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Spielberg's Lincoln Might Be Assassinated

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boobaloob
02/17/09

In reply to Spielberg's Lincoln Might Be Assassinated
Whoa, the picture for this post has shattered my understanding of US History. I mean, my goodness, my history teacher never told me that John Wilkes Booth was Black. That certainly complicates things.
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Tremonius
02/18/09

@boobaloob: I'll say, considering that Booth's prime motivation was a racist rejection of what he misunderstood from Lincoln's second inaugural speech, that being Lincoln intended full citizenship for ex-slaves. Wonder why the racist motivation of the little band of assassins is never fully developed in drama. Maybe because any character is diminished if it is revealed he's just another psycho bigot.
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bess marvin, girl detective
02/17/09

In reply to Spielberg's Lincoln Might Be Assassinated
tom hanks makes for a better lincoln. isn't he a distant relative of abe's mother?
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BullfightsOnAcid
02/17/09

In reply to Spielberg's Lincoln Might Be Assassinated
Spielberg would never be able to top The Whitest Kids U Know version of Lincoln's assassination.

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PaisleyPajamas
02/17/09

In reply to Spielberg's Lincoln Might Be Assassinated
To secure those films, Spielberg had to put up more than $13 million of his own money-a violation of a sacred law of Hollywood, which states that other people's money must always be used for everything.

Kinda sounds like everybody and their uncle's a beggar in Ho'wood.
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Tremonius
02/17/09

In reply to Spielberg's Lincoln Might Be Assassinated
He could always gear down. Maybe spend less on the first ever biopic of Millard Fillmore, who at least Kept Us Out Of War. What did Abe really accomplish at the expense of over 600,000 troops and maybe a million civilian casualties, not to count the treasure poured out? He kept the south bound to us like a goiter. Every atrocity or affliction resulted. It's why you amputate gangrened extremities!

Abe pulled a stunt like the doctor who somehow accomodated his patient to his painful and useless kidney stones. Pretty galling. Besides, it's been overdone already! Raymond Massey. 'Nuff.
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saythatscool
02/17/09

@Tremonius: Good God! An educated opinion? Critical thinking? Rational explanations and taste? You should have left this site months ago.
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Ricki-Oh
02/17/09

@Tremonius: Really, just what did we get for keeping all the rednecks in the Union anyway?
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Iron Gossett Jr.
02/17/09

@saythatscool: No one will listen to him anywhere else.
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Colonel Mustard
02/17/09

@Tremonius: Fillmore also hastened the complete implosion and permanent dissolution of his political party. Although I suppose your point that he Kept Us Safe by preventing a second 9/11 from happening is fair.
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friend_of_a_friend
02/17/09

@Tremonius: Total bullshit. Do you really think if Lincoln would've let the confederate states secede that the north could've put an end to slavery with economic sanctions?
I'm all for challenging history but give me a break. Plus your civilian casualty numbers are just something you pulled out of thin air.
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Tremonius
02/17/09

@RealTomatoKetchup: How did you know that? I use aliases everywhere else too ...
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Tremonius
02/17/09

@Colonel Mustard: Two great surrender speeches in American history. Only two. Not Lee. Chief Joseph; that one you know. The other one is - Millard Fillmore. I'm reciting from memory here. To Lincoln, on his inauguration.

"If you take up this office with a fraction of the satisfaction with which I set it down, you are a happy man."
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Colonel Mustard
02/18/09

@Tremonius: Sadly, the most memorable thing about Fillmore is that he's one of the few presidents whose name ends in vowel. (The quote is actually Buchanan to Lincoln.)

Buchanan, incidentally, was the only president whose sister served the duties of first lady.
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Colonel Mustard
02/18/09

@Colonel Mustard: Wait! Sorry — the most memorable thing about Fillmore is that he was the last Whig president! The vowel thing is just "additional trivia".
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Tremonius
02/18/09

@Colonel Mustard: Sorry I mixed up the two. They were both contenders for Worst Ever until the regime just past, now they are jumbled like in a dryer. I don't do research for Gawker; makes it fresher.

I was just recently commisserating with Warren G Harding, another contender for Worst President of All Time. Very unhappy and inefective time in office during the roaring twenties, and he seemed so sincere. Said to his secretary, `I meet with an expert on tax policy and it seems so right, and then I meet one of the opposite opinion and it is also very convincing, so what am I to do?'
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TedSez
02/17/09

In reply to Spielberg's Lincoln Might Be Assassinated
This film would have cost a pretty penny.
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saythatscool
02/17/09

@TedSez: Yeah and the price at the theater would be murder.
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shostakobitch
02/17/09

@saythatscool: a studio divided against itself cannot stand.
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Colonel Mustard
02/17/09

In reply to Spielberg's Lincoln Might Be Assassinated
Michael Bay, where are you when we need you most? I want to see Mary Todd's crazy ass thrown 300 feet through the air by the massive balcony explosion, followed by a rip-roarin' coach chase through the center of town with rocket-launchers blazing and the Federal Kill-Bot knocking over farmhouses and stomping conspirators out like bugs under its fearsome metal feet.
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Banjo-Sea Kitten
02/17/09

@Colonel Mustard: don't forget the super cute sons doing super cute shit often. Heartstrings will be tugged but you will be giggling too!
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Sproing
02/17/09

In reply to Spielberg's Lincoln Might Be Assassinated
What could be so expensive about a Lincoln biopic? Will there be a mothership landing at Gettysburg?
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LatestBy
02/17/09

@Sproing: I assume it's mostly a tall-hat budget.
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shostakobitch
02/17/09

@Sproing: Speilberg has to shoot the assassination, then go back and digitally alter Booth's gun so that he appears to put a hole through Lincoln's head with a walky talky.
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Banjo-Sea Kitten
02/17/09

In reply to Spielberg's Lincoln Might Be Assassinated
Better assassinated than Spielberginated, IMO.
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saythatscool
02/17/09

@Banjo-Sea Kitten: My feelings exactly, my lovely Kitten. Why don't you have a star? That's not fair.
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Banjo-Sea Kitten
02/17/09

@saythatscool: thank you, your coolness. [Sniffle].
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MyNameIsChris
02/17/09

In reply to Spielberg's Lincoln Might Be Assassinated
Was there pavement in Lincoln's time? If the roads are dirt, how will Kaminski wet them down?
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Aaron Altman
02/17/09

@MyNameIsChris: Heh!
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Iceland Spar
02/17/09

In reply to Spielberg's Lincoln Might Be Assassinated
This spells disaster for the long term strategy of my HSX.com portfolio.
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