The Only Real Justification for the Second Amendment

Car alarms.

The role of guns in American society is one of the most contentious issues we face. Does the Second Amendment guarantee free and unfettered personal ownership of firearms? Is it an outdated relic that should be done away with a modern world? How can we balance Constitutional freedoms with common-sense regulations to ensure a safer world?

Those are issues that may never be settled to the satisfaction of everyone. But I think that we can all agree on this: if some of our friends and neighbors insist on owning firearms, let them also take on the responsibility of protecting the public. From car alarms. Let us all come together in support of perhaps the only gun law that liberals and conservatives alike can get behind: HENCEFORTH, if a car alarms starts going off—particularly late at night, or in a crowded urban area, or late at night in a crowded urban area—it shall be legal for any firearm-owning citizens within hearing range of this car alarm to walk out to the car in question, in their pajamas, with their firearm, and fire bullets into the engine block of that vehicle until such time that the car alarm stops going off.

It shall also be legal to fire a shotgun into the engine block of said vehicle until said vehicle is little more than a pockmarked heap of (silent) metal.

May a great flower of unity spring from this small seed of agreement.

[Photo: Flickr]