Harvard's Hottest Freshmen Are Definitely Not Cool

Last week, in probable violation of several medical privacy laws, the Harvard Crimson's weekly magazine, Fifteen Minutes, published its inventory of the university's "15 Hottest Freshmen."

Many details about the infected population remain classified: Whether the hotness afflicting them is the result of a contagious dormitory bug; exactly what medical steps are being taken to correct their thermoregulatory disorders; if the condition will prove fatal. It is also unclear exactly how hot the freshmen are. (100°? 105°? Certainly can't tell by looking at them.)

The above photo, captured by Fifteen Minutes, was taken in a Cambridge restaurant apparently transformed into a makeshift quarantine station sometime around the bleak mid-winter holiday known as "Sad Christmas."

Looking at the image from a layman's perspective, there appear to be a number of quick fixes that might alleviate the discomfort caused by the freshmen's miserable hotness: the gentlemen could remove their blazers; the young women could tie their hair up in ponytails to get it off their necks; the student who wore a superfluous scarf to dinner could remove it.

To raise awareness of Harvard's hottest, most abject freshmen, Fifteen Minutes conducted a brief Q&A with each. (Kennedy's favorite book: "Jurassic Park"; Archibald I. H. Stonehill: is named that.) If you are interested in learning more about (and possibly sponsoring one of) the perilously balmy freshmen, click here.

[Image via Fifteen Minutes Magazine]