Gawker: Yale

Pyongyang: "The Alcatraz Of Fun"

Dashiell Bennett — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 15:11:15 EDT

Earlier this week, Gawker explained how to infiltrate the magical fairy tale world of North Korea. (Hint: It's inside the wardrobe.) It turns out that this post was so service-y that an impressionable young college student immediately went out and did it! (Why else would he go there?) He even filed his report already for the Washington Post and guess what? North Korea is ... awesome!

Yale senior Jerry Guo actually rode into town on the backs of some Chinese tourists and they all had a blast. Instead of goose stepping soldiers, they find a casino! Black market shopping! A statue of Kim Il Sung that everyone—including non-citizens—have to genuflect to! Their hotel is on an island known as the "Alcatraz of Fun." What's not to love?

Sure, no one has seen the Dear Leader in weeks or has any idea if he's even awake. And yes, Jerry did get detained by the secret police for six hours and was also placed under surveillance simply for taking a picture, but you seriously have to see this place!

"We think it's all gulag and famine.

The truth is that the DPRK I toured this summer is, in many ways, no different from countless other struggling fourth-world nations, with its share of haves and have-nots'''

Several parargaphs later, however, Jerry does have to make one small concession to the naysayers:

Of course, that good life is in limited supply. The U.N. World Food Program warned this month that the DPRK may be on the brink of a famine of a magnitude not seen since the mid-1990s (that one killed more than 1 million peasants).

See? Outside of the crippling, record-breaking famine, there's hardly any famine at all!

My Excellent North Korean Adventure [WP]

Columbia Plays Yale On Gossip Girl, Monocles Fall Out in Disbelief

Richard — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 12:21:00 EDT

Gossip Girl, our bitchiest teen soap about Manhattan rich kids glowing dimly, is currently filming at Columbia University (someone run up there and take pictures!) Which makes sense, cause, you know, it's New Yorky and the show loves to make references to all of the city's hotspots (Veselka! Butter! DUMBOsburg!) But, gasp, the scenes they're filming take place at Yale. How dare they confuse one set of rich kids with inflated senses of intellect and caste-like status with another? Plus the architecture is totes different.

Anyone who knows anything about academia knows that the neogothic architecture at the New Haven campus of Yale looks nothing at all like the neoclassical campus at Columbia.

It's true! Yale is gothic and château-esque, while Columbia is neoclassical and ~~Washington~~ National Mall-y. Surely the show's discerning and worldly audience will notice such audacity. What's next? Obama lived in Harkness? Anne Bogart is doing lovely work at Yale Drama? Balderdash! [Portfolio via Balk]

McClellan Shocker: Bush Too Drunk to Remember How Much Cocaine He Did

Pareene — Wed, 28 May 2008 09:52:03 EDT

Former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan was the doughy, ill-informed punching bag the press needed after a couple years of smarmy wise-ass Ari Fleisher. But now he's getting his revenge, as all big dumb doughy dudes must after they realize their "friends" just pretended to like them. He wrote a book. It's called What Happened, and it's about how everyone in the White House was a stupid idiot, especially President Bush, who is so stupid that he just convinces himself of bullshit so he doesn't technically have to lie. "The media won't let go of these ridiculous cocaine rumors," McClellan heard Bush say in 1999. "You know, the truth is I honestly don't remember whether I tried it or not. We had some pretty wild parties back in the day, and I just don't remember." Ha! So maybe he tried cocaine, but if so he was already mid-blackout and who can recall between all the homosexual encounters, animal sacrifices to pagan gods, and stripper-raping that they were doing! After the jump, Karl Rove complaining about how Scott McCellan sounds like a raving DailyKos liberal. Just because Karl Rove misled him regarding the Plame affair, leading McClellan to blatantly lie to the press, destroying his credibility and career!

Bush misled U.S. on Iraq, former aide says in new book [AJC]

The Decaf Deception: Yalies Rail Against Sleepy Sneak

Pareene — Thu, 01 May 2008 15:00:38 EDT

The Yale Daily News has uncovered a bombshell: The University Dining Services-operated Thain Family Cafe secretly replaced its caffeinated espresso with decaf beans. They've been serving useless, unstimulating brown water to caffeine-fiending students since April 15, with no intention of revealing the ruse. This scrappy student paper got their hands on the documents that prove it: "An unsigned letter received by the News last week included a supposed photocopy of a Thain Café logbook entry from Feb. 29 that reads: 'We will also run out of reg. espresso and French roast most likely—secretly use decaf espresso to substitute the espresso—for the French, I don't know—I think we'll just have to be out.'" Cafe Manager Brian Yezierski denied the charges. But! Journalism!

Another former Thain worker, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, said she accidentally discovered the substitution while on duty last month.

"Someone had ordered a shot, specifically decaf, and I saw one of the regular workers put a shot of what I thought was regular caf into it," said the former worker. "Later, she told me they were the same."

Plus! Expert opinion!

According to Roland Griffiths, a professor of behavioral biology and neuroscience at Johns Hopkins University and an expert on the study of caffeine, caffeinated and decaffeinated espresso would have markedly different effects on people who drank them.

^^If that paragraph doesn't shout PULITZER, we don't know what does.

"I'm a decaf drinker, and I'm appalled!" Emma Sokoloff-Rubin '11 said.

As are we all, Emma. As are we all.

Students Alleve Bass Cafe Swapped Espresso [Yale Daily News]

Has Skull and Bones Become Just a Regular Old Fraternity?

Richard — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 16:01:00 EDT

This is a picture sent in by a reader taken during their "Bulldog Days" admitted students weekend at Yale (where that horrible Gossip Girl thing didn't happen!). Supposedly those are two members of the ancient sex and murder club, Skull & Bones, flanking our friend. He tells us: "Apparently they were holding a fundraiser: $2 polaroids, and $0.25 autographs." Huh. I don't exactly think (nor did the tipster) that real Skull & Bones members would need to be fundraising.

I mean, this is the society that bore sexually charged magogs like William Howard Taft and George HW Bush from its loins. Their eerie tomb on High St. (supposedly) saw the foment of the CIA. These are some seriously connected fellows (and, as of '92, ladies) who will fuck you, kill you, and/or become your president. This little photo op seems like a hoax to me. Unless, you know, they're trying to soften their secretive, conspiratorial image. Even wealthy oligarchic secret societies need good PR these days! Or maybe they just let in too many poor people. Either way, I can't wait for the Skull & Bones alumni car wash. Watching the ghost of Tex McCrary playfully spraying hose water all over Don Schollander's rippled physique sounds like a good Saturday afternoon to me.

Caught Between A Rock And A Dumb Place

rebecca — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 16:53:42 EDT

Go Elis! Only not. In the past ten days, we've had larceny charges against an aspiring Galie and pseudo abortion, pseudo art project from senior Aliza Shvarts. It's enough to make Harvard appealing. But on a beautiful spring day like this, when faux controversies surround art and reproductive rights, we do sort of miss college. Where else could a debate over Shvarts's "art" not immediately conclude with, "she's a savvy media whore who is willing sell her name, body and college intuitions for publicity." It's nearly impossible to pick the most offensive aspect of this little project. That Shvartz maybe lied to create publicity, that maybe Yale lied to protect itself from a student, or what she actually claimed to do, which is to induce miscarriages to get people "to think." It's like we're caught between a world of The Hills and Abortion Art. Can't there be a happy medium, like Top Chef?

Abortion Performance Art Actually Media Exploitation

rebecca — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 09:44:35 EDT

Remember that abortion art project where a Yale student impregnated herself only to induce miscarriages? Edgy, right? Pro-life, pro-choice and pro-quality art people were all outraged. But now it's the media's turn to be annoyed because because the "artist," Aliza Shvarts, totally played us. "The entire project is an art piece, a creative fiction designed to draw attention to the ambiguity surrounding form and function of a woman's body," said a Yale spokeswoman. Shvarts still maintains she aborted life for the sake of art. And in the case of her life, that's true enough. [AP]

Weirdest Grossest Abortion Art Project Ever

Sheila — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 10:08:00 EDT

For every genius the Ivy League cranks out, there are a few duds. Reports the Yale Daily News, art major Aliza Shvarts artificially inseminated herself "'as often as possible' while periodically taking abortifacient drugs to induce miscarriages. Her exhibition will feature video recordings of these forced miscarriages as well as preserved collections of the blood..." Sounds awful! Plus: we were not aware that one could auto-artificially-inseminate outside a clinical setting. But we must all try to be sophisticated: what is the statement? Oh, she wants to "spark conversation" about art, the human body, etc. Mission accomplished! Consider the conversation officially sparked. [Yale Daily News]

The Facebook Wall of Yale Imposter and Smitten Gay Lover

Sheila — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 13:08:30 EDT

Akash Maharaj faked his way into Yale and was ultimately brought down by his vindictive Latin lover, Skull and Bones member Victor Cazares. Theirs was a torrid affair, we can only assume, filled with explosive fights and banal Facebook Wall postings, IvyGate reports. These Facebook Wall notes are notable both in their level of obsession, and as a window into the minds and unique courting rituals of the MySpace Generation. "Wait. if you're 'studying with victor,' why aren't you here?"

Victor Cazares wrote at 6:05pm on March 21st, 2007 wait. if you're studying with victor, why aren't you here? Victor Cazares wrote at 12:47pm on March 21st, 2007 god, i'm so awful Victor Cazares wrote at 12:47pm on March 21st, 2007 are you up yet?
Victor Cazares wrote
at 12:47pm on March 21st, 2007
yes, i should be doing work.

Victor Cazares wrote
at 12:47pm on March 21st, 2007
shall we watch them tonight?

Victor Cazares wrote
at 12:47pm on March 21st, 2007
they both came in my netflix today

[IvyGate]

How You Fanned the Flames of Ivy Fraud Fallout

ian spiegelman — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 09:24:07 EDT

Sure, Akash Maharaj—the 26-year-old Trinidad-and-Tobagonian who lied his way into Yale and was snitched out by his jilted ex-boyfriend—is only the latest in a long line of fraudy fraudsters to bamboozle the Ivy League institution. But the big deal? He's the first one to do it in the Internet Age. Now it's a big, stinking pile of mess, and Yale blames you!

"The blogosphere was in high gear, as readers and commenters began speculating and gossiping. Anonymous posts on Gawker.com since the story broke suggest the level of hysteria the case has whipped up on all sides since it broke Tuesday," reports the Yale Daily News. "One commenter accused Maharaj of stealing friends’ Social Security numbers and of having a wife. Another shot back that Maharaj’s ex-boyfriend—who still attends Yale—stole his belongings and took advantage of him."

So, despite the shitstorm of coverage this got in pretty much every paper everywhere, not to mention all the play the networks are getting out of it, precious, precious Yale could have kept it all nice and hush-hush if not for you bloggety-blogging bastards. Are you happy now?

The Strange World of Yale Imposter (Now with Photos!)

Sheila — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 13:18:47 EDT

What do we know so far about fake Yalie Akash Maharaj? First, that his ex-lover is the one who brought down his ruse. Second, that the ex in question may be Victor Cazares, thought to be a member of the secret society Skull and Bones. Third? We have a pic of the jilted Cazares (see left), and he is definitely wearing a pink bunny (or kitty?) hat. However, bunny hats and duping Ivy League universities may only be the tip of this crazy iceberg:

1. The truth might be "much more complex and sad than merely a kid sneaking into the Ivy League and vindictive gay lovers," according to Gawker commenter muskrat:

I worked with Akash for a short time will he was attending Columbia... Akashi is a full-blown sociopath who lied to everyone he encountered. While we worked together he portrayed himself as a well heeled British citizen, claimed his father used to teach at Yale etc. He lied about his age as well. Long story short, while staying with a mutual friend of ours last summer, it was discovered that he had many of his friends and co-workers social security numbers stored on his laptop, including addresses and other personal info. Oh, and apparently he is also married. To a woman."

2. He's pretty cute!

3. He won Yale's Henry H. Strong Prize in American Literature prize for his writing in the 2006-7 academic year. He also wrote this article for Yale Daily News as a "junior in [Yale's] Morse College."

First line: "The power players in Washington should have their own reality show. They know how to distort truth, and how to create scandalous episodes that inspire water-cooler conversation."

4. Columbia Sucked, Anyway: Maharaj was quoted in student newspaper the Spectator two years ago:

"'Columbia has been disappointing in almost every way," said Akash Maharaj, who transferred to Columbia from Yale at the beginning of the year. By the end of first semester, he was ready to transfer back. Since his arrival here in September, he says, pretty much everything has been going wrong. He says that the Core Curriculum is 'old-fashioned and ridiculous', the school environment is 'anonymous, and, though he loves New York City, he gets to do things around the city 'only around once every two weeks, anyway.'"

5. He has mental problems, and his ex-boyfriend, thought to be Victor Cazares, told on him to Yale, which eventually got him kicked out. Cazares is also probably a member of the same Skull and Bones society that counts George W. Bush and John Kerry as members. Just like you!

6. Finally, we need more info! Please send.

How Phony Yalie Was Brought Down by Vindictive Gay Lover

Sheila — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 11:21:24 EDT

Yesterday we told you about the Ivy League imposter who transferred from Columbia to Yale, faking his resume and references. Akash Maharaj, a 26-year-old from Trinidad and Tobago, was arrested last fall; he now faces fraud and larceny charges. It was a story of pulling oneself up by the bootstraps gone wrong... until his lurid, baroque tale unfolded further, starring a vengeful Latin ex-lover! It looks like fellow Yalie Victor Cazares, a maybe-probably member of the secret Skull and Bones society that also counts George W. Bush and John Kerry as members, was the one who turned him in.

Chatter on the IvyGate blog about Skull and Bones members says of a one Victor Cazares, "I heard he really destroyed his last boyfriend... and got him kicked out of Yale because he got tired of him — he threatened him with Skull and Bones 'connections.'" (Got any intel on either party, anyone?)

Last summer, the two had a big fight in the Asian American Cultural Center, according to Yale Daily News. Maharaj had lied about his age and other details, and the boyfriend thought to be Cazares was furious. The police were summoned. Various threats from Maharaj, about killing either said boyfriend or himself, were tossed around, and he was hospitalized.

Meanwhile, his lover tattled to a Yale professor about the inconsistencies about Maharaj's identity, which prompted the investigation that resulted in his arrest and ban from the university. (His record at his previous university, Columbia, is spotty: while he did live in the dorms briefly, "it's unclear whether he also may have passed himself off as an NYU student," add the Post).

Lied to Get Into Yale? So What!

Sheila — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 15:05:18 EDT

A unnamed Trinidadian student was arrested for fabricating his transcripts and recommendation when he transferred to Yale from Columbia, and could do 25 big ones in prison if convicted. There are also possible federal charges for "stealing" thousands in financial aid—although he pleaded not guilty. You gotta admit the kid showed gumption: we think the whole "college-application fraud" thing may have actually been a piece of performance art!

It's clearly a comment on the hysteria that spawned an entire college-prep industry, beginning with Baby Einstein and the murderously competitive race to get into the exclusive pre-schools. "The revelation that someone could infiltrate Yale shatters the mystique of the Ivy League as an impregnable bastion of the elite," writes the Yale Daily News, breathlessly.

But sometimes, even the non-elite can succeed at being brilliant, lying manipulators. (Context is key.)

[Yale Daily News]

Jonathan Safran Foer Has The Shingles

Pareene — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:24:25 EDT

...according to a tipster who says this shocking fact was "revealed in an email to the writing class he's teaching at yale." Also: "heard he's very grumpy and said this week's essays had better make life worth living." Anyone else have more details? Is this our fault? Did we give him the shingles with our psychic ill-will?

Calling Girls Sluts is Protected Speech

Sheila — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 13:30:55 EST

We've mentioned JuicyCampus before, that anonymous collegiate gossip board ruining lives at 60 campuses nationwide. Did you know, some students are using it to call girls sluts and stuff? Well, they are! Yale isn't having any more of it and want to have the site banned, but that "could go against Yale's official policy of protecting freedom of expression, 'even when some members of the University community fail to meet their social and ethical responsibilities.'" Some say this should not apply to anonymous speech. Slut. [Yale Daily News]

Would you like to know how to get into Yale? ...

Choire — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 09:59:46 EST

Would you like to know how to get into Yale? This interview with the Yale School of Management admissions guy seems like it should be helpful, but also sort of isn't. His advice? "Think hard about the picture you're trying to paint of yourself." Uh, really. [BW]

Good news for middle-class and upper-middle-class ...

Emily Gould — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 09:47:58 EST

Good news for middle-class and upper-middle-class children lucky enough to have been admitted to Harvard! That elite university is dramatically augmenting the amount of financial aid it gives such students—for example, a family making $120,000 would have to pay about $12,000 in tuition. But not everyone can afford to follow suit. "Only a handful of universities have anything even remotely close to Harvard's financial resources, and it was not clear how many could afford to follow. Yale tersely said in response only that it was planning an announcement next month on expanded financial aid." Burn! [NYT]

Yalie and "Top Model" reject Victoria Marshman ...

Emily Gould — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 17:45:41 EDT

Yalie and "Top Model" reject Victoria Marshman came off so evil on the show, but an IvyGate interview paints a different picture. She reveals the behind-the-scenes secrets of the show—sleep and nicotine deprivation are key—and talks about how Tyra "sicced her bodyguards" on her for taking off her high heeled shoes after being ousted (Tyra thought she was going to throw them at her!) [IvyGate]

"Yale Visiting Professor Jonathan Safran ...

Choire — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 14:59:37 EDT

"Yale Visiting Professor Jonathan Safran Foer" has a nice ring to it! According to one Yale English prof: "He's got quite a buzz surrounding him right now in literary circles." Oh! Hmm. Also! "Although Foer was rejected from Yale as a high school senior and attended Princeton University as an undergraduate, his brother Joshua Foer '04 said he thinks Jonathan and Yale will be a better match this time around." [Yale Daily News]

"Yale sophomore Casper Desfeux, 20, was arrested ...

Choire — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 14:47:52 EDT

"Yale sophomore Casper Desfeux, 20, was arrested last week for allegedly filming himself having sex with a girl without her permission. Of course, a sex tape is nothing to keep private, so Casper apparently showed it to others. At some point, we're guessing, the girl found out. Even better? Casper's Danish, i.e. creepily European. His lawyer calls the whole thing a 'misunderstanding.'" [IvyGate]

Yale Hates The Poors

Emily Gould — Tue, 19 Jun 2007 10:04:20 EDT

For her Yale senior project, financial aid student Aurora Nichols took pictures of three months' worth of her mundane purchases and displayed them alongside her classmates' abstract paintings. This prompted quite a bit of attention for Aurora on campus, including a profile in the Hartford Courant in which Aurora revealed some less-than-flattering assessments of class dynamics at her alma mater. Then, on the autoadmit message boards, the richies tore her a new one.

"The thought if people having to rub elbows with such a gauche and uppity poor and worse her yokel trash family made me ill. Why do we have to be egalitarian?" said "AntiGunner." Maybe he was being sarcastic? Sure.

But then there's this, from "Square:" "I don't even know where to begin with this. It's entirely ridiculous. What a self-righteous brat. Maybe if she didn't waste her time at Yale "educating" others about what it's like to be poor, she'd have a useful education, an ability to earn money in the future, and could have borrowed another $10K or so in loans (STILL coming in damn cheaply) to jet off on spring break or go to dinner or wtfever with her rich "friends" (though clearly we can't call them friends, since this poor little thing was such a class-outsider). Also, what kind of poor pays for Amtrack [sic]?"

Eeek. And: "Her story is proof that elites lower the bar for poors. 5th in her class at a TTT high school, and a 1440 SAT should not be getting her into Yale," says "slick_nick."

Takeaway, besides "Some Yalies are overprivileged assholes?" We're going to have to start saying "poors." It has such a good ring to it.

Julia Allison v. Yale 'Model Student' Author

Emily Gould — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 17:24:30 EDT

"The Official Intelligence-Pulchritude Fairness Equation usually works like this: you either get beauty, or you get brains. You don't get both," reads the intro to Julia Allison's interview with author Robin Hazelwood, whose Model Student: A Tale of Co-Eds and Cover Girls detailed her experience as a Yale student and fashion model. Yes, yes. Like rain on your wedding day. Anyway, Hazelwood was less than thrilled with the way the interview came out, and even less thrilled with the professionalism Julia displayed while conducting it.

She was twenty five minutes late. Fine. When she arrived, she spent ten minutes telling me some story about an argument with her boyfriend—evidently they had almost broken up or something because she wasn't quite ready for marriage and she wanted some advice—complete with frequent pauses after the mention of his first name that made it clear I was supposed to know who he was... (You are not the subject of this interview, Julia...). Finally came the interview, during which, as sometime happens, Julia kept asking me to help her find the angle (guess she didn't really need my help!)

Julia remembers things differently, it turns out! But not that differently.

I don't really remember being 25 minutes late, but it's not out of the realm of possibility that I was at least 10 minutes late. Sounds like something I would do. But Jesus, this interview was in ... September?? I definitely don't think I would have expected her to know my last boyfriend, though ... hahah ... it was a freaking Q&A! She was boring! I was searching for anything!

Gee, it turns out that equation is so completely accurate. —Emily

Yale '02 Grad Somehow Not A Huge Homo

Choire — Wed, 11 Apr 2007 11:22:48 EDT

Yale Alumni Magazine Rather Regrets the Error [IvyGate]

Elizabeth Wurtzel: "Quit Bitching"

abalk2 — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 11:41:53 EDT

"Just because we can say anything, does that mean we must say everything?" That's legal scholar Elizabeth Wurtzel in a Wall Street Journal op-ed piece this morning. We're not sure where to go with the irony of the author of Prozac Nation coming up with that line, but we'll give it the old college try. Liz is upset about something called AutoAdmit, "Web site of postings for law schools prestigious and otherwise, where students blab about whatever." Guess what? People say mean things on it.

The former New Yorker music critic, being old, is shocked to learn that the Internet lends itself to scurrilous gossip, even from "allegedly intelligent legal minds," (i.e., people willing to spend time cramming for the LSATs). While she tells a tale of three students who seem to have gotten a raw deal at the hands of fellow Elis, the piece is so irritating that one forgets the real reason for it and channels one's anger towards Ms. Wurtzel, who, in turn, seems to be channeling Peggy Noonan:

Because people are delicate. The neighborhood rumormongers of yore could cause enough trouble in a small town, but the unpoliced World Wide Web is really a mess. It's unpoliced, which demands that we be better people, gentler and more humane. Because if not we will surely all go mad. As it is we are overwhelmed: It never stops, we don't know how to stop it, we wouldn't want to anyway, and then we relish complaining about it. This is how we live now.

Uh, clearly. That's why you're writing about it in the Journal, sweetie. Then there's this:

We all have to live in this world, all seven billion of us, brushing closer and closer together, and bristling in this claustrophobia. Maybe we ought to be slightly more careful before we say whatever it is we feel compelled to freely express. Maybe we ought to stop, have a hesitation, before pressing the send button.

If this is some kind of pre-emptive way to keep us from commenting on her writing career as a whole, we will just say that it's successful: Wurtzel has just composed the first paragraph we can wholeheartedly agree with. Assuming it's about Wurtzel.

Trash Talk [WSJ]
Related, from the "intelligent legal minds": Who's hotter: Asian or Indian women? [AutoAdmit]
hot piece of ass at Penn [AutoAdmit]

Barbara Bush, Committed Drinker

Doree Shafrir — Mon, 13 Nov 2006 14:25:15 EST

The eagle-eyed youngsters at IvyGate come through with a missive from the weekend's Yale-Princeton game, at which a fresh-faced Barbara Bush was observed having a grand old time cavorting with her fellow alumni (and on-again, off-again boyfriend Jay Blount). We learn from IvyGate's tipster that

Babs, recently back from lounging on the beaches of South Africa, er, I mean, kissing HIV orphans, strolling around the student tailgate in a tunic dress, tights, knee-high boots (dark sunglasses, natch) with on-again boyfriend Jay Blount (Yale '05), chain-smoking at the SigEp tailgate with a red cup in her back pocket and a drink always in her hand, surrounded by drooling Republicans and Thetas.

After the jump, photos of Barbara's unique drink-carrying technique, plus a nicely embarrassing photo of Blount taken at Barbara's "Pimps and Ho's" party a few years ago. Hott!

Aleksey Vayner Not Only Enterprising Douchebag From Yale

abalk2 — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:10:00 EDT

We're not sure how to view the latest Aleksey Vayner dispatch from the kids at IvyGate. On the one hand, the idea that a couple of "friends" of the Yale internet sensation are pitching a "memoir" of the douchebag's life says nothing good about Ivy grads (and, potentially, the publishing industry). On the other hand, who hasn't been trying to make a quick buck on the rapidly-dwindling interest in the wannabe i-banker's story? Let's face it: These are Yale graduates who, for whatever reasons, have to live in Louisville and some San Francisco exurb. This may be their only shot. But, on reflection, we're gonna go with the first impulse: the douchebag may have been outdouched. Full, repellent book pitch after the jump:

From: "Mott, Daro" [redacted]
To: "Suzanne Gluck" [redacted]
CC: "Marcelino Pantoja" [redacted]
Re: Query: Aleksey Vayner, a Memoir

October 25, 2006
Suzanne Gluck
William Morris Agency
1325 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10019

Dear Ms. Suzanne Gluck:

We would like to preface our query letter with a short paragraph about ourselves. My name is Daro Mott and I graduated from Yale University in May of 2006; I currently live and work in Louisville, Kentucky. My co-author's name is Marcelino Pantoja; he lives and works in Tracy, California and he also graduated from Yale this previous spring. We are budding writers and intend to produce a memoir regarding our puzzling friend, Aleksey Vayner, whom we met as undergraduates at Yale.

In our book, we reveal the most intriguing and entertaining Ivy League persona of today: Aleksey Vayner. The story of Aleksey Vayner is both sensational and seemingly apocryphal. On the one hand, Aleksey and his family, penniless, emigrated from Uzbekistan to the United States; at eighteen, he gained admission to Yale University as a tennis recruit. On the other hand, Aleksey Vayner sexed up his accomplishments one time too many: recently, he single handedly became the laughing stock on Wall Street after sending an eleven page r sum and promotional video to UBS AG, the world's largest asset wealth manager.

On October 9, 2006, the New York Sun went to press on Aleksey. Within the span of a week, the Wall Street Journal, the Dow Jones News Wire, Fox News, US News and World Report, London Times, Daily Mail, Forbes, the Yale Daily News, Market Watch, the New Yorker and dozens of other national and international media ran articles on Aleksey. The New York Times, the Today Show and other media picked up the story the following week. Following suit, Aleksey Vayner was featured on Inside Edition and MSNBC early this week. Blogs can't get enough. Yale students scream Vaynergate. Public interest is skyrocketing! Why?

Aleksey lifts 495 lbs of steel, clocks a tennis serve at 140mph, whirls around a ballroom dance floor with a gorgeous dancer, shatters six bricks with a karate chop, pulls off fantastic stunts with skis—he choreographs all this information and more in his promotional video. Moreover, Aleksey boasts of being the CEO of Vayner Capital Management, a partner in a mega real-estate development firm, a professional athlete and the founder of Youth Empowerment Strategies (YES), a non-profit. He even claims to have self-published a book on the Holocaust from the perspective of female survivors! Aleksey has chutzpah!

But Wall Street erupted with laughter. And they have not stopped. Aleksey is being bombarded with requests for interviews. The calls have not stopped. Wall Street circulated Aleksey's video and r sum because, Aleksey, whether we like it or not, is simply entertaining.

In the light of this, his cadre of friends proposes to write a book about Aleksey situated in Yale University where we first met him. As his closest friends and recent graduates of Yale, we have personal access to him; in other words, we are self-anointed experts of Aleksey.

In his memoir, we detail the reality that is Aleksey with a flavor made possible from having tasted the "inside scoop." We raise interesting issues and get down to bottom of life at Yale with Aleksey Vayner. We will answer soul searching questions: Who is he? What does he want out of this gift of life? What is folklore, what is reality? Did the allure of Wall Street make a zany guy even zanier? Is he a typical Ivy Leaguer? Is Aleksey Vayner legitimate or is he an imposter? We know the truth.

We look forward to speaking with you.

Respectfully Submitted,
Daro Mott
Marcelino Pantoja

It Was Only a Matter of Time: The Aleksey Vayner Book Pitch [IvyGate]

Douchebag's Underage Douchebag Friends Taken Care Of

abalk2 — Wed, 11 Oct 2006 11:40:51 EDT

Not a lot of news on the Aleksey Vayner front this morning, except to note that the douchebag had YouTube take down his infamous video; the American heroes at IvyGate have re-upped it and it can be found here. Also, an observation: We've been getting a considerable amount of mail from shady organizations who are now creating fake Vayner profiles on their websites in hopes of a link. How sad is that? You go from promising young sociopath to spam-baiting joke in a week's time. There's something almost poetic about it. Also, we (and, apparently everyone else in the world) received a copy of Aleksey's birthday party e-mail: You'll find it after the jump.

From: Aleksey Vayner
Sent: Friday, August 11, 2006 10:46 AM
Subject: Party Invitation for You / Press Release

Dear friends,

I would like to invite you to my party in NYC on August 19th, starting
at 8:30pm, at www.Bar12.com ? A nice bar/lounge located in Midtown
Manhattan. Enjoy the company of great people, live DJ,
all-you-can-eat-appetizers, large plasma tvs, dance, and great specials
on all booze!

Besides celebrating my birthday, I just published a book, Women?s
Silent Tears and would love to use these as reasons to get together and
party with my friends! The book, available at www.LuLu.com/alekseyvayner
- is a gendered study on the Holocaust, through the eyes of survivors.

All proceeds from its sales go to fund Youth Empowerment Strategies
(www.EmpowerAChild.org), a non-profit organization for immigrant
children that my great team and I launched this summer as well (Another
great reason to party?!) Attached you'll find Publisher?s Press
Release, should you find the topic or the cause of interest to someone
you know.

So I really hope you can come, and have a great time! Celebrate, dance,
eat plenty, and of course for some of us ? just get wasted!!!
(Under-age invitees need not worry, you?re set)

1. Please reply to this email if you WILL or MIGHT come = having
semi-accurate headcount will significantly ease my life.
2. If you want/need a place to stay in the city, let me know and I?ll
take care of that on first-come, first-serve basis.
3. Under 21? = reply to this email so that your name is on a list =
getting in will not be a problem at all, guaranteed.
4. Party has no cover. You are welcome to cheap to help cover cost.

I hope to see you soon, and I hope that you are having a fantastic
summer!!!

Much Love,

Aleksey Vayner

www.LuLu.com/AlekseyVayner
www.EmpowerAChild.org

Secretly Sensitive Douchebag Likes Dancing, 'The Matrix'

abalk2 — Tue, 10 Oct 2006 17:06:58 EDT

Your personal recollections of New Haven-area douchebag^* Aleksey Veyner continue to come in. Here's our personal favorite of the afternoon:

My boyfriend is in his class at Yale and Vayner told him that he is in an underground martial arts league with Jean-Claude van Damme, who he fought. Seriously. And that these douchey antics are officially sponsored by Underarmor. AND he claims to have played Pete Sampras and though he lost 6-1, 6-1 he was "always able to hold his serve." So clearly he not only sucks at tennis, but doesn't know the rules either.

Over at Dealbreaker they've taken a trip into the man's mind; it seems frighteningly accurate. But get ready for the best part: After the jump, some screen caps from our own little douchebag's Facebook page!

The forlorn little kitty in the final frame really gets us.

^*We know, we know, but honestly? It's the mot juste.

A Lawyer Who Represents Himself Has a Douchebag for a Client

abalk2 — Tue, 10 Oct 2006 12:12:44 EDT

Dealbreaker brings word that UBS is on the hunt for whoever leaked the video of Yale douchebag Aleksey Vayner, and probably with good reason: We're hearing that Vayner is suing UBS for the video's widespread distribution. No word on whether or not Vayner will add "lawyer" to his long list of fraudulent credits, but we're sort of hoping that he does: "attorney" is the third angle alongside "investment banker" and "Eli" in the twat trifecta.

Earlier: God and Douchebag at Yale

God and Douchebag at Yale

abalk2 — Tue, 10 Oct 2006 10:30:13 EDT

So yesterday's call for further information on titanic douchebag Aleksey Vayner brought forth an outpouring of fond reminiscences from his fellow Elis. We've cleaned them up a bit for your consumption, but this first one gives you a general idea of how well-regarded the future investment banker is amongst his schoolmates.

I graduated in June and remember this [douchebag] talking way too loudly in the dining hall. In between powering whole chickens, he would high-five the smarmy, mustachioed dining hall managers and, in general, had the air of a slightly thick Afrikaner rugby player just chilling during apartheid. He also had atrocious arm acne.

After the jump, some other recollections, plus an article written about Vayner nee Garber before his freshman year. Apparently, even in high school he was a [douchebag].

Yale kids have known about this crazy [douchebag] before he even started his freshman year. As a prefrosh, Aleksey Vayner—then Aleksey Garber (doesn't the change add a certain gravitas!)—impressed his host enough to merit his own article in the campus's satire paper—The Rumpus.

[Note: See below.]

This [douchebag]'s sister is also the Director of his "charity." What a lowlife.

He also has a photo album called "Welcome to My World," which he describes as "My family and I, my friends, and my masters." ...meaning old pictures, paintings, and a bunch of other prententious crap, including more pictures of himself weightlifting, playing tennis, etc...
If ever there were douchbaggery...

Earlier: Daily Dose of Douchery (Bonus Schadenfreude Edition): Aleksey Vayner

Daily Dose of Douchery (Bonus Schadenfreude Edition): Aleksey Vayner

abalk2 — Mon, 09 Oct 2006 15:48:32 EDT

The young stud you see here lifting 140 lb. (each!) weights is Aleksey Vayner, Yale senior and current man in the news. The Sun reports that Vayner recently sent a resume to investment bank UBS and included a promotional video:

Mr. Vayner identifies himself on his resume as a multi-sport professional athlete, the CEO of two companies, and an investment adviser. The video depicts him lifting a 495-pound weight, serving a tennis ball at 140 miles an hour, and ballroom dancing with a scantily clad female. Finally, Mr. Vayner emerges enrobed in a white karate suit and breaks six bricks in one fell swoop. Between athletic bits, Mr. Vayner takes the opportunity to opine on success. After being described in the opening lines of the video as "a model of personal success and development to everybody," Mr. Vayner says, "Failure cannot be considered an option." He adds: "To achieve success you must first conceive it and believe in it. Remember: impossible is nothing."

Here's the video, which must be watched in full to appreciate the complete twatosity involved. Further reading should be done at IvyGate (which takes a close look at his resume and concludes "Vayner created a fake charity. He named himself CEO of a non-existent investment firm. And he plagiarized a book on the Holocaust." Dude makes Kaavya Viswanathan look like a slacker.) and Dealbreaker, which is on the story like a single hand on stack of bricks. We, of course, would also be happy to share any information you care to pass along.

Yale Student's Resume Video Raises Wall Street Eyebrows [NYS]

Help Us Help the 'Observer' Help You Stalk the Youngest Foer

Jesse — Wed, 21 Jun 2006 16:33:51 EDT

Today's Observer is just the gift that keeps on giving, ain't it? In our excitement over byline-hording reporters and sweat-averse women and shitty offices, we nearly forgot about an item tacked at the end of Gabe Sherman's media column. Joshua Foer — the youngest of the three brothers and the expert memorizer — has apparently just moved to New York, leaving only New Republic editor Frank in the familial spawning ground, Washington, D.C. What will Josh be doing in the big city? Working on a book about memory, and freelancing for pubs including the Times, Slate, and National Geographic. And where will he be living? He won't say:

"I literally just moved in," Mr. Foer wrote. "I haven't even figured out where to plug in my electric toothbrush or which day is trash collection. Given that most of my friends don't know that I'm here yet, I'd hate to have them read about it in the newspaper. Plus, I sort of think I should do something a little more noteworthy than just move to town before I end up the subject of one of your columns. I'll keep you posted."

A perfect opportunity for citizen journalism if ever we saw one. (We're unleashing the power of blogs! Our readers are smarter than we are! Assorted other Jarvis/Rosen/Gillmor platitudes!) So tell us, citizen readers — and especially you recent Yalies, who may be friends with the kid and thus have an answer — where in New York is Josh Foer living? Enquiring minds want to know. Or, at least as much as they wanted to know he was moving here in the first place.

Off the Record [NYO]

William Sloane Coffin Died, and We Missed It

Jesse — Fri, 14 Apr 2006 10:20:20 EDT

One of the problems with spending all day focused on media news and amusing ephemera is that we don't actually flip through the real, print Times till we're on the train heading out at night. And so, somehow, it wasn't until after we'd finished Gawking for the day that we discovered William Sloane Coffin had died. Coffin was Yale's chaplain from 1958 to 1976, and he was a leading voice in the civil-rights and anti-Vietnam struggles. We're neither Yalies nor of the Vietnam generation, but we know of Coffin as one of the great liberal heroes of the last half-century. He was our kind of guy, as we understand it — a smart, tough New Yorker who fought the good fight. It'd be nice to have more of those these days.

[Image from The Smoking Gun.]

Rev. William Sloane Coffin Dies at 81; Fought for Civil Rights and Against a War [NYT]

Sorta Party Crash: 'Blazers & Bling' at the Yale Club

Jesse — Tue, 28 Feb 2006 15:30:39 EST

Perhaps a bit Lilly Pulitzer for February in town. But it seems that was sort of the point.

Friday night was the sure-to-be-repulsive 'Blazers & Bling' all-Ivy party at the Yale Club, and we confess we were curious. We were also, we assumed, very much not welcome, as the Yale Club hasn't been terribly thrilled with us since we suggested — in jest, people; in jest! — that the venue might make an ideal location for a terrorist attack. Recognizing a more cloak-and-dagger plan would be necessary, we instead deputized young Roric Tobin, a delightfully, dandily preppy man and a genuine Yale alumnus, to serve as Gawker's Vanderbilt Avenue Bureau Chief. After the jump, his report from the blue-blazered, captain's-hatted, bling-bejeweled front lines.

When I received my Yale Club bulletin and saw 'Blazers & Bling' listed among the upcoming events, I was at once intrigued, confused, horrified, and amused. Where on the Venn diagram could the Euler circles of preppy and hip-hop overlap? Other than a Burberry-print suit, it was beyond me. What is bling to a preppy, a tasteful strand of pearls? I was repulsed, sure, but also fascinated. I had to go, just from a sociological standpoint.

And here is what I saw.

It turns out, first, that the preppy/hip-hop meeting point involves furry pimp hats, giant plastic pearls, and light-up dollar-sign pendants, all of which were handed out at the front. Beyond that, I submit to you herewith the the raw carnage that was Blazers & Bling. On behalf of all of us, I'd like to formally apologize for what you are about to see. "God," one fellow Yalie wondered, "am I going to start telling people I went to Rutgers just to avoid being embarrassed by these people?" It's not a bad idea.

It's an ominous beginning when the only two people on the dancefloor are these two jackasses in Kangols dry-humping each other.

This is one of the Young Members' Activities Committee folks — that is, one of the people who planned this travesty. The pants are not punishment enough.

For the girls, it was blazers, bling, and booty.

Mr. Grouchy seemed confused and upset when I took his picture. This was surprising, because otherwise he looks like such a nice guy.

"We gotta hold on to what we got, doesn't make a difference if we make it or not..."

Pink shirt: "Hold my beer. I'm about to make an ass of myself." Navy blazer: "Awriiight."

As promised.

Does he mean "Westside"? Or "Williams," which had petitioned to be allowed into this "All-Ivy" event? One hopes the former — now that we've had to accept minorities and women, they're going to push for Williams grads, too? What's next, Arizona State?

Whatever it meant, he wouldn't stop doing it. It was a little scary.

Yalies reaching for money hanging from a baronial chandelier. Makes everything a touch too explicit, doesn't it?

Again, I'm sorry you all had to see this.

The Media Is One Big Ivy Reunion, Cont'd: Yale Edition

Jessica — Mon, 27 Feb 2006 11:32:06 EST

How fitting that Zachary Seward — the bright young thing who scooped everyone on former Harvard president Larry Summers' recent expatriation and scored a Wall Street Journal byline in the process — told New York reporter Ben Mathis-Lilley in today's issue that the media was really just "a big ivy league reunion." To wit, a young sapling fresh from Yale has taken Seward's insight to heart by using a classic "hey, we went to the same school" pitch on Rush & Molloy reporter and fellow Yalie Chris Rovzar. Now bow before the altar of sycophantic name-dropping and misplaced self-promotion, for we have found your king:

From: [Silly Yale Kid]
Sent: Monday, February 27, 2006 9:29 AM
To: Christopher Rovzar
Subject: fiction from yale

hi Chris,

you don't know me. i'm yale class of 05, morse.

when i was an undergrad, Hud Morgan wrote a piece in the NYDN about a panel of young writers i was on. it was at p.s. 122.

Well, then — if Hud was on this guy, he's no doubt a gem. More after the jump.

i also wrote a story for Hustler about yale naked parties.

and i have a short story coming out in New York Tyrant, a new literary magazine which is being funded by a reclusive, anonymous multimillionaire.

anyway. here's the thing. in a bizarre coincidence, my roommate (an also-22 year old writer named [xxx] - we live in a fucked apartment on wall street) and i both sold our first books on the same day last week to different presses. My novel [blah], which partly takes place at Yale, is coming out from Impetus Press this winter, and his story collection [double blah] is coming out next year from Melville House.

how about mentioning this in the column?

best,
[Silly Yale Kid]

Never before have we been more proud of our Ivy-free educations.

Earlier: Is the Media One Big Ivy Reunion? At 'New York,' Definitely.

'Yale Daily News' Visits 'Daily News' Petting Farm

Jessica — Fri, 24 Feb 2006 17:40:55 EST

As we type this, the entire staff of the Yale Daily News (at right, cameraphone-style) is on a field trip, touring the offices of our own Daily News. From what we understand, they're wee and timid — except for a moment of sycophantic gushing directed towards alum Chris Rovzar, who's acheived the Yalie dream of working at a gossip column.

And you thought the last hour of your work week lasted forever.

Yalies Only Love Daddy Brill for His Money

Jesse — Fri, 27 Jan 2006 11:30:24 EST

Poor Steve Brill. He works and he works and he works, so he can make money and keep a roof overhead and food on the table. And, sure, the Yale kids are happy to take his money — and to be nice when they want the keys to the car, or permission to stay out past curfew. But do they really care about him? Look up to him? Listen to what he has to say? Of course not.

Here's the Yale Daily News editorial board, those rebels with a cause:

[W]e reject Brill's pessimistic contention that Yale currently offers too little to sway talented potential journalists.

In the News and in the New York Times, Brill argued that intelligent students consider journalism a career path inferior to that of more lucrative, heavily recruited fields such as investment banking. We contend that the storied legacies of News alumni — from Time co-founders Henry Luce '20 and Briton Hadden '20 to the dozens of Newsies currently writing and editing for the Times, the Washington Post, the New Yorker and a bevy of other prestigious publications — suggest otherwise. Bob Woodward '65 never wrote for us, but he's done all right for himself, too.

Also, you just don't understand us, and that's music, Steve, not just noise. Jesus.

Entirely unrelated: Young Sam Brill will, we're told, be heading to New Haven in September.

YJI Adds to Existing Journalism Resources [YDN]

We Must Get More Yalies Into Journalism!

Jesse — Thu, 26 Jan 2006 10:08:27 EST

Yesterday, Court TV and Brill's Content founder Steve Brill gave $1 million to his alma mater, Yale, to create the Yale Journalism Initiative, which will fund journalism courses and financial support for summer interns working in journalism.

"I think it's harder to get good people to go into journalism and succeed," the Yale Daily News quotes Brill saying. And so this program is designed, according the YDN, to encourage overachieving Elis to consider journalism as a viable career option alongside banking or consulting.

The article also quotes one Louise Story, Yale '03, who's in favor of the program: "When I was at Yale there was a wait-list for the journalism classes," she said. "I think it is great that more will be offered."

And it quotes "Jodi Rudoren '92, Chicago bureau chief for The New York Times," who is slightly less enthusiastic.

It does not, however, mention that Louise Story worked as a research assistant on Brill's 2003 book, After — which means she's praising the man who signed her paychecks — or that Times reporter "Jodi Rudoren" is actually named Jodi Wilgoren.

One hopes Brill's funding kicks in soon.

Brillianly: The author of this post worked for Steve Brill at Brill's Content for two and a half years. And he actually likes the guy.

UPDATE: Although her most recent byline, from Jan. 13, reads "Jodi Wilgoren," we are informed that the Times Chicago bureau chief indeed has the last name Rudoren, a commingling of her last name and her husband's. This is, of course, the sort of thing we would have called and asked about had we internalized any of the things Steve Brill tried to teach us. Or, we suppose, if we'd gotten into Yale.

Journalism Offerings Grow [YDN]

Media Bubble: More Page Six!

Jesse — Wed, 25 Jan 2006 15:59:42 EST

• Because there just aren't enough glossy mags about celebrity gossip: Page Six magazine, coming in February to a newsstand near you. [WWD]
• For the first time, Mr. Sulzberger goes to Switzerland. And various other Timesiana. [NYO]
• Also, Mr. Sulzberger has taken valuable lessons from all his fuckups. Really. [MW]
• Hell with Couric. CBS News should give Diane Sawyer the Evening News chair. [NYO]
• Steve Brill gives money to Yale to make more journalists. Because what the media business needs in more Ivy kids. [NYT]
• How a rant becomes a letter to the editor. [CJR]

Anderson Cooper: Live In New Haven

Jesse — Fri, 13 Jan 2006 09:55:16 EST

Now we definitely know what we'll be doing on May 21. Pack your bags, folks, and book your Metro-North tickets early, because it's all aboard to New Haven that day. Word came last night that Anderson Cooper will be the Class Day speaker at dear old Yale.

This is, of course, a man you can watch for free, from the comfort of your home, for several hours at a time any day of the week. But the chance to see him in person — that sleek silver hair, those penetrating blue eyes, that adorable righteous indignance — is too much to pass up, particularly in his native habitat. Plus, as Yale's senior class secretary, who sent out the announcement and apparently doesn't really understand the meaning of "unique," points out, he is an ideal choice:

His domestic and international journalistic experience will provide unique insight to seniors as they transition out of college. As an alumnus of Yale College, his address will be particularly relevant.

Because it goes without saying that non-Yalies would have nothing of relevance to say to this crowd.

The full announcement is after the jump.

The 2006 Senior Class Council is pleased to announce notable journalist Anderson Cooper TC '89 as the keynote speaker for the 305th Class Day Exercises. Cooper will address the Yale College Class of 2006 and guests on the Old Campus at 2:00 PM on Sunday, May 21st, 2006.

Cooper, a graduate of Trumbull College, is currently the host of CNN's "Anderson Cooper 360 ". Cooper has been the recipient of several awards, including an Emmy Award and a National Headliners Award. Recently, he has received critical acclaim for his coverage of the Hurricane Katrina disaster in the Gulf Coast. His domestic and international journalistic experience will provide unique insight to seniors as they transition out of college. As an alumnus of Yale College, his address will be particularly relevant.

Related: Cooper to Speak on Class Day [YDN]