When the faceless, unaccountable (and nearly exclusively male) editors of Wikipedia decide that an article is not fit for public consumption, it’s gone—disappeared into the site’s recesses, and only accessible to the most elite editors. These deleted articles have been a dark spot in Wikipedia’s otherwise laudable transparency. That is, until now.

Wikipedia’s deletion rules are vast and varied, but every to-be-deleted article (that isn’t already slated for something called “Speedy deletion”) gets put in something called “Articles for deletion” before the hammer actually comes down. So we’re sucking up each and every proposed deletion, going through the whole mess of eventual deletions, and giving you the best of what Wikipedia has deemed the worst. We’re doing this because Wikipedia, one of the most-trafficked websites in the world, is a crucial repository of information that increasingly defines what constitutes “public knowledge” in the 21st century, and what its elite editors consider “notable” is itself notable.

But we’re also doing this because these insane, horribly sourced articles are consistently the most fun.

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Here’s this week’s set of the best articles Wikipedia didn’t want you to see.


Magic Mansion

Magic Mansion is (ALLEGEDLY) a short-lived sitcom from the sixties that was only broadcast on the Armed Force’s internal television network and, even then, only for a mere two-and-a-half seasons. It was created by an Air Force Staff Sergeant as a bit of family-friendly entertainment for those living on army bases, and worked as a makeshift variety/magic/ventriloquism/??? show set in a large, winding mansion.

Sponsored

Best line:

The series had a small boy who resembled the [central wooden dummy] and when made-up as the character, provided the perfect illusion of real-life movement. Of all the characters in the series, it was the inanimate Danny O’Kaye, who received the most fan mail.

Why it got deleted:

This is where things get interesting. If you check out the article’s deletion discussion, you’ll see an extensive debate about whether or not the show actually ever existed in the first place. Which, if someone did make the whole thing up, is an incredible prospect. The Wikipedia page is elaborate, detailed, and filled with tons of photos that would have had to be Photoshopped (a reverse image search doesn’t turn up any trace of the photos anywhere else online).

At one point, one of the editors actually emailed the United States Armed Forces Radio and Television Service to see if it had any mention of the show in its records. The AFRTS only has records going back a few years, but recommended contacting the National Archives. Ultimately, they decided the show wasn’t notable enough to merit an entry (there is absolutely zero record of it anywhere online that doesn’t trace back to the Wikipedia page), so they gave it the boot with the mystery still unsolved.

Why it shouldn’t have been:

Even if it is fake, someone put a lot of work into building that wildly elaborate lie.


Twelve commandments of a creative individual

Some man named S.K. Sarkisov decided to “summarize his life experiences” and all he’s learned along the way. Which means this entry is, more or less, his entire life’s work.

Best line:

The agreement to travel with my adversary Pankrat and the fight with the mafia at the construction of Moscow State University were related to the impossibility to surrender without losing face.

Note: There is no mention of any mafia either before or after this one sentence.

Why it got deleted:

Officially, because it “seems to be some random essay someone wrote, can’t find any sources for it’s [sic] subject.” The real reason it got deleted, though, is because people are monsters who have no respect for the creative individual.

Why it shouldn’t have been:

This article has everything. He finds love. He bears witness to his father’s arrest. He gets involved in a patent war. He gets beat up by “shepherd boys with stick.” (I think, it’s hard to tell. There’s a lot of talk about shepherd boys.) Sarsikov’s story is beautiful by any definition of the word, and to kill it is a crime.


E-Safety

“E-Safety” is exactly what it sounds like: a friendly, helpful article about staying safe on the information superhighway.

Best line:

1. Never give permission to a program that is called “Not a virus” !

Why it got deleted:

For being an extension of the author’s previous Twitter rants and containing “lots of promotion, and nothing of any encyclopedic value,” which is patently false considering that I learned to never “share images that portray yourself/friend in a bad way on facebook/instagram/twitter etc.”

Why it shouldn’t have been:

It says right there at the top of the page: “Please do not delete this.”


Female Nude Wrestling

An article that tries very, very, very hard to legitimize “female nude wrestling” by presenting it as a classic, noble sport with roots in Grecco-Roman antiquity.

Best line:

...the participants do not engage in any kind of sexual activity during a match. An occasional and seemingly shameless presentation of the female pubic zone is not intentional; actions like spreading the legs occur during all wrestling competitions and are a consequence of wrestling technique.

Followed later by:

Female wrestlers are encouraged to oil themselves, which increases the difficulty of a match.

Why it got deleted:

The attempted connections were tenuous at best and at worst what Wikipedia refers to as “not real.”

Why it shouldn’t have been:

You’ll never get someone to stop making terrible things unless you shame them into submission. Don’t bury “Female Nude Wrestling” under the rug—celebrate it as a prime example of dubious justifications for exploitative trash. It’s the only way they’ll learn.


Little Italy, Rochester

An adamant—if not terrible—attempt to turn an allegedly heavily Catholic portion of Rochester, New York into its own “Little Italy.”

Best line:

A little construction is going to be needed to create this authentic Italian feel, to make you feel like you are actually in Italy. But it is definitely official, The town of Gates, is Rochester New Yorks Little Italy.

Why it got deleted:

For not having any sources other than the author’s own will to believe.

Why it shouldn’t have been:

Deleting this is racist against Italians.


Wellywoman

“Wellywoman” tells the poignant tale of the pub-going, English bag lady of Wolverhampton.

Best line: All of it! This entry is perfect, so we present it to you in full:

The Wellywoman was an iconic character among the people of Wolverhampton. She made her first appearance in the 1980s when she began to frequent the centre of Wolverhampton and its many pubs, wearing a decrepit raincoat and pair of wellies whatever the weather, even if it was a scorching hot heatwave or a big freeze in the winter. She was in the city almost every day for easily 30 years until about 2014 when her health began to decline and she eventually died in 2015. The biggest loss to the city since the death of Fred the Tramp a few years before.

Why it got deleted:

Because people are heartless and apparently feel nothing for a dearly departed hero. Also because it lacked any sourcing or “facts.”

Why it shouldn’t have been:

Has the Wellywoman not already suffered enough?


HJIS Grade 10 of 2015-2016

A wildly incomplete overview of life in tenth grade at Horizon Japan International School.

Best line:

Saving your files saves your life.

Why it got deleted:

“I mean seriously? Absolutely zero notability. In fact, if notability could have a negative value, this article would qualify.”

Why it shouldn’t have been:

Delete it, fine, but no need to be rude.


List of Jews from New York City

Exactly what it sounds like.

Best line:

The following list is a list of notable Jews from or who currently live in New York City, the city with the largest Jewish population in the United States.

Why it got deleted:

It contains 70 or so arbitrary entries of hundreds of thousands potential listings. Also, many people on the list aren’t actually Jewish.

Why it shouldn’t have been:

Ok, this one was maybe a good call.


Easy Listening Satanic

An article introducing a new-genre of easy listening and/or Satanic music to the masses as well as the bands that make it, bands such as The Grateful Dead (?), The Rolling Stones (??), and Cake (????).

Best line:

That which follows(additional cd’s) are very simple to experimental so as to intentionally not put too much of a strain on the planet and to test it for weaknesses and also to fulfill the strengthening obligation of said Magus which tendeth the planet.

Why it got deleted:

There is no such thing as “Easy Listening Satanic.”

Why it shouldn’t have been:

Good luck trying to stir the elements of the planet into a waking life force of energy to combat that which is toxic upon return for the planet giving you life now.


Tomi Kenn

The tragic story of singer whose big break never came.

Best line:

After mediocre national success, and before it was officially released to major radio, Kenn’s label dropped him, and the track was later forgotten about.

Why it got deleted:

Tomi Kenn may or may not exist.

Why it shouldn’t have been:

Questionable existence aside—hasn’t Tomi suffered enough?


Contact the author at ashley@gawker.com. And special thanks to Adam Pash for making it possible!