For centuries, it has been taken for granted that America's greatest resource, black yoga pants, would exist in shameless abundance forever.

Hilaria Thomas, wife and soon-to-be baby mama of Jack "Alec Baldwin" Donaghy, faces a lawsuit from a student injured in her Manhattan yoga class last month.

There's a new survey about yoga in America. (Pause for applause). It's put out by Yoga Journal—the very embodiment of Big Yoga—so I wouldn't put too much credence in it myself, but hey, you never know what you internet readers will believe.

The man is coming to shut down your yoga studios — it's up to you to defend your sacred spaces against their tyranny.

It is not out of the ordinary for fitness instructors to ask their students to turn off all electronic devices prior to the start of the class. But at least one Facebook employee found the request so intolerable that she had the company's yoga teacher fired over it.

It's happened. Yoga, the preferred practice of the free-spirited and sexually active, has found a way to out-chill itself. Park Slope, Chilltown USA, is offering naked yoga at Naked Space studios.

Russian baby-swinging yoga guru Lena Fokina is back, this time with a video for Barcroft Media (Does that mean she got paid to do it?) in which the taut-bodied baby-tosser swings a crying infant upside down and over her head. And with that, I hereby end our Lena Fokina coverage, hopefully forever. We're just…

Implant cancer! Brain melting! Autism vaccines! Big tumor! Drug users! Chimera monkeys! Face transplants! Yoga danger! And the future of your baby, made clear! It's your Friday Health Watch, where we watch your health—but not for long!

I've got news for you: everything you're doing to keep yourself healthy is worthless. Well, by "you" I mean "people who do yoga and take vitamins and generally try to be healthy." I know you just sit around on the internet all day. The point is: it doesn't matter, because you're wasting your time either way.

Yoga is a beautiful, ancient tradition that helpfully reduces stress and probably benefits your internal organs and soul and whatever else people are made out of. Unfortunately, Lululemonheads like these two have ruined it for the next several decades.

Russell Simmons initially got famous by starting up Def Jam, a hip hop label that was, believe it or not, dynamic and countercultural. And cool! That was a long, long time ago. What is Russell up to today? Oh, just defending Fox News chief Roger Ailes (again):

Russian baby-swinging yoga guru Lena Fokina—whose unconventional child-rearing terrorized YouTube earlier this year—recently went on high-profile Russian talk show Let Them Talk. Before a live studio audience, Lena Fokina swung a baby, endured half an hour of berate and ridicule, then burst into tears.

Oh my god, it says here that yoga is the new golf! You have to do it with your bosses to move up the corporate ladder, and that's coming from a lady who "advises the 'top 0.5 percent' of companies worldwide!" Yoga's out of control—more! Nothing will ever be the same!

If you like to do yoga to stay fit, or sane, or whatever, then you might want to take a lesson from this video: don't bring your cat with you, because—if you do—it just may scratch your crotch.

Lena Fokina, the hardbodied Russian viral video star seen swinging babies here and here, is real. She teaches baby yoga for a living and raised two (seemingly) healthy daughters that way. And she just gave her first American interview!

The following video shows a Russian lady subjecting a squirming baby to "dynamic exercises" that involve swinging it by its arms and ankles, upside down and over her head. Oddly, there is precedent: Russian swinging baby videos are a meme.

Airplanes are the worst places to meet celebrities. The cramped environment of an upholstered metal tube brings out the worst in every tantrum-throwing, assistant-berating diva. The only thing worse than a tantrum? Insufferable, yoga-enhanced calm!

Helmet brains! Weird veneers! Teen pregnancy! Teen car crashes! Impotent fish oil! Blue Collar Yoga! Banana machines! Alzheimer's ladies! Laser faces! It's your Thursday Health Watch, where we watch your health—and it only hurts a little bit!

A Kentucky megachurch pastor says of yoga: "Yoga is demonic. If you just sign up for a little yoga class, you're signing up for a little demon class." We also think Yoga is demonic, but probably for different reasons. (via.)

Apparently, Massachusetts eases the blow of a parking ticket by providing instructions for yoga positions that will help the ticketed individual relax. Watch awkwardness ensue after Brian Kilmeade asks Gretchen Carlson if she can put her leg over her head!