Earlier today, shameless gossip e-rag TMZ posted what is quite possibly its most shameful article to date: "Kate Upton SUPER TOPLESS On a Horse."
The criticism isn't levied against the site for posting a video of Kate Upton topless — that part's par for the course.
It's levied against the site for posting a video of Kate Upton topless and then censoring it.
"Unfortunately, we can't show you the completely uncensored version," claims TMZ before proceeding to add insult to injury by offering up the worst consolation prize since the participation ribbon: Footage of the TMZ staff watching the uncensored version of the video for themselves.
It's unclear why the video is just surfacing now, but since TMZ seems to own the exclusive publishing rights, it's unlikely we'll be seeing an uncensored version anytime soon.
That's the bad news.
The good news is, we get to sit back and watch as the Internet goes into full meltdown mode over being unable to see yet another pair of differently colored circular protuberances protruding from a fashion model's pectoral flesh globes:
So @TMZ has a video of Kate Upton riding a horse topless but won't release it? I'm officially organizing an angry mob. We ride at dusk.— IHJJR (@iHateJJRedick) June 20, 2013
If an uncensored version of that topless Kate Upton video @TMZ posted doesn't surface, it'll be the greatest example of communism ever.— Jim Herling (@jimherling) June 20, 2013
Because when you're 27 and having an aneurism because you can't find uncensored video of @KateUpton topless on a horse...its time to panic.— ClassicPete™ (@Classic_Pete) June 20, 2013
I would abstain from sex forever for the Kate Upton topless horse ride video. No sex exists better than what my imagination will do to that.— Ronn Burner (@fakeronnburner) June 20, 2013
just saw the video with kate upton topless on a horse. the highlight of my month.— Brian Bowden (@Slim_In_81) June 20, 2013
Yesterday was pretty tough, but seeing Kate Upton topless on a horse makes me think that everything is gonna be ok.— alec (@m0tar) June 20, 2013
The Internet will disintegrate today thanks to Kate Upton being topless on a horse.— Travis Gibson (@TravisDgibson) June 20, 2013
My level of anger at TMZ for censoring the video of Kate Upton topless on a horse might be unjustifiable— JD Harmeyer (@jdharm) June 20, 2013
Oh, if only there was an uncensored video of Kate Upton's nipples somewhere on the web...
[screengrab via TMZ]