The dramatic feud between Teresa Giudice and the government of the United States of America is exploding faster than a fight at a child's christening after some guests find out they weren't invited to help pick out baby-themed charms for the Pandora bracelets in the christening gift bags like Jacqueline was, even though Jacqueline's not even family, SHE'S NOT FAMB-IL-Y.
The first Big Secret cast into the open air: Teresa's husband, Giuseppe "Joe" Giudice (laundromateur/construction kingpin kind of/proprietor of Giuseppe’s Homestyle Pizzeria in Hillside, New Jersey for a couple episodes one season) is not a U.S. citizen, though he moved to the United States as an infant. So, while Teresa is facing more than 50 years in prison for charges ranging from bank fraud to conspiracy to commit mail fraud, Juicy Joe is facing deportation back to Italy.
On Tuesday, the Giudices appeared before a judge at Martin Luther King, Jr. courthouse in Newark and were released on $1 million bail bonds ($500,000 each). They were also made to surrender their passports and told they may not travel outside New York and New Jersey until their next hearing on August 14th, which is like telling a koi fish it's not allowed to travel outside the garish pond of the New Jersey mansion (built ca. 2009) where it makes its home. Where's that fish gonna go? All its stores are in New Jersey.
Frequent Real Housewives of New Jersey cameo artist Kim D., who, as regular viewers can attest, sucks, spoke to Us Weekly about Teresa's legal troubles. Kim D. said "I think there's been a witch-hunt going on for a long time for [Teresa]," which could be her way of implying that the United States government is just a pawn in Caroline Manzo's game of revenge since these women are pathologically unable to conceive of a world that does not revolve around the petty blood wars rage between the Capulets and the Montagues and the Giudices and the Manzos of Franklin Lakes, New Jersey.
As reported yesterday, the Giudices are accused of (among other crimes) overstating their income to obtain mortgages and other loans, hiding assets and income after filing bankruptcy, and tax evasion.
[Image via AP, .gif via Reality Gifs]
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