Earlier today, shameless gossip e-rag TMZ posted what is quite possibly its most shameful article to date: "Kate Upton SUPER TOPLESS On a Horse."

The criticism isn't levied against the site for posting a video of Kate Upton topless — that part's par for the course.

It's levied against the site for posting a video of Kate Upton topless and then censoring it.

"Unfortunately, we can't show you the completely uncensored version," claims TMZ before proceeding to add insult to injury by offering up the worst consolation prize since the participation ribbon: Footage of the TMZ staff watching the uncensored version of the video for themselves.

Despite TMZ's intentional lack of context, it's been determined that the video was recorded during Kate Upton's photoshoot for Complex magazine two years ago.

It's unclear why the video is just surfacing now, but since TMZ seems to own the exclusive publishing rights, it's unlikely we'll be seeing an uncensored version anytime soon.

That's the bad news.

The good news is, we get to sit back and watch as the Internet goes into full meltdown mode over being unable to see yet another pair of differently colored circular protuberances protruding from a fashion model's pectoral flesh globes:

So @TMZ has a video of Kate Upton riding a horse topless but won't release it? I'm officially organizing an angry mob. We ride at dusk.

— IHJJR (@iHateJJRedick) June 20, 2013

@HarveyLevinTMZ please send me the uncensored topless Kate Upton on horseback video. I swear I wont show anyone #fingerscrossed

— The Ryno (@TheRynosHorn) June 20, 2013

If an uncensored version of that topless Kate Upton video @TMZ posted doesn't surface, it'll be the greatest example of communism ever.

— Jim Herling (@jimherling) June 20, 2013

I'd sell one of my nuts to be that horse RT @BRIVN21: wow RT @Rdrjs: RT @rob_b1991: streets need dis video uncensored http://t.co/UhBpvsjzoz

— Quake (@QuakeDHH) June 20, 2013

Because when you're 27 and having an aneurism because you can't find uncensored video of @KateUpton topless on a horse...its time to panic.

— ClassicPete™ (@Classic_Pete) June 20, 2013

I would abstain from sex forever for the Kate Upton topless horse ride video. No sex exists better than what my imagination will do to that.

— Ronn Burner (@fakeronnburner) June 20, 2013

just saw the video with kate upton topless on a horse. the highlight of my month.

— Brian Bowden (@Slim_In_81) June 20, 2013

Yesterday was pretty tough, but seeing Kate Upton topless on a horse makes me think that everything is gonna be ok.

— alec (@m0tar) June 20, 2013

The Internet will disintegrate today thanks to Kate Upton being topless on a horse.

— Travis Gibson (@TravisDgibson) June 20, 2013

My level of anger at TMZ for censoring the video of Kate Upton topless on a horse might be unjustifiable

— JD Harmeyer (@jdharm) June 20, 2013

Oh, if only there was an uncensored video of Kate Upton's nipples somewhere on the web...

[screengrab via TMZ]