In a stunning approximation of human behavior, Karlie Kloss-lover Taylor Swift revealed via Yahoo! livestream today that she made a new album. A "pop" album. The first single, which we can only assume was turned down by Avril Lavigne, is called "Shake It Off."
Swift even had the video ready for song, which preaches with all the authority of a Wyomissing, Pennsylvania-born white girl that "the players gonna play, play, play, play, play, and the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate." The theme of the video is "all types of dancers." Like this type:
And this type:
And sure, who can think of one good reason why not, this type:
Over the course the livestream, Swift took questions from "fans"—audience member Joey asked, with PR-professional specificity, what special features will appear on the deluxe album—and talked about her love of metaphors. "All I think about are metaphors and cats," she said.
She lip synched to her own song, danced with lucky audience members, and pretended that she's been to a house party before ("If you've ever gone to a house party, you know like, how people are, you know ..."). She told us her new album is called 1989, after the year of her birth. The album cover is a Polaroid.
Humble fans offered their praise on Twitter:
Seriously what @taylorswift13 has been up to is better than you ever imagined...
— Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) August 18, 2014
In case anyone was confused about the gravity of this Yahoo! livestream event, Tay cleared things up before she signed off. "We just made history," she said. Album's out in October!