Language is our primary weapon in the ceaseless conflict that is modern life. Today we examine two words that are perfectly terrible reflections of our time: wow and platisher.

problematic (noun, adjective) You're at work, looking at the Internet instead of doing tasks related to your employment. Something is bothering you! Did a celebrity comment on the issue of race? What is up with Katy Perry being so old? Why is "everyone" on Twitter mentioning a #longread that just didn't do anything…

selfie: (noun) Nobody has any idea how to take a photograph of another person. Or, everyone hates you. What else explains the badly lit and poorly focused horror mugshots your so-called friends produce when pointing their phones at you? Did they try to zoom in on the first pimple you've had in three years, or are they…

most powerful storm on record: A monster storm that's even worse than the last couple of nightmares we're still trying to recover from, but not as horrific as the one coming up next. Usage: "The most powerful storm on record is unrelated to global warming, a Senate Republican said."

lifehack (noun) A somber acknowledgement that while life itself is mostly boredom, disappointment and heartbreak, you can at least use up some of life's many hours with different ways to peel garlic or organize your closet shelves.

CR: 1. Abbreviation for "Congressional Republican," a member of an exclusive socialist commune on the Potomac River that provides private gyms, health care, pensions, tennis courts, guaranteed airline seats, reserved airport parking, fine dining, life insurance, a private subway, iPhones, postage stamps, luxury hotels…

federal government shutdown: Death ritual conducted by rich American men at an enormous, ornate temple on a hill.

beard: Ancient arcane term for a gay person's pretend heterosexual partner. Since the legal establishment of gay marriage, refers exclusively to lovingly tended long whiskers worn by urban men working in offices.

is that a thing now?: 1. Feigned ignorance of something impossible to avoid that you could quickly look up on the very device you've just used to type is that a thing now? 2. A symptom of amnesia requiring immediate medical attention and long-term hospitalization.

We are terrorized by language every day! Word Terrorism is here to fight back, by collecting the worst examples of modern vocabulary and revealing the true meanings behind the most insidious terms. Your suggestions are both welcome and necessary.