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Beloved actress Anne Hathaway embarked on a mini walk of shame outside of Coco De Ville Tuesday night. The Get Smart star, who recently split from con man & Zach Braff look alike Raffaello Follieri, allegedly had a lapse in judgment and gave reality TV maven Brody Jenner her number. At the valet station, Hathaway confessed to a BFF that she was suckered in by Jenner's frat boy charm. Hathaway sighed, "He had a backwards hat on and, well, I don't know....He just seemed like a guy who wouldn't be able pull off an elaborate con involving the Vatican, which is exactly the kind of guy I'm looking to rebound with. And he was wearing a backwards hat."

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

In a scene eerily similar to the film Garden State, Zach Braff started to feel alienated from the crowd at LAX. As Braff headed toward the exit, the crowd started to slowly blur into a sea of shapes and figures. Braff said, "It made me feel like I was really alone in the world. You know, that it was just me with the problem and everybody else was fine and normal." It didn't help Braff's demeanor any when he got a phone call and realized that his mobile phone still defaults to an Imogen Heap ringtone.

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

I hated that character from the second she flounced on the screen. I remember distinctly Portman telling Zach Braff's character that she was "weird" and then doing a silly little dance to illustrate her "weirdness." Honestly? Anyone who telegraphs their so-called weirdness so outlandishly is not actually weird, they're merely quirky enough to be vaguely interesting without having their own thing going on. They're completely mainstream but have one really big tattoo, or occasionally sing really loud in the shower! "Oh, Natalie," the A.V. Club writes, "your unconventional ways are so inspiring, and your beauty is surprisingly non-threatening!"

As the A.V. Club deftly notes, "Like the Magical Negro, the Manic Pixie Dream Girl archetype is largely defined by secondary status and lack of an inner life. She's on hand to lift a gloomy male protagonist out of the doldrums, not to pursue her own happiness." Since they've defined it so succinctly, I've realized that many recent films employ the MPDG stock character — Forgetting Sarah Marshall, for instance, where Mila Kunis's character is a free spirited nymph deposited on the shores of Hawaii in order to encourage Jason Segel to write the vampire rock puppet musical he's been fantasizing about for years. But what of the dude? You know, the brooding artsy loser in need of a MPDG to revive his creative and sexual juices? The ones who use MPDG's to stroke their fragile egos and project their muse-fantasies on? What should we call him? I think he deserves a name because these movies, and the notion of the MPDG, are really about him: his needs, his desires, his artistic endeavors.

Wimpster, while appropriate, lacks the specificity of MPDG and also is so four years ago. Maybe the new bromantics, because that term emphasizes their dudeliness but also their childish notions of romantic attachment? In any event, these self-absorbed whiners are to be avoided in real life, though, like (adorable!) Jason Segal in FSM, new bromantics can be charming in film.

Wild Things: 16 Films Featuring Manic Pixie Dream Girls [AV Club]
Soapbox [The Petite Sophisticate]
Meet The Wimpster [The Black Table]

"As for last week's season finale, well, that was strange, no? Originally scheduled to air earlier in the season, which accounts for the heavy presence of Dr. Kelso (Ken Jenkins), who a couple of weeks ago told Sacred Heart Hospital they could take his job and shove it, it centered on a fairy tale told by Dr. Cox to his young son as a bedtime story. As a narrative innovation, it ranked nowhere near the "Scrubs" musical episode (a hackneyed trick, but a good one) — essentially, it was a regular episode of the show, with the addition of numerous hours of costume and makeup. Not clever, just cute.

"Once, 'Scrubs' felt fantastical even without gimmickry. The humor was quick, and the characters had texture, Braff delivered genuine pathos beneath his simpering exterior, and Faison has been among the most guileless comedic actors on television.

"This season, though, their relationship became rote, and even they knew it. In several episodes, they openly struggled against the very nature of their freewheeling bond, especially since they're both young fathers — maturity may be out of reach for them, but thinking about it isn't. (Plus, the race-baiting jokes are becoming a bit much — y'all no longer get a pass just because Turk is black.)

"Braff's continued work on the show is reminiscent of Ashton Kutcher's labors on late-period 'That '70s Show.' In the acting, to be sure — both boiled their characters down to a few key tics, easy to deliver on cue — but also in the relatively quiet accumulation of wealth while they elsewhere aim for holier artistic pastures. "Garden State" was a moment, but the "Scrubs" checks will never die — it's a pretty good hustle." [LAT]

Jerk.

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Scrubs star Zach Braff was spotted leaving Hollywood nightspot Villa over the weekend in bit of a daze. Braff reportedly mumbled under his breath multiple times about a desire to get a burger which was so followed by shouts of "Anybody up for Astro Burgers? Astro Burger! Come on! Astro Burger!" Braff's friends shrugged their shoulders and suggested In-N-Out instead. Braff scoffed, then quickly agreed, citing that he could so go for animal style fries.

[Photo Credit: WENN]

He's just a dude who plays guitar. He's not trying to change lives. So often we think about music in absolute terms. Is Wilco better than the Dave Matthew Band? In my opinion, yes. But it's not even fair to compare Wilco to the Dave Matthews Band. They're too different. The real question is, is the Dave Matthews Band good jam band music? And the answer is no. But let us consider the case of John Mayer. He's a pop musician who was mis-categorized early as an indie rocker. But forgetting about his references to going through "quarter-life crisis," John Mayer really is just a hot guy musician. And for a state college student looking for some make-out music, he's not that bad. Also he really is quite hot.

As soon as you give up the idea that John Mayer has indie credibility, all his offenses are less egregious. Advertising for the Gap, dating a dumb blonde and dressing up as Borat are things you'd expect from a sensitive frat guy. Okay, so he jerked Jessica Simpson around, forgetting his own rule, that girls become lovers who turn into mothers. But he stood up for her after the state of Texas blamed her for the Cowboy loss.

In a way, John Mayer is like the Garden State of musicians. The movie could have been good if it not for the last twenty minutes. But a film that's honest about the existential constraints of young adulthood is just not the movie Zach Braff set out to make. Yes, it would be great if John Mayer were someone who could truly to speak to our quarter-life crisis. But that's not the kind of musician he is. He's a pop star. And it could be a lot worse. See Zach Braff.

Day Editor's note: This clip presents the evidence for my counterpoint, John Mayer: Actually That Bad

1. Zach Braff: Conquests include Drew Barrymore, Shiri Appleby, Sarah Chalke, Mandy Moore, Bonnie Somerville and Kirsten Dunst.

2. Brandon Davis: Hit it (and subsequently quit it) with Mischa Barton, model Caroline Vreeland, Miranda Kerr, Harrod's heiress Camilla Al Fayed and model Cheyenne Tozzi.

3. Cisco Adler: Dating history includes Mischa Barton, Kimberly Stewart and Lauren Conrad.

4. Dax Shepard: Rumoured to have slept with Kate Hudson, Kirsten Bell, Tara Lipinski and Ione Skye.

5. Marilyn Manson: Got biblical with Dita Von Teese, Evan Rachel Wood, Rose McGowan and Jenna Jameson.

[Source: Who's Dated Who]

• HOW DOES ZACH BRAFF BAG HOT CHICKS? [ONTD]

• Angelina Jolie's massive rump tried to escape her Versace leather pants at a 'Beowulf' premiere, which, by the way, doesn't 'Beowulf' look terrible? [Us Weekly]
• Movie mogul Harvey Weinstein got into a physical altercation with a handsy DJ. A shocked Zach Braff looked on. [Page Six]
  
• That unfortunate model who was lent a pricey umbrella by nutty restaurateur Nello Balan is now dating Owen Wilson. [Page Six]
  

Assuming this lady means raspberry in a sexual kind of way and not in a making-fart-sounds-on-a-baby kind of way, this is one of several sightings we've received lately from women admiring the adorably awkward smoothness of one Michael Cera.

Ever since he got fake-fired from "Knocked Up" and starred in "Superbad," , Mr. Manager has been getting lots of attention.

And while he is certainly hysterical and seems like a very nice kid (born 1988!), something in the profile pieces and the female adoration for being an ordinary-looking, slightly-geeky guy is triggering an ugly, big-lipped, abyss-screaming pang of Braffian déjà vu. And since we adore him, and every relationship we have with an actor is only ever one date with a Simpson sister away from being broken beyond repair, let's look at some proactive steps Michael Cera can take to avoid becoming the next Zach Braff.

1.) Don't date anyone famous or blonde. Some cursory Google-stalking of Michael Cera indicates he is currently dating a stand-up comic named Charlyne Yi. Perfect. Let's just hope with the growing attention he doesn't lose his head. It's a slippery slope people. The kid has too many beers one night, his friends convince him they should see what this Le Deux is all about, just to make fun of the people there of course, and BAM. We lose him forever.

2.) Stop blogging. This is okay now because it's for his web series "Clark and Michael," which is actually funny. However, what if he starts using blogs to talk politics or respond to things the media says about him? It could get dicey. It's better to end it before it starts. It could end up on HuffPo! Ack!

3.) Stop being in a band. Again, all reports are that the band is good, but we're talking preemption here. If you have a family history of breast cancer sometimes you need to lop that boob off early to save your life. It's common sense.

Is all this just a pessimistic attitude shaped by a world in which Promises mean nothing and Carrot Top gets laid? Maybe. But whatever. With the paparazzi on his tail and his growing appearance on those "hot" lists, we happily make the case that it's never too early to take action.

Remember when, in every interview, Drew Barrymore was all "I'm a real woman, real women have curves?" And then she broke up with Fab from the Strokes and became a size 2 and now in every interview she is all, "Here is my fitness regimen! This is the best i've ever felt! I have so much energy!"

Seriously, what?

Also, this Zach Braff thing... eesh... I mean, as terrible as it is, it's not exactly without precedent. Think about it: who was Drew rebounding with pre-Zach? Indie auteur and Coppola-dumpee Spike Jonze. The irony is that Zach Braff is, like, the reason no one has the energy to hate Spike Jonze anymore. Is that ironic? Is that Alanic? Whatever.

Anyway, they will probably get married and their babies will destroy America harder and faster than it is already being destroyed. At least the destruction will probably begin in L.A.

It goes on:

"I haven't had a vacation in 6 years and so I decided to take June and July off. I am having the best summer of my life! I am so happy here!

I'm hanging out with my New York friends, my Jersey boys, my family and loving every single second of it. And yes; I am dating. When we shoot Scrubs I spend every waking hour of my life in an abandoned and haunted hospital. All I can date there are ghosts and they tend to be horrible snugglers. So anyway, blah, blah, blah. Don't believe the hype.

I love it here. I love NYC. I love the people, the arts, I love meeting strangers on the street and talking about the most random things in the world, I love parades where people dress up as mermaids and I really love peach/pomegranate iced tea. I see quite clearly that the east coast is a slightly better fit for me.

That is all for now. I am going to buy a bike.

Peace and love. And as always, thank you for all the many kind things you write to me. You are the best fans a fellow could ever ask for."

• Remember that cute little kittycat Paris Hilton was photographed with a while back? Bitch let it get squished in the road like Phil Leotardo's head. [Page Six]
  
• Britney Spears "stormed out" of a photo shoot for a new perfume she's launching. How many perfumes can this lady have? [Page Six]
  
• Um, Wes Craven is suing Pauly Shore. [TMZ]
  
• Zach Braff was "getting touchy-feely" with 'Roswell' actress Shiri Appleby at Romeo & Juliet. Ah, Zach Braff's summer of NYC love. Gag me with a spoon. [R&M, last item]

• While Paris Hilton is busily shaking off her ditzy party-gal image with God's help, her dad is trying to convince various Las Vegas clubs to host her jail homecoming party. [Page Six]
  
• Anne Heche, who recently left her husband for another dude, has been spotted around town with ladies. Is she sexing them? [Page Six]
  
• Bad news! Zach Braff, on his summer plans: "I have June and July off and I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to enjoy fun in the city. I love New York." It's not mutual. [Cindy]
  
• Lindsay Lohan's latest rehab stint may have cost her a deal with label Jill Stuart. [Gatecrasher]
  
• It's official: Catherine Keener and Dermot Mulroney are unhitched. [Us]

Number one: The fashion was a hot mess. Let's be realistic. Without Rachel Zoe, most young actresses would be donned in garbage bags and the Tony red carpet provided many a faux pas that was not far from resembling industrial cleaning supplies. The thing is no one looked terrible but no one looked superbly fantastic. It was a boring night in gownland. That said, the body on Julie White (who later went on to win a Tony) is so smoking she makes Madonna look like a truck driver. Once inside the theater, it was a celebrity traffic nightmare. Ethan Hawke, Bernadette Peters, Liev Schreiber with a very pregnant Naomi Watts, and he who must not be named. Tom Stoppard's "Coast of Utopia" won the most Tonys for one play in like all of history, and, oh, Billy Crudup was single. God help us all.

The gala afterwards was a snoozer. Free booze and some dry cuts of steak were semihighlights and not to mention strange table centerpieces filled with hideous Navajo jewelry—but seriously do theatergoers have no taste? Rivaling after-after parties were those of "Curtains" at Carmine's and "Coast of Utopia" at O'Neill's, the latter of which I attended. The most surreal thing about the party was that the Tony winners left their awards at the tables and on the bars for anyone to fondle. I guess if you can't share your Tony you shouldn't have it at all....

Claire Danes had a purple Grecian attempt at a gown. It was too loose fitting and tacky in a seventh grader way. I thought it would be awkward with her boyfriend Hugh Dancy there and Billy Crudup. Hugh's play, "Journey's End," won. I'm sure all three of them worked it out.

Zach Braff: What was he doing there? What on earth does he have in connection with the theater? He said he was a secret musical theatre lover. Ethan Hawke was with his girlfriend, who I think is a waitress. A little Grease-y but cute. Felicity Hoffman was very skinny. I guess in the end that the funnest part of the awards were the Puerto Ricans smoking pot outside the theater.