Click to enlarge and weep for American youth.

We can't get enough of the kids of Manhattan's quasi-famous residents. They're so attractive and sexy and just legal enough to vamp for the hipster photo sites. Today it's Isabelle McNally, the daughter of Balthazar and Pastis mastermind Keith McNally. It's unconfirmed, but as an aspiring actress (who isn't?), we…

Breaking news on the always-important beat of pretty people vs. the uglies:

Oh, lamentable runway of death! Fashion's center, stained with grief! At right, Vogue fashion news/features director Sally Singer sacrifices her young son at the altar of Marc by Marc Jacobs. The poor boy doesn't know what hit him; his eyes are cold and dead. Mom's such a bitch, man, picking out his stupid clothes…

Just when you thought the political climate couldn't get any worse:

As most of you already know, we are bad people. We lie, cheat, steal and revel in public urination. Our worth as human beings is unquestionably low, and we've always been OK with that. We never have a problem mocking that which secures our place in hell.

The literary credibility scandal continues:

We'd like to wish a belated happy birthday to Cosmo EIC Kate White's secret weapon, her daughter Hayley, who celebrated her 16th birthday yesterday. We understand the Super Sweet 16 party is this weekend — don't know the venue, but we're betting on Lexi Lehman's Crush, the go-to opium den for Manhattan's most…

It's amazing what constitutes "celebrity" these days. The floodgates have opened now more than ever, and it seems that anyone can be a celebrity so long as they're related to a an already-confirmed celebrity. Ali Lohan, the lazy little sister of Lindsay, is a great example, having now made an official appearance at…

A thoughtful reader with a very good point emails us to point out the inherent wrong in our coverage of Grubman PR intern and nightclub proprietress for privileged youth, Lexi Lehman:

• John Huey is finally initiated as the successor to Norm Pearlstine's editorship at Time Inc. The ceremony involved branding, hazing, and some tasty swag.
• Daily News EIC Michael Cooke barely lasts 10 months before scampering back to the Windy City. At least he'll be taking a nice, new pair of shoes home with him.
…

Too young and not quite jaded enough to handle the velvet ropes at Marquee and Bungalow 8? Even better, are you under 18 or prefer to stalk those under 18? If so, Crush might be the perfect nightclub for you.

More than any other single skill, the ability to read — and read well — allows a child to succeed in school, learn about the world, function in society, and someday have good job options.
—from the National Children's Literacy Website

Smells like teen spirit.
If only we had friends like Lexi Lehman when we were 16. The Lizzie Grubman PR intern invited dozens of her closest friends to attend the Andy Warhol Factory Party she helped organize at the Altman Building on Saturday night to benefit the Elton John AIDS Foundation. Alas, we spent the…

You may laugh, but we don't recall ever meeting a journalist who didn't carry a mini glitter gel pen. And trust us: If Matthew Cooper hadn't known how to use his confetti flowers, he'd be no better off than Judy Miller.

After two years of pregnancy, actress Michelle Williams has finally spit out actor Heath Ledger's baby girl, named Matilda (not a great name, but better than Inspektor Hazel and cute enough, we suppose, in an ugly hipster baby sort of way). The baby was born in Brooklyn, but the couple is otherwise incredibly…

NB to you crunchy activists: Don't get cute. You might think dressing your little one up in this onesie while you hit the open houses might result in some savings, as if tugging on the heartstrings of some middle-aged realtor is going to help you score a 2BR for under seven figures. But it ain't gonna happen.…

Actually, we didn't know the Associated Press was just for old people — we've been prematurely curmudgeonly since at least our early teens, so we're maybe not the best example — but apparently it is. How else to explain the need for a new, additional AP service geared toward young readers?

Congratulations to Niche Media publisher Jason Binn, whose wife Haley gave birth yesterday to Gotham's littlest subscriber, Penny Olivia Binn, who looked positively chic at just under 7 lbs.