For a brief period in the 90s—before 9/11, before the global economic collapse, before endless wars in the Middle East—it was fashionable to "care" about the environment. (You could still get laid wearing a World Wildlife Fund t-shirt, in other words.) Now? I mean, yeah, the environment... eh.
What's the main problem with the American economy? You, okay? You, and people like you. As an average drone, your job is very simple: you go to work, you make money, and then you spend all of that money on consumer products. Repeat until dead. But you can't even get that right.
Do you know how many new varieties of toothpaste were released in the U.S. last year? Sixty nine. And that's positively modest compared to the 102 new kinds released in 2007. Why so many? Well:
The Way We Live Now: new. And by new, we mean "worse." Saying "new" just kind of makes it seem...shiny, you know? Interesting and maybe even a little adventurous. We're splurging! We're consuming! Even if we can't afford it! Patriotically!
Good news, slack-jawed internet sheeple: researchers now believe that no matter how many unskippable 30-second advertisements they lard onto online videos, you'll continue to watch them, like the passive, yielding consumers you are. Your cat video addiction knows no bounds.
The Way We Live Now: with full faith in the greed of the American consumer. It is, indeed, the only thing that will pull us through. Flock to new casinos, despite all sense and reason! Flock to stores! Spend, live!
First they did away with the biodegradable (but loud) Sun Chips bag. Then we found out that most "green" product labels are full of lies. And now, even faux-concerned Americans appear to be tiring of buying environmentally friendly crap.
I'm no "LEED certified environmental consultant" or "person with a grasp of basic science," but it seems to me that brewing coffee one cup at a time via disposable plastic "K-cups" is a mite wasteful. Well, that's just "consumer perception."
Astoundingly massive and omniscient consumer products corporation P&G knows that you, the consumer, are more worried about "bad hair days" than about war, recession, and workplace rape, combined. So P&G hair scientists are killing bad hair dead. With science!
The Way We Live Now: Like cheap, cheap bastards. Let's be honest. We can't afford to waste words. If we had to sum up "the new consumer" in three words, those words would be: cheap, cheap bastards.
The Starbucks high command had its annual shareholder meeting today in Seattle. The company's stock price has fallen by almost half in the past year. So what big changes are in store? Upgraded coffee makers, shorter espresso machines "that will allow baristas to interact more easily with customers," and other minor…
