Case dismissed. [The Smoking Gun]

Her idea is to “cater to the female id and the female ego….It’ll be a little less afraid of provocation than a lot of print magazines are. You can do that on the Web.” Spiers said her magazine would be less urban and would skew older than Jezebel, with which her idea is often compared.

Let's analyze: It's not a blog. It's a magazine! On the internet. It can be more provocative than a regular women's magazine. Because it's on the internet! But it's not a blog. So don't compare it to Jezebel (they will cut you over there). It will explore the id and ego of the older, more sedate woman. But it's "less urban" than Jezebel—kind of an unfortunate quote (Spiers: Caucasian. Jezebel: two top editors are not Caucasian! 'Urban': historically a stupid code word for "black." See?) that we will not take the wrong way because we believe Elizabeth Spiers is pure of heart.

So, our reading would be: a mildly trash-talking blog aimed at older suburban women. Her description: "Maxim for women." It all fits. [WWD]

[UPDATE: Jezebel leg-breaker-in-chief Anna confirms: "I will cut and field dress a bitch. U CAN QUOTE ME ON THAT." She then adds, about Spiers, "(i like her)." Then she challenges Spiers to get "edgier" than Jezebel's "10 Days in the life of a Tampon" story, at which point I got sick.]

Ezarik is one of a new breed of completely self-constructed celebrities. Like my friend Julia Allison, whose online self-­promotion recently landed her on the cover of Wired, she is a Web 2.0 version of the American everygirls with bleached teeth and fake tans who have enjoyed reality-show notoriety for a decade. But Ezarik didn't wait around for a reality show to cast her: she trained the camera on herself, controlling every aspect of how she was portrayed. And while her shtick is that she's just putting quotidian stuff online, she's actually as invested as a reality-show producer in shaping and policing a brand.

So, yes, reality shows are now micro-targeted and self-produced, but still just as vapid as they were on network television. Justine has fans, Justine has stalkers, Justine has a manager, but overall Justine likes the attention she gets from "lifecasting." Fair enough. The takeaway:

Attention's a touchy subject right now. As we trust cultural arbiters less and less to tell us who deserves attention, calling those who seek it—especially women—attention whores has become a dismissive, silencing insult. But here's the thing: understanding that your blog is less a shrine to your awesomeness and more a location where a like-minded community can form—and genuinely being okay with that—is actually pretty rare, even among Internet personalities.

We're genuinely okay with that. Now you, our like-minded community, can comment on this random video below if you so choose. [Technology Review]

During the total economic meltdown of our nation's financial system, who do people turn to? Suze freaking Orman. She's now the face of FDIC, for god's sake. She may not be as dangerous as her closest competitor, mad man Jim Cramer, who actually gives specific advice that will cause you to lose your life savings. But she's insidious nonetheless; if people want financial advice, they definitely shouldn't turn to someone who's really an ad pitchwoman.

As the economy has soured, Ms. Orman has been asked to promote everything from telecommunication services to laundry detergent. And given the most recent market gyrations, her handlers are bracing for even greater demand.

According to the WSJ she's now as popular as Elton John. But people don't pay Elton John for investment advice!

Ms. Orman's history might give her some cause to tread carefully. In 2004, she starred in an ad for General Motors that promoted a no-interest financing promotion. Her appearance in the ad had some pundits crying foul. In essence, she was advocating taking on more debt — something she has long chided her followers for doing.

Ms. Orman said she agreed to represent GM in part because she thought the interest-free promotion was a good deal and needed to be pointed out to women, in particular.

Mmm hmm. Normal financial advisers have accused the Suze of being a fearmonger, which can only enrich her as terrified Americans make the mistake of running out and purchasing her books, rather than investing that $25 in a low-cost index fund. Her response: What else am I supposed to say to people who are literally standing in long lines outside of food distribution centers, speaking to me from their cell phones as they await their daily dose of enriched flour?

"For those people who are in credit-card debt... those who have already been foreclosed on... They are the people calling my shows, and they are in bread lines."

Meh. (Sorry Sheila, I know you like her). [WSJ. You can buy low-cost index funds at Vanguard.]

And you know who else thinks you're a pussy? The New York Observer. (Wow, that's bad!). They got in touch directly with your womenfolk, and they're all fantasizing about Don Draper, the heroic asshole star of Mad Men:

Don Draper is a bastard, most of these women will concede. He cheats on his pre-Friedan-ized wife, Betty, going through mistresses like packs of Lucky Strike cigarettes. He is stoic, handsome, emotionally stunted. “Obviously, he’s physically attractive, but his lack of conscience is upsetting,” said Megan Donis, 34, a television producer who lives in Fort Greene.

Your significant other thinks that all your progressive talk makes you and your role models a bunch of little ho bags!

“If you just compare him, to, say, Patrick Dempsey on Grey’s Anatomy, Dr. McDreamy comes off as a whiny little sensitive bitch,” said Lindsay Robertson, 31, a co-editor of Videogum.com, resident of Carroll Gardens and a self-described member of the “Draper estrogen brigade.”

You thought you could wear a fannie pack and button-up sweaters and still be manly enough to satisfy a hot-blooded woman such as yours?

In suburbia-inflected Park Slope, scores of such Stepford Husbands can be found roughhousing with their toddlers at the playground, hoisting strollers up brownstone steps or putting together a nice little risotto for dinner.

“In New York, in the age of the metrosexual and all that, especially in neighborhoods like Park Slope or Prospect Heights, it’s not that unusual. In fact, it’s pretty accepted,” said Timothy Spence, 39, who lives in Prospect Heights and stays home with a 2-year-old daughter while his wife works in Manhattan as a graphic designer. “There just aren’t those issues of masculinity.”

You fucking fool. Go run some errands while your wife pleasures herself to thoughts of a strong-jawed cad.

But even as men proclaim themselves happy homemakers, some of their wives, or “partners” to use the popular parlance of the day, express ambivalence. “You appreciate a stay-at-home dad—as feminists, this is what we wanted!—but marriage now is all about equal partnership,” said the anonymous Brooklyn mom. “It works as a social system, but it’s not terribly erotic.”

While you shop at the co-op for what you think is your wife's favorite food, she's dreaming about her real favorite food: Don Draper's cock!

She recalled a recent conversation between her husband and a SAHD of their acquaintance (the men had cooked, of course). “They were talking very intently about something that went on in preschool,” she said. “And I just completely glazed over, went a million miles away in my head. I thought, ‘Jesus, fellas, get a life!’”

By contrast: “Don Draper is a hero. He’s a dreamer.”

Overall, this has been one of the most satisfying articles I've read in some time. [by Irina Aleksander, who clearly thinks you are a pussy.]

When I arrived at 5W, I was awkwardly told by two of [Kellie Brown, VP of the fashion division's] underlings that she had been pulled into a meeting at the last minute and wouldn’t be able to see me.

Later, an embarrassed 5W staff member I’ll call “Renee” confided in me that Ms. Brown had, in fact, seen me enter the office and decided on the spot that I wasn’t “worth her time”. Renee said that although Ms. Brown is “more plus” than I am, Ms. Brown felt I was too fat to be a spokeswoman for Avenue. Even though I wear their clothes. Even though I am their target customer. Let me add that I was well-groomed when I arrived at the 5W office, I didn’t reek, and as always, I was gracious and very well-spoken.

Hard to believe this could happen at such a reputable firm. [Kim Writes]

The number of reporters covering the NY state government in Albany has dropped from 59 to 42 in the last quarter century. And one count says there are just over 400 full time statehouse reporters in the whole country. The glorious days are gone!

Women were banned from being members during World War II, a policy that was not reversed until the late 1960s. Women were also not allowed to participate in the [statehouse correspondents association's] annual gridiron dinner until 1972. Now a third of the association’s members are women.

But through much of the 1980s, the organization still had the feel of a stodgy gentleman’s club. Nightly poker games with legislative staffers and lobbyists were a revered tradition, as was “the library,” a metal cart of liquor that was wheeled out every afternoon.

Today the liquor cart is gone. The poker table still sits on the second level of the association’s office space — a balcony known as “the shelf” that looks down on the main press room floor — but it is covered by a piece of particleboard stained with coffee mug rings.

Women! [NYT]

The number of men hunting has declined over the last decade, as humans move out of caves and into urban areas and find ways to distinguish themselves from Dick Cheney. So weapons manufacturers and their ilk are targeting women to pick up the slack. By offering them some dumb things like pink guns, which, savvy female hunters noted, was not very good camouflage. But Palin has been a hit:

Gov. Palin is an ideal role model, say some women hunters, because she defies the masculine image of the sport. "She's a babe," says Linda Burch, a bear-hunting Minnesota accounting executive who applies lipstick before posing for kill shots.

Inspirational! More marketing insight into the minds of feminine killers, from the WSJ:

By some accounts, female hunters are different than their male counterparts. Unlike most male hunters, for instance, some share poetry with each other. "I wish I may, I wish I might, have a big buck in my sight," reads one contribution to WomenHunters.com's poetry page.

Gun is pink,
I love Sarah Palin
Animals see me coming
I end up eating raisins.

[Copyranter at Animal]

• June 25, 1998: Michael Bloomberg is deposed for a sexual harassment suit by an employee who says she was raped at work. He gives kind of asshole answers.
• September 27, 2007: The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission announces it will sue Bloomberg for cutting the pay of or demoting women on maternity leave.
• October 2, 2007: A New York Post story calls the company "a cesspool of discrimination" towards women.
• October 4, 2007: Mayor Bloomberg himself is accused of fostering and condoning the sexual discrimination in his company. Also of secretly running it himself.
• October 5, 2007: Mayor recalls that yes, he does talk to the head of his company all the time.
• May 2, 2008: Number of ladies suing Bloomberg is up to 58. That was not the ceiling obviously.

Now, there are 72 women on the suit—a suit that the company initially called a "publicity stunt," New York mag points out. They always knew pregnant ladies were unstable, what with the hormones and all. Stop suing, ladies—stress is bad for your figure! Amirite Mike? Play on, playa!

... myriad spots during the Games feature women athletes past and present, like Cheri Blauwet, Nadia Comaneci, Shawn Johnson, Nastia Liukin, Kerri Strug and Dara Torres.

Wow, that's a fair number of high-profile women athletes. Could women spectators perhaps be enticed to watch them compete between Olympiads on channels now jam-packed with men's football, baseball, basketball and hockey? Perhaps! But considering women have been known to heavily consume the Olympics for at least four years now, if not decades, and that women's sports remain a microscopic part of sports television, the idea is something of a dream. So enjoy the miraculous Olympics while they last, women.

[Times]

“You won’t be able to stop them, but you can protect yourself. He who created you knows what’s best for you!”

[via Adfreak]

[Copyranter]

[AskMen via Ad Age]

For "a digital magazine aimed at women 35+." Could it be....THIS?

The deal was ironed out yesterday, but Hooters would not reveal how much it paid for the rights. Hooters said the owners and the jockey approved the deal.

"We have a great relationship with UPS, but Hooters has a great plan to have 450 of their restaurants doing a Big Brown day," Wietsma said.

Hooters is also going to slap its logo on the jockey's legs, and, if Big Brown wins, he will "be greeted by busty Hooters girls in tightfitting T-shirts."

Stay classy, rich people.

[NYDN]

Morty: I remember that you loved Sex and the City.
Janet: Oh my god, my life is SO Sex and the City!
Morty: Every girl in New York says that.
Janet: I know. But with me it's really true.
Morty: Every girl in New York says that.
Janet: What do you know? You hated that show.
Morty: Yeah. I think that Sex and the City is a modern, less realistic rip-off of "Laverne and Shirley," but without the monogrammed sweater.
Janet: That doesn't even make sense.
Morty: Of course it does: Two best friends become four. Lenny and Squiggy are now two gay guys. Bowling alleys and pizza parlors are replaced with Pastis and Soho House.
Janet: That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of.
Morty: Come on, you know that if they had cable back then, there definitely would have been an episode where Carmine Ragusa's penis was so big, Shirley could barely put on her pants the next day.
Janet: Goodbye, Morty.

"Allison made it past the first date because I needed a hot companion for my company Christmas party. She was fun and sweet enough, but couldn't spell 'Louis Vuitton' if it wasn't written all over her handbag. And wallet. And shoes. Before I could even ask her about Sex and the City, Allison mentioned the words 'husband', 'pregnant', and 'why the hell are you calling me.':"

Morty: I don't know why you are so hostile to your ex that you haven't spoken to in seven years. Especially since it seems like you've done such a good job rebounding from our relationship.
Allison: I don't consider you my "ex," I consider you my "Y." As in "WHY did I ever go out with you?"
Morty: Funny.... Who said that, Carrie or Samantha?
Allison: Goodbye, Morty.
[HuffPo]

In papers filed in Manhattan Federal Court, Victoria's Secret said it wants the court to consider a study it conducted.

The survey found only five of 308 people who bought hair care products associated the word "sexy" with a single company and made any reference to Sexy Hair Concepts and its offerings.

Victoria's Secret, which also introduced the Very Sexy bra, said its study proves "that the word 'sexy' has not acquired distinctiveness among purchasers of hair care products."

To be fair, if Sexy Hair Concepts loses their Sexy monopoly, they will have some serious branding problems. Their product line:

He's waiting.

What do you mean by misled?

I first of all don't identify as a tranny, or transsexual. For the commercial I wore breasts, and I knew it was going to come back to me, but it was so groundbreaking that I was happy to do it. Honestly, I like to think that I can change myself and be however I'm comfortable. I'm a little tranny... I'm all of those things

So how do you identify yourself?

I'm so comfortable being myself, I've just never questioned. I love the whole androgyny thing, though, if that's even a category. I'm a man, and I do love being a man, and would never want to change that - but I also have my days where I love getting dressed up and just being fierce.

About the ad, Karis says, "It's a shame that it'll never air in the States - but thank god for the internet."

The club was quite a hot affair for the first 40 or 50 years after its founding in 1905. It once boasted members like Dwight Eisenhower, Harry Truman, and the cream of the city's journalism, literary, and artistic communities. Today, it can be more accurately embodied by the membership of gossiping octogenarian oddball Liz Smith. They're old:

A weekly e-mail message is sent out to "newcomers and forgetful old-timers" reminding: 1, Lunch is still $25 and wine is on the table; and 2, please be sure to turn off cellphones, or put them on vibrate.

They like to get buzzed:

A gold medal dangling on a red ribbon is handed out to guest speakers and performers, engraved with the club's mascot: a man in a top hat and tails with a monocle reclining in the bottom of a martini glass.

And they're now equal-opportunity horndogs:

Women were not admitted until 1991, a dramatic change that came about after intense voting, which required a recount because of suspected cheating...

Since the 1920s, the club has produced a yearbook known for its drawings of nude women that used to be inspired by the club's favorite coat check, hat and cigarette girls. At the end of the annual dinner, members will be given their 2008 yearbooks by the club's first woman president, the cabaret singer KT Sullivan.

[NYT]

"It is known that everybody does it, but they protest," Dangin said recently. "The people who complain about retouching are the first to say, 'Get this thing off my arm.' " I mentioned the Dove ad campaign that proudly featured lumpier-than-usual "real women" in their undergarments. It turned out that it was a Dangin job. "Do you know how much retouching was on that?" he asked. "But it was great to do, a challenge, to keep everyone's skin and faces showing the mileage but not looking unattractive."

Why, that would make Dove a bunch of rank hypocrites! A spokeswoman for Dove's ad agency tells Ad Age that "We are unsure right now what he did," and adds:

"There was no retouching of the women," she said. "If there was a hair that was up in the air, that might have been the kind of retouching that was done. But until I know what he actually worked on, I can't comment on it."

If only for the excessive amount of self-righteousness that accompanied the PR effort surrounding this ad campaign, let's sincerely hope these retouching allegations are true.

MOM'S DESIGN:

[via NYDN]

VICTORIA'S SECRET VERY SEX 100-WAY STRAPLESS CONVERTIBLE BRA:

"But Sarah Jessica Parker says if the show were shot today, Carrie and company would likely live in the other boroughs, where excitement can be found without steep prices and stale ideas...

'[Manhattan's] expensive, and it's not what it used to be,' (said) Parker."

....who in real life lives in an astoundingly expensive town house in the West Village.

Today, supposedly, Carrie would live "in a spacious Carroll Gardens one-bed," Charlotte would move to "comparatively countrified Riverdale", Miranda would move to Red Hook "in search of a unique single-family home," and Samantha would "trailblaze into the still-transforming" Long Island City. As long as none of those motherfuckers have landed in Greenpoint yet, it's all good.

[NYDN]

Case in point? "Madonna's back!" It's an ELLE exclusive. Is she really, though? More importantly, has she ever been gone? But that's one of the essential elements of women's mags and, apparently, women's blogs: playing along with the PR machine.

"Articles and original blogs will come from a range of sources, including Glamour, Epicurious.com, Style.com, InStyle, Cosmopolitan, Harper's Bazaar, Women's Health, and Good Housekeeping," reported CNet. The site is meant to compete with iVillage's Glam.com, but its "content and partner editors" will be what makes it different, according to Holley.

Like this sort of content?












Because their target demographic is about from 25-54, the site has a wide, confusing array of equally inane topics: parenting, at home, reader's blogs, (which can be chosen to be featured more prominently), healthy living, fashion and beauty, work and money. It links to "Red Meat Can Make You Skinny," from another Yahoo verticle, Yahoo Food. "Skip the Diet Soda" comes from Yahoo Health.

And some of the site's design? Well, you see what we mean:

Dagen McDowell

Are you a spender or a saver? Recovering spender. Emerging saver

Alexis Glick

What was the one thing you regret buying? No regrets! Every choice good or bad teaches you something about yourself. Mistakes are worth taking. Life without risk is not an option for me. Follow your passion, do what you think is right and trust your gut. Dream with your eyes open!

Jenna Lee

What was your first job? My first job was working in an apple orchard. My brothers and I were paid based on the number of bags we could fill.

Sandra Smith

She was a trader at Hermitage Capital, where she executed U.S. equities and options orders, conducted portfolio analysis, prepared commission reports and serviced clients.

Shibani Joshi

Joshi has also served as the host of ImaginAsian TV's The Pulse variety show, contributed to ABCNews.com and ABC News Now covering technology and business stories, and was a co-host of American Desi's Point of View talk show.

[Women shown may or may not be single.]

Tria and Silk'n have their limitations. They are slower than professional treatments, so they work best in small areas like lower legs, underarms and bikini lines rather than big areas like hairy men's backs. The Food and Drug Administration hasn't cleared them for use on the face, though consumers could end up using the devices there. And African-Americans and other dark-skinned people can't use them because of a risk of burns. Lasers and light-based technologies work by targeting pigment in the hair and can mistake dark or tanned skin for the enemy.

Well, I do recall Nicole saying to me in the distant past that she always felt she wasn't well endowed and she wished she were. But seeing is believing, and here is a photograph taken back in 2006 where I seem about to lift and toss this beautiful star into the air. No, seriously, take a glance at it. Does this look like a girl who needed breast surgery? No, this is Nicole all natural as the good Lord made her at the Vanity Fair party Oscar night.

I admire a fine belle poitrine as much as anyone, but I can't stand these added-on half grapefruits that look as unnatural as can be. I have known Nicole for a long time now and her natural assets were quite good enough to start with.

She then goes on to congratulate her good friend Nicole on her charity work. Befriending old gossip columnists is hazardous for celebrities, obviously.

Added bonus: Liz Smith's description of Mediabistro:

My friend Dominick Dunne has given an interview to the website mediabistro.com which usually covers who's who and who's eating at the popular Manhattan restaurant, Michael's.

[pic via Liz Smith herself!]

As a non-female, non-SATC-watching, needlessly angry crank, I may not fall within the target audience for The Frisky. But is this really necessary?

Chances are (unless you're a character in a Sandra Bullock movie), most of your day-to-day thoughts about love and sex revolve around pop culture ("Britney Spears tends to a shrine of Justin Timberlake? What?!"), health ("Is the HPV vaccine right for me?"), politics ("Are all powerful men total horn dogs?"), fashion ("Do sexy, comfortable shoes actually exist?"), dating ("He took me to the pharmacy to pick up his Propecia prescription!"), and travel ("How do you say 'to the left' in Italian?"). That's why The Frisky tackles all of these facets of life, but with a sexy, carefree, and most of all, relatable twist.

Incredible: until now, there has not been one single site on the internet that women who like Britney Spears, shoes, sex, and sex can relate to! So what kind of breakthrough content is The Frisky rolling out to satisfy the legions of curious women out there? Hey, it's a slideshow of "Cute & Funny Guys!" To be one of the ten cute and funny guys in America, you must be white, famous, beloved of hipster girls, and master of the smug look. Servicey!

Elsewhere, The Frisky teaches women about the sex. Most useful is this clip, where they ask random people on the street how many times a week couples should have sex. To a person, they all look confused about what is going on. Best part is near the end, when the woman somberly explains, "It's totally inappropriate for me to judge what some other couples should be doing in that regard." Thanks!

According to the study, one-fifth of all French men between the ages of 18-24 have "no interest in sexual or romantic activity whatever." This is presented without any real explanation. And I can think of none, except some unrelated stock jokes about the French being punks. They totally chickened out in WW2!

That number is baffling. Without having a detailed comprehensive study of American sexuality sitting in front of me, I'd be astounded if that number in the US was even 10%. The report also found that the rate of abstinence among French men 18-35 is more than 6%, versus only 3.5% for women. The study has been presented in the press, generally, as "French women are totally sex fiends and French men are not!" Which has a grain of truth. But the figures also say that women there report an average of 5 sex partners over the course of their lives, while men have an average of 13. So the weird "disinterest" among a large portion of younger men is just...weird.

Will this lead to a brisk business in virile young men traveling to France to serve as paid concubines for young women whose male counterparts have no interest in satisfying them, in a strange reversed version of the 2005 Charlotte Rampling sex tourism film Heading South? It's impossible to rule out.

First, let's not waste too much time establishing the fact that Alessandra Stanley was such a bad choice to write this rebuttal piece that it makes you wonder if it was Hitchens that selected her. Hey style is ponderous; she is overlong in her explanations of obvious matters; and she approaches the issue as a topic for serious socio-cultural investigation, rather than an opportunity to crack jokes and talk shit. Which is what was called for. Stanley seems to believe that Hitchens can be refuted through logic, rather than by waiting until he's drunk, then videotaping a woman slapping him around and grabbing his balls until he screams, then putting that video on YouTube.

That's where you're wrong, Alessandra Stanley.

It's not clear whether Stanley is just a boring writer herself, or if she embodies some inherent un-funny quality in all women. But it doesn't matter what the truth is, because anyone looking for evidence to support their bias will hold up her article as a shining example of why women can't hack it.

There is obviously a difference between witty writers (Mme. de Staël, Nora Ephron, Fran Lebowitz) and stand-up comics. Stand-up comedy was always harder for women, because it is aggressive—comedians have to dominate their audiences and "kill," by common metaphor. Male listeners might make allowances for sparkling repartee—which is, after all, instinctive and responsive and manslaughter at the very worst. But a premeditated joke or routine can be murderous in the first degree.

Women either had to compete—head-on, in the aggressive style of Paula Poundstone or Lisa Lampanelli—or subvert the form and make themselves offbeat and likable, the way that Whoopi Goldberg and Ellen DeGeneres do. As Elaine May used to say regarding improv, "When in doubt, seduce." By and large, however, stand-up comedy is tougher and meaner, and the women who do it play by men's rules.

Yo, what? I was bored after the first sentence. See, that's how men are: bored, by Alessandra Stanley. Also maybe some other women humorists. The problem they have is they often talk about things that women can relate to—relationships with men, babies, periods, shopping, love. As a man, I can't relate to all that. That puts women comics at a distinct disadvantage when trying to win over me and my fellow men. This is obvious day, right here.

"But wait!" you protest, femininely. "Hitchens said women just aren't funny, not that men just couldn't relate to our humor." Dude, what? While you were making that argument, I was thinking about how cool it is that Hitchens supposedly smokes in the shower. Chris Hitchens is a brilliant, repugnant slob of a man, and any argument he makes should be taken as one from a male point of view. For him to say that women aren't funny is for him to say that they're not funny to him, a man. Everything else is just purposeful goading, which is a key element of male humor. Arguments to the contrary will probably get ignored, because that's what men do: ignore arguments to the contrary. That's why we have civilization, and wars.

So ladies, it would behoove you to just keep on concentrating on establishing your rightful share of power in the world, rather than trying to convince men that your comedians and whatnot are funny. Once you run as much of the media as we do, it'll be a moot point.