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Wtf

wtf

Monkey Bartender Will Shake Your Martini!

This rather world-weary looking monkey actually works in a bar in Japan. From extremely casual research, we think he looks like a macaque. Hiring monkeys: a great way to outsource bartenders! What's next, monkey bloggers? Oh, shit...

sad

Chris Matthews and the Legend of the Reddish Skull

So Chris Matthews' new hair. It's... odd. Off-putting, at first. But doesn't it remind you of something? The hair, perhaps, of another man? A man who might hold the very job that Chris Matthews covets so dearly? Almost, Chris. Almost. [HuffPo]

Man Babies It is Friday and so I leave you with this delightful little collection of manbabies. [Man Babies]

publicity stunts

Another Obama Speech, Another Doofus Acting Crazy Behind Him

We've all heard Barack Obama's Message of Hope a thousand times, and probably already voted this primary season, so let's all just keep an eye out for the most insane supporter standing behind the Democratic presidential candidate whenever he gives a victory or concession speech. A couple of weeks ago it was three hyperactive tools in Abercrombie & Fitch t-shirts. In February it was a woman in some kind of emotional rhapsody. Now, in the background of Obama's North Carolina victory speech, it's this wahoo in a pastel blue shirt, in the upper left corner, behind CNN's "Raleigh, NC" logo. Oddly, he's surrounded entirely by women and other white people in pastels, except for a lone black face. Watch him go crazy over shouts out to minor dignitaries and every other thing Obama says in the video after the jump. Also dig Obama's new southern accent. More »

the olds

Whoopi's Weirdo Mom's Day Video

Do you have a neighbor lady who's around middle age, doesn't seem to have a job (so she's home a lot during the day), and smokes a lot of pot? Is she full of loopy life lessons and socio-political theories she regales you with when you go over there to buy drugs? Is her name Whoopi Goldberg? Anyway, her Mother's Day video on WowOwow is priceless. "The day to go to Disneyland? Is today! 'Cause it's Mother's Day! No one goes to Disneyland on Mother's Day." Hey, everybody! This Mother's Day, freak your mom out by getting high and making her a video. She'll never forgive forget it. [WowOwow]

nsfw

Dwarf-Rape Porn Film Makes Compelling Anti-Clinton Argument

So. This is the trailer for a "documentary" called Demons for Hillary. If this trailer is any indication, the film presents a series of man-on-the-street interviews with people who are scared of Hillary Clinton interspersed with pixelated hard-core pornography, including a delightful set piece in which little people in dime-store devil costumes take advantage of nubile young women. Which is why Hillary is not fit to be President. You can download the whole film right now for ten bucks! Could someone else do this and report back to us? We are too scared to. The film came with a baffling press release. "AVAILABILITY: Filmmaker Todd Fligner is available 24/7 -Los Angeles, Ca, nationwide by arrangement and via telephone. Great last minute interview." We're sure! Full press release after the jump. It involves the phrase "threesome tirades." More »

tom cruise

The Most Important Interview of Our Time

Tom Cruise on family life: "I don't know, normal, how to make it. ... I just try to create life, for them." Oprah looks SCARED of him. NOW HE'S CRYING ABOUT HOW HE ALWAYS DOES THE BEST HE CAN. Update: He just kidnapped Oprah on his snowmobile. They road off into the woods, Miller's Crossing-style. "This is what happened with Katie!" she cried.

Mothers Angry At Video Game For Letting People Do Things That Aren't Wise In Real Life Mothers Against Drunk Driving is (are?) asking video game rating board ESRB to change Grand Theft Auto IV's rating from Mature to Adults Only because the game lets players drink and then drive. Complaints still to come from Mothers Against Banging Hookers In The Park, Mothers Against Working For Gangsters As An Assassin, and Mothers Against Driving Around Doing Stunts Involving Dozens Of Deaths. [Gamespot]

simon & simon

The Most Popular Show on Hulu

We were at Hulu doing some important research for a post when we noticed this. And now we need someone to explain it. Apparently, the most-viewed episode of anything ever on the popular video site—more popular than all the Family Guy, 30 Rock, Office, and Simpsons episodes they offer—is some random episode of the utterly forgotten '80s detective show Simon & Simon. No other episode from that classic Gerald McRaney vehicle appears in the first five pages of results organized by popularity. Seriously, why is this the most popular thing on Hulu? Why? On a site where you can watch all of Arrested Development! [Hulu] More »

bloglash

Did You 'Enjoy the Fried Calamari' On Your Date Last Night?

From the Nerve.com blogger, a New York gentleman who calls himself "Zeitgeisty": "Last night I went on another date with that chick I met at Dunkin Donuts, the one I thought was a bit skinny.. Well, this time around I felt a bit more 'plugged - in', and we both 'enjoyed the fried calamari' so to speak." So many things going wrong here, but... no, dude, we do not know what you meant by "enjoyed the fried calamari." Well, we sort of do, but... Dunkin' Donuts chick—e-mail us and elaborate? More »

lawsuits

Ivy League Prof Sues Students For Being Mean to Her

A Dartmouth lecturer is suing her class for discrimination, as she revealed in a series of regrettable and bizarre emails that promptly ended up all over Dartmouth blogs. Priya Venkatesan (Dartmouth '90, MS in Genetics, PhD in literature) emailed members of her Winter '08 Writing 5 class Saturday night to announce her intention to seek damages from them for their being mean to her. The email, and so, so much more, below: More »

art

There Will Be Sex Dolls

The girl on the left is not real. She has, however, been manufactured exclusively for your pleasure (or some weirdo that lives with his mom!) Lynn Hershman Leeson has a photo/installation exhibit at the bitforms gallery that is about sex dolls, and their "projected fantasies and the mythology of artificial women." After jump: another totally creepy photo from the exhibition! More »

classic

One More Thing

A collage of the best scenes from Midnight Run. Pretty much any 80's classic has a bunch of collages over at YouTube. Please post your favorite one—or even just your favorite scene—in the comments. More »

cartoons

The Hilarious World of Speed-Cartooning

What do you get when you challenge a cartoonist to draw 200 three-panel comics in twelve hours? Fun times! Artist Nedroid took up the challenge from Cracked and went batshit nutty. After the jump, some of my faves. More »

wtf

Jenna Bush's Book For Children Who Don't Read

It's hard to know where to start with the new book plugged on Larry King Live tonight by authors Jenna Bush and her mom Laura, the first lady. First of all, it's for kids who hate reading. Very meta, but maybe not the best business model for publisher HarperCollins. Also, it's got a character named Tyrone, who is eight or nine. Tyrone is also white, possibly the first white kid to be named Tyrone, ever. Jenna said Tyrone is a "composite," which she explains to mean he is based on one particular student taught by her mom. One would have hoped Jenna learned the meaning of the word "composite" while serving as a co-teacher in a DC charter school, but after drinking her way around the world maybe the first daughter has found her brain doesn't work as well as it used to. Somewhere in America tonight, there's an embarrassed little boy named Tyrone, watching Larry King with his mother, and Googling around for a good intellectual property attorney. Clip of Laura and Jenna after the jump. More »

Dear 'New Republic': This Is How You Do It Game, set, match: Drudge. That's how you do quasi-sexist. Confusingly. [Drudge, Earlier]

things we actually like

"Charlie Rose" by Samuel Beckett

Slightly creepier than Charlie Rose talking to someone else, it's Charlie Rose talking to Charlie Rose [who, my editor wants me to remind you, is a PBS talk show host]. Filmmaker Andrew Filippone Jr.'s debut YouTube video got on today's Very Short List and now it's appearing on every blog ever. It deserves this attention, since it is the dark cousin of "Pretty Much Everywhere, It's Gonna Be Hot." More »

bad ideas

Make Your Own CNN T-Shirts!

Oh god we've been playing into their hands all this time. We rib CNN for their terrible tabloid-style headlines, but we had no idea how profoundly unembarrassed they are about their naked attempts at cheap traffic grabbing. Now, you see, you can click on a little icon next to selected CNN.com headlines and buy those headlines on a t-shirt. Seriously. The internet has caved in on itself! Only certain headlines merit the shirt treatment—so, like, the "weird fish" one, but not the "20 bodies found floating near Bahamas" one. It's still in Beta though! So you can quite easily mock up CNN headline t-shirts that say anything you like. Like the ones we've attached after the jump. Make your own! More »