Ted Cruz today spent a chunk of his time onstage at the Conservative Political Action Conference wistfully recalling how muscular and sexy he looked in a photoshopped poster.
Cruz was onstage with Sean Hannity bragging about having “put out a meme” when he remembered, fondly, the time someone photoshopped him to make him look hot.
“I was out traveling to California. And the week before I arrive in California, these posters began appearing all over town. They were posters of my head on a shirtless body... It was ripped. Covered in tattoos,” Cruz said, rolling the words around in his mouth. “A giant eagle on my chest... Two six-shooters on my abs, which were a perfect eight-pack... Winston Churchill on my right bicep, which was MASSIVE. A cigarette dangling out of my mouth, and above it, the legend: Blacklisted and loving it.”
Cruz, who repeated many of his talking points (“strict constitutionalist,” “bill of rights,” “Christian values”), ended with a familiar joke.
“I have to say,” Cruz said. “I noticed a glaring error: I don’t smoke cigarettes.”