When the faceless editors of Wikipedia decide an article is not fit for public consumption, it’s gone, only accessible to the site’s top editors—at least, it was. After a brief interlude, we’re back sucking up Wikipedia’s detritus to give you the best of what Wikipedia has deemed the worst. And this week’s set is very, very good.


Red gummy

Maybe you’re familiar with Five Nights at Freddy’s? Well, forget everything you know, because it’s gummy time, bitch.

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Best line:

All of it. The whole thing is perfect.

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Red Gummy Is one of the 3 antagonists in the five nights at gummys series In the game his starting place is at the stage he will be able to sprint to the players vent and jumpscare them. he is the main antagonist in five nights at gummys in the third game he is a phantom unlike a hallucination, although he isn’t as surprising as the other animotronics all of the other animotronics jumpscare the player and he does. Appearance: Red Gummy Is a animotronic Gummy that is red this is the leader and the five nights at gummys series has songs about this character Gender:male Species:Animotronic Gummy.

What’s more, a little research brings up the series’ page on gamejolt.com. Here is the game’s (official) description:

you are a nightguard JGFHGHGR. what have i become? fjbkgrk this is a nightmare RGBRES PLEASE RUN

#fnaf

The (presumed) child who made this is a genius.

Also, very mature for his or her age.

ALSO if you head over here, you can even play the game itself, a scene from which can be seen below.

Image courtesy of Gamer Adam Pash.

At the time of publication, we have yet to find the red gummy, but will update the minute that we do.

Why it got deleted:

People are monsters.

Why it shouldn’t have been:

Where is the red gummy.


Living Meme

Just like a dead meme, but alive.

Best line:

The article, for all of its faults, does make an excellent point about fun:

Most people on the internet use living memes as jokes to make other people laugh. This creates a huge amount of people wanting to join in the fun. They are shared over multiple social media sites:Facebook, Twitter,Instagram, etc...

It’s true. People fucking love fun.

Why it got deleted:

“Living meme” is a meaningless term invented by the author.

Why it shouldn’t have been:

That picture!


Pre columbian puerto sexuality

Don’t you think we’re all just a little too uptight these days? Whoever wrote this article definitely does

Best line:

To be quite frank, they’re all very, very good. But some highlights:

There were all kinds of sex that was being practiced such as oral, vaginal and anal. Men would have sex with men and they were not seen as homosexuals. All kinds of sexuality was practiced, homosexuality, bisexuality, and heterosexuality.

Although highlights might not be the right word:

That’s how they were able to learn about sex, thru seeing it from their parents or hearing adults talk about it. Some parents would even touch and kiss their children’s genitals. This was more when the children were babies.

I’m going to need to see a citation for this one:

When leaders decide to retire they pass their leadership title to the next person by having sexual intercourse with them.

Ah, the good old days:

The husband could divorce his wife if she could not give him healthy children. Any deformed babies were killed and at times so was the mother.

Why it got deleted:

According to one of the wet blankets over at Wikipedia, “This page has no place in an encyclopaedia. It is written like an essay, and has no claim to significance. The ‘sources’ this page cites are unreliable or unrelated to the subject of this article.” But according to me, that’s not how you spell “encyclopedia,” asshole.

Why it shouldn’t have been:

Loosen up, drips.


Genesis 3D (film)

Genesis 3D is a documentary (“documentary”) about the Book of Genesis—specifically “how modern science backs up Creation as well as the bible as a reliable historical record and document to ultimately demonstrate the authenticity and reality of the Biblical text.” Catchy tagline!

Best line:

Between 2012 and 2013, the film was renamed Genesis (and later Genesis 3D after having realized that introducing 3D adds another layer of realism and believability to what is being witnessed)...

As well as:

However, realizing that the support for the film exceeded the initial budget, the team decided to go for their original $800,000 budget.

The budget is now at a reasonable $900,000.

But please, don’t limit yourself to the film’s Wiki-ghost. There is plenty more three-dimensional content on the movie’s website—extras like this video, which explains the “cutting edge special effects that brings the Truth [capital assumed] of God’s word to life, like never before, in 3D.

Or this 30-minute(!) behind the scenes extra where you can watch a man speak inaudibly while getting his makeup done.

It’s important to note that even the behind-the-scenes scenes are, in fact, in three dimensions.

Why it got deleted:

The article is based almost entirely on promotional material and, since it’s been on the verge of release since 2009, there is a very good chance it will never actually come out.

Why it shouldn’t have been:

God is going to be pissed.


Ouch my toes are burining [sic]

A likely mediocre beverage accompanied by an excellent article.

Best line:

The article in its entirety:

An Ouch My Toes are Burning is a mixed drink consisting of:

Two parts vodka

1/4 teaspoon of curry powder

Dash tobacco sauce

Four parts tomato juice

Why it got deleted:

Unsourced, not notable, blah blah blah.

Why it shouldn’t have been:

“burining”


Honorable mentions:

Those who are going to die salute you ave

Ted Cruz extramarital affairs allegation as well as Media coverage of the Ted Cruz extramarital affairs allegation

Nick Poulos (Never heard of the show, but very engaging!)

List of Alvin and the Chipmunks episodes, movies, and specials released on home media

Diabetes, sexuality and pregnancy

Political positions of the United States presidential candidates, 2016