So, How's Your Week Going, Trump Campaign Staff?
Oh, I see.
This Gun's for Hire
You can’t start a friendship,
You can’t start a friendship without a spark.
This Christie’s for hire,
even if he’s just dancing in the dark.
Snapchat Wants You to Celebrate 4/20 With Its Blackface-y Bob Marley Filter
This is me as Bob Marley, via Snapchat’s new 4/20 filter, which blends your face with Bob Marley’s. It’s a particularly uncomfortable filter if, like me, you’re a white person. I don’t feel so good and I don’t think everything’s gonna be alright.
Old Man Taking a Picture Falls Into Yellowstone Grand Canyon
An old man will live to limp another day after toppling off Yellowstone’s Grand Canyon while trying to take a picture last week.
Teen Arrested For Brutal Brooklyn McDonald's Beating
Police have arrested 16-year-old Aniah Ferguson in connection with a gruesome fight that broke out in a Brooklyn McDonald's Wednesday. In cell phone video that quickly made its way around Facebook, one teen can be seen being battered by a group as a crowd of bystanders scream.
Congressman Spent Hearing Creepily Winking at His Mom On CSPAN
Maryland Rep. Andy Harris—apparently taking a break from his usual efforts to undo the will of voters he doesn't even represent—continued his reign of awfulness last week when he spent the afternoon creepily winking at his mom on CSPAN.
Police: Guy Fucked a Corpse
A homeless man broke into a funeral home in Columbus, Georgia and fucked a woman's corpse, the Associated Press reports.
Parade Float Features Outhouse as "Obama's Presidential Library"
One of the more popular floats at this year's Fourth of July parade in Norfolk, Neb. was of a ghoulish, skeletal figure propped up against an outhouse that had ""OBAMA PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY" emblazoned on the side. According to the committee that approved the float for the parade, it was purely "political satire."
Cruise Ship Worker Reportedly Rapes Guest, Tries to Toss Her Overboard
An Indonesian employee on a Holland America cruise ship was arrested over the weekend for allegedly raping a shipboard guest in her stateroom, then attempting to kill her by tossing her over the side and into the briny deep.
The Army Might Replace Soldiers' Caffeine With Electric Shock Therapy
Anyone who's been "downrange" in America's overproduced theater of war knows that its performers run on nicotine and caffeine: coffee for some, fizzy-sugary energy bombs for others. (Rip-Its, anyone?) But you know what's cheaper and easier for Uncle Sam to import to the battlefield? Arcs and sparks!
"They don't want to see or be seen, only to touch and to be touched in a place where nobody knows them." Jeff Sharlet's long study on the lot of gays in Russia on the eve of the Olympics, "Inside the Iron Closet," is online now. Go, go read.
The "towering figures" of American public intellectualism are "all white men," the Politico's Dylan Byers explains, in an attempt to dig out of the mess he made by dismissing the notion of Melissa Harris-Perry as a top public intellectual. And writers like Ta-Nehisi Coates, who diagnosed racism in the episode, are…
Watch Dennis Rodman's Bizarre, Screaming Meltdown on CNN
While in North Korea to play basketball for Kim Jong Un's birthday, Dennis Rodman took some time out his schedule to (drunkenly?) scream and rant at CNN's Chris Cuomo. It's... something.
Boston's Suffolk University is reporting police activity related to an alleged shooting and a recovered weapon on the nearby Boston Common. Update: it may've been a BB gun.
Gunman Sought After Shootout at Nuclear Power Plant in Tennessee
Police are looking for a suspect who used a boat to access a Tennessee Valley Authority nuclear power plant Sunday morning and exchanged fire with a security guard on the plant grounds before fleeing downriver.
Amanda Bynes: “I Want Drake to Murder My Vagina”
There's really not much to say about or add to this story. Here's some context, though it won't help anything make any more sense: Thursday evening, Lohan nemesis Amanda Bynes tweeted the following statement: "I want @drake to murder my vagina." As of this writing, it's been retweeted 4,327 times. Happy birthday, …
Backpack Bomb Found on MLK Day Parade Route
An incendiary device found along the route of a Martin Luther King Day parade in Spokane, Wash., was "likely capable of inflicting multiple casualties," the FBI said today.
Lazy Son's Most Ambitious Act: Killing Parents for Calling Him Lazy
Daniel Dighton is on trial for killing his parents for calling him lazy when he was hungover. He stabbed his father four times and his mother 20 times. So he's not that lazy. But he did have a killer hangover.
The First Thing You Should Do With Facebook Places: Don't Let Other People Tag You
So, everyone's excited about the new Facebook Places, right? The Facebook service that lets you check-in, Foursquare style, at whatever hip Sushi bar/bicycle repair shop you happen to be in. Oh, and also other people can check you in, too.
Jon Gosselin Got an Ed Hardy Shirt Tattooed On His Body
Jon Gosselin went to a tattoo parlor called Never Say Die. He got a tattoo of an "all encompassing" dragon. "It has all parts of the zodiac," he says, signifying "rebirth." Thus ends the 40 douchiest words of our lives.
