A bunch of awful xenophobes in Dalton Gardens, Idaho have banded together to sell bullets wrapped in a unique porcine coating. The goal here is for the ammunition to strike fear into the hearts of Muslims who abstain from pork. The company is called "Jihawg Ammo." The tag line: "Put some HAM in Mohamed." For fuck's sake.
Because people who set up stupid and hateful stunts like this are always cowardly, the team behind Jihawg wouldn't give their names or a statement to the Huffington Post, nor have they responded to a request for comment from Gawker. As a result, all we know about Jihawg is what can be gleaned from its website's "About" section, which reads like a Stormfront message board parody (emphasis ours):
In the fall of 2010, patriots from Idaho County, Idaho sat around a campfire enjoying an adult beverage. The discussion turned to concern and disgust that a mosque was being built at ground zero. Everyone in attendance agreed that freedom of religion is paramount for all peoples of Earth but this showed poor taste and had a sense of "rubbing our noses" into 9/11 tragedy. The discussion turned toward possible solutions to stop such a great insult.
History of dealings with radical Islam from the days of Jefferson and the Barbary Pirates to actions of Gen. John J. "Black Jack" Pershing in the early 1900’s in the Philippines gave clarity to a modern day market solution-Jihawg Ammo. Our preference is peace first but if a fight is to be had we are determined and resolved to win. Thus came the beginning of the truest form of defensive ammunition ever created in history.
A natural deterrent that prevents violence just by owning it but will strike fear into the hearts of those bent upon hate, violence and murder. Jihawg Ammo is certified "Haraam" or unclean. According to the belief system of the radical Islamist becoming "unclean" during Jihad will prevent their attaining entrance into heaven. Jihawg Ammo is a natural deterrent to radical and suicidal acts of violence.
Jihawg says its product's porcine coating is "pattern pending," but the U.S. Patent Office doesn't have any applications containing the word "Jihawg," nor is there any bullet applications pending in Dalton Gardens, Idaho. There is, however, an application form from an Arizona man named Mark Price, whose "suicide bomb deterrent" idea is a packet of pig blood affixed to public walls. In theory, the blood packet would explode in event of a suicide bomb, mixing the bomber's blood with that of the pig, and denying him from heaven.
In fact, Price's pig blood architectural device isn't the only product that's attempted to capitalize on the Muslim distaste for pork the way a vampire hunter might use garlic. In the '90s, Israeli rabbi and chemist Moshe Antelman developed a bullet containing pig fat to use against his nation's Islamic enemies. Even before that there were early 20th Century reports of armies, faced with Muslim enemies, wrapping their dead foes in pig skins in order to taint them for their god.
Unfortunately for enemies of Islam, religious scholars say myths of pork bullets and death shrouds ruining the afterlife for Muslims are greatly overblown. Shannon Dunn, assistant professor of religious studies at Gonzaga University, told the Huffingon Post that there "is no penalty for coming into contact with pork given by the Quran."
"To my knowledge, Muslims, especially unknowingly, would not be banned from heaven for eating or getting hit by pork,” she said. “There are some interpreters who suggest that Muslims should eat pork rather than starve, if faced with that alternative.”