No idea what these things are, but you certainly shouldn't watch this video until you've fully digested your breakfast. This video is allegedly from a sewer snake cam in North Carolina. This is exactly what flamethrowers were invented for.

Naturally, our monsters-and-alien obsessed pals over at io9 spotted this yesterday.

Update: A local TV station in Raleigh has called up the folks who run their monster-encrusted sewers and they say the video is real, but sadly is actually a colony of worms "attach themselves to roots" and "gradually work themselves into weak points in the pipes."

Joseph Brooks won the Oscar for "Best Song" in 1977, and proceeded to use that credential to help him lure starry-eyed young women to his apartment, where he got them drunk and raped them under the guise of "auditioning" them for a part that would launch their careers. He was allegedly assisted by his "42-year-old female personal assistant, Shawni Lucier"—when you add the "F," that spells Lucifer!

The pair would put ads on Craigslist and talent sites saying that an award-winning composer was looking for a pretty 18-22 year old girl to help with her career. In reality, cops say, Brooks had the rapes meticulously planned out.

Brooks primarily targeted victims from Washington state and Oregon — including former "American Idol" contestant Loretta Spruell, of Seattle — so they would be tired from traveling by the time they arrived in New York, authorities said. He allegedly hoped that would leave them without the energy to put up a fight.

Lucifer the assistant would pick the girls up at the airport, reassure them, and drive them over to Brooks' place, where he would spring his trap:

Once Brooks had his prey inside his apartment, he used the oldest trick in the book, cops said. He allegedly told the women they were trying out for the role of a prostitute, and the scene they were depicting involved drinking glasses of wine "repeatedly and quickly."...

Brooks then turned into a monster, urging them to take off their clothes and ultimately forcing himself on them, authorities said.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.
Brooks is facing 82 counts of rape, sexual assault, and other charges, and he says he's innocent. Anyone who could make that song is predictably despicable.
[NYP. Pic: AP]

Auchincloss (pictured on the right, with munchkin on left) shares a mother with Jackie O, but has a different father. He's lived a relatively quiet life in Ashland, Oregon for almost 15 years. But last October, police were tipped off that he and a friend had a stash of child porn; the investigation is ongoing (computer data mining issues are involved), but the accusations are pretty stank:

In an Oct. 17, 2008, affidavit for a search warrant, Det. Arthur LeCours with the Ashland Police Department said he found photographs in booklets and on carousel slides of naked, 7- to 16-year-old boys in sexual poses at Auchincloss' home...

In addition, two Ashland residents, Eddy McManus and Karl Iverson, told the Daily Tidings that they saw Auchincloss and Vickoren viewing child porn on a computer in Auchincloss' home, located in the 700 block of Benjamin Court, last summer.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.The cops also think Auchincloss has "taken photographs of clothed children locally," but he's not judged to be an "immediate threat," so he's free and uncharged so far as the investigation continues. He was turned in by his personal assistant. Caroline Kennedy is his half-niece. In case you were wondering. His denials do not seem particularly vociferous:

He didn't refute LeCours' statements in the affidavit concerning the child pornography found at his home, but said the situation was a matter of privacy.

"I think the point has to be, 'Is there a manner of being predators? Is there a manner of encouraging sex abuse by offering money or being in that trade?' And none of that is true," he said.

Oh well, "His willingness to talk about famous relatives has made him something of a persona non grata in Kennedy circles over the years." They must be pretty close to cutting him out of the family entirely. First it was the talking to the media, now it's the child porn. Only one more strike, James!

Camelot!
[MailTribune.com. Pic via]

"2 Girls, 1 Sub. Hungry? See If This Sandwich Whets Your Appetite." Yes. For poop.


Quizno's is the same sex perv breadlicker corporation that based its last ads for this same sandwich on the concept of getting a blowjob from an oven. These are some powerful sandwichdildos!

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.This is by Kevin Roberts of Saatchi & Saatchi. Come on, Kevin Roberts. Gross.

[Paper via Adfreak]

Update: A rep from the Swiss ad agency Lowe that created this ad emailed to let us know that this — understandably — never ran anywhere.

[via Adrants]

Lodwick in January:

From his Tumblr, yesterday:

Is that him? Is this yet another example of a lack of identity causing someone to obsessively overshare on the Internet in a desperate search for validation from the faceless public? We will be trying not to think about those questions, or anything else that might cause us to recall this post, ever again.

Young Alfie Patten got plenty of press when it was announced he was a 13 year-old father. Now they say it might have all been a scam! Cooked up by the responsible adults, obviously.

Chantelle Stedman was told by her mother to say that 13-year-old Alfie was the baby's father so that they could cash in on their incredible story, according to a close friend of Chantelle's parents.

Clive Sim, 39, claims that the schoolgirl was ordered to keep quiet about sleeping with other boys so that the 'teenage dad' story could be sold to newspapers for thousands of pounds.

Hey, is this so different from putting your preteen girl in a beauty pageant, or hounding your 12 year-old son to practice more so he'll make the big leagues and give you a comfy retirement? America exploits its kids the healthy way, thank you very much! Anyhow the crack British press notes that "It has been suggested that there are another six potential fathers" of this poor baby and surely there will be many more details to come, ugh ugh ugh let's all go take showers now. [Daily Mail UK; Pic via]

[via Copyranter]

[pics via Vanity Fair]

But the source of the bugs was not determined until the exterminator inspected the homes of about 20 employees. Mr. Vandeveer said the exterminator later described one employee's home as having "the worst infestation he had seen in 25 years in the business."

The important question here is, of course, who had the infestation? We always thought Shep Smith looked like he slept in a pile of bloodsucking insects, but obviously there's no way for us to say authoritatively, short of spending the night with Shep Smith, which would require quite a good incentive. So we ask you: Which employee was it? Guesses in the comments, or email us with actual info.