking Out There
As someone who, as a kid, wrestled thru middle and high school and was made not only wear lycra/spandex singlets, but engage in mortal combat in them all the while in public view of hundreds of gawking eyes, all I can say is, "Suck it up".

On the other hand, we didn't have to wear high heels during our tourneys, so perhaps more sympathy is warranted. #women
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BookishLookish
11/05/09

@Trai_Dep: You think this is a silly GAME? This is a sport, trapping men and keeping them as pets! More respect, young man. #women
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registered
11/05/09

In reply to Spanx: Still Lurking Out There
Well, HamNo, you have certainly created a post that has garnered almost as many comments as a Mad Men recap. I hope you are having a good day and all the other editors are glaring at you. #women
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intime
11/05/09

In reply to Spanx: Still Lurking Out There
Oh, and you ladies who complain about getting Spanx off have obviously never worn a REAL girdle. Try getting a real '60's girdle on - and then off. HA! See the red marks on your tender flesh....then on top of that the garters that you had to use as there were no pantyhose. Yes, I did this at the age of 13. A year later L'Eggs came out - and the miniskirt.
Freedom - oh, sweet freedom! Hallelujah! #women
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VioletViolet
11/05/09

@intime: Better yet, they should wear the old fashioned maxi pad belts with the hooks. How it took so long to come with adhesive pads, I don't know. #women
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The_Lovely_Miss_Bronx
11/05/09

@intime: I'm sure you must remember the "sanitary belt." I dreaded puberty, but by the time that happened -- thank goodness! -- there were alternate choices available. #women
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registered
11/05/09

@intime: I remember my Mom's girdles - veritable suits of armor, and yes, they came with garters and the stockings that attached to them.

The history of corsetry and hosiery has never been kind to women. Nor is Spanx or its imitators.

However. You were wearing a girdle at 13? Were you mad?

Er, no offense. A girl of 13 in a girdle? #women
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intime
11/05/09

@VioletViolet: Oh my God - yes - those were hideous! #women
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intime
11/05/09

@The_Lovely_Miss_Bronx: No, I had blessedly forgotten those until you reminded me!

That's the reason we ALL learned to use tampons as quickly as possible. I remember working at that for days. Those belts and pads were awful. #women
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intime
11/05/09

@registered: Yeah - I wanted to wear stockings to school and so I put the whole thing on. I had tried a garter belt but I found that even harder to use to keep the stockings on than the girdle. No doubt I filched it from my mom or older sister. I'm sure my mom would not have bought one for me. #women
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registered
11/05/09

@The_Lovely_Miss_Bronx: Oh lord, how I am laughing at that memory. I'm young enough to have escaped the dreaded sanitary belt, but you'd better believe that in a family of five girls, there were lots of sanitary pads stored in the linen closet.

I still remember the day my sole brother came downstairs with his arm wrapped in one of those really thick sanitary pads. He was pretending he had a war wound. The poor little fella got laughed out of the room by the grownups. I had no idea why; I thought they were bandages too. #women
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registered
11/05/09

@intime: You just reminded me of the time my parents went to England and returned with a gift of tights (aka pantyhose) for my eldest sister. I was about 8. As soon as nobody was in the bedroom, I tried them on. I felt wonderful. I did somersaults in them and bounced around on the bed in them. That's how much I wanted to wear stockings.

Then I noticed that my leg hairs were poking out. I took my father's razor and shaved my legs. I knew I had done something wrong, even as I admired my 24" legs.

I told Mother, and she said you are a silly fool and you will have to shave your legs for the rest of your life.

This is the end of my posting as a Jezzy. It's been fun! But I wouldn't want to do it again. #women
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intime
11/06/09

@registered: Oh, but wasn't it something to see your once hairy legs all smooth, soft and shiny? I'll never forget that the first time I shaved my legs.

Now I only do it if I'm gonna wear shorts or a bathing suit. *laugh* #women
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registered
11/06/09

@intime: Yes, it was! It was a glorious feeling. A total coming-of-age moment.

Unlike you, though, I have to shave them every few days. Stubble itches the hell out of me.

Mother was right, at least on that account. Meh, she was right most of the time. Mothers are like that. #women
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MisterHippity
11/05/09

In reply to Spanx: Still Lurking Out There
I'm gonna write a children's book about Spanx. I've already created the cover ... check it out: [misterhippity.tumblr.com] #women
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naugahydeinplainsight
11/05/09

@MisterHippity:
No thanks, said Manx,
I won't wear Spanx.
They're known to bind,
In ways unkind.
And if you have an itch,
they're a serious bitch.
You wouldn't you ask a doggie,
Or a Hippity-hoppity froggie.
So don't call me wussy,
I'm a liberated pussy. #women
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intime
11/05/09

In reply to Spanx: Still Lurking Out There
All these ladies need to do is get married and the wearing of the Spanx will not be an issue. Their spouses will be just be happy that they are taking their clothes off - they won't care what is they are removing! #women
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franimaljones
11/05/09

@intime: Ahem, excuse me ladies, I'm happily married to a boff-happy hunk 5 years my junior and I wear Spanx for moi, thank you. And yes, they are a lot easier than a girdle. My sis modeled in the 80s and all the models wore girdles. They are also a lot better than cutting off nylons at the thigh, which is what I used to do. I don't like my thighs toughing. #women
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intime
11/06/09

@franimaljones: I agree. I think Spanx are great. #women
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City_Dater
11/05/09

In reply to Spanx: Still Lurking Out There
High-waisted flesh tone Spanx worn with black bra and Pleasers...hmmmm.
I have found next year's Halloween costume. I'm going as an extremely self-conscious stripper. #women
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TriedandTrue
11/05/09

@City_Dater: Or a Never-Nude stripper? #women
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City_Dater
11/05/09

@TriedandTrue:

Considering "stripping" wouldn't even begin to describe what it's like to get out of those things (more like "scraping and sanding"), that is for certain one stripper who is Never-Nude. #women
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hamburgerhotdog
11/05/09

In reply to Spanx: Still Lurking Out There
the truly horrifying ones have that band of elastic that runs along the buttcrack to make it appear as if your rear has not been smooshed by a giant aggressive swath of spandex (even tho it has) #women
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registered
11/05/09

In reply to Spanx: Still Lurking Out There
Speaking of the evilness of undergarments, I remember an old cartoon, possibly Mad Mag, in which a flat-chested, flabby-assed pear-shaped woman steps into a fore-runner of Spanx. The sausage casing pushes the fat up, up, and up, until suddenly she is a slim-hipped, wasp-waisted creature with an enormous bosom.

BTW, if someone would create this product I would buy it for research purposes. I'd like to research what it's like to look like that. #women
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scroll_lock
11/05/09

@registered: It's great to look like that. #women
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registered
11/05/09

@scroll_lock: You're speaking personally? #women
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scroll_lock
11/05/09

@registered: Yep. #women
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registered
11/05/09

@scroll_lock: Pics or you're a liar, Scroll. And I mean pics of Scroll with an hour-glass figure. #women
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scroll_lock
11/06/09

@registered: Pfft. I'm not about to start sending those around teh internets! Hey, you forgot the standard offer of $120. #women
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Smitros
11/05/09

In reply to Spanx: Still Lurking Out There
There was a Salon piece by, I believe, Sarah Heppola on Spanx recently. The TMI-ness of it prevented me from getting past the headline. #women
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heartbreakturnip
11/05/09

In reply to Spanx: Still Lurking Out There
I'll give you some spanx! Rawwrrr. Safe word! #women
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mfnher
11/05/09

In reply to Spanx: Still Lurking Out There
I was under the impression they had a pee hole. Is that true, because that kind of creeps me out?
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Edited by mfnher at 11/05/09 1:47 PM mfnher was starred mfnher was unstarred

registered
11/05/09

@mfnher: No*, but it might be a great idea. If they made it large enough, you could have sex w/o ever taking them off!

*Don't ask me how I know. #women
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hamburgerhotdog
11/05/09

@mfnher: The real Spanx do (they're expensive, and yes, it's horrifying), the cheap ones don't. #women
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hilkaryic
11/05/09

@mfnher: it has 2 flaps that over lap and when you spread your legs they also spread. #women
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registered
11/05/09

@hamburgerhotdog: My reputation is somewhat saved. Obviously, I have not bought a product from Spanx in years, but my real Spanx product did not have this "pee-hole" feature.

They do? They really do? How inutterably gross. How does one avoid splashes? No, I don't want any further details. #women
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Richard Petty Bourgeoisie
11/05/09

@mfnher: They also make them with a larger, lubricated hole and sell them as "Skanx." #women
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Hiroine Protagonist
11/05/09

@registered: Pee hole. Ha! That's a gettin' laid hole! #women
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