If you're looking for a job, we highly recommend becoming a corporate board member. The work is easy. The hours are slack. And the pay is absolutely amazing.
In case you're unclear what is involved in serving on a corporate board, there are two main qualifications: 1) Being a friend or crony of the company's management, or, failing that, a respected patsy, and 2) Being good at sitting in meetings. You go to meetings, the company management tells you the stuff that you need to vote for, then you say "yes," and then you go play golf. Then, later, you cash your humongous checks! There is literally no "work" involved— no physical work, of course, and not even any mental work. You are paid to say "yes" to something someone else suggests.
This WSJ story on people attempting to reform the corporate board payment system (good luck!) will give you a taste of the perks of the job:
The 200 biggest public U.S. companies by revenue paid their outside directors a median of $244,637 in 2012, up from $231,021 in 2011, with equity, such as restricted stock, representing a majority of that pay, according to the National Association of Corporate Directors.
A separate survey of 957 public companies by the association showed board participation consumed an average of 218 hours last year, down from 227.5 hours in 2011.
Carry the one, and, let's see here, that's a median salary of $1,122 per hour, for a part time job. (Many corporate big shots have four or five board memberships. They're the corporate equivalent of a weekend lemonade stand, though requiring less work.) And the pay is going up every year, as the necessary hours go down. And you don't even have to have any real expertise in the business sector the company is in. And you get paid no matter how shitty the results of your decisions turn out to be for the company's shareholders. It is no wonder they are always posing happily in photographs that will later appear in the company newsletter! All you have to do is continue to scratch that back in front of you, as your back is scratched at the same time. (By Satan).
I want in on this so bad.
[WSJ. Photo: AP]