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Pending approvalOriginal post by Ken Layne on Gawker

That Lady Yelling About Freemasons Is Our New Paul Revere

That Lady Yelling About Freemasons Is Our New Paul Revere

When that brave lady started ranting last night about the Freemasons and a United States controlled from the beginning by satanic money-worshipping pigs, the otherwise dull Congressional proceedings finally got a moment of excitement. Maybe this one lady, working within the House of Representatives all these years, could set off a devastating civil war that would leave the United States in ruins.

Life is harried and boring. Americans spend almost all of it in four unchanging locations: working at a meaningless job, shopping for provisions or amusements, sitting in front of a billboard-sized television at home, and sitting in a vehicle that very slowly and inefficiently moves the human between the other three places.

War is exciting. Even peace-loving liberals know that war is the only time we ever feel alive. This is why liberals are constantly declaring war on things: climate change, poverty, discrimination, McDonald's, Walmart, the Koch Brothers, the Tea Party, JP Morgan, etc. And in a country where 84% of people say their lives are "stuck in place" or "getting worse," at some point we are going to need decades of guerilla warfare to even things out a bit.

Tea Party people love war, too. They like to buy lots of guns and fly cartoon-snake flags that directly threaten law enforcement and other employees of the local, county, state and federal governments. Tea Party people elect giant babies who go to Congress and read baby books to shut down those hated governments, because the giant babies make sure the old white people still get their Medicare and Prescription Drug Benefit and Social Security and tax deductions and massive government engineering projects to bring water to the deserts of Arizona, where Tea Party people enjoy living inside 3,500-square-foot air-conditioned exurban houses built by Mexican laborers from stacks of green Canadian wood.

What was so thrilling about the stenographer lady's battle cry was that it named the right targets: rich people and their lawyers who run the government. While Freemasons barely exist now, go back a couple hundred years and many of the richest big shots were indeed members of a then-exclusive social club for powerful men—13 of the U.S. Constitution's signers were high-ranked members of Masonic Lodges, including the immensely wealthy Virginia agriculturalist-industrialist who led the colonies' war against the British and became the new nation's first president.

"He will not be mocked," stenographer Dianne Reidy began yelling about her God, as the idiot House of Representatives wrapped up its weeks-long national prank. "This is not one nation under God. It never was. Had it been, the Constitution would not have been written by Freemasons. It goes against God. You cannot serve two masters!"

Modern-day conspiracy theorists get caught up in the Freemasonry stuff, as if the specific type of rich-people social club held special importance. It does not. Today's version is the World Economic Forum at Davos, or the private box seats at a New York sports event, or the golf club off Sand Hill Road in Silicon Valley, or the entirety of the Northern Virginia suburbs surrounding the CIA's headquarters and the U.S. government's many corporate partners based there.

Still, the lady's point was valid, and is a good reminder that the actual American government is made up of people, including the kind of people who have been stewing privately for decades as they worked within the corrupt structures they've learned to despise. How many of the furloughed federal workers spent their weeks away from work plotting to finally get back at this wretched country? How many supporters of every fringe view or plain old populist rage are today holding the keys to everything from the utility lines and water pipes to the federal tax accounts and nuclear missiles? How many Bradley Mannings were created by this government shutdown?

Minus the stuff about the Masonic Founding Fathers, the angry stenographer's words were hardly different from those spoken by Pope Francis, or the chants of Occupy Wall Street, or the policies of the new leftist governments of South America. Words like these are mocked by the political media—well-paid and well-educated people who cover politics the way ESPN commentators cover a football game—but they have power because they at least point in the correct direction.

A pickled dandy like John Boehner no more represents the 84% of Americans stuck in place or falling behind than that penis-nosed clown Ted Cruz. They are in it for the money and the status and the national stage for their play acting. Democrats talk a little more about sharing the wealth, and every now and then they get scared enough of the teeming masses to create a Social Security or Medicare or Obamacare, but they're ultimately employed by the same global corporations that fund the other side.

Of course the poor lady must have gone crazy, that's what all the political media people were saying on Twitter last night, after she was dragged away by the U.S. Capitol Police who surely knew her by name. You almost have to go crazy in this country to say anything true. Had she called for the heads of the Forbes Richest Americans, or a nationwide environmental program to at least slow down the rising seas and devastating superstorms, she would've also been denounced as a nutcase.

Calling out the Freemasons was serious politics for much of this nation's early history. In the days before Masonic lodges became social networking clubs for small businessmen, the secrecy of the order and the great power held by its politically minded members was terrifying to Americans who actually believed in Christianity. Freemasons, being part of the Enlightenment movement against religious and royal control, were too smart to literally believe in ancient religious texts such as the Holy Bible. What they aimed for was a "rational" view that would reward not bloodlines and popes but the winners in finance and business. And they got their way. How'd the rest of you make out?

[Illustration by Jim Cooke.]

That Lady Yelling About Freemasons Is Our New Paul Revere

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