Below is a brief but shockingly accurate dramatic reenactment of what you will see in the video above, from last night's campaign coverage:

Yele Haiti, the self-serving charity that Wyclef Jean founded (with other peoples' money) to burnish his reputation, lay the ground for a self-aggrandizing run at the presidency of Haiti, keep his mistress employed, and pay himself generous performance fees, has finally collapsed under the weight of its own…

Remember how Wyclef Jean promised to clean up his sham charity last year after it started raising $1 million a day in the wake of the earthquake in Haiti? Guess what.

Lindsay Lohan crashes, and then gets kicked out of, Marc Jacobs' party. Tareq Salahi receives a picture of a penis in his mail—a penis we are reasonably sure does not belong to Justin Timberlake. Saturday gossip is here!

Tiger Woods' gentle path is in danger. Courteney Cox and David Arquette reunite. Renee Zellweger dumped Bradley because he wouldn't propose. Britney Spears gets a tutor. Monday gossip backslides.

Gawker's favorite New Jersey humanitarian, Wyclef Jean, was shot in the hand at a political rally for Haitian presidential candidate, musician Michel Martelly last night. But he's okay! According to Wyclef's spokesperson, "He was shot in the hand last night. He was released from the hospital. He's fine now. It…

It was the year Christina Aguilera attacked Lady Gaga and Whoopi Goldberg stormed off The View. Conan O'Brien defied his boss and world leaders threatened to kill a psychic octopus. A guide to the bloodiest feuds of 2010.

Wyclef Jean's new EP is out today, and the Guardian caught up with him. He sometimes speaks in the third person, and knows he's the man: "Fans on Twitter call me the modern-day Fela or Marley or Dylan, you know."

[Sean Penn walks through the streets of Port-au-Prince, Haiti presumably looking for Wyclef Jean-related irregularities during the island nation's presidential election. Image via Getty]

Wyclef Jean's campaign for President of Haiti ended before it even began. But that's not preventing him from releasing a new six-song EP called "If I Were President: My Haitian Experience." Wyclef! You are not and never will be president!

In a list of things he wants to donate to Haiti relief concert tour rider, the singer makes, if not crazy demands, at least very specific ones. Certain brands, certain flavors, and, most importantly, a certain ambiance. Y'know, classy like.

Still angry after his failed bid for president of Haiti, Wycef Jean hit back at Sean Penn for questioning his ability to handle the job: "maybe he ain't see me in Haiti because he was too busy sniffing cocaine."

New Jersey guy Wyclef Jean is still whining about being disqualified from a presidential election in a country that he doesn't live in. So he wrote a song! In it, he says the electoral council should be thrown in prison.

Welcome to Monday's gossip roundup, in which we gather every horrifying new detail about Speidi's sex tape (blackmail! ultimatums!) and how it inspires Snooki's ex. Meanwhile, Brad Pitt wants to murder BP executives and LiLo's lawyer heads back to court.

On Friday, Haiti's electoral committee disqualified New Jersey resident Wyclef Jean from running for president, and he issued a statement saying, "I respectfully accept the committee's final decision." That respect was short-lived, because he's now going to appeal the ruling.

New Jersey resident Wyclef Jean was rejected late yesterday by Haiti's electoral council in his bid to become president of Haiti. Though Jean is bowing out with "a heavy heart," now he can focus on spending his charity's money.

Reuters says Wyclef Jean isn't on the list of government-approved candidates for Haiti's November presidential election, which will be finalized tomorrow. Currently, Haitians only have a measly 34 candidates to choose from. Bet none of them have rented a lion!

Wyclef is still waiting for Haiti's electoral commission to rule on whether he can legally run for president there. In the meantime, he now says he's in hiding, thanks to death threats. Where is his lion when he needs it?

Wyclef's campaign for the presidency of Haiti has brought predictable scrutiny on his time at the head of Yele Haiti—the badly mismanaged charity whose problems have been cataloged here before. But there's more—he rented a lion! For charity?