Praise be the gods of tabloid: Brad Pitt's chin scraggle of horror is gone. Lindsay Lohan's paid appearances are increasingly desperate. Joe Jackson blames his wife for Michael's death. Monday gossip starts the week with a clean slate.
Every time Lindsay Lohan drinks, it costs $10,000. English muffins can trigger false positives on alcohol monitors. Probation is the most complicated thing in the world. These are the things I've learned from the daily travails of the Lohans.
[Heidi Montag needed four bodyguards by her side when she marched down to the Santa Monica courthouse today to file papers to legally separate from her husband, fellow famewhore Spencer Pratt. This, friends, is her sad face. Image via X17]
Several sources report Lindsay Lohan's booze-sniffing SCRAM bracelet alerted authorities last night of either alcohol, tampering, or a missed curfew. Now her lawyers are reportedly at an emergency meeting with her judge at the Beverly Hills Courthouse. Updated.
If you're a female celebrity and you haven't gone girl-on-girl before a crowd of roaring, adoring males, you're probably gay. Last night, Sandra kissed Scarlett as revenge on Jesse. How did lesbian kisses become the ultimate mainstream display of hetero-desirability?
Paris Hilton on her summer plans: "I'm just going to be on a yacht. Summer must have? A yacht. I'm going to St. Tropez, Monaco." She continues, "No more McDonald's, In-N-Out done. Getting my bikini body." [Us, photo via X17]
She will throw in a make-up consultation for free. Lance Bass is dating one of the Queer Eye guys. Kendra Wilkinson's sex tape has "multiple partners." Jill Zarin (accidentally?) teases Bethenny's baby. Monday's gossip is surprising at first, then obvious.
The producers who made Jersey Shore are now working on literally-named spin-off The Persian Version. This is in addition to the Asian version in L.A. and the Russian version in Brighton Beach. Reality television: 21C minstrel shows?
The walking tragedy that is LiLo takes a turn for the cringe-worthy. Charlie Sheen wants to quit his TV show. Michael Douglas laments his wilting libido. Tiger's kindergarten teacher has Gloria Allred on retainer and "feelings" to "express." TGIFriday gossip.
Lourdes wishes her mom didn't date men young enough to be her brother. A woman named Skittles Valentine tells all about her Jesse James orgy. Khloe Kardashian goes Girls Gone Wild. Thursday's gossip roundup is overexposed.
Gaga sues the ex-boyfriend suing her—he didn't invent her, he took advantage of her. Kate Winslet moons for a dead ex. Tiger's sext ex has more where those came from. Saturday gossip is the one that got away.
[Jersey Shore star Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi carries a monogrammed purse (that doesn't match her outfit) emblazoned with the mysterious letter J while walking the Los Angeles streets with DJ Paulie Directions on Saturday night. Image via X17]
Courtenay Semel, the sapphic spawn of former Yahoo CEO Terry Semel, is quoted in the lesbian magazine Curve dissing former lady friend Lindsay Lohan. Then she complains that the media twists her relationships. The nerve of this one.
[Samantha Ronson is going to have to try harder to make Lindsay Lohan jealous than by hanging out with the very virile, ladies' man Adam Lambert at Bardot in L.A. last night. Image via X17]
[Looks like the cash-strapped Annie Leibovitz sold her likeness rights to Chloe Sevigny, who was seen impersonating the photog's signature rumpled look in L.A. last night. Image via X17]
[Mickey Rourke, looking tattered, struts his stuff with a sexy blond in New York today. Image via X17]
[Real Housewives of Atlanta Kim Zolciak and NeNe Leakes must have made up after their strangulation incident, because they were hooting it up together in L.A. last night. Image via X17]
[Professional shopper Lindsay Lohan is embarrassed when she arrives at the Beverly Hill Courthouse today and is told that a law suit is not an actual article of clothing. Image via X17]
[To keep from getting orange smears on her white dress, Britney Spears snacks on a Michael Jackson CD at Target yesterday. Image via X17]
[Proving that paparazzi shots of guys looking dumb on bikes come in all shapes and sizes, Keanu Reeves sports the scruffy look in L.A. yesterday. Image via X17]
