Penelope, the pregnant Mexican Red Rump Tarantula shown above, might look scary, but her owner assures she's "mostly harmless." Yeah right, pal.
I know she looks crazy scary, but she's mostly harmless. She's pregnant, so I'm hoping to find her before she has her babies. She's mostly active at night and likes to hide in dark corners. She shouldn't bite, but sometimes jumps when frightened. If you find her, please try to catch her and put her in a tupperware bowl with a few holes in the top for air. Then please call me and I will come and get her.
"Shouldn't" bite. "Mostly" harmless. "Active at night," hiding "in dark corners." "Sometimes jumps when frightened." Great note. Very reassuring.
I'm sorry to say, Penelope's owner, that it seems unlikely that anyone will box this lady up and return her safely to your weird, spider-loving arms. But if anyone out there is less of a baby than me, can we please handle this before mama unleashes her monstrous brood on Prospect Park?