The Year in Sad Jeb

It hasn’t been an easy year to be Jeb Bush. He peaked in July, lost his groove, recovered his groove, realized he’d borrowed his new groove from a child predator, quietly phased it out again, and pet a stuffed moose. Fortunately, social media was there to chronicle every godforsaken gloomy minute.

So just how bad was Jeb’s 2015? We created this handy color-coded chart (ranging from vaguely off-white to deep beige) to let you know how worried you should be about Jeb’s well-being as we journey through his downward spiral.

It’s a dark tale, a cautionary tale. It’s Jeb’s tale—and there’s no end in sight.

June 15. Threat Level: LOW

Polls say: First place with 10.8 percent.

Jeb says: I can’t wait to make Dad proud.

July 16. Threat Level: LOW

Polls say: First place with 15.5 percent.

Jeb says: Hello, youths.

September 13. Threat Level: GUARDED

Polls say: Third place with 8.3 percent.

Jeb says: Reagan reagan. Reagan? Reagan.

September 17. Threat Level: GUARDED

Polls say: Third place with 7.8 percent.

Jeb says: Keepin’ it cozy.

September 22. Threat Level: ELEVATED

Polls say: Fourth place with 7.7 percent.

Jeb says: There’s probably enough chairs.

October 25. Threat Level: ELEVATED

Polls say: Fifth place with 7.2 percent.

Jeb says: I’m Jeb.

October 30. Threat Level: ELEVATED

Polls say: Fifth place with 6.5 percent.

Jeb says: Fuck Marco.

November 6. Threat Level: ELEVATED

Polls say: Fifth place with 5.3 percent.

Jeb says: Friends are forever.

November 9. Threat Level: GUARDED

Polls say: Fifth place with 6.0 percent.

Jeb says: I’m fine!!!!

November 19. Threat Level: HIGH

Polls say: Fifth place with 5.4 percent.

Jeb says: Help.

November 24. Threat Level: GUARDED

Polls say: Fifth place at 5.5 percent.

Jeb says: I, too, enjoy popular culture and leisure.

November 30. Threat Level: HIGH

Polls say: Fifth place at 5.3 percent.

Jeb says: I’m not fine.

December 22. Threat Level: HIGH

Polls say: Fifth place at 4.5 percent.

Jeb says: Mom, I know you’re home.

Jeb also says: Mom?

December 23. Threat Level: SEVERE

Polls say: Fifth place at 4.4 perecent.

Jeb says: I didn’t want to win anyway.

Contact the author at ashley@gawker.com.