Gawker sure wrote a lot about Kristin Cavallari this year, huh? Bet you’d like to know which of those posts you should catch up on before the new year. Here’s a quick roundup of our favorites from 2015:

Kristin Cavallari Has a Brand New Book Dropping in 400-500 Days

What will you be doing roughly 13-17 months from now? Maybe you’ll finally be taking a stay-cation in sunny Tulum, where you could live by then. Perhaps you’ll be starting a new job at the soda can factory. You might even be well into your second pregnancy if you start on the first one right now. Change is scary, but take comfort in the knowledge that while your life may look different 400-500 days from now, one thing is for certain: you’ll be able to read former Laguna Beach star Kristin Cavallari’s first book then, probably.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 1: What the Fuck, Babe?

Kristin Cavallari’s first book, Balancing on Heels, drops in approximately 500 days. Starting today, we will begin marking the days on our calendar, which is a special two-year calendar, so don’t worry, it has enough days. We will also mark the days here on Defamer, every day, for the next 500 days. What’s happening on Day One of 500 Days of Kristin? Kristin’s leaning in.

Advertisement

500 Days of Kristin, Day 2: She Ate Everything but the Sour Cream

Flaubert once noted that “the art of writing is the art of discovering what you believe.” This couldn’t be more true for Kristin Cavallari, who is discovering through writing that she believes in carbs, but only some carbs—not the white ones. On the 498th day before her game-changing tip book Balancing on Heels drops, Kristin has made us a food diary.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 3: She Can Look Skinny, Doesn’t Like That Look

Today, Kristin is distracted from writing her debut book Balancing on Heels—due out in 497 days—by her own (low) weight. She tells E! News, “I can look really skinny and I don’t like that look. So, yes, I’m drinking protein shakes, I’m trying to put on muscle and I’m lifting very heavy weight right now.”

Sponsored

500 Days of Kristin, Day 4: Who Is Kristin’s Best Bitch?

Four hundred and ninety-six days until Kristin Cavallari’s debut book Balancing on Heels drops, and today she points us to a mystery. Might she explain this mystery in her book? Hard to say, but here it is: If Kristin had to pick one person as her best friend, who would she pick?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 5: “It’s Refreshing” That She’s So Normal

On the 495th day before Kristin Cavallari’s debut lifestyle book Balancing on Heels drops, she’s discovering what her audience loves about her. Explaining to the hosts of Good Morning America why people appreciated it when she posted her husband Jay Cutler’s harried texts on Instagram, Kristin said, “It’s refreshing to see that Jay and I are just like everybody else.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 6: Kristin’s Favorite App Is the Kristin App

There are still 494 days until Kristin Cavallari’s first book, Balancing on Heels, drops. So what will you read today, on a boring Saturday so far in the distant past, instead? Kristin has a recommendation. When asked in an interview with DWNLD, an app-making company, what her favorite app is, Kristin responded: “I guess I have to say mine!”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 7: She Has No Regrets

It’s Sunday, and there are 493 days until Kristin Cavallari’s book drops, and maybe today you are just taking some time to yourself to reflect on the week past. Maybe you’re even repenting for your sins. Kristin’s not. In a recent interview posted to her eponymous app, she proclaimed, “I don’t really have any regrets or huge mistakes.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 9: Agave Isn’t What We Thought It Was

Kristin Cavallari promises that Balancing on Heels, her debut book due out in 491 days, will be chock full of health tips, fitness tips, and recipe tips. Today, she offered us a tip for free in the form of a post on her eponymous app titled “Maple Syrup vs Agave,” by Kristin Cavallari.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 8: There’s a Measles Outbreak

The ongoing debate over whether or not children should be vaccinated has increased in volume and urgency this winter, in the wake of a nationwide measles outbreak that has now topped 100 cases. While we must wait 492 more days to read former Laguna Beach star Kristin Cavallari’s thoughts on the matter in her debut book, Balancing on Heels, we can look at what she’s said on the topic in the past to guide our discussion today.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 10: Yes She’s Obsessed With This Hat

Four hundred and ninety days until Kristin Cavallari reveals “really just everything in my life” in her debut book, Balancing on Heels. Four hundred and ninety days we must wait to crack the spine of that freshly-bound hard(?)cover and read, read, read, all the thinks Kristin has ever thought during her existence on this planet, including what she is obsessed with, and whether or not that thing is a hat.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 11: O Kristin! My Kaitlyn!

Kristin Cavallari is the star of a new book about her life, written by her, that is due out in 489 days. But did you know she also starred in a film? Per Wikipedia: “She also starred in the straight-to-DVD film, National Lampoon’s Van Wilder: Freshman Year, as Kaitlyn. The film was released July 14, 2009, to mixed to negative reviews.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 12: She Wore Red Lipstick to End Heart Disease

There are 488 days until Kristin Cavallari’s debut book Balancing on Heels drops. What can you do in the meantime? Kristin posted this idea to Instagram today: “Join me as I wear red lipstick to support @GoRedForWomenAHA and the movement to end heart disease and stroke in women by sharing your#GoRedSelfie.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 13: Thank God for Driver’s Ed

There are 487 days until former Laguna Beach star Kristin Cavallari’s debut book, Balancing on Heels, drops. That’s 487 days to think about how all of our lives could be different now if not for driver’s ed. As Kristin’s Wikipedia page reveals, “Cavallari was enrolled at Santa Margarita Catholic High School for her freshman year. After she attended a Driver’s Education course through Laguna Beach High School, her father enrolled her in Laguna Beach High School.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 14: Seventies, Fringe, and Military Green?

In 486 days, we will finally be able to purchase Kristin Cavallari’s debut book, Balancing on Heels. It will also finally be spring (2016). Who knows what the trends will be then, but right now, the hottest trend is “yellow,” according to a new post on Kristin’s app titled “Spring Trends.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 15: A Terrifying Book, Born of Flame

Four hundred and eighty-five days until Kristin Cavallari’s debut book Balancing on Heels drops, and now the master picks up her pen for the first time. Or, at least, she picks up something. No evidence yet of a pen on the scene, as Kristin revealed in an Instagram post today that her creative process is perhaps more elemental than previously thought.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 16: How Many Smooooothies Can One Diamond Buy?

There are 484 days until Kristin Cavallari’s debut book Balancing on Heels drops, and while she keeps showing herself to us in new ways with each passing hour, it’s hard to catch everything that she puts out into the world. For example, last week, she posted this Instagram photo, titled “Green smooooothie”:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 17: Kristin, I Know You Wrote This.

It appears Kristin Cavallari, whose debut book Balancing on Heels is due out in 483 days, has been doing some non-book-related writing. While freelancing shorter pieces for respected outlets is a great way to promote a forthcoming memoir, it is not customary to write passages for free on the Kristin Cavallari Wikipedia page.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 18: Kristin Wants to Save Ellis Island

There are many things that need saving in this turbulent world of ours: the rain forest, the children, the date Kristin Cavallari’s debut book drops 482 days from now, etc. But in 2008, Kristin discovered something equally precious that must be preserved: Ellis Island. “Help us save Ellis Island,” she pleads, in the promotional video for the Save Ellis Island Foundation below.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 19: Kristin Loves Her Man and Revlon® Products

There are 481 days until Kristin Cavallari’s debut book Balancing on Heels drops, and today, Kristin is experiencing the exquisite torture of romance. The object(s) of her affection? The new Love Is On™ range of Revlon Ultra HD™ lipsticks. And her husband, Jerbb Curtis(?). Kristin writes on Instagram:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 20: Here’s One More

There are 480 days until Kristin’s debut book Balancing on Heels drops, and with each day that passes, Kristin finds new ways to describe the happenings in her life. For example, she captioned the Instagram post below, “One more from today.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 21: What Should Kristin Call These Balls

There are 479 days to go until the publication of Kristin Cavallari’s debut book Balancing on Heels, and currently she is searching for the right word or words to describe an object. “I need a name for these little balls,” Kristin confessed on Instagram. “Oat balls?!!”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 22: Kristin Saw There Was Paparazzi

When Kristin Cavallari’s debut book Balancing on Heels drops, it will be springtime (2016). But when Kristin visited the Empire State to attend New York Fashion Week yesterday, it was 28 degrees below freezing (4°F). Naturally, she wore winter white:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 23: Kristin and the Bone Broth Secrets

The secrets of this world are vast, innumerable, and often revealed to us by unlikely parties and means. Today—just 477 days before her debut book Balancing on Heels drops—Kristin Cavallari whispered some secrets onto her eponymous app.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 24: Kristin and Camden and Jaxon

Kristin Cavallari named her sons “Camden” and “Jaxon”—unprompted!

500 Days of Kristin, Day 25: The Fermentation of Krist

Kristin Cavallari has revealed to us the secrets of bone broth, the foibles of agave, and the number of calories in one scoop of sour cream (too many). Today, 475 days before the publication of her debut book Balancing on Heels, she reveals the most important bit of diet advice she’s picked up on the Occupy Monsanto message boards so far: “eat fermented food.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 26: The Incredible Kristin Lifts 300 Pounds

Last month, Kristin Cavallari—who is currently working on or perhaps at least pondering in a casual way her debut book Balancing on Heels, which is due out in 474 days—revealed that she can look skinny, but she doesn’t like that look.” I can look really skinny, and I don’t like that look,” she told E! News. “So, yes, I’m drinking protein shakes, I’m trying to put on muscle and I’m lifting very heavy weight right now.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 27: No Egg Whites for Kristin, Please

With 473 days left to go before her debut book Balancing on Heels drops, Kristin continues to reveal herself to us in small but telling ways. Last week, she plopped one more tiny nugget of insight into her psyche on Instagram.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 28: Kristin Found Great Products and Price

In 472 days, former Laguna Beach star Kristin Cavallari’s debut book Balancing on Heels hits shelves. It will be a tome so epic as to encompass “really just everything in my life,” according to Kristin. How many pages has she written so far?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 29: Kristin Knows Where Shrimp Is Coming From

There are 471 days until Kristin Cavallari’s debut and likely final book Balancing on Heels drops, and today Kristin has transcribed for us us yet another seemingly random sequence of 1s and 0s that, when taken as a whole, constitute her unfathomable moral code: Kristin only eats shrimp if she knows where the shrimp is coming from.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 30: Kristin Thinks of Kamryn

It is Tuesday, February 24, 2015, and inspiration has struck Kristin Cavallari like a lightning bolt. In a post on Instagram titled “Oscar INSPO,” Kristin reveals that one thing made her think of another thing. Lucky for her and us, she wrote it down, and now that thought is preserved forever, a pillbug in amber.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 31: What’s Kristin’s Favorite Color?

It’s turquoise.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 32: Emerald Duv Customer Service Department

In addition to working tirelessly on her forthcoming teen vampire novel Balancing on Heels, Kristin Cavallari designs mid-priced jewelry that retails online. This fact was recently brought to our attention by Kristin, who posted a photo of said jewelry on her Instagram account along with the name of her line: Emerald Duv.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 33: Lucky Number 7

Earlier today, I was searching for photos of Kristin Cavallari on Getty Images.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 34: Kristin Was Thrilled to See This on Twitter

There are 466 days until Kristin Cavallari’s biology textbook Balancing on Heels hits shelves, and today, Kristin shares with us another blockbuster report from the scientific community. In a post on her eponymous app, she writes:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 35: Kristin Spotted at SqueezeOC Launch Party

Over the last ten years, Kristin Cavallari has graced legendary red carpets: the Cosmopolitan Fun Fearless Male Awards, the launch of T-Mobile’s Sidekick II, and even the 2006 Los Angeles premiere of MTV’s Yo Momma, hosted by Wilmer Valderramma. But on which red carpet did she first balance her heels?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 36: Kristin’s Whole Foods Didn’t Have Any

There are 464 days to go before her debut book Balancing on Heels hits shelves, and Kristin Cavallari is thinking about what’s for dinner. Maybe you are, too. Why not try Kristin’s paella recipe?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 37: Did Kristin Vaccinate Her New Puppy?

Kristin Cavallari announced on Instagram this weekend that in addition to caring for her two toddler sons Camden and Jaxon, she will now protect and nurture one more helpless being—a puppy. It’s a German Shepherd, from the looks of it.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 38: Is Kristin Hotter Than Olivia Munn? Ummmm

You might think that Kristin Cavallari is all serious now, because she’s like, married to the quarterback of the Chicago Bears and writing a book or whatever, but don’t you forget for one second what she is best known for across seas and continents: being hot.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 39: There’s No Parabins

In 461 days, Kristin Cavallari’s debut book Balancing on Heels hits shelves. Today, Kristin posted five sentences about a facial scrub to her eponymous app, which is incidentally now available for Android.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 40: Alone In the Desert With Krist

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 41: No One Won a Pair of Kristin’s Cyprus Heels

Kristin Cavallari’s debut book Balancing on Heels won’t hit shelves for another 459 days, but this week, Kristin provided the public a chance to try balancing on her heels themselves. For free! Or rather, for the price of entering an Instagram contest.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 42: Kristin Hasn’t Had Fast Food In Years

In a recent post on her eponymous app, Kristin Cavallari reveals, “I haven’t had fast food in years.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 43: A Pipe Dream Starring Meredith Vieira

Kristin Cavallari, whose debut book Balancing on Heels drops in 457 days, stopped by The Meredith Vieira Show today to promote not her book, but the idea of Kristin in general. Meredith Vieira, who is currently trailing Dr. Phil, Wendy Williams, and Steve Harvey in the daytime talk show ratings, welcomed her.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 44: Kristin Didn’t Pee Outside

During future author Kristin Cavallari’s appearance on the ratings-challenged Meredith Viera Show yesterday, the two discussed, among other things, best practices for urine disposal. Kristin revealed that although she has neglected some parental duties, such as vaccination against deadly diseases, she has embraced others, such as: “potty training. “

500 Days of Kristin, Day 45: Exclusive Source: Kristin Is Rude

As you may have read in Meredith Vieira’s increasingly desperate emails to you, Kristin Cavallari appeared on The Meredith Vieira Show on Monday. She wore a piped collar, she talked about her son’s urination habits, and according to a tipster, she did not chill with anyone besides herself.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 46: The Many, Any Ways of Kristin’s Life

Kristin Cavallari, who has a book about book coming out in 454 days, appeared on The Meredith Vieira Show on Monday. While she did not discuss the book or her (presumed) work on it so far, she did bring up the concept of time in general. It does not haunt her.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 47: The Kristin Touch

Page Six reports that NBC is “looking to replace” Meredith Vieira’s daytime chatfest The Meredith Vieira Show. Meredith recently hosted Kristin Cavallari on the program.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 48: Kristin Reads InfoWars.com

Kristin Cavallari, whose debut book Balancing on Heels drops in 452 days, has been hard at work researching...new conspiracy theories, apparently. She posted an article from InfoWars.com titled “Factory Farm Antibiotics Making Children Allergic to Fruits and Vegetables” on her app yesterday.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 49: Kristin à la Gwyneth Paltrow

Aspiring lifestyle guru Kristin Cavallari ripped out a page from Gwyneth Paltrow’s cookbook this week, pinned it to her bulletin board, and smudged sage as she prayed for the transformation to be complete. “Dinner tonight was chicken burgers, bok choy, and black rice with peas a la @gwynethpaltrow,” she wrote on Instagram.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 50: Kristin Gives Her Book a Thumbs Up

Fifty days after announcing she would produce a book in the next 500, Kristin Cavallari has provided evidence of her work on said book for the first time. Or rather, she has at least provided evidence that somebody has typed up some pages that may someday be a part of a book called Balancing on Heels by Kristin Cavallari.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 51: Rats Amore!

Kristin Cavallari, power user of InfoWars.com and other Monsanto conspiracy trumpeting “health” websites, has identified the final piece of evidence on which she will base her forthcoming book’s argument in favor of an organic lifestyle. Except, of course, the evidence was proven wrong many times over before Kristin stumbled across it.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 52: It’s Important to Teach Girls About Staples

Not only does Kristin Cavallari balance on heels, she also designs a mid-priced line of them for Chinese Laundry, which is available online and in “select Nordstrom stores.” According to Kristin, these shoes are “staples.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 53: Why Can’t Science Stay Away from Kristin?

This week, Kristin Cavallari’s already fraught relationship with science deteriorated faster than her friendship with Stacy the Bartender on The Hills. Science is shady, dude. Do you even know what science has been up to behind Kristin’s back?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 54: What I Imagine Kristin Thinking All Day

What goes through Kristin Cavallari’s mind all day?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 55: The Goat

Kristin Cavallari is a Capricorn.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 56: Kristin on Microwaves

She goes “back and forth” about using them.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 57: What Did Kristin Used to Be Like?

Kristin Cavallari told the Daily Mail in December, “I was very colicky as a baby, so I guess Jax is a lot like me.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 58: Kristin Gets This Party Cancelled

While searching for Kristin Cavallari memorabilia on eBay a couple of weeks ago, I came across a rare and curious item: a magazine ad page for a little-seen reality show hosted by Kristin called Get This Party Started.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 59: Sold for $5.99

On the 58th day of Kristin, I revealed that I had recently discovered a rare piece of Kristin Cavallari memorabilia on eBay: a magazine page advertising a little-seen reality show called Get This Party Started, hosted by Kristin. The bidding started and ended at $5.99, and today I can reveal that the high bidder was: me! I did it. (I also paid an additional $3.00 for standard shipping.)

500 Days of Kristin, Day 60: The Case of the Missing Rollerskating Party

In 2006, Kristin Cavallari—whose debut book drops in 440 days—hosted a little-watched reality show called Get This Party Started on UPN. Here’s a paper advertisement for it. The program ran for only two episodes during the month of February, but at least five more were taped, never to air.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 61: Almond Butter Cookie Plotline REVEALED

Almost 9 weeks ago, former Laguna Beach star Kristin Cavallari commenced miserable toil on her debut book, which she has chosen to call Balancing on Heels. At the time, she stated the tome would encompass “really just everything in my life.” Today, we can finally reveal the first confirmed part of “everything.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 62: I Just Had an Idea

Kristin, you should call your almond butter cookies “ABC’s.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 63: Kristin’s Beautiful Sunday

It’s 77 degrees and partly cloudy in Los Angeles today. Namaste.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 64: Let’s Go Back, Back to the Beginning

Before Kristin Cavallari embarked on the ambitious journey of drafting her debut memoir Balancing on Heels—coming to an Amazon.com near you in 436 days—she was busy popularizing catchphrases like “butt-hurt” and “Stee-pheeennnnn” on MTV’s Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 65: Kristin Has Never Been Personally Affected

In addition to designing jewelry, writing her forthcoming self-help book Balancing on Heels, and promoting a “natural” lifestyle by declining to vaccinate her children, Kristin Cavallari is—according to Kristin—active in her husband Jay Cutler’s charitable foundation. She revealed this Kristin fact in an interview with Michigan Avenue magazine last year.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 66: Kristin’s Favorite Shoe by Kristin

Kristin Cavallari, whose debut book Balancing on Heels drops in 434 days, designs a line of mid-priced shoes that retail at select Nordstrom stores. Before you buy every pair of Kristin Cavallari for Chinese Laundry shoes available, consider that she likes some more than others. What is Kristin’s favorite heel to balance on?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 67: Here’s the Rest

500 Days of Kristin, Day 68: Time-Honored Easter Traditions

Kristin Cavallari—mother; wife; Cavallari—is getting ready for Easter this weekend. She recently sat down with Yahoo! Makers (a branch of Yahoo! dedicated to DIY projects) to discuss her plans. Here is an excerpt from that interview:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 69: Kristin Definitely Doesn’t Have Any Secrets

In a recent interview with Yahoo! Makers about her Easter plans, Kristin was asked, “Do you have any secrets to preparing the house for the family to come over on Easter?” Kristin’s answer began with the following sentence: “I definitely don’t have any secrets.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 70: Krist Is Risen

Future author Kristin Cavallari recently shared a post on her eponymous iPhone app about dyeing (or possibly already dead) Easter eggs. Here’s how Kristin described the experience:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 71: Kristin’s Husband Fumbles Charity Attempt

Kristin Cavallari, who parlayed her social success in high school into a lifelong career of being Kristin, married Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler in 2013. He seemed to be popular in the continental U.S. at the time, but things change.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 72: Kristin’s Swimsuit Advice for “Curvy” Gals

If you are wondering what you should wear to camouflage your problem areas on the beach this summer, future author Kristin Cavallari has some advice. In a post titled “Best Bathing Suit For Different Body Types,” (recently shared on the Kristin Cavallari Official App for iPhone and iPad), she emphasizes the importance of timely swimwear selection: “It’s that time of year! Sun, sand, and lots of skin. Picking out the right bathing suit is crucial to looking your best this summer.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 73: What’s a Cute Bikini for a Pear?

Kristin Cavallari recently took time out of her busy schedule writing a controversial anatomy textbook to offer swimsuit shopping advice to the women who have, either on purpose or through error, downloaded her eponymous iPhone app.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 74: How to Hide Your Little Tummy from Kristin

Today we will reveal another droplet of bikini wisdom from Kristin Cavallari, who recently typed up her thoughts on swimsuit shopping for a post on her eponymous iPhone app titled, “Best Bathing Suit For Different Body Types.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 75: Social Chair, Itty Bitty Titty Committee

There are many ways for a woman’s body to look a little off. It could be “pear shape.” It could seem pregnant when it is not pregnant. It could have a tummy. Luckily, Kristin has typed up swimsuit shopping advice for women who possess all of these cursed forms, as well as for women who have—no offense—small busts.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 76: The Copertina Is Now Available in Yorkdale

Kristin Cavallari recently announced on Instagram that “the Copertina is now available in Canada at @littleburgundyshoes in Yorkdale Shopping Centre and Toronto Eaton Centre!”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 77: Sunday Kind of Love

Wikipedia on Kristin’s love life: “Cavallari previously dated her Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County co-star Stephen Colletti and her The Hills co-star Brody Jenner.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 78: Kristin’s Petite Bakini

Last week, we relayed Kristin Cavallari’s swimsuit shopping advice for women with problem areas, as originally published on the Kristin Cavallari app for iPhone under the heading “Best Bathing Suit for Different Body Types.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 79: Kristin Thought This Article Was Wild

As is her wont, Kristin Cavallari shared a Fox News article on the Kristin Cavallari app for iPhone this week. The article, from February, is titled, “Suicide of Maraschino Cherry King Leaves Future of Company in Question.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 80: Balancing on Kristin Cavallari Heels

In a rare display of magnanimity on Instagram yesterday, Kristin Cavallari complimented the looks of two unnamed women who are currently competing on the reality show The Voice.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 81: RIP Nick Zano

Before Kristin Cavallari was writing book about heels and how to balance on them, she dated a famous actor: Nick Zano, former cast member of the WB’s What I Like About You. It was 2006, Kristin was 20 years old, and she got his initials tattooed on the inside of her wrist.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 82: Vote for Kristin

The Iowa caucuses aren’t for another nine months, but Kristin Cavallari needs your vote—now. She posted the photo below to Instagram yesterday along with an appeal to the female electorate.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 83: Cute New Web Series Coming Soon

As you stare at the wall wishing for something to do this fine Saturday, keep in mind that future author Kristin Cavallari has a “cute new web series” with Revlon cosmetics coming soon.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 84: Just So You Know

Kristin Cavallari recently posted a Yahoo! Health article on her eponymous app titled, “Popular Wines Contain High Levels of Arsenic, Lawsuit Alleges”.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 85: What Happens In Cabo...

I’m on vacation this week. Here’s a photo of Kristin Cavallari on vacation in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, with the cast of Laguna Beach in 2005.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 86: Wheeee Says Kristin

I’m on vacation this week. Here’s a 2006 photo of Kristin Cavallari on the beach in Malibu with then-boyfriend Brody Jenner.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 87: Drama, Drama, Drama

I’m on vacation this week. Here’s a GIF of Kristin Cavallari enjoying herself while on vacation in Costa Rica with the cast of The Hills in 2011.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 88: Kristin Kavallari

I’m on vacation this week. Here’s a photo of Kristin vacationing with two Kardashians in Miami Beach in 2008. At the time, she was the most famous person in the picture.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 89: Friday Escape

I’m on vacation this week. Here’s a photo of Kristin enjoying a piña colada on vacation in Las Vegas in 2010.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 90: Vision In White

I’m on vacation this week. Here’s a photo of Kristin frowning at a copy of Vision In White by Nora Roberts—a book about a wedding planner—while on vacation with her now-husband Jay Cutler in Miami in 2011.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 91: Her Name Is KristinCavi

It appears future author Kristin Cavallari has joined Pinterest under the name “KristinCavi.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 92: 1, 2, or 3? Or NONE?!!

One potato, two potato, three potato, none potato: This is the conundrum in which Kristin Cavallari recently found herself embroiled. “Ladies,” cried Kristin to her sisters—the mothers, the she-wolves, the ducks, and the sows—“I need your help!”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 93: Balancing [Garbled Scream] Heels

It appears that while I was on vacation last week, Kristin Cavallari decided to surreptitiously change the title of her forthcoming memoir, like I would not notice.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 94: Such an Exciting Day for Kristin

Four hundred and six days until Kristin Cavallari’s debut memoir drops, and she is already shooting the cover photo. It’s of Kristin. She writes on Instagram, “Goofing off getting ready to start shooting for the cover of Balancing In Heels!!! Such an exciting day for me [confetti emoji]”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 95: This Is Not a Photo of Kristin’s Crotch

If you perused Instagram yesterday, you might have seen the following photo posted by future author Kristin Cavallari:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 96: Happy Birth, Jay!

It has come to our attention that Kristin Cavallari’s husband Jay Cutler’s birthday was on Wednesday (Taurus). He is 32. Happy birthday!

500 Days of Kristin, Day 97: How Would Kristin Describe Her Style?

In a 2011 interview with Life & Style, budding memoirist Kristin Cavallari described her personal style as “comfortable, flirty, and ever-changing.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 98: Kristin Wishes She Could Show Us More

Kristin Cavallari, whose debut book Balancing Around Heels drops in 402 days, shot the cover image for said book this week. She showed us one potential cover photo, but she wishes she could show us more. Kristin writes on Instagram:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 99: Kristin Has Never Met Olivia Munn But Yeah

Many days of Kristin ago, the world ceased to rotate on its axis for one brief moment when someone—specifically Kristin’s husband Jay Cutler’s coworker Kyle Long—stated that actress Olivia Munn was hotter than future author Kristin Cavallari. Breaking her legendary silence on the matter, Kristin remarked to Us Weekly last night that Kyle was just joking.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 100: The First Hundred Days

One hundred sunsets into her memoir-writing journey, Kristin Cavallari has begun to steer the country away from fugly flats and into heels. Though her legislative gains have been meager—some might say non-existent—Kristin has attacked her overarching goal of putting her life’s work on the record with enthusiasm.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 101: Bangs My Head Against a Mall

Fledgling memoirist Kristin Cavallari posted a photo of herself with bangs on Instagram yesterday. Caption: “Having fun on set with my #secretbangs and @thescottycunha @mr_nicolasbru.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 102: Kristin Alley

Earlier this week, aspiring author Kristin Cavallari assured Us Weekly that she’d be A-ok hanging out with Olivia Munn, even if some people think Olivia Munn is hotter than her. And you know what? For Kristin, life of the party, it doesn’t stop there. There are plenty of other attractive women Kristin would like to see socially.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 103: Jax Facts

Yesterday was Kristin Cavallari’s younger son Jax’s birthday—we totally forgot. He is now one year old. Here are some facts about Jax:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 104: Where Does Kristin Love to Sleep?

In a 2011 interview with Life & Style, future author Kristin Cavallari revealed that her favorite place to sleep—besides in her own bed—is “the Gansevoort hotel in NYC.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 105: Small and Artsy and Old

In 2007, Kristin Cavallari described Laguna Beach, the town where she attended high school, as “so small and artsy and old.” She told GQ:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 106: Kristin Is Trying to Kill Me

Kristin is pregnant.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 107: By God, We’re at It Again.

In case you missed it yesterday: Kristin is pregnant.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 108: Laguna Responds to Kristin’s Pregnancy

As you know—truly, as you’ve always known—Kristin Cavallari is pregnant. She announced the news on the Kristin Cavallari app for iPhone on Monday, and it’s since been picked up by E! News, Us Weekly, and the like. But what do the people who really know Kristin think of her announcement?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 109: KRISfunksion

Sometime after becoming pregnant with her third child, Kristin Cavallari posed for a photo shoot. The resulting images were posted to the Instagram account of “DISfunksion magazine” this week, which is, to the best of our knowledge, some kind of publication.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 110: [Vocal Fry] Justin Bobby

Truth and time tells all, but The Hills’ Justaan Bobbay will live forever. Kristin’s former coworker and (alleged) ex-boyfriend Justin Bobby Brescia recently emerged from wherever he’s been to do an interview with Us Weekly about his current career as a hairstylist. His salon is right in his Manhattan loft.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 111: Kristin’s Not the Only One

On Monday, Kristin Cavallari announced that she is pregnant with her third child. Here are some other women who are currently gestating:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 112: Kristin Is NOT Drinking While Pregnant

Future author Kristin Cavallari is pregnant and sober, thank you for asking. She recently posted a photo from a “wine tasting” on Instagram—a wine tasting at which she did not taste wine.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 113: Would Kristin Do a Reality Show Again?

Kristin Cavallari has done reality shows before, but would she do one again? The last time she was pregnant—with son Jaxon Wyatt, 12 months—she told Fit Pregnancy, “We get reality show offers all the time and we’re like, ‘No.’ Family is so sacred, why mess with that?”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 114: For Kristin I Will (Confidence)

Years before the idea to write a book ever crossed her beautiful mind, Kristin Cavallari starred in a music video for a now-forgotten white guy with a guitar named Teddy Geiger. In the 2006 video for his song “For You I Will (Confidence),” Kristin plays an Ugg-wearing siren who haunts the bottom of a backyard pool.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 115: Kristin Starts a Cupcake War

Perhaps you’ve heard: Kristin Cavallari is expecting. (A lot from life in general, apparently, and also a baby.) The fledgling memoirist is, by my count, about 115 days into her pregnancy, which means that a baby shower must be on the horizon. What will this party entail? A reality show that she would absolutely not do again? If history’s any indication, then yes.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 116: Kristin Knows The Hog Butcher of the World

Kristin Cavallari claims to know a lot: she promises her debut book (due out in 384 days) will cover fashion, beauty, “mommy and wife stuff,” health, fitness, and “really just everything” in her life. Will it include facts about her adopted city of Chicago—The Big Onion—Kristin’s Kind of Town—as well? Perhaps, because she also knows that.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 117: Balancing In Heels In Pictures

Though she has been busy preparing for the birth of her third child and introducing Chicago to the world, Kristin Cavallari did work on her debut book this week. On Tuesday, she wrote on Instagram, “Great first day for the Balancing In Heels shoot all week.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 118: Star Foot

Kristin got a star on her foot.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 119: Decapricornitated

We all have our missions in this life. For some, their mission is to create. For others, their mission is to heal. For still others, their mission is to teach; that’s Kristin Cavallari’s mission—to teach about Kristin Cavallari.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 120: Marine’s Mom Not Sure Why He Chose Kristin

As Memorial Day prompts us to remember the fallen soldiers who fought for our country, so too are we reminded that Kristin Cavallari once attended a Marine Corps Ball in San Diego, California. In 2011, Kristin said “yes” to Lance Cpl. Jonathan Burkett when he asked her to the dance on Twitter.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 121: Whoops

I forgot to post yesterday’s. Do you think Kristin noticed?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 122: Kristin Even More Stylish Than We Thought?

Mrs. Kristin Elizabeth Cavallari Cutler is many things: a mother, blonde, overly ambitious at times, etc. But is she stylish? Or rather, even more stylish than we thought? People is on the case.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 123: What Is the Height of Kristin?

Gold is the hair of Kristin
And brown are the eyes
Peach/tan is the skin of Kristin
But what is the height?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 124: Pretty Boring

Yesterday I woke up confused, like I’d been bludgeoned with a turquoise bangle in my sleep. It turns out that I was just remembering a blog post on People’s website titled, “9 Reasons Kristin Cavallari Is Even More Stylish Than We Thought.” Is she? Even more stylish than we thought? Please hand me two baby aspirin and we’ll discuss.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 125: Little Squiggle and Little Brown Around

“There’s a ton” of new Kristin Cavallari-branded jewelry available for purchase online today, according to Kristin. Two new items from her line called Emerald Duv—pronunciation unknown—are especially exciting. One is called “Little Brown Around,” the other, “Little Squiggle.” Can you guess what they are?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 126: Little Kristin Stuff

Yesterday, we noted that Kristin Cavallari is selling two new jewelry items with mysterious names. One is called “Little Brown Around,” the other, “Little Squiggle.” What do these names mean? What exactly is Kristin selling?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 127: Our Sons, Our Style

Spring’s dramatic weather fluctuations have lately made dressing difficult for some—but Kristin Cavallari’s style is only getting more stylish and good. We think. We thought? Who knows; let’s ask People.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 128: Kristin Finished Writing Her Book LOL

In January, Kristin Cavallari announced that her debut memoir and lifestyle book Balancing in Heels (originally titled Balancing on Heels) would be available for purchase sometime in the far, far distant future of spring 2016. Today—128 Days Later—Kristin writes on Instagram:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 129: Drop These Earrings Off at the Pool

Kristin Cavallari—who finished her debut book yesterday, LOL—just posted an update about another one of her important projects on Instagram.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 130: Kristin’s Message to NFL Fans

Kristin Cavallari’s book is getting closer to being published, but is her sense of style getting closer to being good? People says yes.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 131: Why Do You Need to Know?

Earlier this week, former Laguna Beach star Kristin Cavallari announced that she has finished writing her debut “lifestyle” “book,” Balancing in Heels. The project—originally titled Balancing on Heels—is set for publication many, many months from now. When will we, the wretched, be able to purchase it?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 132: And the Winner Is...

In 2012, years before Kristin Cavallari ever considered writing the book she now claims to have finished, Dear Doctor–a magazine for dental professionals and patients that I have never personally seen but am willing to believe exists—posed a question to its readers. “Who’s got the best celebrity smile of 2012?”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 133: Such a Great Surprise

Yesterday, we revealed that in 2012, Kristin Cavallari became a one-time winner of the Best Celebrity Smile contest in Dear Doctor magazine—a periodical for dental professionals and patients. How did Kristin respond to this honor?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 134: 776 Days of Engaged

Today—June 8, 2015—is Kristin Cavallari’s second wedding anniversary with her husband, Bears quarterback Jay Cutler. Aww.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 135: Kristin Slams 500 Days of Kristin

It’s been 135 days since Kristin Cavallari commenced work on her debut memoir, The Book Formerly Known As Balancing on Heels, and I began following her efforts with this column. Though I have not yet been able to review Kristin’s work (365 more days), today she has chosen to review mine.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 136: Kristin’s Expired Loubs

While some people spend their days leading hiking tours of state parks or teaching algebra to our nation’s youth, others—namely the eponymous people at People magazine—spend their days coming up with reasons that Kristin Cavallari is even more stylish than we thought. (We at Defamer spend our days analyzing those reasons.)

500 Days of Kristin, Day 137: Don’t B Afraid 2 B Kristin

If have been looking for relationship and/or general life advice from Kristin Cavallari—and god, why wouldn’t you be—you can probably find some in her book, due out in 363 days. Until then, we must make do with what we’re given, which is the wisdom found in a Twitter “live chat” with @KristinCav hosted by Cosmo and sponsored by Revlon.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 138: ChicagNO

In recent interview with Elle (dot com), Kristin Cavallari expressed distaste for the city of Chicago—the city that her husband plays football for, and the city that, just last month, she claimed to really “know.” Well, Kristin knows what she does not like. “Chicago’s just not home,” she told Elle (dot com).

500 Days of Kristin, Day 139: Who Balanced In Kristin’s Heels?

Someone other than Kristin Cavallari recently wore a pair of Kristin Cavallari for Chinese Laundry heels on the “red carpet.” Can you guess who it was?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 140: Heel Balancer Revealed

We noted yesterday that someone other than Kristin Cavallari recently wore a pair of Kristin Cavallari for Chinese Laundry heels at a celebrity event—the CMT Music Awards, specifically.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 141: Kristin’s App (Updates)

Important message from Kristin Cavallari via the Official Kristin Cavallari App for iPhone and Android: there is an “exciting update” coming to the app. What could it be?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 142: Kristin Makes an Enemy

Do you have a particular outfit that you really regret wearing say 10, 15, or 20 years ago? If you can picture it in your head, and it is, indeed, regrettable, congratulations: you’re stylish. According to People, anyway.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 143: Kristin’s Broken Promise

As avid readers of the Official Kristin Cavallari App for iPhone and Android may remember, Kristin posted a “healthy living” tip about taking magnesium supplements on the app almost one year ago. The post itself is innocuous: Kristin takes magnesium because she thinks it will cure what so dreadfully ails her; she reminds the public that this is just her opinion and she is “obviously not a doctor.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 144: Kristin Cavallari Was Born in Denver

See above.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 145: What Jay Cutler Wants for Father’s Day

If you haven’t sent the dad in your life a gift for Father’s Day yet, it is basically too late—sorry. However, if you find a hole in the space-time continuum and decide to use it to go back in time to three days ago when you should have bought him a present, here are some shopping suggestions from Jay Cutler, husband of Kristin Cavallari.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 146: Kristin’s Journey to Book Title

When Kristin Cavallari first announced her debut book back in January, she called it Balancing on Heels. Months later, she surreptitiously started referring to the tome as Balancing in Heels, and she has yet to explain why. If you thought that was enough messing around for one pamphlet full of vaccination advice, let me tell you something right now: Kristin is not done.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 147: Happy Father’s Day, Dennis Cavallari

Here’s to the man who raised Kristin Cavallari: her dad, Dennis.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 148: Love & Contouring

Kristin Cavallari has promised us many things over the last 148 days: a review of Krill oil, a “cute new web series,” and of course, a book about her life. She has finally delivered on one of those pledges—can you guess which one?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 149: Does Kristin Hate Chicago? (Of Course)

In a recent interview with Elle (dot com), Kristin Cavallari made a characteristically aggressive statement about her adopted city of Chicago: “Chicago’s just not home.” The people of the Big Onion were upset, or course—not that Kristin cares. Her husband, Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler, is now working feverishly to mend some bombed out, totally destroyed, most likely utterly irreparable fences.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 150: No Offense Kristin Is Not Worth $2.99

Since 2014, Kristin Cavallari has occasionally updated the Official Kristin Cavallari App for iPhone and Android with nonsensical items like “Best Bathing Suit For Different Body Types” and “The Secrets of Bone Broth,” which is her right as an American citizen. She has generously provided these semi-coherent musings free of charge...

500 Days of Kristin, Day 151: Has Kristin Ever Seen a Football Game

Kristin Cavallari has all kinds of advice: drink bone broth; don’t vaccinate your children; buy my book; blah, blah blah. Yesterday, she offered another bit of her trademark uninformed counsel to fantasy football players: pick her husband, Chicago Bears QB Jay Cutler, first round in the fantasy draft.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 152: Kristin Is Not Allowed To

Kristin Cavallari, whose debut book is due out in 348 days, recently filmed a television show, according to Kristin Cavallari. To inform the public of this new venture, she posted a photo of herself standing next to a (Catholic?) church clutching her pregnant stomach on Instagram.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 153: Would Kristin Pose Nude While Pregnant?

Kristin Cavallari is currently pregnant with her first book (Balancing in Heels) and her third child (as yet unnamed, but perhaps it is helpful to note she named her first two kids Camden and Jaxon). By Defamer’s calculations, Kristin is well into her second trimester now, which is the perfect time for a pregnancy photo shoot.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 154: Kristin’s Personal Preference

Would Kristin Cavallari, who is pregnant, pose nude (while pregnant)? That’s the question we asked yesterday, and today, we will provide Kristin’s answer. If you have not had time to ponder this question yet, you may do so quietly in your head now.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 155: Kristin’s Shoes Honor Gay Marriage

Like a majority of citizens across these United States, former reality star and current designer of the Kristin Cavallari for Chinese Laundry shoe line Kristin Cavallari welcomed the Supreme Court’s landmark gay marriage decision on Friday. She celebrated her shoes:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 156: Jay Has A Lot of Ideas & Opinions—So Many

Is Kristin Cavallari even more stylish than we thought?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 157: Kristin’s App-alling Business Decision

Seven days of Kristin ago, Ms. Kristin Cavallari did a rude thing: She made the Official Kristin Cavallari App for iPhone and Android, which was once free, cost $2.99. Per month. Her followers were outraged, announcing in droves on Instagram that they would be deleting the app and reading Lauren Conrad’s free blog instead.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 158: A Brief Increase In Bargaining Power

Below is the text of a blind item from May 4, 2007:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 159: It’s Spelled K-R-I-S-T-I-N

As you enjoy your burgers, your beer, and your patriotic crop tops this weekend, remember: “Ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 160: Cavallari Talks Obama

In honor of Independence Day, we will now relay an independent thought Kristin Cavallari once had about politics.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 161: Time to Celebrate

It’s Kristin Cavallari’s half-birthday. Today, she is 28.5 years old.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 162: Kristin Shops at HomeGoods® [PHOTOS]

One year ago this month, Kristin Cavallari went shopping. I mean, of course she did, but I know for a fact she went shopping at a certain bargain home furnishings chain store in Los Angeles because there are many, many, many meticulously staged paparazzi photos of this shopping excursion available for purchase and publication online.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 163: Kristin Is a Plagiarist

Kristin Cavallari, proprietor of the Official Kristin Cavallari App for iPhone and Android, has published several posts on the app under her byline over the last year—posts with words and almost-words like “anyways,” “techy,” “science lab,” and “bakini.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 164: God Only Knows If Kristin Is More Stylish

Kristin Cavallari, whose debut book Balancing in Heels (f.k.a Balancing on Heels) is due out in 346 days, is even more stylish than we thought—according to the “we” who work at People.com. In a recent blog post titled, “9 Reasons Kristin Cavallari Is Even More Stylish Than We Thought,” the magazine website lays out its dubious case.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 165: Bangs Gang

Sixty-four days of Kristin ago, incipient author Kristin Cavallari teased yet another one of her varied, seemingly random projects: Secret Bangs™. “Having fun on set with my #secretbangs,” she wrote in the caption of an Instagram photo of her wearing fake bangs. She’s since deleted the photo—for some reason—but the bangs...the bangs live on.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 166: It’s a Pair of Pink Sneakers

Kristin Cavallari, whose debut book Balancing in Heels is scheduled to to enter this world in 344 days, is also pregnant with a baby who will get here much faster. Kristin announced via Instagram last night that the child will be girl.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 167: Needs Fewer Words, More Exclamation Points

On Thursday evening, Kristin Cavallari announced via Instagram that her forthcoming baby will be a girl. “Our new addition!” Kristin exclaimed in the caption of photo of her holding little pink sneakers. “The boys are so excited to have a little sister on the way!!!”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 168: Reeenh Reeenh Reeenh

Below is a 2013 Getty photo of Kristin Cavallari applying lip gloss at the ULTA Beauty “Kiss Cart,” which somehow benefitted the Breast Cancer Research Foundation.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 169: Bang Buddies With No Strings Attached

Kristin Cavallari recently got fake bangs for an infomercial—a fact she would like the public to promptly forget. They look like this:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 170: Kristin’s Beach Day

Twenty days of Kristin ago, Kristin Cavallari chose to forsake her followers in pursuit of cold, hard cash by making the once free-to-access Official Kristin Cavallari App for iPhone and Android cost $2.99. Per month. Readers (?) of the app revolted, and so seven days later, Kristin quietly expressed a change of heart.

500 Jours de Kristin, Jour 170: Plage Jour de Kristin

Il ya vingt jours de Kristin, Kristin Cavallari a choisi de renoncer à ses disciples dans la poursuite de froid, espèces sonnantes et trébuchantes en faisant l’officiel une fois libre d’accès Kristin Cavallari App pour iPhone et Android coûte 2,99 $. Par mois. Les lecteurs (?) De l’application se révoltèrent, et ainsi de sept jours plus tard, Kristin tranquillement exprimé un changement de cœur.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 171: Apparently Camden Is a Popular Name!

As she will proudly tell you, fledgling memoirist Kristin Cavallari named her one of her sons “Camden” and the other “Jaxon.” While no other Earth child currently carries the name Jaxon, there are other Camdens. One of those lesser Camdens, in particular, makes Kristin feel bitchy.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 172: Kristin Has Sold One Pair of Secret Bangs™

Congratulations are in order: Kristin Cavallari, official spokesperson of the fake bangs company Secret Bangs™, has made a sale...to Defamer.com. Today we purchased one pair of Secret Bangs™ in the secret shade of “Dark Blonde” for $29.99. Here’s hoping they look just like this:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 173: Kristin’s Advice for Lindsay Lohan

Five years ago this week, Kristin Cavallari attended Comic-Con in San Diego, where she spoke to a CNN iReporter for some reason. The reporter did not want to know much about Kristin, but he did ask about Lindsay Lohan, who had just surrendered to jail for failing to attend court-ordered alcohol education classes. “Let’s talk about Lindsay Lohan,” he said. Kristin obliged.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 174: Kristin Will Get the Shot

In January 2013, former reality TV personality Kristin Cavallari attended a branded, semi-outdoor event for Gillette razors in Chicago. Though the weather was surely freezing, she gave the paparazzi a rare opportunity to take photos of her.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 175: Awards & Achievements

In 2007, Kristin Cavallari took home the “One to Watch” award at Moveline’s Hollywood Life 9th Annual Young Hollywood Awards.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 177: Updates

Yesterday, on the 176th day of Kristin, Max Read resigned as editor-in-chief of Gawker, and we did not record Kristin Cavallari’s daily activities on this site.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 178: Who Knew Having a CA License Was a CRIME

Last week, we recounted the time in 2010 that Kristin Cavallari publicly offered advice to Lindsay Lohan via a CNN reporter at Comic-Con. The advice—for a recently incarcerated Lindsay—was this:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 179: Uh Oh Uh Oh Uh Oh Oh No No

In 2011, Kristin Cavallari—whose debut memoir Balancing in Heels (f.k.a. Balancing on Heels) is due out in 321 days—competed as a Star on the 13th season of Dancing with the Stars. She was the third contestant to be eliminated, besting only Metta World Peace and one of George Clooney’s ex-girlfriends.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 180: Look at All This Shit

Kristin Cavallari, a woman who does not eat egg whites, additives, “parabins,” or most shrimp (unless she knows where the shrimp is coming from), must consume something to survive. But what? Last year, the blog “The Skinny Confidential” helpfully compiled a list of things Kristin has admitted to eating (in writing).

500 Days of Kristin, Day 181: U Put a Smile on Kristin’s Face

Earlier this week, Kristin Cavallari received flowers from a loved one: People StyleWatch magazine.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 182: @CokeBreath Loves Kristin’s App

It has come to our attention (via Kristin) that a person who calls herself “Coke Breath” has positively reviewed the Official Kristin Cavallari App for iPhone and Android.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 183: Glamour by Istin Cavalla

Fledgling memoirist Kristin Cavallari has offered her followers yet another “sneak peek” into the her life via an ad for her mid-priced shoe line, Kristin Cavallari for Chinese Laundry. The following short Instagram video—intended to sell the public on shoes designed by Kristin Cavallari—shows Kristin balancing in heels of all colors, smiling, and not saying anything:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 184: Art Movement of the European Avant-Garde

In a 2013 interview with Chicago blog “A Drink With,” Kristin Cavallari finally answered the question Chicago blog “A Drink With” was dying to ask: What were her son Camden’s first words?

i’m having fun

500 Days of Kristin, Day 185: Did Kristin Make Less Money Than Audrina?

On September 29, 2009, The Daily Beast released a blockbuster report that shook our nation to its core. With its publication, previously guarded information became public to American citizens for the first time: the (inflated) salaries of the women and men then starring on MTV’s reality TV dramedy The Hills.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 186: Eternal Questions

Have you ever wondered how Kristin Cavallari, who announced her debut book roughly 500 days before its scheduled publication date, “does it all”? Beauty blog Byrdie.com conspires to exclusively answer this question in a new interview with Kristin. It’s titled:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 187: Now in 25 Stores

Kristin Cavallari, who’s promised to release her first book within the next 313 days, hit a career milestone last night. Her accomplishment is as follows: The LAUREL bootie is now in 25 @nordstrom stores!!!

500 Days of Kristin, Day 188: Freak Out

Kristin Cavallari, who is currently pregnant with her third baby, has not yet done a magazine cover shoot to promote this forthcoming addition to her family. When she was pregnant with her first child in 2012, however, she landed a cover shoot and interview with Glamoholic magazine. Here’s a photo from the shoot, preserved online at Glamoholic.com.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 189: Kristin’s Hidden Talent

Illustrating once again that she cannot keep a secret (see: bangs), would-be memoirist Kristin Cavallari recently revealed one to Life & Style magazine during a “fun facts” interview. When asked to divulge her “hidden talent,” she obliged. Can you guess what Kristin’s hidden talent is?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 190: Kristin’s Mini Magazine

CEO of the Official Kristin Cavallari App for iPhone and Android Kristin Cavallari recently consented to an interview with Byrdie.com, a beauty blog, about how she “does it all.” The resulting article, which we briefly discussed last week, is titled, “Exclusive: How Kristin Cavallari Does It All (and Still Looks Amazing).”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 191: A Private Thought

I see no upside to Kristin having this app. Makes my job a little easier, I guess.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 192: She Made It

TOP STORY: For approximately one hour this afternoon, future published author Kristin Cavallari was the subject of a top story on Us Weekly’s website. “Pregnant Kristin Cavallari Cradles Her Bump in Tight Black Dress, Suede Booties: See the Pic!” held the number four spot on the site’s sidebar from about 1:45 p.m. until 3:01 p.m. Haters and doubters please see below:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 193: Kristin Is Not a Big Internet Girl

In a recent interview with the beauty blog Byrdie.com titled—I’m serious—“Exclusive: How Kristin Cavallari Does It All (And Still Looks Amazing),” Kristin was asked about her online media diet. Specifically, the Byrdie blog wondered, “What sites do you visit for health and beauty inspiration?”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 194: Kristin Can Speak for Every Girl

Would-be memoirist Kristin Cavallari has noted in multiple interviews over the past two years that designing her mid-priced shoe line for Chinese Laundry has been a dream come true for her. We recently unearthed another interview with the style blog “A Treasure Hunt” that sheds more light on how Kristin feels about her design accomplishments.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 195: Summer Days (2015)

Kristin Cavallari, whose debut book is due out in 305 days, posted this photo to Instagram yesterday:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 196: The Original Camden Turns Three

Happy belated birthday to Kristin Cavallari’s firstborn child Camden Jack Cutler, who turned three yesterday! Here he is with his dad, Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 197: A Fun Question for Kristin

Kristin Cavallari recently consented to an interview with the beauty blog Byrdie.com, which resulted in the instant classic blog post, “How Kristin Cavallari Does It All (and Still Looks Amazing).” We’ve already discussed a couple questions from the interview, like “Where do you find inspiration for the content on your app?” and “What sites do you visit for health and beauty inspiration?”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 198: Urgent Message From Kristin

ATTN: social media intern who runs the Twitter account for the shoe company Chinese Laundry–You have made a grave error from which you will never, ever recover. To make matters worse, it was Kristin Cavallari, lead designer of the Kristin Cavallari for Chinese Laundry shoe line, who discovered it.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 199: #1 Cause of Stress and Weight Gain

In a new (free to access) post on the Official Kristin Cavallari App for iPhone and Android, future published author Kristin Cavallari reveals one of the fastest-growing problems now facing our nation’s Whole Foods class: “inflammation.” Inflammation—a word that, in the way Kristin is using it, means “feeling puffy”—is a plague that requires treatment by a professional. A professional Integrative Nutrition Health Counselor that is. Good thing Kristin knows one.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 200: It’s Finally Here!!!

Like a C-student proudly delivering completed homework to the teacher for the first time all semester, Kristin Cavallari announced progress on her forthcoming book today, the 200th day of Kristin. One hundred days have passed since Defamer last evaluated her work on Balancing in Heels (formerly known as Balancing on Heels, Kristin’s original idea for the title), and today, we can officially state that Kristin has accomplished at least one item during that time period.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 201: What Does Kristin Dream?

Two nights ago, former reality TV star and fledgling memoirist Kristin Cavallari shared something personal with the world: she dreams. To illustrate this revelation, she posted a photo on Instagram of a bottle with a message inside. (The message: “Dream.”)

500 Days of Kristin, Day 202: Hot New Trend for Fall

In a recent post on the Official Kristin Cavallari App for iPhone and Android, app founder Kristin Cavallari revealed the hot new fashion item she’ll be wearing next season. “From morning meetings to evening drinks,” she writes, this trend is fire. Can you guess what it is?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 203: Hot Trend Revealed

What should you wear this fall? Kristin Cavallari’s got an idea.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 204: Kristin’s Got a New York Times Bestseller

Below is an Instagram photo of Kristin Cavallari holding Paula Hawkins’ novel The Girl on the Train, which debuted at number one on the New York Times fiction bestseller list in February.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 205: Bangs on Backorder

Exactly one month and two days ago, I placed an online order for one pair of Secret Bangs™, a product which Kristin Cavallari has endorsed on social media and in an infomercial. Secret Bangs™ are synthetic bangs attached to a headband (the secret). They cost $29.99 per pair and look like this:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 206: Highly Classified Bangs

Have you ever seen a pair of Secret Bangs™ in the wild?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 207: Kristin Makes New Friends

Attention web people: Kristin Cavallari has made an official Facebook page. One of her first posts is a photo of a muffin and glass of creamy, speckled something:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 208: AMETHYST?!

Kristin Cavallari is many things: a wife, mother, jewelry designer, CEO of the Official Kristin Cavallari App for iPhone and Android, and now, an electric toothbrush salesman. She’s loving the galactic trend:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 209: Kristin’s Go-To Accessories

In an interview with E! News last year, former Laguna Beach star Kristin Cavallari revealed her go-to accessories. They are a “Tory Burch gold bracelet” and a “rose gold Michael Kors watch.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 210: Da Blahs

Known Chicago hater Kristin Cavallari recently posted a photo of herself sticking out her tongue while wearing a Chicago Bears t-shirt:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 211: Fringe Fringe Fringe FIRE

Chance is the ultimate boot for fall, according to Kristin Cavallari, who wrote in the caption of an Instagram post today, “Chance is the ultimate boot for fall.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 212: Get a Queue

In a new (free to access) post on the Official Kristin Cavallari App for iPhone and Android, Kristin recommends another hot trend for fall: “menswear.” (Previously, she recommended “jeans.”)

500 Days of Kristin, Day 213: Kristin’s Middle Name

It’s Elizabeth.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 214: Don’t Miss This Sale

A message from Kristin Cavallari regarding her jewelry line, Emerald Duv (pronunciation unclear):

500 Days of Kristin, Day 215: It’s So Easy

This week, Kristin Cavallari posted a recipe for “homemade coconut kefir”—something you eat—on Instagram. “It’s so easy,” Kristin says.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 216: Trend Watch

In a series of (free to access) posts on the Official Kristin Cavallari App for iPhone and Android, Kristin Cavallari has forecasted some hot trends for fall. So far, she’s recommended “menswear” and “jeans.” What’s next?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 217: Don’t Let the Maxi Skirt Bog You Down

In a new post on the Official Kristin Cavallari App for iPhone and Android, Kristin Cavallari has recommended yet another hot trend for fall. Previously, she recommended “menswear” and “jeans.” We noted yesterday that this new trend has pleats. Did you guess what it is?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 218: Kristin Designs Another Staple

While promoting her line of shoes for Chinese Laundry last fall, Kristin Cavallari assured potential buyers of the timelessness of her designs. “Everything in my line, for the most part, is a staple,” she said. “They’re all classic shoes that you’ll wear forever.” Guess what Kristin’s got for you this season?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 219: What Is the Nap Time Workout?

Sixty-nine days of Kristin ago, Kristin Cavallari made a business decision regarding the Official Kristin Cavallari App for iPhone and Android: She started charging her followers $2.99—per month—to access “exclusive” content on the app. In the intervening weeks, however, she has relented slightly; she’s posted several articles like “Menswear Trends,” “Handbags,” and “Will New ‘Spray GMOs’ Reignite the FrankenFood Debate?” that are free to access, should anyone desire to read them.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 220: Balancing on Fringe

Nine days of Kristin ago, Kristin Cavallari—author of the forthcoming book Balancing in Heels, formerly titled Balancing on Heels—issued a decree. “Chance is the ultimate boot for fall,” she wrote in an Instagram caption.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 221: Kristin. Would It Kill You to Try.

Today, Kristin Cavallari–whose debut book about “really just everything” in her life hits shelves in 279 days—published an article on her app titled “Fall Shoe Style.” It is, apparently, the final installment in her series of “fall trend” posts; Kristin previously recommended “menswear,” “pleated maxi skirts,” and “jeans.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 222: 2 Weeks 2 Love 2 Marry

During a Twitter Q and A sponsored by Revlon® cosmetics earlier this summer, Kristin Cavallari was asked about the timeline of her relationship with her current husband, Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler. Here’s how she put it:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 223: Kristin Honors Her Style Icon

In 2011, Kristin Cavallari designed her first shoe for a company called Shoe Dazzle, which was founded by Kim Kardashian. Kristin discussed this accomplishment in an interview with CosmoGIRL!, in which she revealed that she named the shoe after her “style icon”:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 224: Put the Squash in the Coconut

Next Sunday, the Chicago Bears—led by quarterback Jay Cutler—will play their first game of the regular NFL season. What will Kristin Cavallari, who is married to Jay, be doing then? Perhaps making bacon-wrapped butternut squash, as she did for a YouTube video about tailgate snacks for The Frisky last season.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 225: Line: Are You Serious?

Happy Labor Day! Here is an old photo of Kristin Cavallari doing one of her most visible jobs: playing Kristin Cavallari on The Hills.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 226: U Can Pre-Order Now

In January, former Laguna Beach star Kristin Cavallari announced that she was writing her first book, due out in the spring of 2016. She said at the time that the tome—then titled Balancing on Heels—would be about “really just everything in my life.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 227: “Cheeseless Queso,” For a Price

From the daring mind who brought you almond butter cookies and “we didn’t vaccinate [our children]”: “Cheeseless queso.” Would-be memoirist Kristin Cavallari touted this culinary innovation in an Instagram post yesterday; the recipe will appear in her forthcoming book, Balancing in Heels.

a little bit every day

500 Days of Kristin, Day 228: A Sentence by Kristin Cavallari

Kristin Cavallari, whose debut book Balancing in Heels f.k.a. Balancing on Heels hits shelves in 272 days, wrote something yesterday. It was a post on the Official Kristin Cavallari App for iPhone and Android titled, “Fall Night Outfits.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 229: What Else Will Be in the Book

Two hundred and twenty-nine days ago, Kristin Cavallari commenced work on her debut memoir Balancing in Heels, a book she says will cover “really just everything in my life.” Throughout the writing process, Kristin’s found time to work on her shoe line, for which there will be a party in New York next week.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 230: Gray Day

Kristin Cavallari says: “Gray day.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 231: Bear Down

Jay Cutler, the quarterback of the Chicago Bears and the husband of Kristin Cavallari, did not prevail against the Green Bay Packers in his first game of the season today. Is Kristin’s “Cheeseless queso” to blame?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 232: “I’m Very Petite” - Kristin

Since she published her landmark advice column “Best Bathing Suit for Different Body Types” on the Official Kristin Cavallari App for iPhone and Android, Kristin Cavallari has made one thing clear: she considers herself to be petite. She’s not curvy; she’s not small-breasted; she’s not “pear shape.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 233: Happy Birthday, Friend

Today, Kristin Cavallari wished a happy birthday on Twitter to her former Hills cast mate and published author Heidi Montag.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 234: She Looks Great

Kristin Cavallari is currently in New York City to host the Kristin Cavallari for Chinese Laundry Kia Style360 New York Fashion Week party, but this morning, she made time to host something else. Alongside a woman who used to be married to Billy Joel, Kristin co-hosted Yahoo! Style’s one-week-only online news show, “#NYFWCoffeeBreak.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 235: Kristin Made it More High-End

As Kristin Cavallari will tell you, tonight marks Kristin Cavallari’s third appearance at New York Fashion Week. She is hosting a party for the Kristin Cavallari for Chinese Laundry shoe line, of course. But what was Kristin’s first NYFW appearance?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 236: Kristin, We Know.

On Day 61 of Kristin, Kristin Cavallari made an announcement on Instagram about her forthcoming book Balancing in Heels (then titled Balancing on Heels). “Just perfected these almond butter cookies,” she wrote. “Recipe is going in my book, Balancing On Heels [thumbs up emoji].”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 237: Kristin Was a Bridesmaid in a Wedding Last Weekend

:)

500 Days of Kristin, Day 238: Jalapeños, Two Ways

As promised, Kristin Cavallari has published another tailgating snack recipe on the Official Kristin Cavallari App for iPhone and Android in honor of football season. (The first recipe she posted was for “cheeseless queso.”) Today’s snack? “Stuffed jalapeños.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 239: Great Hosting Opportunities

In a recent, exclusive interview with PerezHilton.com, Kristin Cavallari discussed her stature (“very petite”), her career, and how she balances it all. It turns out that Kristin can’t say “yes” to every opportunity to host an event that comes her way.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 240: Kristin Naming Her Daughter After a Bitch

Kristin Cavallari is currently pregnant with a baby girl due this fall. (Her book is due many months later.) Ever the planner, Kristin—who named her first two children Camden and Jaxon—has already picked out a name for baby number three.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 241: Lie Back and Think of Laguna Beach

In a recent interview with the baby registry site Cricket’s Circle, fledging memoirist Kristin Cavallari revealed much about her life, including what she’s naming her baby after (a dog). She also offered some relationship advice:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 242: Tailgating Recipes for Dummies

For the alleged benefit of those who have downloaded the Official Kristin Cavallari App for iPhone and Android, Kristin Cavallari announced at the beginning of football season that she would release one of her favorite tailgating recipes each week on the app.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 243: Jay Is Really Good With Purses

What’s a “push present?” According to Wikipedia, “a push present (also known as a push gift, baby mama gift or baby bauble) is a present a father gives to the mother to mark the occasion of her giving birth to their child.” According to Kristin Cavallari, she’s all for it.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 244: So Happy Fall Weather Is Here

Kristin Cavallari is so happy fall weather is here.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 245: Kelly Osbourne Sits Front Row With Kristin

Last week, Kristin Cavallari—whose debut book Balancing in Heels hits shelves in 255 days—made an appearance at The Blonds New York Fashion Week runway show and the subsequent Just Jared write-up of the event titled, “Kelly Osbourne Sits Front Row At The Blonds NYFW Show with Bette Midler!”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 246: “I’m Really Petite” - Kristin

As Kristin Cavallari will tell you multiple times without being asked, she identifies as “petite.” Whether she’s discussing the “best bathing suit for different body types” or literally anything at all, Kristin consistently insists the people recognize her for what she is: puhteet.

we have fun

500 Days of Kristin, Day 247: Kristin’s Husband Won’t Be There When She Gives Birth But It’s Fine It Is What It Is

Kristin Cavallari is currently pregnant with her third child (due by Defamer’s calculations in approximately 33 days) and a book called Balancing in Heels (due much, much later). While Kristin’s husband might be around for her book party, he’s not going to make the baby launch.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 248: Kristin Knows What She’s Not

Since MTV’s Laguna Beach premiered on September 28, 2004, Kristin Cavallari has given countless interviews to the press about the nature of Kristin Cavallari. In 2007, she landed a five-photo spread with GQ, which was accompanied by a short but revealing Q & A.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 249: Dinner Last Week

Kristin Cavallari prepared “apple cider chicken thighs, sweet potato rolls, and a healthier version of creamed spinach.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 250: In Search of a Believer

Two hundred and fifty days ago, former reality TV star Kristin Cavallari announced that she was writing a book to be released sometime in the spring of 2016. Balancing in Heels (formerly titled Balancing on Heels—Kristin’s first choice of title) now has an official cover image and a website where you can pre-order it.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 251: Hair and Makeup Wednesday

Kristin Cavallari’s hair and makeup Wednesday:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 252: Does Kristin Know What Exclusive Means

It’s a Football Sunday, which means Kristin Cavallari—whose debut book Balancing in Heels hits shelves in 248 days—has posted a tailgating snack recipe on her app. It’s for spinach-artichoke dip.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 253: Camden Said the F-Word Once

Kristin Cavallari—mother to Camden Jack, Jaxon Wyatt, and a forthcoming baby to be named after a dog—recently spoke to People.com’s Moms&Babies section about the challenges of being a mom and a Kristin Cavallari.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 254: #3 Is Amazing

Though she has described herself as “not a big internet girl,” celebrated memoirist Kristin Cavallari recently joined Facebook. Something’s going on there:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 255: Can You Spot the Deal?

Kristin Cavallari, an important designer for the Kristin Cavallari for Chinese Laundry shoe label, is having a good week. This is due to the fact that Kristin’s fringed “Cassie” boot made it into Life & Style Weekly’s “Designer or Deal?” column. The point of the column, if you’re not familiar and bad at guessing, is to get readers to guess which of two similar items is a “designer” piece, and which is a “deal.”

500 Days of Kristin Cavallari, Day 256: “Put mah weave in guuuurl” - Kristin

Kristin Cavallari, the rich mean girl from Laguna Beach, recently attended Fashion Week in New York City. During this time, she saw The Blonds runway show, for which she wore a hair weave:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 257: Who Wore it Best, Kim Kardashian or Kristin? (The Answer Will Surprise You)

Kim Kardashian currently stars on the reality show Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Kristin Cavallari used to star on the reality show The Hills. You might think the similarities between the two end there, but you’re wrong, because Kristin and Kim Kardashian also dress alike, because Kristin copies Kim Kardashian. (Busted!!!!!)

500 Days of Kristin, Day 258: The Journey Continues...

Here’s a photo of Kristin Cavallari debuting the cover of her forthcoming book, Balancing in Heels, at an event for her shoe line at New York Fashion Week last month:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 259: Tailgate Recipe Series OVER

At the beginning of football season, Kristin Cavallari promised to post a new “tailgating recipe” on the Official Kristin Cavallari App for iPhone and Android each week for a month. Her wild scam ends today.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 260: Kristin’s Man!!!!

The Chicago Bears, led by Kristin Cavallari’s husband Jay Cutler, won their game against the Kansas City Chiefs yesterday. Kristin’s response:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 261: You’ve Been Throwing Out the Healthiest Part of Avocados This Entire Time

A message from Kristin Cavallari, via the Official Kristin Cavallari App for iPhone and Android: “You’ve been throwing out the healthiest part of avocados this entire time.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 262: Almost Dinner Time

In a recent interview with People.com’s Moms&Babies section, Kristin Cavallari revealed much about her home life with Jay Cutler and her two sons, Camden and Jaxon. For one thing, Camden said the F-word once. For another, dinner time is 5:45 p.m.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 263: Some of All the Rings Cost $10

Kristin Cavallari, whose debut book Balancing in Heels (formerly titled Balancing on Heels) hits shelves in 237 days, has an announcement: All “Emerald Duv” rings are now $10 and under.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 264: Don’t Drag Kristin Into That Shit Anymore, She Has Enough Money, Probably

Kristin Cavallari, who, by participating in the MTV reality shows Laguna Beach and The Hills, has risen to a level of celebrity that’s afforded her the opportunity to write a book about her life that will be sold for money, would not like to be dragged into that shit anymore, Us Weekly.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 265: Where Is Kristin Now?

The British tabloid Now asks: “The Hills stars—where are they now?” That’s right: Now has the scoop on where Kristin Cavallari—former star of The Hills—is now. Where is that?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 266: Kristin’s “Now” Revealed

Yesterday, we asked the question at least one person wants to know the answer to: Where is Kristin Cavallari now? British tabloid Now has the answer.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 267: Three Studies for a Self-Portrait

Kristin Cavallari, whose debut book all about her life and opinions hits shelves in 233 days, is currently pregnant with her third child. Since she announced this news on her app, Kristin has provided the public with several images of her “baby bump” via Instagram. Here are three.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 268: Kristin Shilling for Hoover® Cordless Vacuums Now

Kristin Cavallari is full of surprises, one of them being that “the family of Hoover® Cordless vacuums helps Kristin stay in front of every mess and focus on what’s really important—family, work and football!”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 269: NFL Wife Kristen Cavallari

As we reported yesterday, soon(ish)-to-be author Kristin Cavallari has a new job, which is talking about how much she loves her Hoover® Cordless Vacuum.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 270: Beep Beep

Baby bump coming through.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 271: Been Hearing About This Book Forever

As a press release from Noble Communications on behalf of Hoover® revealed this week, Kristin Cavallari loves her Hoover® Cordless Vacuum. Her admiration for the cordless vac is so strong, in fact, that Kristin did an interview with a local Baltimore TV station about it.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 272: Kristin’s “Ohhh Yeah, Baby” Face

Here it is.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 273: Kristin Cavallari Making Out With a Giraffe

Below, a photo of Kristin Cavallari making out with a giraffe in 2013.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 275: Shoes Come With Zippers

Kristin Cavallari—designer of shoes, jewelry, and a lifestyle that might ambitiously and generously be termed “natural”—posted a photo of a new pair of shoes she designed on Instagram today. Guess what: These shoes got zippers.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 276: Honestly We’re Pretty Boring

Kristin Cavallari, whose debut book Balancing in Heels (formerly titled Balancing on Heels) is shuffling toward a bookstore near you, recently sat down with PopSugar for an interview about her life. Ever wonder what Kristin and her husband Jay Cutler do on date night?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 277: Wow: A Real Page From Kristin’s Book

Two hundred and seventy-seven days ago, Kristin Cavallari commenced work on her debut book, Balancing in Heels (formerly titled Balancing on Heels—Kristin’s first choice of title). At the time, she said the tome would encompass “really just everything” in her life. Many are still wondering what that means, but today Kristin offered a clue.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 278: Kristin Keeping Busy in the Kitchen

Oh boy. Today Kristin writes on Instagram that she is keeping busy “in the kitchen.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 279: Kristin Finally Confirms Relationship With Hoover® Cordless Vacuum

Last week, we learned a new thing about Kristin Cavallari, which is that she loves to clean her house with a Hoover® Cordless Vacuum. She did not reveal this news herself, however—it was Hoover® that trumpeted it with a press release. Kristin has remained silent on her apparent relationship with the vacuum...until now.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 280: Kristin (“Crystal”) Meets Bathtub Demise in Spooky Movie

In 2006, Kristin Cavallari played a supporting role in the low-budget horror film Fingerprints. What happens to her character...“Crystal”...in the movie? You’ll have to watch.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 281: Kristin Would Love to See Everybody

In an interview with Glamour UK last year, Kristin Cavallari was asked about her former castmates on The Hills. Does she see any of them anymore?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 282: Something Got Kristin

Kristin Cavallari (The Hills) recently went grocery shopping. By her own account, something “got” her while she was there. What was it?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 283: Kristin Addresses Rumors She Started About Her Baby

In a recent interview with Entertainment Tonight, Kristin Cavallari remarked not on her forthcoming book (same book we’ve been talking about this whole time) but on the upcoming arrival of her third child. According to Kristin, there have been some “rumors” about this baby.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 284: #Marilyn Quote. Love This

Future published author Kristin Cavallari has such an affinity for Brigitte Bardot that she’s named both a shoe and a dog after her. But Miss Brigitte is not the only blond bombshell Kristin relates to, it turns out. She also likes Marilyn Monroe:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 285: Kristin and Jay Go to Couple’s Therapy

Kristin Cavallari, author of the forthcoming advice book and memoir Balancing in Heels (formerly titled Balancing on Heels), revealed today that she is on the cover of the December/January issue of American Baby.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 286: 100 Percent Kristin Saw a Penis

Did you hear? Kristin Cavallari, whose (baby) due date is fast approaching, is on the cover of the December/January issue of American Baby. In a new video promoting the issue, Kristin tells a story about seeing a penis.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 287: Thank You, American Baby

Thank you.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 288: Stroke of Luck

As you’ve surely heard by now, Kristin Cavallari is American Baby’s December/January cover star. In the issue, she reveals, among other things, that she is planning to use a hand-me-down crib for her third child.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 289: Other Books Kristin Recommends

If all goes according to (God’s) plan, Kristin Cavallari will become a published author in the spring of 2016. She is currently urging the public to pre-order her book, Balancing in Heels. But what other books does Kristin recommend?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 290: More Fall Fashion

It’s been several days since we checked the Official Kristin Cavallari App for iPhone and Android. What’s going on there? “More fall fashion.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 291: Kristin Thrilled to Support PETA in Limited Capacity

As it says in the “Charity work and public image” section of her Wikipedia page, Kristin Cavallari once appeared in ads for PETA, the animal rights organization favored by celebutantes who want to pose nude “for a cause.” Though Kristin did not actually appear naked in her ad, which aired sometime between 2006 and 2007, she did roll around on the floor with a bunny and offer her candid thoughts about wearing fur.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 292: Kristin Is Going to Have Her Baby Soon

Maybe on Day 300?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 293: Gone Bangs

Remember Kristin Cavallari’s beloved Secret Bangs™?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 294: #TBT

Recognize this face?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 295: A Profile of Justin Bobby

On Friday, Complex published a 2700-word profile of Justin “Bobby” Brescia, a man Kristin Cavallari once “dated” on The Hills. Kristin is not mentioned once.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 296: 10 Retweets for Kristin’s Recommended Brand of Something

At long last, Kristin Cavallari has revealed the name of another company she likes.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 297: Kristin’s Brother

His name is Mike.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 298: 22 Little Things You Won’t Believe Kristin Posted

Since the end of September, Kristin Cavallari has posted 26 links on her public Facebook page. Four of those links concern Kristin personally. The other 22 are links to articles on LittleThings.com, a viral parenting/DIY content factory with an occasionally conservative bent.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 299: Kristin’s Dear Friend Pippy Pom

Kristin Cavallari informs us that her dear friend Pippy Pom has written a book.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 300: Any Day Now....

Kristin Cavallari is expecting her third child—a girl to be named after a dog—“any day now....[pink bow emoji][pink hearts emoji].” If you don’t believe that, please see the following photo of Kristin making a heart over her belly with her hands:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 301: Did the Trigger Points Really Work?

Kristin Cavallari, a woman powerless to ignore any and all “natural lifestyle” tips she finds on the Internet, did something with her feet yesterday in an attempt to induce labor.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 302: Kristin’s Preference

Over the years, Kristin Cavallari has opened up about her life to magazines like American Baby, CosmoGIRL!, and Dear Doctor (the premier periodical for dental professionals). But perhaps the most revealing interview was Kristin’s with Line magazine last year.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 303: A Gift Guide by Kristin

Now the birth of Jesus Christ was as follows: when His mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child by the Holy Spirit. (Matthew 1:18)

500 Days of Kristin, Day 304: Exciting News

Surprise: Kristin Cavallari’s friend and former Hills castmate Audrina Patridge got engaged to her longtime boyfriend Corey Bohan over the weekend.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 305: What About Hoovers?

I know this much is true: Kristin Cavallari loves her Hoover® Cordless Vacuum. She’s said it herself:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 306: Just Dance

What is Kristin Cavallari doing this Thanksgiving? Playing a video game, if you can believe that.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 307: Kristin Never Travels Without...

“Neutrogena sunscreen.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 308: Enter Code THANKFUL

Kristin Cavallari’s jewelry line Emerald Duv (“Emerald Duv”) is on sale all the way through Monday.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 309: A Staple Every Woman Should Own

Kristin Cavallari has previously alleged that the various peep toe pumps and fringed booties she’s designed for Chinese Laundry are “staples.” Those heels are not the only items Kristin thinks a gal should have in her closet, however. In a new post on the Official Kristin Cavallari App for iPhone and Android, she revealed:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 310: What Does Kristin Like to Eat?

Kristin Cavallari’s favorite celebrity news outlet is perhaps E! News. E! does not drag her into drama and shit, like Us Weekly does, and it was E! that first broke the news that Kristin was writing a book.* Kristin has done a lot of interviews with E!, including an E! Entertainment Special about her life, which I keep forgetting to post here. (It’s 22 minutes long.)

500 Days of Kristin, Day 311: kristincavallari.wowphotoblast.me

Big Facebook news today: Fledgling memoirist Kristin Cavallari has shared some more of her favorite web articles with her followers. This time, the links come from a new, almost completely impenetrable viral content factory called wowphotoblast.me.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 312: Gloomy Day Outfit

Kristin Cavallari’s gloomy day outfit.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 313: Kristin Living In a Nut House

In an interview with Glamour UK last year, Kristin Cavallari answered the following question: “What is your superfood of choice?” Her response was sort of funny.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 314: Where Is Kristin?

Kristin Cavallari, a writer, has inhabited many places throughout her lifetime. The driver’s seat of a Range Rover, an infinity pool, at least one college classroom—all kinds of places. But where is she right now?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 315: Top 20

“20 Drop Dead Gorgeous Wives of NFL Players.” Would you believe that Kristin Cavallari is one of them?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 316: Lucky Number 13

Revealed: Kristin Cavallari is number 13 on BeGrizly.com’s recent list of 20 Drop Dead Gorgeous Wives of NFL Players.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 317: Breastfeeding FAQs

Here’s an article that Kristin Cavallari recently shared on her app: “Breastfeeding FAQs: How Much and How Often,” by Elana Pearl Ben-Joseph, MD. It originally appeared on KidsHealth.com, and Kristin found it useful.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 318: Exclusive Holiday Interior Decorating Inspiration

Kristin Cavallari, author of the forthcoming memoir Balancing in Heels (formerly titled Balancing on Heels), has posted a new article on her app. If you want to read it, you will have to pay.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 319: Facebook Blast

If her Facebook postings are any indication, the two websites Kristin Cavallari visits most often are LittleThings.com and wowphotoblast.me. This week, she posted two more links from the latter. Blast off:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 324: New App Posts

Kristin Cavallari has posted two new original articles on her app: “Quick & Easy Holiday Makeup Tricks” and “The Power of Rose.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 325: The Importance of Remembering the Biology of the Skin

Would you be surprised to learn that Kristin Cavallari has five favorite organic beauty brands? She revealed the names of all of them in a recent post on her app titled, “My Favorite Organic Beauty Brands.” Today, we’ll discuss number five: Dr. Hauschka Skin Care.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 326: Literally On Fire

New from Kristin Cavallari’s mid-priced jewelry line, Emerald Duv: something lit rally on fire.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 327: Hats Now

Kristin Cavallari’s jewelry line Emerald Duv, pronounced “??”, is awash with new developments lately. Yesterday, the brand announced it was setting something on fire. Today, Kristin herself declared that Emerald Duv is selling hats now.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 328: Kristin’s 4th Favorite Organic Beauty Brand

Favorite organic beauty brands? Kristin Cavallari has five of them. The author of the forthcoming dystopian teen romance novel Balancing in Heels catalogued them all in a recent post on her app titled, “My Favorite Organic Beauty Brands.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 329: Last Night’s Lamb Chops

Kristin Cavallari, whose debut memoir will reportedly be published sometime next year, had lamb chops for dinner yesterday. Here is a photo of them:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 330: Number 3 May Surprise You

Future published author Kristin Cavallari has five favorite organic beauty brands, according to a recent post on her app titled, “My Favorite Organic Beauty Brands.” We’ve already discussed her fourth and fifth favorite brands here and here. Her third favorite brand? You’re not going to believe it.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 331: Lauren Conrad Also Wrote a Book

Three hundred and thirty-one days ago, former Laguna Beach star Kristin Cavallari announced that she was writing a book to be released sometime in the far distant future: “spring 2016.” She later specified that Balancing in Heels would be published in March. Guess what: former Laguna Beach star Lauren Conrad has a book coming out then, too.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 332: Kristin’s Favorite Flower Is a Peony

You read that right.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 333: Kristin Cavallari Daily

Twitter suggested today that I follow @KristinDaily, an account associated with the Kristin Cavallari fan site KristinCavallariDaily.com. Makes sense, I guess. Upon further inspection, however, it appears that neither @KristinDaily nor KristinCavallariDaily.com is actually updated on a daily basis. KristinCavallariDaily.com even lists Kristin’s age as 27—one year younger than her widely reported age of 28. Either KristinCavallariDaily.com is on a campaign to convince the public that Kristin is younger than her reported age, or it’s still catching up on some updates from last year. All this is to say: weak. No, I will not follow @KristinDaily. “Kristin Daily” is right here.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 334: Kristin Had the Elves

As she admitted to Yahoo! earlier this year, Thoroughly Modern Kristin Cavallari doesn’t have many holiday traditions. “We’re pretty boring. Ha,” she said. But the former Laguna Beach star does have at least one Kristmas ritual—she told Us Weekly about it three years ago.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 335: Merry Kristmas

Did anyone receive a copy of Kristin Cavallari’s debut lifestyle book Balancing in Heels this morning?

500 Days of Kristin, Day 336: Poor Brigitte Bardot

A periodic reminder from Kristin Cavallari that she named her Yorkshire terrier after Brigitte Bardot:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 337: Diagram This Sentence

Though she has technically finished composing her debut book Balancing in Heels (formerly titled Balancing on Heels), Kristin Cavallari has not stopped writing for the public. She most recently published an article on her app titled “Quick & Easy Holiday Makeup Tricks.” It begins like this:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 338: Kristin Met Trump

Just one year ago, Kristin Cavallari met fellow author and reality TV star Donald Trump at the Miss Universe pageant. Things were different, then—Trump was the owner of the pageant, and Kristin served as one of the judges.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 339: He Shou Wu powder (anti-aging!)

Aloe vera gel. Magnesium caps. Maple syrup. Organic Chlorella. Omega-3 fish oil. Homemade coconut Kefir. Bone broth. Agave (but not any more). These are all items Kristin Cavallari has consumed to soothe what ails her. Today, she tried a new brand of snake oil: “He Shou Wu powder.”

500 Days of Kristin, Day 340: 2016 Goals

With just one day left in 2015, former Laguna Beach star Kristin Cavallari has yet to make any public statements about her hopes and dreams for the new year. We can only assume that her overarching goal is the same as it was in 2006, when she told People magazine, “I would love to have a career like Cameron Diaz’s.”